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Girl Friend Issues

Blogs > Dr.Kill-Joy
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Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 12:35 GMT
#1
I never talk to the TL public about my personal life but I need a 3rd party opinion on the matter.

So let me get down to pretty much everything.

Moved out to Wyoming from Ohio, meet a chick we start dating.
Seems alright for the most part very honest person, caring, Jesus lover(which i'm not) ect and she one of like a few people I can really trust

For the most part I do pretty much anything for this women, drove 7 hours to pick her up at an emergency room after she rolled her car 5 times, let her have a dog in my apartment and let her live free here and I pretty much gave up most of my social life and gaming for this bitch.

So this morning I was sleeping and I hear this sobbing sound, I awake and ask whats wrong. She pulls out my phone and shows me text messages. These messages are from my ex girl friend in Ohio. This isn't the first time i've had trouble trying to defuse the situation about my ex. Seems like every weekend we go out and drink it ends up with her crying and her saying "your gonna leave me for her". This is crazy my ex is like 5 states away.

But back to the phone, one of her friends told her to go through my phone and she if she can find or see a sign where I am cheating on her. She manage somehow to get into my facebook as well.

To me this is a duel problem, for one I still talk to my EX girlfriend which I don't think its a problem but I guess it can be if your on the other side of the relationship and the other is her going through my shit.

So the question I ask you TL nation to get ride of her or keep her



*
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
shawabawa
Profile Joined May 2010
United Kingdom417 Posts
August 23 2010 12:41 GMT
#2
Tell her it's completely unacceptable for her to look through your phone and facebook, tell her if she can't deal with you talking to your ex who's 5 states away she should just leave now.

I would never put up with that shit, that's crazy.


What was in the text messages? Anything remotely suggestive?
NuKedUFirst
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada3139 Posts
August 23 2010 12:42 GMT
#3
Tell her she is crazy and has no right invading your privacy like that?
She obviously is mentally unstable, lmao, I'd move on.
FrostedMiniWeet wrote: I like winning because it validates all the bloody time I waste playing SC2.
Jaw
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States274 Posts
August 23 2010 12:42 GMT
#4
the real question is do you love her? if you do i would say to try and make it work. but base on your blog she seem to be more troubles then she is worth.
RaNgeD
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States733 Posts
August 23 2010 12:43 GMT
#5
Damn that's rough, my ex did the same thing except in the end it was her who ended up cheating and not me. I think the best thing to do is just to have a heart to heart /w her; be honest, tell her that you don't want to leave her for your ex, etc. (as im sure you already have) and tell her it upsets you that she won't trust you, because trust is an 100% must have for any relationship to work.

If she can't trust you then its best to move on.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:7
fabiano
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Brazil4644 Posts
August 23 2010 12:43 GMT
#6
you are basically flipping a coin to decide about something like this.. crazy. Sorry that I cannot help ya
"When the geyser died, a probe came out" - SirJolt
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 12:43 GMT
#7
Well for one I'm a nice person, so my ex'es are stil friends. I was getting a bunch of people from high school and trying to put a trip to Hawaii together. Along with her
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
Mortician
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Bulgaria2332 Posts
August 23 2010 12:44 GMT
#8
She fucking logged into your facebook acount and read all your messages...I would be incredibly mad if this happened to me (thank god I dont save any text messages and dont have facebook ^^)

Explain to her that you still talk to your ex, but she is, in fact, an ex. If she make a problem out of this, you will be having a miserable relationship
"If anything, the skill cap in sc2 is higher [than sc1] because there are a lot more things you can do at one given time. " darmousseh
logic13
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Sweden128 Posts
August 23 2010 12:45 GMT
#9
If you really like this girl, yell at her, tell her it's not how you treat each other in a relationship etc, but keep her. If you can't see yourself having a future with her, get rid off her.

High maintenance is high maintenance.
chobopeon
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
United States7342 Posts
August 23 2010 12:46 GMT
#10
leave
:O
Vinnesta
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Singapore285 Posts
August 23 2010 12:46 GMT
#11
On August 23 2010 21:43 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
Well for one I'm a nice person, so my ex'es are stil friends. I was getting a bunch of people from high school and trying to put a trip to Hawaii together. Along with her


