So after about a year, my ex is coming back home for a week to see her parents. We have been really close ever since high school, and shes currently getting her masters in science.
Over the passed year shes: - moved on - moved in with a new boyfriend.
I've: - gained about 30 pounds - grown a double chin - moved into a bus rv outside of my parents house(my dad calls it "failure to launch") - won 24 cans of monster energy drink from Starcraft 2 CEVO(yay)
Ive got 2 weeks to look like less of a fat slob. So far every day since I heard of her arrival I've been going for runs.
I need help! I've thought of
1. Do some crazy 2 week work out and diet. 2. Wear lots of heavy clothes to conceal my new round figure. 3. Pay my pretty lady friends to pretend they are my girlfriends. 4.Pretend I won't be home for the week and hide in my bus. 5. Download and install WOW to drown my sorrows.
Any advice, words of encouragement, or even negative trolling is appreciated.
edit: epic movie trailer by BroOd
On June 26 2010 04:57 BroOd wrote: I wrote the trailer to your movie
INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY
VO Meet CheAse. His life isn’t going exactly as planned
Dad frowns as CheAse rifles through the fridge in his underwear
DAD This isn’t just a failure to launch, it’s like the god-damned Challenger explosion all over again.
CHEASE (with a mouthful of food) Get off my case, Dad
CheAse lugs the armful of snacks out the front door to his trailer home
VO But this summer, he’s going to get one more chance with the girl who got away
INT. GIRL’S DORM – NIGHT
On phone:
GIRLFRIEND Yeah, I’m coming home over break, I’d really like to see you again. You know, to catch up. We’ll always be friends, right?
VO Now CheAse has two weeks to go from zero… to Hero.
INT. GYM – DAY
CheAse hits the gym, falls off the treadmill in exhaustion and flops onto the ground. Two attractive girls walk past, giggling.
CheAse I, uh, dropped a contact
VO But sometimes it’s not about what you look like, it’s about who you are inside
EXT. NIGHT – GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE
As it rains:
CheAse But Amber, I love you!
Amber looks out the window, crying, before slowly closing the curtain. CheAse falls to his knees.
CheAse NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
VO This summer, learn to fall in love all over again…
EXT. CHEASE’S TRAILER
LARRY Look CheAse, you’re my best friend, but this is crazy! What do you think is gonna happen? She doesn’t love you anymore.
CheAse You’re wrong. She does love me, and I’m going to prove it, no matter what.
Larry She’s getting married in two days, cross country. You’ll never make it man. Face it, you’re going to be a lonely internet slob forever.
CheAse You’re wrong. You’re all wrong!
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
CheAse speeds along the highway, airdrumming to AC/DC’s highway to hell
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Amber and Bruce stand at the altar, smiling, when CheAse busts through the door.
CheAse I OBJECT!
Congregation gasps.
VO Jonah Hill, Ellen Page with Christopher Walken and Tracy Morgan in, “Home Is Where the CheAse Is”
lmao failure to launch! dude ur screwed 2 weeks isn't enough time to lose some serious weight. But why do you care what she thinks of you if shes your ex?
Just remember it's your choice whether you want to see her or not. Also, you sound like you're trying too hard, she's moved on and now might be a good time for you to start thinking about the same.
I don't know how much two weeks of training is gonna do. Maybe you should take a little pride in yourself and how you look and start living healthier and working out for yourself instead of your ex's.
I checked out TL Health and Fitness Initiative 2010, some really good info, but right now I've got 2 weeks of panic.
I know I shouldn't care this much about my ex, but the truth is I am quite insecure. Plus right now I'm kind of ashamed of how I look. I have kinda let myself go over the past year at school.
edit: The picture in my profile pic is not real unfortunately =( . But it was pretty baller at the time as a fake.
Don't see her if you feel bad about yourself. Tell her you're busy but you'll make it up to her next time. Then work out so you don't feel like shit about yourself. I would say it takes at least 3-6 months to see any serious improvements.
On June 26 2010 03:55 Megalisk wrote: You can always take the unhealty route and starve yourself. Do you really want to lose weight that fast?
I def won't be starving myself. A long time ago when I was working really hard to get into shape I ended up fainting because I worked out too much with too little food.
My best advice would be to make a good attempt at getting yourself back on track health wise and maybe deal with the whole trailer in the back yard thing if economically feasible. If she has moved on and has gotten a boyfriend etc. then I wouldn't be super concerned about what she thinks of you. I know its a pride thing, but sometimes its good to face reality. How can you find a newer, better girl if you are ashamed to see the old one who already knows you? Basically don't worry about the ex, you obviously want to improve yourself, why not do it for yourself instead of the girl that got away?
