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Ok... Pfff... How to start this...
I guess I'll tell you a little about myself first, this being my first blog and all. It's in the spoiler, if you care to know.
+ Show Spoiler +My name is Alex, or Alexander it you want to get professional, heh.
I'm 19 years old, and I'll be 20 in September [the best month].
I'm a part-time employee at Johnny Brusco's New York Style Pizza.
I live in Concord North Carolina, and I live with my Dad, Step-Mom, and two younger step-siblings [one brother, one sister].
Currently, I'm enrolled at Central Piedmont Community College, studying my core classes so I can amount the 15 credits I need to get into the military.
So, having a little background info... onward with my spewing of essentially pointless ranting and rambling. Well, to you anyways 
I guess it all started years ago, in my 10th grade English class. At the time, I was living In Florida, not North Carolina, and I was with my Mom, Step-Dad, and biological Brother.
It was my first day in this class. I was still relatively new to the school, and there were a lot of people I didn't know. I already had a friend in the class, from the year before, so that was a good thing I suppose.
Well... time went on, the days passed as anyone would expect. Smoking pot after school, playing video games, hanging out; the usual highschool shit.
About two weeks or so into this class, I had become pretty comfortable with it. I had many new friends, the teacher was really cool... I couldn't really ask for much else, right? Parents still paying my bills, free pot, and the list goes on. I had it good.
Well, I was out at lunch one day, kickin' the shit with my best bud Joey. I was one of the loner/skater kids, so probaby needless to say, hacky-sack passed my lunch time more often than not.
But today was different. There was a girl. I forget exactly what happened, but basically, we had started talking, and didn't really stop. I mean, I had talked to her before, and she was a pretty cool chick, so I was thinking, shit, I'll take a cool friend with big tits. Hell yea, right? Yea, that's what I was thinking too!
So, again, the days passed as expected. More pot smoking, more video game playing [Starcraft wrecked my grades :D] and more mooching from the parents.
Another week or two passed, and surely enough, I was out at lunch, kickin' the hack around with my buddies, but decided to call it GG a littl early today. So I went to sit and chill for the last however long til the bell rang, so I talked to this girl so more.
Well, the bell rang, and I gave out my usual hugs, daps, brofists, and everything of the sort to everyone. I started walking towards my locker, when from behind me I heard my name. It was her! She had come up to me to tell me to tell me that she really liked to talk with me and hang out, so I was pretty much like, "...Okay...? I like hangin' out with you too." And then, she just stood there, staring into my eyes and flooding my soul. Immediately butterflies began to fill my stomach. My blood turned into a river; my heart was pounding. I knew what it meant. I knew right then, exactly what had to be done, so I grabbed her hand, and leaned in to kiss her. It was probably the most vivid memory I've had, ever.
So I walked to class, my skin tense from the excitement. I knew that she was mine now. I was smiling so much, my cheeks started to hurt. The only way I can describe it is through the following lyrics:
'A classroom circle slowly drifts on...
I knew right then I'd carve your name, so I...'
- 36 Crazy Fists, Left Hand Charity
So that was it. I had my girl.
Well, lets fast-forward a bit. I'm now dropped out of school shortly after starting my 11th grade year. We are still dating, though we did have our issues, as any couple does.
She lived with her Mom, Step-Dad, and little Brother. Her Step-Dad. This fucking guy. What a bag of shit. Criminals have more of a moral ethic than this fucking guy. I despised him with all of my being. He... fucking hell I don't even want to talk about him. Suffice it to say, he was the worst part of her life by far.
After putting up with so much of his shit, she decided to GG it. My Mom let her move in with us. Yea, my Mom is a fucking cool ass Mom.
So she moved in. Oh man... I had it made. My girlfrend was living in the next room over, and had birth control [hurp derp?]. I was smoking pot, was out of school... basically, I was getting everything and not having to do anything for it. I was spoiled rotten, basically.
Well, we moved from our house to a cheaper, better house across town. She, of course, moved with us. Helping us pack, unpack, she cooked from time-to-time... She did a lot more than I did, to be honest. But she is a woman, that's her job! [Jay Kay Gais -_-]
Well, my life basically kept this path for... I don't know... months and months.
To set the tone of this blog, I was listening to this.
+ Show Spoiler +
Then... one day... I looked at myself in the mirror, fresh out of the shower, and thought to myself, "Alex... what the fuck bro. You have always hated people like this. You are a slacker, a mooch, a horrible son, a horrible boyfriend, and - most likely - a horrible Man. You have no job, do almost nothing for your girlfriend, who loves you to 'death'. You help little to none with hosuehold chores. All the fuck you do all day is sit around playing video games, smoking pot, and eating food. You are a fucking disgrace."
Well... This got my mind going on so many levels I can't even explain them all in the 10,000 word limit, as hard as I may try. Basically, I set a goal to improve myself and become a better person.
I found out very quickly that I couldn't do this, atleast not on my own. I was to weak. I could not pass up smoking weed when all my friends did it, I mean come on dude, how can you say no when the blunt is right there? I couldn't steer myself away from video games. I had absolutely no motivation what-so-ever to look for a job... It just wasn't working.
So, I went for a walk one day. I was out for... I don't even remember how long. I took a seat in some random place, and thought about my life, long and hard. I had to change. I loved my girl to much to be 'that guy'. My Mom and Step-Dad had their own problems, financial mostly, and my mooching and eating and smoking their money wasn't helping anyone.