So you should just honestly tell her that! If she does not believe you, there is likely a lack of trust in your relationship, and that usually won't end well.
Same difference is not an oxymoron!
Xeofreestyler
Profile Blog Joined June 2005
Belgium6768 Posts
August 23 2010 12:47 GMT
#12
shit like that is not cool... not cool at all
tell her this: the only reason you'll leave her is if she acts all paranoid and invades your privacy again

also, punch her friend in the face
Graphics
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 12:51 GMT
#13
Sounds good, thanks for the input now. This would be the 3rd time I would take her back. The first time she tried pushing her views on religion(she's a Mormon) 2nd time was a night where we got drunk so from what everyone is saying no go on 3.
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
TommyGG
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States142 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 12:52:36
August 23 2010 12:51 GMT
#14
fuck that shit man. the girl crossed the line by invading your privacy. i wish you could argue your side with a girl the same way as the judicial system--any info that was obtained by shady means like that without a warrant is thrown out. unfortunately...that will never be the case...i got fucked like that too : (
Grettin
Profile Joined April 2010
42381 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 12:56:48
August 23 2010 12:54 GMT
#15
Psycho gf is psycho. Theres nothing to do if she doesn't really trust your words OR you. Unless you..

A) Kill your ex-gf to show how much you love her.

Or if that doesn't work or you can't do it,

B) Get rid of this gf of yours.
"If I had force-fields in Brood War, I'd never lose." -Bisu
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 12:57 GMT
#16
She says she had trouble Boy Friends in the past where they cheated on her and I guess one cheated on her with her sister. So I guess her best friend told her to go through my phone to make sure. Fucking nuts... I know my friends don't get involved in my relationshits...
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
Xeofreestyler
Profile Blog Joined June 2005
Belgium6768 Posts
August 23 2010 12:59 GMT
#17
a guy cheated on her with HER SISTER?
LOL WTF
Graphics
Badjas
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Netherlands2038 Posts
August 23 2010 12:59 GMT
#18
She doesn't trust you. That's a problem that is hers to fix. If you want to keep going on with this relationship, you really don't want that burden. Confront her and perhaps she can tell you what would help to (re)gain trust or maybe she needs to realize the situation better / be more conscious about it, for things to improve.
I <3 the internet, I <3 you
Navane
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Netherlands2747 Posts
August 23 2010 12:59 GMT
#19
If she can't deal with reading your personal stuff, she shouldn't be doing it. You don't owe any explanation to her. Be straight and clear and tell her the rules.
esla_sol
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States756 Posts
August 23 2010 13:06 GMT
#20
SoManyDeadLings
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Canada255 Posts
August 23 2010 13:07 GMT
#21
1. Stop talking to your ex.

2. Problem solved.

3. Enjoy/abuse your power/her love for you. With her state of mind, you can probably make her do anything for you in the bedroom.

4. I are teh jealous. You're dating a sex gold mine and don't even realize it.

5. Wish more/my GF were like yours.
wsrgry
dNo_O
Profile Joined November 2008
United States233 Posts
August 23 2010 13:10 GMT
#22
trust is a two way street. tell her to get the fuck out.
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
mmp
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States2130 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 13:14:54
August 23 2010 13:10 GMT
#23
My line of thought:
(1) She shouldn't be looking through your texts unless you two are really close.
(2) If you're really close then she should trust you when you say nothing is going on.
(3) If she doesn't trust you then: (a) She's paranoid. (b) You're not giving her enough attention.
(4) If (a) seems unreasonable by your own standards (what if you were in her shoes) then there may be a maturity difference between the two of you. Plenty of men and women are unreasonably possessive (not so much love as a symbol possession/status/confidence) - this is OK if you're equally infatuated, dangerous otherwise.
(5) Regardless of (b), if you want to keep a healthy relationship: remind her what you've done for her lately, reassure her with new romantic treatment, and reassert that she's the only girl for you.

That said, you've referred to her as a "bitch," and she doesn't sound like a barrel of monkeys when drunk (an unhappy drunk is a sober nightmare). Ask yourself: "Can I do better?"
I (λ (foo) (and (<3 foo) ( T_T foo) (RAGE foo) )) Starcraft
Mickey
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United States2606 Posts
August 23 2010 13:15 GMT
#24
Obviously this is more than trust issues. She probably doesn't have any self esteem.
15vs1
Profile Joined November 2007
64 Posts
August 23 2010 13:16 GMT
#25
On August 23 2010 21:35 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
For the most part I do pretty much anything for this women, drove 7 hours to pick her up at an emergency room after she rolled her car 5 times, let her have a dog in my apartment and let her live free here and I pretty much gave up most of my social life and gaming for this bitch.

lol you should have taken a rent. To say the truth you looks like asshole because these things you are so proud of are very natural for almost everyone. So leave her (for her sake) and make sure to never get another gf.
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 13:21 GMT
#26
She doesn't want to listen to me. She again listen to a friend about this relationship. "It's not their fucking relationship it's ours so stop".

