EPTA quick question for Xeris - Would you say there's a decent amount of people ranging from ages say... 20-25? I know next to nothing about dating sites, and you said it also depends a bit on location...
online dating thoughts - Page 2
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Jugan
United States1566 Posts
A quick question for Xeris - Would you say there's a decent amount of people ranging from ages say... 20-25? I know next to nothing about dating sites, and you said it also depends a bit on location... | ||
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Severedevil
United States4835 Posts
On July 02 2010 17:15 valaki wrote: I don't know in 2010 why online dating sites don't implement some kind of small video introduction feature. I've not online dated, but it would be awesome to have a voice sample to go on, whether or not you get a video. | ||
micronesia
United States24637 Posts
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
On July 02 2010 20:13 Severedevil wrote: I've not online dated, but it would be awesome to have a voice sample to go on, whether or not you get a video. probably bandwidth | ||
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niteReloaded
Croatia5281 Posts
IRL, people will sometimes be nice just so that you don't judge them, when they don't really want to talk to you. Internet saves you time in this regard, and all you need to do is realize that some people simply won't like you. If you accept that, you're might actually end up appreciating the whole 'cut to the chase' thing. Tho you're right when you say that in some cases you will get blown off on the internet while you would've had the chance in public. | ||
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-Valor-
United States283 Posts
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Doctorasul
Romania1145 Posts
It's got a lot to do with luck, but you can influence your chances and your response frequency with your profile and, maybe more importantly, your messages. Keep your profile to the point and don't give away too much about yourself, you want to keep an air of mystery. What I did was I set goals for myself. My first goal was to create an initial message that would make the girl respond. It took about a month I think, but eventually I stumbled on a formula that worked and I got pretty regular responses even from model-type girls. No point in reproducing it here since you need it to be in sync with your personality, but what I found works well is humor (obvious enough). So I would ask them if they're really a hairy dude impresonating a girl or if they're tired of Italians offering them a luxurious life for being their secret mistress (common in Romania). Next phase was to chat on IM with any of them that wanted to and create a funny routine and funny, interesting responses to the most commom questions. So for example they would all ask at some point "so.. what is it you do?". To which I would say "I'll give you a hint - it's something lots of people are afraid of". Her: "Are you a cop?" Me: "What have you got to fear from cops? Maybe I should stay away from people like you..." She doesn't really want to know what you actually do. If you just straight out answer her questions you a missing on oportunities to HAVE FUN, and isn't that the point of trying to meet new people anyway? Ok so once I developed that routine I went to the next step, getting their phone number as soon as possible and doing the same routine, only this time on the phone. Lots of girls will give out their number even if they have boyfriends and even if you are a total stranger, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T BEG. Just joke around if she sais no and ask again, even more laid back than before! "Oh, so you ARE a man and you don't want me to hear your voice... wow, what a complete waste of time talking to you was.. " It's true that acting like you talk to hundreds of girls makes you more attractive and the best way to do that is to ACTUALLY talk to hundreds of girls. I think I chatted with 2-300 in less than a year - that's when you won't remember whatever random details some hot girl told you and you end up asking her "were you the one with the chihuahua or the crazy grandmother?" - and hot girls aren't used to guys not remembering them, which is why they will remember you! Eventually I realised that the more you chat with a girl, the less likely it is that she will give her number and the less likely it is that you will hit it off when you meet. Go through the phases - but unless you have a goal to practice, do not stagnate! Throw in a couple of jokes, tell her you're busy and you have to leave, ask for her number. When you get her number tell her you'll call sometime and then don't call for a few days at least - just keep her on her toes, don't be like every other guy. Eventually I met a girl that could actually carry an intelligent conversation for more than 2 sentences AND she was cute! And we're still together, which goes to show good things can come from these sites. Depending on your level you might want to jump over the practicing routines bit, it's something I needed for myself at the time. The point is practice makes perfect but always have a goal! This post was meant to be more structured but I ended up rambling a bit.. please ask stuff if you think I can help or are interested in details. | ||
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Happy.fairytail
United States327 Posts
Everything she said was like "ya you seem super cool lets meet up when I get back" to all of a sudden deleting her account and not bothering to say something like "hey, not interested" or anything. I thought that was really rude - nobody would really do that in real life. Heh, not true. I bumped into a high school acquiantance through my job, and I asked her for lunch three times but she kept blowing me off, even though she was really good about answering my emails?? It was pretty lame considering how both she and I had significant others -- I just wanted to catch up, wth lol. In fact, I feel like majority of girls would rather not tell you straight up, and just be all avoiding you instead, hoping you "get the hint". | ||
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Energies
Australia3225 Posts