In 2 weeks all you can do is lose water weight -- which, granted, can actually make you look really good. If you're serious about this then eat only vegetables (no carbs at all) and lean meats (no red meat, just chicken and fish). No rice, no bread, no pasta, no sugars, no soda, no salt, no butter. Just straight up veggies and chicken/fish. Run 30 minutes a day. Then do circuit training -- push ups, situps, squat thrusts should cover most of it.
She is long gone.. a year and she lives with a guy? Common man. Freaking out and trying to lose weight in 2 weeks won't reverse the fact that you STILL haven't moved on and that you live in a bus. That doesn't exactly exude attraction with girls... she isn't going to dump her roommate/boyfriend and declare that she is getting back with you out of pity... that never happens man.
2 weeks? beta will be back. Ignore her and drink those energy drinks playing sc2 in your bus.
On June 26 2010 04:09 SoManyDeadLings wrote: You must either be terribly and insecurely pathetic (find a higher motivation, please) or a really good troll.
I'll decide again after 2 more pages of trolled/bad "advice".
dude, what are you talking about? probably 80% (way too generous of a guess here) of the entire human population are obsessed with their relations to the opposite sex. its not like its abnormal for him to be in that state.
i dont know who you are, though, so it could be that you dont belong into that group of people and are serious with what you said. in that case im all with you. a human being is defined by character, by its ability to reason, so giving basic animalistic instincts so much power in your decisions should be avoided.
On June 26 2010 04:10 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 1. move. 2. the 3. fuck 4. on.
She is long gone.. a year and she lives with a guy? Common man. Freaking out and trying to lose weight in 2 weeks won't reverse the fact that you STILL haven't moved on and that you live in a bus. That doesn't exactly exude attraction with girls... she isn't going to dump her roommate/boyfriend and declare that she is getting back with you out of pity... that never happens man.
2 weeks? beta will be back. Ignore her and drink those energy drinks playing sc2 in your bus.
This.
Why do yo ucare what she thinks about you? You're clearly still stuck on her, when she couldn't care less.
Improve your situtation such that you can respect yourself. Don't bother with other people's opinions; yours is the only one that matters. If you like your bus and playing SC2, then you are happy with who you are, and that should be good enough for anyone.
iNcontroL nailed it from start to finish. She really doesn't care and nor should you. Don't engage in some kind of petty "look how well im doing without you" nonsense, if you wanna prove anything not giving a fuck is always a blow for exs. Anything you wanna change about yourself should be something you wanna do anyway, not something for a chance encounter with an ex. Continue your life like you do the rest of the year as if she ain't a major factor, because frankly she aint.
On June 26 2010 04:10 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 1. move. 2. the 3. fuck 4. on.
She is long gone.. a year and she lives with a guy? Common man. Freaking out and trying to lose weight in 2 weeks won't reverse the fact that you STILL haven't moved on and that you live in a bus. That doesn't exactly exude attraction with girls... she isn't going to dump her roommate/boyfriend and declare that she is getting back with you out of pity... that never happens man.
2 weeks? beta will be back. Ignore her and drink those energy drinks playing sc2 in your bus.
As always, iNcontroL offers blunt yet astute advice. Just move on with your life, don't take an unhealthy method of losing weight, commit to it for a long period of time and you'll be much better with your life. And yes, SC2 beta in 2 weeks. Hallelujah.
I am a insecure person. A year before now I was proud and respected myself. After a year I became in a bit of a slump, and not proud or happy with what I have become. Also makes me not want her, or anyone, to see this side of me until I am happy with it.
just ignore that bitch, maybe try for a quickie, serenade her possibly, you could also knock that bitch the fuck out and rape her, alternatively you can just ignore her.
On June 26 2010 04:26 CheAse wrote: I am a insecure person. A year before now I was proud and respected myself. After a year I became in a bit of a slump, and not proud or happy with what I have become. Also makes me not want her, or anyone, to see this side of me until I am happy with it.
So get your act together. You know the problem and the solution, so what's the hang up?
On June 26 2010 04:26 CheAse wrote: I am a insecure person. A year before now I was proud and respected myself. After a year I became in a bit of a slump, and not proud or happy with what I have become. Also makes me not want her, or anyone, to see this side of me until I am happy with it.