On August 23 2010 22:07 SoManyDeadLings wrote:
1. Stop talking to your ex.

2. Problem solved.

3. Enjoy/abuse your power/her love for you. With her state of mind, you can probably make her do anything for you in the bedroom.

4. I are teh jealous. You're dating a sex gold mine and don't even realize it.

5. Wish more/my GF were like yours.


Why would I stop talking to a person that i'm not involved in a relationship with?

NSFW+ Show Spoiler +
And yes we do some crazy shit in bed. Put it in her butt, she licks my balls, pretty sure we have did all the positions but sex is only half of the relationship for me and i really don't need all that.
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 13:21 GMT
#27
On August 23 2010 22:16 15vs1 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 23 2010 21:35 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
For the most part I do pretty much anything for this women, drove 7 hours to pick her up at an emergency room after she rolled her car 5 times, let her have a dog in my apartment and let her live free here and I pretty much gave up most of my social life and gaming for this bitch.

lol you should have taken a rent. To say the truth you looks like asshole because these things you are so proud of are very natural for almost everyone. So leave her (for her sake) and make sure to never get another gf.


I've known her for 2months... I think im doing a little much for knowing her for 2 months
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
faction123
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Australia949 Posts
August 23 2010 13:23 GMT
#28
it's completely and entirely natural for her to not want you hanging out/chatting with your ex

it's definitely pretty shady for her to be looking thru your phone and facebook but the thought behind it is what any reasonable person would think, yourself included.

every time I hear someone talking about this scenario and see the the girl/guy who doesn't want their partner hanging out with their ex being painted as the bad person, I cringe. it would be different if it was just a friend but she's not "just a friend" she's someone you previously fucked presumably with regularity and chances are if you hang out with her regulary things will lead to it again
NA Legend - stream: http://twitch.tv/faction60
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 13:26 GMT
#29
But im 5 states away from my ex... and of course I wouldn't want her hanging out with her ex but she going through my shit... who knows what else she tried or did do while I was out of my apartment...
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
kasumimi
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Greece460 Posts
August 23 2010 13:27 GMT
#30
Poor girl is unstable.
You either focus all your energy on her and help her become a better human being or let her deal with it alone and move on.

I'd move on and start playing SC2 again =]
TommyGG
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States142 Posts
August 23 2010 13:28 GMT
#31
On August 23 2010 22:21 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
She doesn't want to listen to me. She again listen to a friend about this relationship. "It's not their fucking relationship it's ours so stop".

Show nested quote +
On August 23 2010 22:07 SoManyDeadLings wrote:
1. Stop talking to your ex.

2. Problem solved.

3. Enjoy/abuse your power/her love for you. With her state of mind, you can probably make her do anything for you in the bedroom.

4. I are teh jealous. You're dating a sex gold mine and don't even realize it.

5. Wish more/my GF were like yours.


Why would I stop talking to a person that i'm not involved in a relationship with?

NSFW+ Show Spoiler +
And yes we do some crazy shit in bed. Put it in her butt, she licks my balls, pretty sure we have did all the positions but sex is only half of the relationship for me and i really don't need all that.


lolol hahahahaha
faction123
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Australia949 Posts
August 23 2010 13:35 GMT
#32
On August 23 2010 22:26 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
But im 5 states away from my ex... and of course I wouldn't want her hanging out with her ex but she going through my shit... who knows what else she tried or did do while I was out of my apartment...


if you don't have anything to hide you shouldn't really be too pissed. she apparently thought you're cheating on her so she tried to confirm it for herself, unless you're super offended that she'd dare think that of you surely you can see it from where shes standing?

the way you describe your relationship though, i doubt it
NA Legend - stream: http://twitch.tv/faction60
KinosJourney2
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Sweden1811 Posts
August 23 2010 13:39 GMT
#33
On August 23 2010 21:57 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
She says she had trouble Boy Friends in the past where they cheated on her and I guess one cheated on her with her sister. So I guess her best friend told her to go through my phone to make sure. Fucking nuts... I know my friends don't get involved in my relationshits...


I guess she cares if she goes through your stuff to find out the truth, do what was mentioned before and have a serious talk with her and tell her the truth.
ocho wrote: EDIT: NEVERMIND, THIS THING HAS APM TECHNOLOGY OMG
Legionnaire
Profile Joined January 2003
Australia4514 Posts
August 23 2010 13:42 GMT
#34
On August 23 2010 21:35 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
I pretty much gave up most of my social life and gaming for this bitch.


