EPTSo every day I come to work and relieve the person who works the morning shift. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but the new hire who now does the morning shift is fucking disgusting.
Today, I came in to find a whole mess:
- Random Post-It notes all over the desk. There's nothing written on them. There's just pink slips of paper stuck fucking everywhere.
- There's crumbs everywhere. They're all colors, too. I think he had some stupid fucking holiday muffin with every color of the rainbow on it.
- The mouse feels like a dog vomited all over it. It was so slimy I immediately had the overpowering urge to wash my hands. I washed them twice. I still feel dirty.
- The keyboard has crap all over it. I don't know what's all over and frankly, I imagine I don't want to know.
- The monitors are dirty. They weren't the cleanest to begin with, but it looks like he sits here and spits coffee at the screens.
- I looked under the desk where the printer drawer is, and as usual there's actually no printer there because it broke three months ago and nobody cares to replace it. Good thing I never need it. But, that's beside the point. The printer drawer is full of paperwork that's weeks old. So, I decided to start cleaning it out. It's full of his time cards, and his drafts of photocopies of his time cards because apparently he doesn't understand that at 12AM Sunday morning, it's a new pay week, so you can't put your shifts from last week on the same time card as your first two shifts this week. So, I throw the trash out, and then notice there's other shit down there that needs to be cleaned.
- (This deserves its own bullet point.) There's a massive wad of tissues. What the fuck. The fucking trash barrel is literally to my right. It's two feet away. Use it. You had the choice to either (1) throw it under the desk, or (2) throw it to the right of the desk.
- Also under the desk was butter. Yes, butter. Like, butter you put on toast. It was just under there. It's in one of those small containers that you'd get at a restaurant or something, but still. It's butter. Butter doesn't belong under the desk like your secretary. Also, good thing it leaked.
- I'm not even sure what to say about the next part, so I'm just going to say it. There's a large amount of an unknown black substance. I don't know what it is. I don't care what it is. I don't want to know what it is. It looks like melted wax.
- There's forks. Everywhere. Why are there suddenly 16 forks under the desk? Why does this happen?
- He leaves his trash here. Building security gives him a temporary pass every day and he just leaves it here. THROW IT THE FUCK OUT. (I'm not sure why building security doesn't give him a permanent one; he's not a temporary hire.) He leaves rubber bands here, too. Again, I'm not sure why or where they come from. Every day, there's just a giant rubber band. It's always red, too.
I think by the end of the night I'm going to clean my workstation as best as I can. This way I know exactly what is his fault and what isn't.
To make this more interesting, share stories of idiot coworkers you guys have. At least if I realize I'm not the only person on the planet that has to work with idiots it might cheer me up some.
