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Ok, so I need a little help with life right now.
I just started my first week at a new college and I'm still in the process of finding like my *niche* group of friends here. I've made a lot of individual friends here, and I'm cool with all my roommates, but it's getting to the point where most people are starting to settle into little cliques that I'm not a part of. So this weekend, I'm stuck hanging out with people I met at the school I transferred from... which is cool, but I'm also eager to start hanging with some new people.
Anyway, it's friday night and I have no plans with *real* friends, so I'm thinking about biting the bullet and hitting up some frat parties with the roommates. I'm hesitant tho, coz that really isn't my kind of scene, and the people there probably wouldn't be the kind of people I'd really enjoy hanging out with or feel comfortable with.
So ya, I'm feeling kinda lonely and discouraged here. These kind of transitions are really alien to me... the last 6 years my circle of friends have pretty much been the same people coz I went to community college.
So what do you think? Does anyone have experience with the berkeley party scene that can clue me in? Am I likely to have a good time at this kind of thing? How did you find your *clique* of friends in college? Anyone at berkeley wanna hang out, kick my ass in starcraft  ?
 
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Calgary25969 Posts
If your friends are doing stuff, and you have nothing to do, do stuff with them.
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Where do you live and what's your major?
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I would say go to the frat parties. If you don't like, don't go the next time.
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If you have more than one friend, that friend probably has a friend who isn't you. Leapfrog that shit.
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Why do you feel the need to find a clique in college? :S That seems pretty high-schoolish. Just hang out with whoever you want.
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It's perfectly acceptable to go around the 1st week (even the 1st month) of college shaking hands, introducing yourself to everyone, and making small talk everywhere. Eventually you establish a net of brief acquaintances that you can sit down with again for lunch or dinner - after that, you end up discovering you actually like some of them.
Or at least, that's how it worked at my school. Berkeley might be different since it's noticeably larger than mine - but it can't hurt to say hi, naturally and casually, to new people.
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United States22883 Posts
No idea what it's like at Berkeley, but my experience is that frat parties are fucking stupid. Too noisy, too cramped and too many super obnoxious people. I think you're better off just hanging out with your friends and trying to meet new people through clubs and organizations. House parties >>> frat parties.
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main advice to you is to go to the cafeteria or som3e gathering place, find a girl and ask her about said party(ies) and see what she thinks (explain your situation its a good opener even if your not trying to game her). A few things will happen, 1) She will know of it and you can go to the party with her and have a gay old time. 2) She will not know and you can invite her and " " , 3) She will know of a better party, and you can go to that with her, 4) Fuck the party, set up a date with her instead.
When all is said and done, you have a new friend/gf and possible party hookup.
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Being worried about cliques and "belonging" to a group...is so not college. You need to just get out there and do whatever the hell you want. Experiment socially and see where it takes you. I don't have a set 'group' of people to hang out with. I just chill with people i like, whether it's 1 person or 10 people. I'd suggest hitting up those frat parties, sounds like fun.
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On August 29 2009 07:09 CharlieMurphy wrote:
main advice to you is to go to the cafeteria or som3e gathering place, find a girl and ask her about said party(ies) and see what she thinks (explain your situation its a good opener even if your not trying to game her). A few things will happen, 1) She will know of it and you can go to the party with her and have a gay old time. 2) She will not know and you can invite her and " " , 3) She will know of a better party, and you can go to that with her, 4) Fuck the party, set up a date with her instead.
When all is said and done, you have a new friend/gf and possible party hookup.
that's uh
sorta creepy
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just get drunk, the ones who dont make fun of you the next day are your true friends
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United States3824 Posts
If its not your thing then its not your thing. If it sucks then leave. Its not like you have to pledge
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I'm going to assume you are a typical asian so you probably wouldn't like the frat crowd. There is a lot of social pressure and it is rather damaging on the ego to hide in your dorm room on a friday night, but there's not really much you can do. Given that your posting for help, I really have a feeling you'd feel more socially awkward @ the frat party.
Also. At least at my school ( maybe not berkeley ) , cool frats don't let strangers come, and less cool frats make you pay 10$ to go in. I'm sure your school has a asian / afghanistan student association. I think you'll make more friends there. Or if you get to know some frat boys, they'll naturally ask you to go to their rocking ass parties.
