EPTOn February 08 2010 17:46 thopol wrote:
You need to move on. That's pretty clear. I really don't think that you should cut off involvement with a friend though, regardless of the history. You need to remember that everything changes, and it's inevitable. Your relationship is over, but you don't need to feel possessive about it. Just realize that you had a good run while you were together, and try not to let any negative feelings about the breakup sully the positive memories. Try to stay in touch with her and remain friends, but don't treat your relationship as though it could ever become romantic again. Some people say that it is too hard to maintain a friendship with a past lover, but it just takes a little fortitude. If she's someone you like, keep her around as a friend. It's nonsensical to cut off a relationship with someone because it is difficult for you in the short term.
Don't let memories hurt you, instead draw from them the resolve to rebuild a different relationship with this person. You're in control here.
You need to move on. That's pretty clear. I really don't think that you should cut off involvement with a friend though, regardless of the history. You need to remember that everything changes, and it's inevitable. Your relationship is over, but you don't need to feel possessive about it. Just realize that you had a good run while you were together, and try not to let any negative feelings about the breakup sully the positive memories. Try to stay in touch with her and remain friends, but don't treat your relationship as though it could ever become romantic again. Some people say that it is too hard to maintain a friendship with a past lover, but it just takes a little fortitude. If she's someone you like, keep her around as a friend. It's nonsensical to cut off a relationship with someone because it is difficult for you in the short term.
Don't let memories hurt you, instead draw from them the resolve to rebuild a different relationship with this person. You're in control here.
This is exactly what I think about. I have a constant struggle to believe I never owned our relationship. There are things bigger than both of us, and my issue lies with the guilt I would have to walk away even for a short time from her. I want to man up and give her all the happiness I can give, even if it means allowing her to find another. At the same time I feel totally incapable to deal with that pain I will potentially receive in the future. And you are right... I am in control. I am in control of a situation she mostly put me in but there is no use complaining and I will find a way. I really appreciate all the advice and really appreciate your advice thopol. It hits home. Today I feel like maybe I should never move on. Maybe it just is not that important in the grand scheme of things. We all die alone, and twins do too. Even when they were born with company.
And here is the kicker to my guilt: She was sexually assaulted 1 year before I met her. How can I possibly abandon her? Below is the most accurate quote I know about my life. I want you all to respond more. It is very important you share your experiences and opinions if not for me then for the next guy who finds him self caught in an emotional landslide. Don't think your response is under appreciated.
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