That is ok man but recognize the issue runs deeper than a 2 week fix. You put on weight, ok, take the initiative to lose it in a healthy manner. That can do WONDERS for your confidence.. but DON'T do it for HER because that will leave you as empty as before.. she won't give you the reaction you will want to make it "worth" it. Do it for yourself and if she notices "great" but don't let that be the end all be all. Go running in the morning, get a gym membership and hit that every other day. Watch what you eat (don't drink those energy drinks) and start socializing a bit. All these things will crush the insecurity over time and make you proud to be you.. loathing yourself and obsessing over a long gone ex is going to do nothing but make things worse.
On June 26 2010 04:10 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 2 weeks? beta will be back. Ignore her and drink those energy drinks playing sc2 in your bus.
On June 26 2010 04:32 {88}iNcontroL wrote: Do it for yourself and if she notices "great" but don't let that be the end all be all. Go running in the morning, get a gym membership and hit that every other day. Watch what you eat (don't drink those energy drinks) and start socializing a bit.
It's like a case of Jekyll and Hyde haha, incontrol your advice is awesome. I vote the latter opinion though. I can completely understand your opinion because I can relate pretty well, but once you move on it is so much better for yourself.
Be skeptical of some of the criticism you're getting in this thread. Even if trying to look presentable to your ex is not the greatest reason to start a rigorous diet and exercise program (and it's not even obvious that it is, if you still consider each other good friends), if that's what it takes to get you to get off your ass and out the door then it's a good reason.
On June 26 2010 04:26 CheAse wrote: I am a insecure person. A year before now I was proud and respected myself. After a year I became in a bit of a slump, and not proud or happy with what I have become. Also makes me not want her, or anyone, to see this side of me until I am happy with it.
The problem with waiting until you are happy with yourself before "presenting" yourself is that you may not get there for a long, long time. I understand the sentiment of not showing your ugly self to the world out of a sense of pride, but hiding will also make it harder to change yourself - if nobody is going to see you, then why bother? I'm sure you have noticed this by now. Sometimes it's just better to be honest. If a visit from an old friend is inspiring you to get your rear in gear, then embrace the opportunity. Don't avoid it.
VO Meet CheAse. His life isn’t going exactly as planned
Dad frowns as CheAse rifles through the fridge in his underwear
DAD This isn’t just a failure to launch, it’s like the god-damned Challenger explosion all over again.
CHEASE (with a mouthful of food) Get off my case, Dad
CheAse lugs the armful of snacks out the front door to his trailer home
VO But this summer, he’s going to get one more chance with the girl who got away
INT. GIRL’S DORM – NIGHT
On phone:
GIRLFRIEND Yeah, I’m coming home over break, I’d really like to see you again. You know, to catch up. We’ll always be friends, right?
VO Now CheAse has two weeks to go from zero… to Hero.
INT. GYM – DAY
CheAse hits the gym, falls off the treadmill in exhaustion and flops onto the ground. Two attractive girls walk past, giggling.
CheAse I, uh, dropped a contact
VO But sometimes it’s not about what you look like, it’s about who you are inside
EXT. NIGHT – GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE
As it rains:
CheAse But Amber, I love you!
Amber looks out the window, crying, before slowly closing the curtain. CheAse falls to his knees.
CheAse NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
VO This summer, learn to fall in love all over again…
EXT. CHEASE’S TRAILER
LARRY Look CheAse, you’re my best friend, but this is crazy! What do you think is gonna happen? She doesn’t love you anymore.
CheAse You’re wrong. She does love me, and I’m going to prove it, no matter what.
Larry She’s getting married in two days, cross country. You’ll never make it man. Face it, you’re going to be a lonely internet slob forever.
CheAse You’re wrong. You’re all wrong!
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
CheAse speeds along the highway, airdrumming to AC/DC’s highway to hell
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Amber and Bruce stand at the altar, smiling, when CheAse busts through the door.
CheAse I OBJECT!
Congregation gasps.
VO Jonah Hill, Ellen Page with Christopher Walken and Tracy Morgan in, “Home Is Where the CheAse Is”
Hahaha, this is such win. Did it take you all 2 pages of posts to write that up? This definitely needs a sequel written up for it, Brood can you get on that?
On June 26 2010 04:29 arb wrote: going to agree with inc
she has a new bf
just ignore that bitch, maybe try for a quickie, serenade her possibly, you could also knock that bitch the fuck out and rape her, alternatively you can just ignore her.
but do wahtever
Inc may have nailed it twice, but this is actually a pretty decent response as well.
On June 26 2010 04:10 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 1. move. 2. the 3. fuck 4. on.
She is long gone.. a year and she lives with a guy? Common man. Freaking out and trying to lose weight in 2 weeks won't reverse the fact that you STILL haven't moved on and that you live in a bus. That doesn't exactly exude attraction with girls... she isn't going to dump her roommate/boyfriend and declare that she is getting back with you out of pity... that never happens man.