Just curious , how is the reputation of lambda phi epsilon @ berkeley
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On August 29 2009 07:16 paper wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2009 07:09 CharlieMurphy wrote:
main advice to you is to go to the cafeteria or som3e gathering place, find a girl and ask her about said party(ies) and see what she thinks (explain your situation its a good opener even if your not trying to game her). A few things will happen, 1) She will know of it and you can go to the party with her and have a gay old time. 2) She will not know and you can invite her and " " , 3) She will know of a better party, and you can go to that with her, 4) Fuck the party, set up a date with her instead.
When all is said and done, you have a new friend/gf and possible party hookup. that's uh sorta creepy
how is that creepy? just walk up to a girl who's not really busy, or going through a food line, hop in line with her, and say "hey I got a question/dilemma, maybe you can help me with it?" and so on. Then introduce yourself if the conversation is going well.
Obviously, I skipped all the specific details of small talk included in each of the 4 (maybe more possibilities), obviously your not gonna go "hey do you know about this party?" and if she says yes you're not gonna go "OK COOL IM COMING WITH YOU" although, that might actually work as cocky funny.
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On August 29 2009 07:24 kdog3683 wrote:
I'm going to assume you are a typical asian so you probably wouldn't like the frat crowd. There is a lot of social pressure and it is rather damaging on the ego to hide in your dorm room on a friday night, but there's not really much you can do. Given that your posting for help, I really have a feeling you'd feel more socially awkward @ the frat party.
Also. At least at my school ( maybe not berkeley ) , cool frats don't let strangers come, and less cool frats make you pay 10$ to go in. I'm sure your school has a asian / afghanistan student association. I think you'll make more friends there. Or if you get to know some frat boys, they'll naturally ask you to go to their rocking ass parties.
Just curious , how is the reputation of lambda phi epsilon @ berkeley
thanks for the pointers
also, no idea about LPE.
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if ur in berk, call me up. we can all lan.
pm me.
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On August 29 2009 07:25 CharlieMurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2009 07:16 paper wrote:On August 29 2009 07:09 CharlieMurphy wrote:
main advice to you is to go to the cafeteria or som3e gathering place, find a girl and ask her about said party(ies) and see what she thinks (explain your situation its a good opener even if your not trying to game her). A few things will happen, 1) She will know of it and you can go to the party with her and have a gay old time. 2) She will not know and you can invite her and " " , 3) She will know of a better party, and you can go to that with her, 4) Fuck the party, set up a date with her instead.
When all is said and done, you have a new friend/gf and possible party hookup. that's uh sorta creepy how is that creepy? just walk up to a girl who's not really busy, or going through a food line, hop in line with her, and say "hey I got a question/dilemma, maybe you can help me with it?" and so on. Then introduce yourself if the conversation is going well. Obviously, I skipped all the specific details of small talk included in each of the 4 (maybe more possibilities), obviously your not gonna go "hey do you know about this party?" and if she says yes you're not gonna go "OK COOL IM COMING WITH YOU" although, that might actually work as cocky funny.
Yeah I don't think it's creepy @ all. Just a way to meet a girl.
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It's still rush week at Berkeley, so most of the places are still pretty open to the public, depending on the day. If you don't really want to go, don't feel pressured into going, but you should give everything a try once or twice. Eventually you'll find something that fits you. Where do you live?
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You will love frat/house parties (they're basically the same thing) for the first two years of college and then hate them when youre 21
its how it goes
my first frat party, i got absolutely wasted, made friends w the dudes so i had access to the joint without ever joining (it was two blocks from me), hooked up with a couple girls, ended up meeting my gf who i dated for that year, threw up, crawled home and got mono. all in the same night! fun stuff. i miss college.
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United States22883 Posts
On August 29 2009 07:47 Hawk wrote:
You will love frat/house parties (they're basically the same thing) for the first two years of college and then hate them when youre 21
its how it goes
my first frat party, i got absolutely wasted, made friends w the dudes so i had access to the joint without ever joining (it was two blocks from me), hooked up with a couple girls, ended up meeting my gf who i dated for that year, threw up, crawled home and got mono. all in the same night! fun stuff. i miss college.
The frat parties I've been to pretend to be mini-clubs, while the house parties are just people shooting the shit + drinking + listening to music + possibly video games/movie/making out.