Says everything you need to know.
My hope is one day stupid people will feel the same pain when they talk, as the pain the rest of us feel when we hear them. Twitter: @Legionnaire_au
n3gative
Profile Joined May 2009
Canada369 Posts
August 23 2010 13:48 GMT
#35
stop being a beta, drop the bitch and become an alpha dog.
Skvid
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Lithuania751 Posts
August 23 2010 13:51 GMT
#36
If she doesn't trust you, thrust her.
Kerotan
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
England2109 Posts
August 23 2010 14:00 GMT
#37
Tell her, that is she has trust issues, being unbelievably paranoid about anyone that she needs to trust is not the right way to go.
If she has to check your texts and facebook messages to make sure that any interaction you have with another human being is not going to lead to fun in the bedroom, then she will never trust anyone ever again.

Best thing you can do now, is try and tell her to make amends, she needs to apologise about invading your privacy and she isn't going to trust you if she has to go about like a dictator, reading your every interaction.

Other option, is to get out, tell her its over, not because there is another girl, but because any relationship cannot work with her constantly invading your space.

This is of course all applicable if your being faithful, and not fucking her around.
Nerdette // External revolution - Internal revolution // Fabulous // I raise my hands to heaven of curiosity // I don't know what to ask for // What has it got for me? // Kerribear
Neos
Profile Joined June 2009
United States400 Posts
August 23 2010 14:17 GMT
#38
On August 23 2010 21:46 choboPEon wrote:
leave
It's his house.

Kick her out.
BLinD-RawR
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
ALLEYCAT BLUES50107 Posts
August 23 2010 14:18 GMT
#39
On August 23 2010 22:51 Skvid wrote:
If she doesn't trust you, thrust her.


QFT
Brood War EICWoo Jung Ho, never forget.| Twitter: @BLinDRawR
TL+ Member
Scorcher2k
Profile Joined November 2009
United States802 Posts
August 23 2010 14:26 GMT
#40
You have a g/f that has had serious shit happen to her that set her back emotionally from the sounds of it. I know very well what you're dealing with. I would say that if a heart to heart doesn't work with her then you need to either accept that she isn't going to be able to change right away (if ever) and deal with it or move on. Looking through your things isn't as crazy people make it sound when you're putting other things into the light but in the end it's about what makes you happy.
THE_DOMINATOR
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States309 Posts
August 23 2010 14:29 GMT
#41
If you're going to leave her over this then I would argue you never really loved her. If you did love her you would stop talking to your ex who is 5 states away and you would focus on your girlfriend. That being said if you're bitching about your girlfriend on the internet maybe you're not ready for a relationship at all and should take some time off. Who the hell ever calls their girlfriend a bitch??
DOMINATION
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66155 Posts
August 23 2010 14:43 GMT
#42
get rid of her

she's not trusting you and she's going through your personal stuff.

she'll be nothing but a nuisance later on.
POGGERS
Trowabarton756
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States870 Posts
August 23 2010 14:49 GMT
#43
On August 23 2010 23:43 konadora wrote:
get rid of her

she's not trusting you and she's going through your personal stuff.

she'll be nothing but a nuisance later on.


depending on her personality he could be fucked either way, she'd be crazy if he left her or she'd be crazy if he stays with her. In these situations all most people want are for other people to pull the trigger for them. Well thats not how life works, you gotta decide for yourself if shes worth it or not.

My current girlfriend did kind of the same thing, we had been dating for like 3-4 months and we got into a fight about something and I just refused to answer my phone for the rest of the night so she has a friend drive her over at like 2 AM to make sure Im not cheating on her. And instead of going through say iunno (THE FUCKING DOOR) she tries to break in through my window, bitch almost got a baseball bat to the head till I saw (luckily) through the moon light who it was. Long story short we had a heart to heart and now we're engaged to get married. Sometimes people can get a little crazy depending on their past(like your girlfriend, mine has had a rough past) however like in those tight sc situations, where you've got no income and need to budget for a new nexus/keep up army production to protect it, you just gotta play it by ear. Sometimes you play it correctly and win, othertimes you play it incorrectly and lose. No more, No less.
http://www.teamliquid.net/video/streams/Trowabarton756
brian
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States9616 Posts
August 23 2010 15:00 GMT
#44
lol you can all say you wouldnt snoop through someones phone or FB given the chance? especially a girlfriends? Either you've not had a girlfriend or you're just flat out lying. I don't believe someone wouldn't if they could. not even once?
zaMNal
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Mongolia385 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 15:03:43
August 23 2010 15:00 GMT
#45
On August 23 2010 23:29 THE_DOMINATOR wrote:
If you're going to leave her over this then I would argue you never really loved her. If you did love her you would stop talking to your ex who is 5 states away and you would focus on your girlfriend. That being said if you're bitching about your girlfriend on the internet maybe you're not ready for a relationship at all and should take some time off. Who the hell ever calls their girlfriend a bitch??