It really depressed me, so I started drinking. It was only a little at first, but the nit turned into asking my Mom or my girlfriend for $5 every damn day to go buy some cheap ass beer to get drunk. It was a problem, and I knew it. My life was in shambles, and it was all my fault. I should have been happy. I got to fuck my girl whenever I wanted. I got free weed, food, water, etc etc. But I just wasn't happy. I needed to be happy with myself. I was an absolute mess, and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. The more depressed I got, the more 'pain' I held inside. I didn't want to seem weak infront of my friends, family, or for that matter, I didn't want to see myself be weak.
Time passed, and the problem just got worse. I could not avoid temptation...
I laid two options on the table for myself... One, I could do the unspeakably greedy, selfish, senseless act that had plagued my mind for some time. It would be so easy. Take all my brothers medication for his epilepsy. I would be out like a light, and never turned back on. Or, option Two, I call the one, single person who I know I share more with than any other. The one person who I have loved, hated, despised, admired, feared, respected... My Dad. I could call my Dad and see if he can help me. I obviously choose the sensible option, seeing as how this blog is here.
I asked him if I could live with him for a while. I told him a little bit about my problems and everything of the nature. He did what any loving parent would do, and opened his doors to me. He showed me what I mean to him.
Well, afte rmy mind was made up, and the date was set for him to come and get me and all my belongings, I finally told my family. It was roughly a week befor emy departure that I told them, prior to that, they knew absolutely nothing. I knew if I told them they would somehow convince me to stay, and my life would stay the same. I had to convince myself it was for the better.
So, of course, upon news of my decision, some supported it and some opposed. Others opposed strongly, to say it in so many words.
Well... my Dad came and got me and everything I wanted to take with me. I parted with my single most valued possession. A blanket my Dad got me years ago. I left it with none other than the one person who I wanted to have it - my girl.
After everything was said and done, and I was here in North Carolina, my life picked up very quickly. In the first two months, I had my license, health insurance, and was on the prowl for work. I was planning on the military, but I ran in to so many road blocks... but, I have had more progress here than there, ya know? In the 8-9 months I have lived here, I have a license, insurance [car and health], I have a job, I am enrolled in college... so, I would say it was the right decision. However... there is one thing I don't have. Yup. You guessed it, a girlfriend.
I'm not exactly sure what happened... but as time passed, we stopped talking. I didn't call her, she didn't call me. After the first few months, the only communication we had was a few bullshit myspace messages, which I usually just blew off for a later date, only to end up forgetting, being in the struggle of the job search, college registration, and all the good stuff about becoming an 'adult'.
Well... I guess this really, really bothered her, as it should. I stopped showing interest.
At some point, she was fed up with it and I got a message on my mysapce basically saying that we were thru. I didn't know what to do. I tried to IM her, and nothing. I called her the next day or maybe the day after; as soon as I got the chance.
As it turns out, I'm a horrible communicator. I don't know how to do it good enough or often enough or both or... I don't know exactly, like I said, but I'm bad at it.
I admitted my wrongs. I knew almost immediately that I had fucked up. It was my fault and we both knew it.
But there is one thing that I still don't understand... her and I have talked about it, but I try to steer away from it, just trying to make her happy enough to take me back. I was not the only one lacking in the effort department. I got no phone calls from her, granted she would have to call my Dad's cell. None the less, she didn't even try. She rarely got on yahoo, and evern when she did, she uses some program that doesn't let her show as invisible, so I wouldn't know anyways. Minus the... I'll be liberal and say 15 - myspace messages, she gave no effort either. So I guess I just want to udnerstand... you know? I want to be better for her, but I don't know how...
On that note, a little bit about some recent events. Well, since the day she broke up with me and gave me a chance to 'prove I am worth her time' I have been online [yahoo and myspace] every, single night, barring my internet wasn't down, or someone else wasn't on the computer. I have called her more often. Not everday, or even every week, but atleast trying, you know? I don't have a cell, and there is no land-line at my house, so I have to kind of get lucky with my Dad being home, having his phone charged, and her not being at work, or having her phone turned off. It's hard to match them all up, ya know?
Anyways... shortly after breaking up with me, she starts hanging out with her friends, or maybe just hanging out more often, or maybe just finally telling me about it, I'm not sure. But, shortly after the break-up, she tells me - and I can't remember the order of these events, but just read on - that she is going to go hang out with this guy Mike at some hookah bar, and basically just hang out. Well, I have no idea who Mike is, and I already don't like him. He is taking the girl who tells me she loves me and who cries about me, out on... basically, a date. Eating, doing whatever they did, I don't know.
Well, I tell her that I was none to happy about it. I mean, come on... would you be happy if the girl you love broke up with you and essentially went on a date with some guy who you have never even met? Well, she kind of was like... meh, whatever sorry. Ya, I know. Real sincere right?
So a week or two, or maybe even three passed by, and I was online to talk to her one night. Well... she didn't show, so I was a little curious.
The next night when she got on, she told me that she was out with this guy James. Again, someone whom I have never met. And, apparently, they were out at a bar, drinking free beer, playing pool all night. So... basically, instead of coming home and talking to me, the guy she says she loves and all this good stuff, or even coming home to tell me she was going out, she just doesn't say a thing and tells me about it the next night.
So I don't understand how she can say she loves me and I mean so much to her and I'm not worth her time, if she won't give enough of it to me to prove her wrong.
