EPTIt's been five years since I started writing. I was only a 15 year old kid which then started writing a story simply for just a girl. It was a stupid way of doing it then but I started to write my story longer than I had ever written in my life. It was based on a MMO called Space Cowboy now called Air Rivals. It was simple, it was horrible, it was my first time. I had written it to a sum of 28k words. Formatting was horrible but people then still liked what I've written. By then, I had fallen in love with writing .
Then I proceeded with my own sequel to my story. and another sequel with that with a fourth installment for a finale. Before I could begin my fourth installment, I met Saber.
It was when Animax was first introduced to Malaysia and I've watched the anime of Fate Stay Night. As the main character Shirou Emiya fell in love with Saber, I too fell in love with her. I felt such a strong need to write a story about Fate Stay Night. I proceeded on. I worked hard to research and study everything I could. I posted my work on Fanfiction.net and was encouraged further.
I went further and further with this project which I adored. I took the courage to get a Beta Reader when the function was released in Fanfiction.net. I searched the list and got myself two beta readers to try it out. I remembered the pain that lingered in my heart.
I still have one of their replies here. I'll just copy and paste it here without their online names. Spoilered down here.
+ Show Spoiler +
Pardon me for taking four days to get back to your email; I've been busy
lately with work, personal commitments, preparations for next semester, and
illness. I should've checked my email more often.
Getting back on subject...
Let's cut to the chase for the moment. I haven't gotten very far, only
chapter two, but I agree with your initial assessment: Your chapters are far
too short, and your paragraphs are sometimes a mess to read; what you're
currently doing is cutting up appropriatelysized paragraphs and cutting them
into smaller fragments, which can be somewhat painful to read at times.
Paragraphs are powerful things; using them correctly can let your readers know
exactly where your emphasis is, but your constant cutting up of paragraphs
makes it difficult for me to tell where you want emphasis placed. Although I
don't generally nitpick on grammar and punctuation, it's something you're
going to have to watch very carefully.
Another point about your format is something that I go over with practically
everyone, finding a good balance between description and dialogue. For the
most part, most fan fiction writers put far too much emphasis on dialogue,
meaning that we read more of people talking, and far less so about the
environment around them, and the situation. I think it's pretty safe to say
that your writing style is, currently, unbalanced, tipping towards dialogue;
in many cases, you're simply utilizing two or three sentences to describe the
setting and situation before jumping into a conversation.
Enough about formatting for now, though. Moving onto the story itself, I find
a lot of things disagreeable. For now, let's not talk about the feasibility of
the Sixth Holy Grail War with fifteen Servants; I am mostly disturbed by how
you are portraying the characters. In chapter two, Saber speaks as if she was
a peppy, spunky sixteenyearold, when, in fact, she's a mature, immortal woman
with stature worthy enough to be King Arthur of Britain, and Shirou wasn't
exactly much better either. Let's not talk about Ilya for now; what I'm mostly
bothered by is that you seem quite willing to reduce Saber to a lovestruck
teenager, when, in fact, Fate/stay night went to MUCH length to portray Saber
in the exact OPPOSITE way.
That's all from me for now. I'm afraid that this illness means I can't stay
up too long, so I do need some sleep. Hope everything goes well.
lately with work, personal commitments, preparations for next semester, and
illness. I should've checked my email more often.
Getting back on subject...
Let's cut to the chase for the moment. I haven't gotten very far, only
chapter two, but I agree with your initial assessment: Your chapters are far
too short, and your paragraphs are sometimes a mess to read; what you're
currently doing is cutting up appropriatelysized paragraphs and cutting them
into smaller fragments, which can be somewhat painful to read at times.
Paragraphs are powerful things; using them correctly can let your readers know
exactly where your emphasis is, but your constant cutting up of paragraphs
makes it difficult for me to tell where you want emphasis placed. Although I
don't generally nitpick on grammar and punctuation, it's something you're
going to have to watch very carefully.
Another point about your format is something that I go over with practically
everyone, finding a good balance between description and dialogue. For the
most part, most fan fiction writers put far too much emphasis on dialogue,
meaning that we read more of people talking, and far less so about the
environment around them, and the situation. I think it's pretty safe to say
that your writing style is, currently, unbalanced, tipping towards dialogue;
in many cases, you're simply utilizing two or three sentences to describe the
setting and situation before jumping into a conversation.
Enough about formatting for now, though. Moving onto the story itself, I find
a lot of things disagreeable. For now, let's not talk about the feasibility of
the Sixth Holy Grail War with fifteen Servants; I am mostly disturbed by how
you are portraying the characters. In chapter two, Saber speaks as if she was
a peppy, spunky sixteenyearold, when, in fact, she's a mature, immortal woman
with stature worthy enough to be King Arthur of Britain, and Shirou wasn't
exactly much better either. Let's not talk about Ilya for now; what I'm mostly
bothered by is that you seem quite willing to reduce Saber to a lovestruck
teenager, when, in fact, Fate/stay night went to MUCH length to portray Saber
in the exact OPPOSITE way.
That's all from me for now. I'm afraid that this illness means I can't stay
up too long, so I do need some sleep. Hope everything goes well.
The pain hurt. It was true and I should accept for what it is but it still hurt my heart badly. I thought I was on the right track. I wasn't. I lost my momentum to write completely, going on with life without writing. The pain just hurts...
I thought I was going to quit writing forever. I never thought I could continue after being hurt so bad. Still, I had cared for Saber even if she doesn't exist in this world. Leaving this story about her hanging just like that is something I couldn't let it be.
I picked up my pencil and my stack of papers. I told myself that day three years ago. I will no longer depend on anyone. I will never give up. No matter what, I will finish this story no matter whatever happens. No matter how bad it will be, no matter how long it takes. Even if my hands bleed from all the writing, I will never give up. For Saber.
I continued writing, I read books of fantasy and science fictions. I read more and more, countless hours. I could finish reading works which could take up months for fellow fanficton writers to write within two days. I learned new things. I learned new styles. I learned new ways for new things. I may not be a writer that can make money but I will write for it is my passion. It is my desire to create and present an imagination from my very mind.
Now, I'm still not done with my Fate Stay Night project, having deviated temporarily to two other side projects in the course of these two years. (Ragnarok Online and To Aru Majutsu No Index). I've learned a lot from them and I will put all my effort to fixing this story of mine. Only once I finish this can I put my heart at rest. After I finish Fate Stay Night, I will return to Air Rivals and finish that final installment of mine.
Even after the years have passed, I still see Saber as someone special. I don't know why, just that it is. Even now, I keep her in my desktop. I sometimes wished she would be real. If only maybe...i'm definitely putting my hopes up too high. Welcome to reality oh Marksman. Some things aren't real.
She looks just like an angel here. (2.5mb + - file size)
+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/7687/screenshotnk.png)
Then maybe.....maybe I could write a new story. A story of my own. A story that can be published in Malaysia. A story that will enchant readers. I'm studying hard to be an engineer. I'm training to be a writer. I'm trying to be competitive in Starcraft 2 for SEA. I'm trying to do just so many things....
No matter what though. No matter whatever I must toil through. No matter whatever stands in my way, I will not give up. I will not give up and fight every step of the way if I have to. I will not let my heart be broken again. I will never give up.
Thank you for reading this. Good night.