Kill-joy, read this again and think a bit. There is some truth in it.
Other than that, imagine HER talking to her ex bf all the time behind your back and see who will be the one "bitching" around . Just a thought..

edit: grammar
brian
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States9616 Posts
August 23 2010 15:01 GMT
#46
and yeah i was just about to quote his post as well.
Terranist
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States2496 Posts
August 23 2010 15:13 GMT
#47
let's get this straight... you let her move in and live rent free and she still is dumb enough to accuse you of shit? there's no future with her.
The Show of a Lifetime
Emon_
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
3925 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 15:28:34
August 23 2010 15:14 GMT
#48
Sounds like she has issues with self esteem. My guess is she doesn't have a clear set of boundaries to relate to for herself - so she follows along with what her friends tell her or the TV etc. I don't know where you go from here though, because even if she has you in her back pocket, she still doesn't know what she wants so she won't be satisfied.

Though she sounds like a loving and caring person. And if you can summon strength from elsewhere, like friends/co-workers etc. Maybe you could help her figure some things out, like her goals, her past, her motivations. Though it will be stressful on yourself. A relationship needs to be beneficial for both parties. Sounds to me you're not getting much else then bickering and distrust. It's hard to manage a healthy life on that. Also, whats the deal with the ex? Sounds like you're her plan B, though you have already moved on. It shouldn't be a problem in the ideal relationship - neither should her ex-boyfriends eating dinner with her. But it is. And you need to set boundaries. Talk to the ex twice a year. Thats plenty.

Also, Driving 7 hours to pick someone up at the emergency room isn't an accomplishment, especially your g/f. It's just decent.
"I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully" -GWB ||
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
August 23 2010 15:46 GMT
#49
She's needy.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
shawabawa
Profile Joined May 2010
United Kingdom417 Posts
August 23 2010 15:49 GMT
#50
On August 24 2010 00:00 Gene wrote:
lol you can all say you wouldnt snoop through someones phone or FB given the chance? especially a girlfriends? Either you've not had a girlfriend or you're just flat out lying. I don't believe someone wouldn't if they could. not even once?

uh... I have my girlfriend's passwords to *everything*.

I've never even been tempted to look at any of her shit. How can you love someone (or like someone a lot) and yet not respect their privacy?
Scorcher2k
Profile Joined November 2009
United States802 Posts
August 23 2010 15:54 GMT
#51
On August 24 2010 00:49 shawabawa wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2010 00:00 Gene wrote:
lol you can all say you wouldnt snoop through someones phone or FB given the chance? especially a girlfriends? Either you've not had a girlfriend or you're just flat out lying. I don't believe someone wouldn't if they could. not even once?

uh... I have my girlfriend's passwords to *everything*.

I've never even been tempted to look at any of her shit. How can you love someone (or like someone a lot) and yet not respect their privacy?

It's called insecurity. Most people suffer from it in one respect or another.
Ethelis
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States2396 Posts
August 23 2010 16:01 GMT
#52
On August 23 2010 23:26 Scorcher2k wrote:
You have a g/f that has had serious shit happen to her that set her back emotionally from the sounds of it. I know very well what you're dealing with. I would say that if a heart to heart doesn't work with her then you need to either accept that she isn't going to be able to change right away (if ever) and deal with it or move on. Looking through your things isn't as crazy people make it sound when you're putting other things into the light but in the end it's about what makes you happy.


100% can relate and agree.
Disabled gamer - Diamond 3 (LoL) D+ Rank scrublord on BW. Bisu doesnt need DTs, He uses probes. just ask Flash.
WniO
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2706 Posts
August 23 2010 16:08 GMT
#53
shes gonna look at your browsing history see "girl friend issues" and your done.
Terrakin
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States1440 Posts
August 23 2010 16:09 GMT
#54
she is of morman faith, I mean, I don't mean to dis religions or get into a debate, but (most) mormons are fucking crazy...

of course nice non-creepy ones every once and a while

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
brian
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States9616 Posts
August 23 2010 16:10 GMT
#55
On August 24 2010 00:49 shawabawa wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2010 00:00 Gene wrote:
lol you can all say you wouldnt snoop through someones phone or FB given the chance? especially a girlfriends? Either you've not had a girlfriend or you're just flat out lying. I don't believe someone wouldn't if they could. not even once?

uh... I have my girlfriend's passwords to *everything*.