Now, understand. I am a very jealous guy. I don't mind certain things, as long as I know about them and all this good stuff, but going out on two different 'dates' wth two different guys, neither of which I even know? That just seems fucked up. How can you love someone so much, or say you do, and do that? What the fuck?
I know I hype myself up about a lot of things she does, or rather doesn't do. Examples... Well, she also works and goes to school, so I know how busy her schedule is, but it still just makes me mad when I sit and think about it. I am on here everynight waiting for her, and she gets on two, maybe three times a week. She still doesn't call me. She still says little to nothing outside of yahoo.
She says how bad I am [or was?] at communication, but I am still on this fucking computer, every night, waiting for her.
Just the other day, we were talking for a little bit. She was doing homework, so it wasn't much, but it was something. So she finished her homework and it picked up a bit, but then, shortly there-after, she decided watch Ru-Paul [some faggot drag queen] was more entertaining than giving me the time of day.
I try to send little hints that I want to talk, but I guess she doesn't pick up on it. I really don't want to have to tell her to talk to me, cause that kind of defeats the purpose...
Everything I do is basically revolving around her. She is one of the reasons I moved up here. I had[/u] to better myself. I had to be a real man before I can be a real boyfriend. I only get maybe 3 to 5 hours of sleep every night because I can't stop thinking about her. I try to think of anything I can do to make her happy or let her know how I feel, or anything like that.
I love her so much, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just tell her everything I have written here, or if I should try to play the cool card and just let it in day by day, or if I should keep doing what I'm doing... I just don't know.
I mean, how can I win? She says I need to prove myself, but how? I didn't do anything special - to my knowledge - to make her love me the first time, so what the fuck do I do? I just want her to love me like I love her, but I don't honestly think she could even comprehend that emotion. I mean, not to under-estimate her feelings, but she just doesn't know. She can't know, can she? She shattered my entire world with one message on myspace. And I know it hurt her, but I don't think she can understand how it's hurt me.
We've broken up... 3 times now? And each time, it's been her call. I've been guttered, dumped, whatever the fuck you want to call it, by the same girl. The girl who says the loves me. The girl who I wish I could make happy.
She said that it was really hard to break up with me, but I don't know if I can believe that. I don't know if she just wanted to get my attention, or if she wanted to 'whip' me, or if she realized she doesn't love me like she thought she did, or what. I mean, if it was really as hard as she said, why didn't she just call me? Why didn't she do everything she could to avoid it?
I don't know guys... I just...
Fuck man...
Fuck Fuck Fuck.
I hate this shit. The more I think about her, the more depressed I get because I know she could go out and do whatever she wants, and not only can I not stop her, or talk her out of it, she wouldn't care if I tried.
We we're talking a while back about the thing with those 2 guys she went out to date, or hang out with or whatever, and I was telling her how I didn't like that she did it and that it hurt me, and she goes, "Well, I hate to sound mean or whatever, but you don't really have that authority over me, you aren't my boyfriend." What the fuck? Seriously? You say you love me and you sa you want to be with me, but my words don't mean a fucking thing unless we're dating? I'm not genius, but I don't think that's how love works. I would never even think of doing anything remoteley like that. If she didn't want me to talk to the girls at my work, I wouldn't do it. If she didn't want me to wear white socks, I'd go buy new socks. Do you get what I'm saying? I just don't understand it...
Like I said... I know I hype these things up by sitting and thinking about it, and if you ask her she'd tell you I'm just trying to play the puty game with myself. You know, 'Woe is me' and all that jazz, but I refuse to accept that. She only thinks this because she isn't in my shoes. I didn't set her on the curb and walk away. She isn't the bad guy. She doesn't have to do a fucking thing except sit back and watch and wait to see what I do and decide if it's good enough for her...
I just...
-deep breath-
I just wish I knew what to do I guess... I feel like I'm not good enough; like no matter what I do, that can be done, won't be enough. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't really have to prove myself in the first place.
It has to say something that I got up and took control of my life, right? Shouldn't that count for something?
Oh man...
3,600 words according ot Microsft Word... I didn't plan on writing this much... :\
I guess I should end this thing, yea?
Well... for anyone who cares, this is my love... my favorite picture of her.
+ Show Spoiler +
For anyone who read this... I guess thanks. I don't know... feel free to reply or whatever. Just please... don't troll me. For the love of God. Don't troll this thread. -_-
- Full[3]Metal[8]Jacket
'The Sun Will Set Tonight On All The Lonely Dreamers, Only To Rise Again So We Can Start It Over'
 
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yeah dont show her this, if you guys have been apart for too long, and things are going the way she is leading them towards. She's obv done with you. and you need to start feeling the same way bout her, its a shitty deal, you made a trade, you were hooked to this girl at home doing nothing, now your away from it doing everything. So not a bad deal, im sure theres some horny girls waiting to be tapped at some nice party/bar, just giver. ahaha. Lastly, if you guys stop talking now, it seems like there is no bad history in the making. So i would stop talking now, and then one day who knows when you get back to your other parent house or w.e, you may see this same girl, and if she sucks ass at that time, say fuck it, but if she still rocks your boat the way she did and single, you guys wont have a bad history, and a lot to catch up on.
just trust me, if you really want the option of ever fucking/dating/w.e with this girl in the future, don't press matters until she just hates you. Leave matters in a good state, and the windows will always be open.