2 weeks? beta will be back. Ignore her and drink those energy drinks playing sc2 in your bus.
I don't think its just about getting back together lol, he probably just feels like shit to think about her seeing him in his current state.
Which imo, is a correct and proper response. You should feel pathetic, which is good, because that should be the motivation for you to stop being pathetic.
Just saw this, work out, try to make her date you instead for the first 2-3 days(3 MAX) and if it doesn't work then move on and tell her you've seen the error in your ways and are ready to just be friends now(etc., etc. ). Or you could be like the french dude in the latest suite life of Zack and Cody on disney channel(NOTHING ON WAAAAAH! ) and be really persistent in getting her to like you. Make her laugh, if you have good drawing skills then draw a painting of her(really nice one) next to her boyfriend with her boyfriend looking like a total nerd and then draw a version of one where the boyfriend looks the way Amber sees him. If this doesn't work, nothing will except somehow taking her away to Paris and making her date you there.
edit: BUT DON'T TELL HER YOU TOOK ADVICE FROM A 8th GRADER!
On June 26 2010 04:26 CheAse wrote: I am a insecure person. A year before now I was proud and respected myself. After a year I became in a bit of a slump, and not proud or happy with what I have become. Also makes me not want her, or anyone, to see this side of me until I am happy with it.
how about you use this insecurity and make it so you'll feel better about yourself, and stop trying to prepare all this for her, and just prepare it for you!
On June 26 2010 06:06 3FFA wrote: Just saw this, work out, try to make her date you instead for the first 2-3 days(3 MAX) and if it doesn't work then move on and tell her you've seen the error in your ways and are ready to just be friends now(etc., etc. ). Or you could be like the french dude in the latest suite life of Zack and Cody on disney channel(NOTHING ON WAAAAAH! ) and be really persistent in getting her to like you. Make her laugh, if you have good drawing skills then draw a painting of her(really nice one) next to her boyfriend with her boyfriend looking like a total nerd and then draw a version of one where the boyfriend looks the way Amber sees him. If this doesn't work, nothing will except somehow taking her away to Paris and making her date you there.
edit: BUT DON'T TELL HER YOU TOOK ADVICE FROM A 8th GRADER!
Also, don't take advice from an 8th grader. Taking relationship advice out of the disney channel is never going to be in your best interests. Like ever.
Oh god that trailer was just perfect. Like I could seriously SEE and HEAR that all in my head and it was just.... wow what win. Christopher Walken as the dad right? ROFL, gold.
And zero to hero? Jesus where do you come up with this. XD
Experienced a well not similar but related thing tonight. I was having a bbq with some old bw friends and the guy who hosted had a neighbour who had been dumped really really recently so we figured that it was better for her to drink with us than drink alone or something of that nature. Anyways she starts to hit on me but unfortunately asks my age plus whats too young for me. I answer 1988 and apparently that was too old (or she was too young) so I failed and she made out with my buddy who have alreay nailed her sister. Anyway my point is just ignore her, there is always someone else to hook up with and if there is no one, get drunk and there will be. Hopefully you'll be to drunk to remember who.
Ok a sub par post by me but I already wrote it so I'll post it anyway. Also I should sober up.
My advice would be to just move on from her. She is clearly not worth giving any thought to.
But on the other hand, you clearly seem to be insecure and critical about your weight and general fitness and life situation..these things seem to matter to you, so I would do something about it anyway!
Why are you seeing her? If she moved on with another guy, I don't see a reason for her to see you at all. I don't see a reason for you to see her either.
On June 26 2010 21:37 Ghardo wrote: hahahahahahah omg brood's trailer was totally unexpected for this kind of everyday girl problem thread but all the more epiiiiiiiiiiiic
i could like really imagine it in my head with all the drama, the music, the suprised faces at the end - excellent!
You could like imagine it? Even Germans talk like valley girls now I guess, I think you're spending too much time on the internet ...
You have 2 weeks to improve your rank, eventually becoming a Progamer and appearing on TV. By then you may laugh at her and she'll wonder how good those fingers are.
Btw what Inc said, just move on. You keep staying where you are you're not gonna get anywhere in life.
EPT
) and be really persistent in getting her to like you. Make her laugh, if you have good drawing skills then draw a painting of her(really nice one) next to her boyfriend with her boyfriend looking like a total nerd and then draw a version of one where the boyfriend looks the way Amber sees him. If this doesn't work, nothing will except somehow taking her away to Paris and making her date you there. 