I'd always flirt with girls over the phone, mostly innocently. It was amazing the number of people I met through a friendly email like "Thanks for all your help/Thanks for your enquiry, you stay awesome!" which would lead into a friendly phone call days or weeks down the track, at which point my phone slut skills typically kicked in. Even in a professional phone call, I almost never start talking about work straight away, I always chit chat and talk about random stuff, I try not to take life too seriously anymore. After the second/third phone call I'd bring up a stupid subject which would involve me having to show them a photo and be like "oh, I have it on my Facebook, I'll send you the link later". I would have usually mentioned a short funny story involving one of my trips which I'd pick a random goofy photo to link. 80-90% of the time if I have had enough interaction with the person they'd add me to comment, which would cement familiarity opening the path to asking them out for a drink or mutual gathering. I mentioned the above because I have a question. I got to speak to these girls because it was a part of my job to, so the avenue was already set, I didn't have to go looking for them. There are a lot of people working in a lot of industries, and depending on the department I am talking to, anywhere between 10-50% could be female and my age. I believe I could transfer those skills. but I never like giving the impression of "I'd like to meet you/get to know you". And that seems to be automatically implied in online dating. For the same reason I don't like clubs and bars and prefer meeting people through friends of friends at parties etc, because in my head I am there to hang out with my friends, meeting new people is just a result not the goal. How can I avoid that implication which seems to develops a negative needy loop in my head and stunts my confidence? | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
On July 02 2010 18:10 Jugan wrote: This was a great read, and thanks a lot for the advice Kennigit (it was very helpful reading what you said, especially about the long term investments). A quick question for Xeris - Would you say there's a decent amount of people ranging from ages say... 20-25? I know next to nothing about dating sites, and you said it also depends a bit on location... TONS (in general) ... although as I said, in Washington D.C. for example, there were hardly any people who had accounts, maybe that's changed though but I was only checking it out at the end of 2009. | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
On July 02 2010 17:04 Kennigit wrote: Big wall of Kennigit text Yea that was definitely helpful, and I agree. I think I still have a long way to go, and I probably will pursue it again in the future, I'm just looking for a break so I can change my mentality a little bit so I don't get too wrapped up in stuff (I.E. getting bummed out when someone I pegged as "awesome" gg's me) . On July 02 2010 17:43 zatic wrote: Most dating websites aren't elite enough for me. I don't really understand the reason why you stopped. Wouldn't over obsessing easier to overcome online than in real life? Well, I just think that obsessing over some online thing is just a bad idea in general, it makes more sense to obsess about someone I've already met and think is great and start liking rather than become obsessed with an online picture and a profile. I'm not saying that the second kind of obsessing is good, but it's more understandable... so I'm taking a breather, I guess. | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
On July 03 2010 00:01 Energies wrote: I mentioned the above because I have a question. I got to speak to these girls because it was a part of my job to, so the avenue was already set, I didn't have to go looking for them. There are a lot of people working in a lot of industries, and depending on the department I am talking to, anywhere between 10-50% could be female and my age. I believe I could transfer those skills. but I never like giving the impression of "I'd like to meet you/get to know you". And that seems to be automatically implied in online dating. For the same reason I don't like clubs and bars and prefer meeting people through friends of friends at parties etc, because in my head I am there to hang out with my friends, meeting new people is just a result not the goal. How can I avoid that implication which seems to develops a negative needy loop in my head and stunts my confidence? I may not be the best person for this kind of advice - but honestly what I do when there's something about myself I want to work on, especially social things like this... I just go for it and see what happens. I'll give an example... so I'm generally introverted. I moved out to D.C, obviously didn't know anybody. I was working in a think tank, and we had a sort of 'intern area' where the 6-7 interns sat. The first few days I didn't talk to anyone, the other interns had been there for awhile and knew each other already, etc. So one day I just sat in this other girl's seat (she hadn't arrived at work yet) to provoke conversation. It could have ended badly with her getting insulted, etc... but it ended up getting us talking, and from then on I was really sociable with everyone there. Similarly, with online dating, I think my first date I was really nervous and it didn't go as well as it could have because of my own nerves. I asked myself later "what was the point of being so nervous," and on subsequent dates I just kept telling myself to be myself. I didn't pump myself up beforehand, I just went in super casually and was myself. And my subsequent dates went a lot better. So I guess I'd say, just force yourself to do something uncomfortable, it generally works for me. And even if it doesn't work, at least you had the courage to give it a try. It's really a win/win. **EDIT** Another reason I'm taking a break from that site is because I feel like I've exhausted the pool of girls there, like I've seen everyone's profile already, messaged everyone worth messaging, etc. Also, question for Kennigit: if you send someone a message once, and she doesn't reply, is it a good idea to send another message at some point down the line (someone I had messaged a few months ago, and she replied, but didn't reply a second time... would it have been smart to message her again like "hey, I'm giving this another shot" or something?) | ||
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Energies
Australia3225 Posts
If you get no response after a while send another message asking for your turtle back. | ||
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speedphlux
Bulgaria962 Posts
I saw an opinion saying "that sort of sites are not elite enough for me" and that's a completely spot-on opinion IMHO. Fact is, a lot of people have interenet. Fact is, there are a lot of people from that lot of people that are using online dating sites. But none of these sites actually test you out before they let you in. A simple IQ test would made a world of difference ! Yes, you can probably cheat those, but if you want a date, you're 101 times better off by being HONEST. | ||
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DarthThienAn
United States2734 Posts
On July 02 2010 20:51 d3_crescentia wrote: has your online dating experience made you any more susceptible to my homosexual advances??? I need to know soon LOL WAT PETER. so creepy man. | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
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