-this is my one thousand and tenth post.
and your the type of guy who is in love with the thought of love. Maybe she aint really the one, but the feeling of love is what you love not her. :O sounds wierd but maybe right.
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Love yourself some, brother.
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Korea (South)11570 Posts
just read it, and i feel for you man. But in all honesty, worry about your life first, before hers. If she's not showing any interest into you romantically anymore.
Besides, you're far away from each other, and long distance relationships generally don't work out. People need a physical attachment just as much as an emotional one to be with the one they care about.
Good job on bettering your life thus far, and since you've left so many things behind, leave her behind too. If in the end you guys meet up eventually again, for whatever reason and you hit it off then great.
I know it hurts, and it's hard to leave the one you care about so much alone, you have to do it. She probably sees you as this guy whose way too attached, when she can't even see you. It's not fair for both of you to try something that's not even plausible. There's so many other girls in the new town or wherever you are. Start meeting people at your college (I'm assuming community college?) and meet some girls there to get your mind off of your ex.
Also you'd be surprised how often girls can't stand not having attention from someone who they 'know' wants them. It's a self-confidence boost for them, that they are attractive and can get someone if they wanted. So she probably sees you as just a mere confidence boost as of now. When you no longer give her that attention, she'll start to want it back, and when you guys talk, she'll be more open to you and actually care because she wants your attention again.
If she doesn't then you know it's over and you can move on. Meet up with other girls, and talk to them, get over her. Bring on your new life. Your lucky you have the opportunity to do such a thing as a do-over. Enjoy it and make the best of it. Don't be caught up in what you left behind.
There's an old saying, I forget the exact wording but it goes something along the lines of: When you keep looking at closed doors you miss the ones that open for you.
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Move on. It's not worth it at this point. Maybe later. Maybe.
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a little addition to CaucasianAsian's post. Where he says not to give her attention and see what happens. It don't mean it will change anything. It just allowes you to answer for yourself, "Hey she don't care no more". Also, you will not have made yourself look bad. LOOK MANLY MAN, don't try to see her anymore, online, over phones, over msn, etc...
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I respect your honesty, it goes a long way. And you've had a lot to type. I'm not sure what kind of person she is, it could be that you have nothing to offer right now. Your girlfriend knows everything about you and it isn't a lot. Just live on and obtain experience. I think military would do good. You are only 19, try not to cling to anyone this much. Let her go.
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On April 22 2010 16:55 condoriano wrote:
I respect your honesty, it goes a long way. And you've had a lot to type. I'm not sure what kind of person she is, it could be that you don't have a lot to offer right now. Your girlfriend knows everything about you and it isn't a lot. Just live on and obtain experience. I think military would do good. You are only 19, try not to cling to anyone this much. Let her go.
'The truth shall set you free'
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On April 22 2010 16:27 wishbones wrote:
and your the type of guy who is in love with the thought of love. Maybe she aint really the one, but the feeling of love is what you love not her. :O sounds wierd but maybe right.
this man speaks the truth. mission before your woman. there are always more
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Pretty much been in similar shoes, except she moved away for school instead of me being a loser stoner who dropped out of high school.
But anyways.
It hurts, it sucks, it's a big shit fest. But get over it. I still think about her every day, and it's been... a long time. But really there's nothing else that you can do. Even if you get back together with her, it won't last, and the same problems will resurface with double the force in a couple weeks to a month. The distance is just too much, especially for people your age. You're too young. Forget it, and just have fun.
I could probably give you all the little warning signs too if you ever do hook back up.
Do yourself a favour. Don't do it. Find a new girl. You're in a new place.
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Man just let it go, girls are not worthy to have depressed and fucked up life just because of that one person. There are plenty fish in the sea and take it as an opportunity to meet someone new. Good things leave our lives and we have to learn to live with it. Every ending is beginning of something new, you know..
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Good read, glad I read through those 3600 words.
That being said, I agree with the rest and you'll be so much better off just letting her go. At this point shes causing you so much more trouble then it's worth, and even if for say you did manage to get back together, the relationships to a point where it probably wouldn't matter and it'd just end up feeling like it was forced together (like two puzzle pieces that don't fit properly).
Down the road you'll find someone new and twice as amazing.
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What the fuck, September is clearly not the best month.
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You shouldve sticked to slacking away
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None of my long distance worked out... even Winter break ruined me.
Don't worry, she might have liked you back then but not now, girls are not the most consistent creatures.
Just respect yourself and be a man first. I really know it's painful and all, but to be able to hold a girl, you first must be a MAN. So go to gym, excercise, study hard, much more rewarding.
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Wow, nice story bro. esp the part where u made the decision to live with ur dad. I wished I started doing something meaningful in my life~
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This was a pretty good read for a "girl blog". I mean, I know being a good read wasn't necessarily the main point of it, but anyway, it was. As far as your problem goes--and I don't have tons of experience with girls, so you can take my advice with a grain of salt--this is what I think:
"Rationally" speaking, you should probably let her go: not try to pursue her, certainly not right now, when your feelings for each other are so asymmetric--as other posters have said. It's a sad truth of human nature that, very very often, the more confident we are that we have something, the less we want it, so showing her how much you care about her might even make her less likely to come back.