I've never even been tempted to look at any of her shit. How can you love someone (or like someone a lot) and yet not respect their privacy?


I dont mean to suggest one should be doing it constantly as an effort to find something scandalous and be like HAH I KNEW YOU WERE A STUPID WHORE

but either to do it out of idle curiosity or just see whats goin down in her FB life. I've done it many times for sure. Not maliciously as in this case, but to say one wouldn't do it is crazy to me.
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32046 Posts
August 23 2010 16:26 GMT
#56
just the tip of the crazy iceburg
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
JohannesH
Profile Joined September 2009
Finland1364 Posts
August 23 2010 16:44 GMT
#57
If it doesn't work out with her, maybe see if you can get along with that sister of hers?
If you have to ask, you don't know.
Daigomi
Profile Blog Joined May 2006
South Africa4316 Posts
August 23 2010 17:54 GMT
#58
Maybe there are tons of crazy people where you guys live, but I've never experienced a seriously crazy person yet. People get worried and do stupid things, that hardly qualifies as crazy though.

If you really do care about her I don't think this should be a big issue. In fact, I've never understood why people care about privacy so much. My gf is free to read whatever she wants to if she wants to, and because she knows that she's never shown the slightest interest in doing so. Hypothetically, the only thing I could imagine wanting to hide from my gf is some evidence of cheating, and since I'm not planning on cheating, I don't see the need to hide anything from her.

A way bigger concern would be her not trusting you, but since the relationship is still young and she has been cheated on before, its not that strange either. It's your choice if you want to help her get over her insecurity or not.

Anyway, what I would do is tell her that she's free to look through my stuff whenever she wants to as long as she doesn't do it secretly. That will show her that she can trust you, take away the whole privacy issue, and make you an awesome boyfriend. Or you can just dump her because she was insecure and her friend gave her shitty advice.
Moderator
Scorcher2k
Profile Joined November 2009
United States802 Posts
August 23 2010 18:03 GMT
#59
On August 24 2010 02:54 Daigomi wrote:
Anyway, what I would do is tell her that she's free to look through my stuff whenever she wants to as long as she doesn't do it secretly. That will show her that she can trust you, take away the whole privacy issue, and make you an awesome boyfriend.

Not to play devil's advocate but maybe he simply feels as if he is a good enough guy that he should be trusted. I've been down that path before as well and it becomes increasingly irritating when the other person won't trust you no matter what. It can make you question yourself or even feel bad. Most of the time it just takes some stepping back and looking at the situation. I don't think anyone should frown upon him for choosing to break up with her or to stay with her. He should do what he feels will ultimately make him happy.
brian
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States9616 Posts
August 23 2010 18:34 GMT
#60
i feel the same way as Daigomi. That kind of trust is a hard thing to come by, and when you have nothing to hide why does privacy like that matter? My (now ex) girlfriend was free to browse my FB whenever the fuck she wanted. It gave her the piece of mind she wanted, and even fostered trust.
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 19:13 GMT
#61
I've only been dating her for 2 months, and no I don't love her I like her. I feel that I really haven't did anything wrong. Yes I know it might be wrong talking to my ex but like I said i'm 5 states away and all I tried to do is put together a trip to Hawaii with all my high school friends that I haven't seen in a couple years. That's why I was talking to my ex.

Thanks for all the input again. I feel that people are entitled to their own privacy and if your in a relationship long enough that privacy slowly goes away and you start to trust your companion more where you can share your text message, facebook and then your bank account ect... but it has only been 2 months
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
Badjas
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Netherlands2038 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-08-23 19:18:33
August 23 2010 19:17 GMT
#62
On August 24 2010 01:09 Terrakin wrote:
she is of morman faith, I mean, I don't mean to dis religions or get into a debate, but (most) mormons are fucking crazy...

of course nice non-creepy ones every once and a while


You don't want to get into a debate because you don't want to support your claims? I am not calling you for a debate now, just like to point that out. Perhaps it is smarter that you don't say such things if you don't want to talk about it.