But I don't think that the "rational" approach is the way to go here. Sure, if people were totally rational, it would be an easy approach to follow, but then, if people were totally rational, we wouldn't get into fixes like this in the first place. (And honestly, I think it's a great thing that we aren't purely rational. Wishbones made a very interesting point when he talked about being "in love with the thought of love. Maybe she aint really the one, but the feeling of love is what you love not her," but you know what?--as painful as it can be, love is a great feeling. The rational mind has plenty of great feelings of its own (a sudden insight, a deeper understanding) but it doesn't have this one.)
And since people are not rational, just letting her go will be a really painful approach to follow, until you come out the other side--no matter how much you explain to yourself that it's the right thing and no matter how much it may "objectively" be the right thing. Instead, I think you should go all in and lay your cards on the table (that's not a mixed metaphor! They go together!). Tell her everything you told us about how you feel about her and see what she does about it.
I see one of two things happening. You might win her back. You don't know what's going on inside her head--there's no way you can. There was definitely a time when she was really in love with you. Maybe she still is. Maybe all this stuff with not trying to contact you and going out with other guys is her attempt (conscious or not) to make you jealous/prove to herself that she can get along without you. Maybe she's just waiting for you to show her how much she means to you.
It's not just guys who feel insecure, you know. Girls do too. You wonder how she can get upset with you for not making more effort to contact her when she barely made such efforts herself, but imagine yourself in her shoes. You're the one who walked out on her (albeit for good reasons of your own). The more effort she puts into contacting you, if she feels that you don't return it, the more desperate, cheap, and unwanted she feels. It's a lousy feeling for anyone to feel dependent on someone or something that they can't rely on.
Think of how you feel about her just now, and about how unsustainable it is to feel this way. That's probably more or less how she felt, at least at one point. If you're honest about it, you have to admit that, you didn't feel this strongly about her, even if you loved her, until you felt that she was no longer in your reach. People save their strongest desires for the things that they don't have. Now you're the one who's looking for a way to deal with the anguish that causes, the same way she was probably looking for the same thing back then. But she might still be dealing with it, she might still be in love with you, and if that's the case, she might take you back.
Just remember that, if you want to understand the way her feelings work, think about yours. Girls are just people, same as guys. This is the way the pendulum swings, and it's an old, old story. When two people's feelings are in sync with each other: it's great. When they get out of sync, it can be very hard to put them back together. When one cares, the other doesn't. When the other cares, the one doesn't. When one pushes, the other pulls. Eventually, to be sure, their feelings will get back in sync, but that goes two different ways. They can push each other away or they can pull each other back together. You'll never know which way this will go unless you open up to her.
I'm not saying that she'll definitely take you back. Maybe she won't, maybe she'll push you away instead of pulling you in. But that won't be a bad thing either. It will be a slap in the face and it will be painful at first, but at the same time, it will make it a lot easier for you to pull away from her. Your emotions will sync up in the other way. Either way it goes, you'll have closure and you'll be on your feet again.
Anecdote to support the point: something similar happened to a friend of mine: He met this girl, went head over heels for her ("prettiest girl you've ever seen", "smart", "funny", "not a single bad quality", etc.: he was smitten). She liked him too, and they dated for a bit. It got intense in a short time, and then she dropped him like a hot brick. Who knows what her reasons were.
Anyway, they hadn't even been together for that long, but he could not get over her. For like a month, he moped around. His roommate tried to give him all the reasonable advice about how this does no good, he has to get over her, if he wants a shot at her again, the only way it will happen is to play it cool for a while, etc. None of it helped. Finally, his roommate, who was a pretty smart guy about stuff like this, told him to just go all in. Talk to this girl who had dumped him, profess all of his feelings, beg her to get back together, see what she says. One way or the other, said his roommate, you will be out of this half-in/half-out rut.
He did that. She told him that it was not happening, not then, not ever. That's something that it stings to hear, of course. Maybe it took him a day or two to get over that, but after that, he was fine. He was over her. His roommate was right.
Sometimes the most rational thing for a person to do is not the same as what would be the most rational thing for a purely rational being to do.
wow, this post ended up dragging out pretty long. Sorry about that. I hope it doesn't ramble too much and you can get something useful out of it. Good luck!
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But maybe you should call her and really talk it through... Then act decisively based on that.
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Thanks for sharing. I guess a lot of things might go into how your girl is feeling, however, one things springs out to me: People need a physical connection with others. Once you get in a relationship, you normally rely on getting this physical closeness by your partner. Once you're not with that person, you need to replace your partner with other people. You see, no matter what, communcation through chat or phone will not by any replacement for the biological bond that we need.
Throughout your story, it seems to shine through that you have been very selfish. "Getting" her has been about serving your own needs. Now that you guys broke up, she is finally allowing herself to be selfish, and therefore she spends time with these other guys. If anything, you should be happy that she does, because having someone there and being able to connect with them allows her to be happy. It makes up for you not being there. So, if she was not able to do that, how could she strike a proper balance between the need to connect with someone and the desire to stay in a relationship with you.
I don't think we could really give you proper advice on how to act without experiencing the situation ourself. You ask whether you should be honest or play it cool. Generally, I would say that it's impossible to maintain a healthy relationship if you are not honest about things like these. More often than not, these things will drain you. It seems that you are already investing a lot of feelings in this issue that could easily be release if you guys could simply develop a proper understanding. I think that you should tell her everything about how you feel, but, if possible, it should be reserved for any time that you were to meet her face to face. If that's not possible within the next few months, at least do it over the phone, not through chat (where many things can be impossible to convey accurately).