Edit: on topic.
You have to love yourself before you can love another. Easy catchphrase to break the ice if you want to bring up the conversation.
I <3 the internet, I <3 you
brian
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States9616 Posts
August 23 2010 19:57 GMT
#63
oh god i didnt get that it was only 2 mos before. thats crazy. Though, now it makes a little more sense. Im friends with ALL my ex's. But thats just NOT something you make known to a new girlfriend. You should never bring up ex's or intimate that you speak to them to such a new girlfriend. She has to get to know you well enough to know that being just freinds is being just friends and you're obviously the type that gets along with your ex's.
Never.Die
Profile Joined March 2010
Japan189 Posts
August 23 2010 20:03 GMT
#64
I say you tell her what'll happen if she crosses the line again, and once she does cross the line, get rid of her. You can't hesitate on this shit.
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32046 Posts
August 23 2010 20:45 GMT
#65
yall got some odd relationships if at any point it's cool for your SO to go snooping through your personal shit. That or you're young enough to think that that kind of freakish, controling behavior is healthy.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
MiyaviTeddy
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada697 Posts
August 23 2010 21:52 GMT
#66
She's has some insecurity issues.

I can trust you aren't a player, cheating on her and whatnot right?

That being said, there's a communication/trust issue. If she doesn't trust you enough to stay with her and being loyal and whatnot then why bother?
Aiyeeeee
kidd
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
United States2848 Posts
August 23 2010 22:13 GMT
#67
2 months is pretty early on in a relationship to be forceful with your sig. others' friends/ exes. I would definitely just sit her down and just talk to her about the situation and then set some boundaries.

If she refuses to budge on issues, and you refuse to budge as well then obviously move on and be happy you discovered these problems 2 months in instead of 2 years.
Hi
Dr.Kill-Joy
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States627 Posts
August 23 2010 22:16 GMT
#68
Yeah, dunno if this is smart or not but I like to get the GF to move in with me as soon as possible. So i can see what really is going on instead of wasting time going to the movies , dinner ect.
About To Ass Rape That Face Wit Some Words
TimmyMac
Profile Joined December 2008
Canada499 Posts
August 24 2010 02:13 GMT
#69
Change FB password, lock phone, problem solved. Don't put up with that shit.
guN-viCe
Profile Joined March 2010
United States687 Posts
August 24 2010 03:59 GMT
#70
i can tell its kids posting most of these responses(obvious they have never lived with a GF)

she is scared of losing you, she is paranoid about you cheating on her.

there are 2 possible reasons for this;

1) you make her feel insecure by talking to your EX's, and doing other stuff

2) she was hurt in the past by a BF/ she is paranoid

i mean, think about it. why would a good/nice girl start spying on you?
Never give up, never surrender!!! ~~ Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence -Sagan
Comeh
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States18918 Posts
August 24 2010 04:30 GMT
#71
On August 24 2010 07:16 Dr.Kill-Joy wrote:
Yeah, dunno if this is smart or not but I like to get the GF to move in with me as soon as possible. So i can see what really is going on instead of wasting time going to the movies , dinner ect.

Er, WHAT
I don't get this - you are having clear problems in your relationship and it seems like things are rocky/ you've had thoughts about breaking up with her/ you don't love her (yet?)...so you want to take your relationship about 5 steps forward?
IMO - you need to do things in a logical manner. Plus, breaking up with someone that has moved in with you / is paranoid isn't...fun.
Her moving in with you won't stop her being paranoid. Trust me. I'm a TLer.
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Romance_us
Profile Joined March 2006
Seychelles1806 Posts
August 24 2010 04:41 GMT
#72
On August 24 2010 12:59 guN-viCe wrote:
i can tell its kids posting most of these responses(obvious they have never lived with a GF)

she is scared of losing you, she is paranoid about you cheating on her.

there are 2 possible reasons for this;

1) you make her feel insecure by talking to your EX's, and doing other stuff

2) she was hurt in the past by a BF/ she is paranoid

i mean, think about it. why would a good/nice girl start spying on you?


I generally agree this this.

I am really surprised by a lot of the responses in this thread.. the early ones especially. How do you guys not see it as ENTIRELY reasonable that his girlfriend would be incredibly suspicious of him talking to his ex? You have to take into consideration how long their relationship has been going on. Two months is not a large foundation to build trust upon. Putting myself in her shoes, I would be skeptical as well.

I'm not saying you are being disloyal but you might want to make it extra clear to her that your intentions are good if you really care about the relationship.
Notes and feelings, numbers and reason. The ultimate equilibrium.
MountainDewJunkie
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States10341 Posts
August 24 2010 06:50 GMT
#73
No trust -> end relationship now, else it ends badly later.

Also, your g/f sounds like an awful person.
[21:07] <Shock710> whats wrong with her face [20:50] <dAPhREAk> i beat it the day after it came out | <BLinD-RawR> esports is a giant vagina
AyeH
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States534 Posts
August 24 2010 06:56 GMT
#74
In your situation, I would stop talking to your ex, show your GF more attention, and man up. If you are going to be in a relationship, you shouldn't be talking to your exes. It makes the other person jealous, suspicious, and even angry. Your GF needs your utmost attention because it will show her how much you actually care, if you care at all, about her. And when I tell you that you ought to man up, I am saying make the right choices. What were you thinking when you asked a girlfriend of 2 months to move in with you? You were probably thinking "oh, we can have sex whenever we want." I honestly don't see any maturity in your responses to any of the comments and you don't meet the needs of your GF. You both have needs. You need privacy. She needs to be able to trust you and be able to rely on you when she needs to. However, talking to your ex will not help either you nor her. It doesn't matter if you are no longer in a relationship. She is still an ex. What I frequently do to see how my GF feels is by putting myself in their shoes. Imagine if you were her. What would you do? W.W.S.D. :D
Is it in you?
yourwhiteshadow
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States442 Posts
August 24 2010 12:13 GMT
#75
On August 24 2010 12:59 guN-viCe wrote:
i can tell its kids posting most of these responses(obvious they have never lived with a GF)

she is scared of losing you, she is paranoid about you cheating on her.

there are 2 possible reasons for this;

1) you make her feel insecure by talking to your EX's, and doing other stuff

2) she was hurt in the past by a BF/ she is paranoid

i mean, think about it. why would a good/nice girl start spying on you?


^^exactly. she moved in with him, so while she might seem 'needy' or whatever, she also apparently either cares a lot for him and wants to be with him or is a major bum. my guess is since she cares that he's talking to an ex, then she is a little worried. i never understood why people still talk to their EX..."oh we're still friends..." ok, if you're on good terms now, why aren't you still together?

what she did though, is definitely a little unacceptable as well...just sit down and talk it out.
Technical Director, Si Media Production, simediapro.com
OhJesusWOW
Profile Joined August 2010
United Kingdom127 Posts
August 24 2010 12:24 GMT
#76
Women with trust issues are the worst thing a man could ever ask for. If I had to choose between the hottest bitch on the planet who had serious trust issues or a gunshot in the leg, I would take the gunshot.
Red Bull is the new Mountain Dew.
RawrAnOcean
Profile Joined February 2006
United States359 Posts
August 24 2010 13:28 GMT
#77
Jealously can get out of hand and she can't let that go, it might get even worse. I say leave.
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
August 24 2010 16:35 GMT
#78
On August 23 2010 21:46 choboPEon wrote:
leave


This man is equal parts correct and succinct.

People need to learn that they need to afford others their privacy, and until she does she's not worth the time/effort
Moderator@SirJolt
zenMaster
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada761 Posts
August 24 2010 16:45 GMT
#79
On August 24 2010 21:24 OhJesusWOW wrote:
Women with trust issues are the worst thing a man could ever ask for. If I had to choose between the hottest bitch on the planet who had serious trust issues or a gunshot in the leg, I would take the gunshot.

Lack of trust almost always come from lack of self-esteem, so it's unlikely that hot bitches would have trust/confidence issues.
THE_DOMINATOR
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States309 Posts
August 24 2010 17:43 GMT
#80
On August 25 2010 01:45 zenMaster wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2010 21:24 OhJesusWOW wrote:
Women with trust issues are the worst thing a man could ever ask for. If I had to choose between the hottest bitch on the planet who had serious trust issues or a gunshot in the leg, I would take the gunshot.

Lack of trust almost always come from lack of self-esteem, so it's unlikely that hot bitches would have trust/confidence issues.

you don't talk to many women do you?
DOMINATION
Ndugu
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1078 Posts
August 24 2010 18:00 GMT
#81
Girls are crazy creepy bitches who can't accept your privacy whatsoever. This isn't really that unusual. Those who are saying otherwise are backseat driving from a car that has never had a girl in it.

Ka-blam.

Don't let shit like this bother you too much and do the minimum to keep her from getting irrationally worked out. Let her snopp if she feels she has to but let her know you think its retarded. It'll be fine.
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