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CaucasianAsian United States. April 22 2010 16:31. Posts 5824 PM Profile Blog Quote
just read it, and i feel for you man. But in all honesty, worry about your life first, before hers. If she's not showing any interest into you romantically anymore.
Besides, you're far away from each other, and long distance relationships generally don't work out. People need a physical attachment just as much as an emotional one to be with the one they care about.
Good job on bettering your life thus far, and since you've left so many things behind, leave her behind too. If in the end you guys meet up eventually again, for whatever reason and you hit it off then great.
I know it hurts, and it's hard to leave the one you care about so much alone, you have to do it. She probably sees you as this guy whose way too attached, when she can't even see you. It's not fair for both of you to try something that's not even plausible. There's so many other girls in the new town or wherever you are. Start meeting people at your college (I'm assuming community college?) and meet some girls there to get your mind off of your ex.
Also you'd be surprised how often girls can't stand not having attention from someone who they 'know' wants them. It's a self-confidence boost for them, that they are attractive and can get someone if they wanted. So she probably sees you as just a mere confidence boost as of now. When you no longer give her that attention, she'll start to want it back, and when you guys talk, she'll be more open to you and actually care because she wants your attention again.
If she doesn't then you know it's over and you can move on. Meet up with other girls, and talk to them, get over her. Bring on your new life. Your lucky you have the opportunity to do such a thing as a do-over. Enjoy it and make the best of it. Don't be caught up in what you left behind.
There's an old saying, I forget the exact wording but it goes something along the lines of: When you keep looking at closed doors you miss the ones that open for you.
Just wanted to say I think this is a really good post, and pretty sound advice for the OP's situation right now. Kudos, mr. CaucasianAsian. =)
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move on while you're still young
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some things even tho u give 100% dont work out
dont sweat it find another
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good read for a girl blog. i can't say i know what you're going through, i can't offer any advice, but the least i can say is good luck. u kinda opened my eyes cause my life is rather similar to yours...struck a chord in my heart. thx i guess
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Military sounds like a really good idea, go for it!
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There are quite a lot of stuff that I can relate to. At the end of the day though, the only one who you're going to have is yourself. Love yourself first. That is the most important advice that anyone can give you.
And how do you do that? By making improvements on yourself everyday. You said you have goals that you want to achieve; then do so. Unfortunately you can't control her actions but you can control yours.
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Abusing drugs and alcohol will of course get you into all sorts of problems. First step is to kick those habits. Second, girls come and go, and they're a bad motivation to start doing things as you are only being "good" to improve your image, not because you are actually being less self-absorbed. You could try to get back with her or something, but why bother? Love is only hormones anyway.
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United States4796 Posts
Change yourself before you get her back.
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You need to be able to accept that it's ok not to be with her before you can progress in any direction.
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You need to take someone time and clear your head, its hard to think of moving on at all but it might just be the best you do concerning her. it'll put things in perspective of whats really important and what you really want without emotions clouding you up.
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Everything I do is basically revolving around her.
gg no re
I don't want to tell your business but, this was the one thing that sort of sums up why you won't ever get her back.
Also, you said daps, and that's awesome.
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This girl's not some super catch, she's definitely playing hard to get.
Make no mistake, this chick still likes you. But you need to leave her alone for a bit lest she feels she has you totally wrapped around her finger.
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On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
I had many new friends, the teacher was really cool... I couldn't really ask for much else, right? Parents still paying my bills, free pot, and the list goes on. I had it good.
SOUNDS AWESOME
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
So she moved in. Oh man... I had it made. My girlfrend was living in the next room over, and had birth control [hurp derp?]. I was smoking pot, was out of school... basically, I was getting everything and not having to do anything for it. I was spoiled rotten, basically.
AND? ARE YOU COMPLAINING?
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Then... one day... I looked at myself in the mirror, fresh out of the shower, and thought to myself, "Alex... what the fuck bro. You have always hated people like this. You are a slacker, a mooch, a horrible son, a horrible boyfriend, and - most likely - a horrible Man. You have no job, do almost nothing for your girlfriend, who loves you to 'death'. You help little to none with hosuehold chores. All the fuck you do all day is sit around playing video games, smoking pot, and eating food. You are a fucking disgrace."
OH WAIT LOL YES YOU ARE COMPLAINING
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
It really depressed me, so I started drinking.
It was a problem, and I knew it.
My life was in shambles, and it was all my fault.
I should have been happy.
I got to fuck my girl whenever I wanted.
I got free weed, food, water, etc etc.
But I just wasn't happy.
I needed to be happy with myself.
I was an absolute mess, and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.
The more depressed I got, the more 'pain' I held inside.
THE FUCK SON?
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Take all my brothers medication for his epilepsy. I would be out like a light, and never turned back on.
EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sorry but it's fucking true.
Everyone else has been really nice and given you a lot of helpful advice, so I think at least one person needs to say that your problems are really pathetic and you shouldn't get yourself worked up about it you are 19 years old a long distance relationship was never going to last you have your whole life to live don't fuck it up freaking out about this shit it TOTALLY DOESN'T MATTER.
Best advice I can give you. Seriously.
You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
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Well it is kinda stupid to contemplate suicide because your life is too easy
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On April 23 2010 02:25 fulmetljaket wrote:
No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
I have to say while I dunno if the approach was right, he is speaking truth. Ive had similar situation and I was absolutely pathetic until someone pointed out to me to stop it, because that isnt what she wants from me, being a wreck and needy bitch aint gonna bring anyone back and wasn't what was attractive. Yeah she wants you to care but not that way. You gotta try and get a grip of yourself.
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Great blog. Thanks for sharing. To a lot of the people posting... I really don't think they should be giving advice. Too much focus on ego all around.
I think your girlfriend is pissed off that you abandoned her for your own interest. While you say you're doing this for her, in her mind, she probably thinks you just fucking bailed on her because you weren't man enough to pull yourself together in Florida.
She sees you leaving as abandonment. The reason she is holding your love/relationship hostage is most likely because she feels powerless in the relationship. Nobody likes feeling powerless. Going out with other guys was probably her attempt at reasserting some control over her life/happiness and to prove to herself that she could make it without you.
Think about it. You guys have been dating since high school (mad young). She left her own family to move in with you. You became her father/provider of a sort. Now you bail on her and what is she left with? Is she even living with your family still? I didn't see you describe that detail (which is a rather important one). Nor did I see you describe how you explained the move to her. Not saying you did a bad job of this, but the omission is a red flag to me. You also told us of her accusation that you are a bad communicator. That to me is a clear signal that your departure from Florida was not handled well.
(Being present to talk is not good communication. That's merely one aspect of communication AKA availability. Example: I could be willing to talk 24/7 with my girlfriend, but if my communication technique is to punch and shove, that wouldn't be very good communication.)
This girl stuck with you through all your useless druggery, drunkenness, etc. Albeit, some of that was probably because you were a great escape from her previous life, which sounded unpleasant. So, this might not be saint-level behavior from her. Regardless, she will view your relationship as one in which she stayed true to you and was always devoted, whereas you screwed around and then just bailed on her.
Most likely, she is trying every ploy she can think of to get you to move back to Florida. You will either need to explain to her your long-term goals for your future together, and how living in North Carolina is conducive to that, or you break up with her.
You also need to understand this girl is young. She was probably also raised in a culture of immediate gratification (I'm assuming from what you shared with us). Telling her abstract things like future career, having a financially stable future together, etc. is probably incomprehensible to her. And, I don't think any girl would willingly sign on to be a military wife. I doubt you're going for officer corps, so she'd probably have to live in the States while you're shipped off to Afghanistan. This is an altogether horrible situation for her. I don't blame her at all for wanting to break out of he current predicament.
Also, the distance factor is probably huge for her. Girls get just as horny as guys, if not more so. The fact you guys used to have sex all the time probably factors highly into her frustration. Going from constant sex to zero sex is a really hard transition. And the fact your communication is probably shoddy makes her emotional volatility that much worse. It'd be very difficult for a girl in this society to remain chaste/loyal in that situation. The best you can do is constantly reiterate that you are trying to work long-term for your future together, that you are being loyal, and that you're trying to do this for the two of you. If you can't address her physical needs, the least you can do is address her emotional needs.
And if she's THAT important to you, you should try to find a way to move her up to North Carolina. Get a job as a waiter. Rent an apartment together. Or take some bartending classes and become a barback/tender. There are plenty of ways to make money other than joining the military. Not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm pretty sure if you go off to the military, this girl is going to be gone for good.
On your end, you are just trying to put the pieces together again, salvage what you liked from your old life, while building things up in your new life. It's a hard process, and one in which you will probably experience loss of some sort. You have a lot of hard decisions ahead of you, but that's what life is about. The entire point of taking these hard decisions is to build up your mental fortitude and maturity, and to teach you wisdom when you see the results of your decisions. This is all part of becoming a man, a path which you are firmly on now. You're doing good things. Don't stress about the problems in life. They are omnipresent. Just stay firm in trying to do good for yourself and those around you, and if sometimes things don't go the way you planned it, it's okay. Not everything is within your control. Just don't give in to temptation/weakness.
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On April 23 2010 01:53 Reason wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
I had many new friends, the teacher was really cool... I couldn't really ask for much else, right? Parents still paying my bills, free pot, and the list goes on. I had it good.
SOUNDS AWESOME Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
So she moved in. Oh man... I had it made. My girlfrend was living in the next room over, and had birth control [hurp derp?]. I was smoking pot, was out of school... basically, I was getting everything and not having to do anything for it. I was spoiled rotten, basically.
AND? ARE YOU COMPLAINING? Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Then... one day... I looked at myself in the mirror, fresh out of the shower, and thought to myself, "Alex... what the fuck bro. You have always hated people like this. You are a slacker, a mooch, a horrible son, a horrible boyfriend, and - most likely - a horrible Man. You have no job, do almost nothing for your girlfriend, who loves you to 'death'. You help little to none with hosuehold chores. All the fuck you do all day is sit around playing video games, smoking pot, and eating food. You are a fucking disgrace."
OH WAIT LOL YES YOU ARE COMPLAINING Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
It really depressed me, so I started drinking.
It was a problem, and I knew it.
My life was in shambles, and it was all my fault.
I should have been happy.
I got to fuck my girl whenever I wanted.
I got free weed, food, water, etc etc.
But I just wasn't happy.
I needed to be happy with myself.
I was an absolute mess, and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.
The more depressed I got, the more 'pain' I held inside.
THE FUCK SON? Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Take all my brothers medication for his epilepsy. I would be out like a light, and never turned back on.
EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Sorry but it's fucking true. Everyone else has been really nice and given you a lot of helpful advice, so I think at least one person needs to say that your problems are really pathetic and you shouldn't get yourself worked up about it you are 19 years old a long distance relationship was never going to last you have your whole life to live don't fuck it up freaking out about this shit it TOTALLY DOESN'T MATTER. Best advice I can give you. Seriously. You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
This post deserves a ban, IMO.
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If a ban is the price for speaking the truth I'll accept one gladly.
On April 23 2010 02:25 fulmetljaket wrote:
No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
Really man?
It sounds to me like you had the perfect life, or as perfect as anyone can rightfully hope for which is my point.
And yes, you are supposed to just forget about it.
No matter how hard you try to do this you will never succeeed so at least try and forget it and maybe it won't consume your life, rather be an important part of your past like it should be.
Yes I have been in love, and I reacted much worse than you when it ended and it consumed my life for years thereafter which is precisely why I am being as harsh with you as I am.
Here I am, looking back on it all, and it just really didn't fucking matter man.
It just doesn't matter.
No, your not a horrible person.
No, I'm not a stuck up prick.
I don't think being open and honest is for faggots. I never said that.
I think you need a reality check.
"You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return."
What part of your story did I misinterpret?
This seems like a pretty accurate summation to me.
basically perfect life for 19 year old - check
complained it wasnt enough - check
moved away to find something more - check
complained some more when your 19 year old long distance girlfriend didn't stay celibate until your return somewhere in the possibly non existent future - check
This is all from your own account. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
edit: btw EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO isn't a dig at expressing emotions, it's about expressing too much of the wrong kind of emotion about the wrong shit.
edit2: hey stork I think you deserve a ban for not spoilering that massive, useless quote and for backseat moderating.
epic post though. you are way more patient/sympathetic/forgiving towards this guy than I could ever be.
Frankly I was disgusted.
Not at the girl issue, everyone freaks out about that, just the whole my life is great gonna become alcoholic and want to kill myself for some reason part.
That's what pissed me off.
I was just talking about this the other day to my friend about how no matter how cool guys we are, no matter how content/well adjusted we are and no matter how well we succeed in life, there will be some poor guy in a third world country who lives a happier life than we.
No matter how much we get we always want more, it's never good enough.
I'd managed to forget about this depressing truth until I read this bullshit thread.
Anyway surely for every 9 people saying oh my god I can't believe you are still alive and posting this if I was in your situation I don't think I would have managed to resist the temptation to commit suicide that was some seriously life-ending-worthy shit going down there
you need 1 person saying yo man chill the fuck out it wasn't that bad.
No?
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Ask her about the old memories you all shared and what happened to them, and try to figure out what she's really thinking.
Btw, is she still living with your mom?
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if she really is waiting *coolly* and doesn't feel any urge to open up to you, no, even sees you in an inferior position of which you ensure her almost every day, well, all you can do is being even cooler, being sure of yourself, pursuing your current life and feel good about it and occasionally (as if by accident) share with her that you feel great and you're not as needy and miserable as you make yourself out to be as of now.
but honestly, if all she can do is play with you by sharing her awesome dates, forget about her and move on - not worth your time
(unless, of course, you see it as a test of who shows more neediness towards the other / see who wins the battle of superiority)
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Lets go. Take it from me. It's true if you let them go and they come back it's destined to be. Embark on your life. 
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I've read whole your post (but i had no patience for replies xD). I am just a 16 year old guy and there is nothing revolutionary I can tell you, but i just felt like i have to write... something. I thought to tell you to ask yourself does she mean REALLY THAT MUCH to you!?!?! but than i asked myself if she wasn't important to you that much would you be posting the story on StarCraft forum? So like yeah it's serious.
The best thing you can do is to give her the link to this thread and just hope she really has a heart, because if there is ANYTHING left of her former emotions this should... reengage them anyhow.
Also a question pops up: how do you think you can make her happy remotely, when you are not near her? Do you plan on going back to her anytime soon?
Really I wish you good luck with solving your problem
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To speak on the "keeping her" side of things: given your account of the lack of communication, it'll take a little more than sitting online all night waiting (passive). Call her instead (active). Get on skype. I honestly can't blame her for not wanting to contact you, since you said that you essentially couldn't be arsed to even respond to her myspace messages. That's hurtful. I understand what you mean about being a bad communicator (I was terrible up until a year or two ago; still have progress to make). However, I still made it a point to call my (to this day) girlfriend every day when I was home from college. I even wrote stuff down to talk to her about at first. Kinda lame, but it helped and with practice I got a lot better.
Really though, I think you should go see her even if it's only for a weekend. Given your history, this will probably surprise her at the very least. And if it's financially hard for you to do this, it will make the visit all the more meaningful. "Of all the things I could be spending my money on, I choose to see you". And it's a lot harder to ignore a face than a phone call.
Of course, this is all assuming you care enough to try. If you don't, then seriously don't do anything and break up with her. It's not worth putting either of yourselves through that hurt.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Edit: want to add that I disagree vehemently with the "let her go and see if she comes back" sentiment in your situation. She will see this as "more of the same shit", not "omg want now". That notion certainly has merit, especially if she's upset over something that both of you know is trivial in the big picture. But you admit yourself that you are in the wrong here, so distancing yourself (the whole issue in the first place) will not help.
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On April 23 2010 06:35 Rayzorblade wrote:Lets go. Take it from me. It's true if you let them go and they come back it's destined to be. Embark on your life.
read through rayzorblade's blogs. it might enlighten you quite a bit 
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b391/alexfox420/baby.jpg)