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On August 29 2009 07:24 kdog3683 wrote:
I'm going to assume you are a typical asian so you probably wouldn't like the frat crowd. There is a lot of social pressure and it is rather damaging on the ego to hide in your dorm room on a friday night, but there's not really much you can do. Given that your posting for help, I really have a feeling you'd feel more socially awkward @ the frat party.
Also. At least at my school ( maybe not berkeley ) , cool frats don't let strangers come, and less cool frats make you pay 10$ to go in. I'm sure your school has a asian / afghanistan student association. I think you'll make more friends there. Or if you get to know some frat boys, they'll naturally ask you to go to their rocking ass parties.
Just curious , how is the reputation of lambda phi epsilon @ berkeley
hes from afghanistan...
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On August 29 2009 07:57 SanguineToss wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2009 07:24 kdog3683 wrote:
I'm going to assume you are a typical asian so you probably wouldn't like the frat crowd. There is a lot of social pressure and it is rather damaging on the ego to hide in your dorm room on a friday night, but there's not really much you can do. Given that your posting for help, I really have a feeling you'd feel more socially awkward @ the frat party.
Also. At least at my school ( maybe not berkeley ) , cool frats don't let strangers come, and less cool frats make you pay 10$ to go in. I'm sure your school has a asian / afghanistan student association. I think you'll make more friends there. Or if you get to know some frat boys, they'll naturally ask you to go to their rocking ass parties.
Just curious , how is the reputation of lambda phi epsilon @ berkeley hes from afghanistan...
i sincerely doubt that
in other news, ucb isn't exactly known for its frat parties. By no means feel compelled to go to them, but also understand that a) you can meet a lot of people there, especially girls (unless you go to the creepy frats) and b) that you will probably have contracted mono at some point if you go.
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just go to frat parties its no big deal.
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On August 29 2009 07:19 arb wrote:
just get drunk, the ones who dont make fun of you the next day are your true friends
ouch, you must of had a rough life.
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charliemurphy has the correct idea
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Going out with your roomates, even to places you don't think you would normally frequent, is a great networking idea. For starters you will most likely see a different side of your roomates as people tend to act differently based on surroundings, and you may find out that you really have a lot more in common with them or just the opposite. Also, especially early, it is all about networking. Being in a small group makes it easier to meet others and make more connections, and maybe find a group of people who you really can relate with.
Don't be afraid to also do what Charlie Murphy was saying, especially early in the school year there are way more people in your situation then you think. Just have fun too  dont let the pressure surmount.
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PS- don't walk up and introduce yourself right off the bat and avoid words like excuse me. It makes you seem very robotic and formal or a lesser value person. You just wanna start a casual conversation with someone who you want to be friends with potentially.
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LOL how is coming up to a girl and talking to her creepy?
CM that sounds like pretty good advice, not much can go wrong and there are plenty of possibilities.
OP I'd follow his advice, if you are too shy to come up to a chick and talk to her do it until you are not shy. You don't have to ask her out or anything just talk.
Have fun in school man! Let loose a bit and try different things Just keep your grades up as well is my advice.
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On August 29 2009 07:25 CharlieMurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2009 07:16 paper wrote:On August 29 2009 07:09 CharlieMurphy wrote:
main advice to you is to go to the cafeteria or som3e gathering place, find a girl and ask her about said party(ies) and see what she thinks (explain your situation its a good opener even if your not trying to game her). A few things will happen, 1) She will know of it and you can go to the party with her and have a gay old time. 2) She will not know and you can invite her and " " , 3) She will know of a better party, and you can go to that with her, 4) Fuck the party, set up a date with her instead.
When all is said and done, you have a new friend/gf and possible party hookup. that's uh sorta creepy how is that creepy? just walk up to a girl who's not really busy, or going through a food line, hop in line with her, and say "hey I got a question/dilemma, maybe you can help me with it?" and so on. Then introduce yourself if the conversation is going well. Obviously, I skipped all the specific details of small talk included in each of the 4 (maybe more possibilities), obviously your not gonna go "hey do you know about this party?" and if she says yes you're not gonna go "OK COOL IM COMING WITH YOU" although, that might actually work as cocky funny.
the fact that you're CM is creepy :D
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go to the frat parties with your roommates. you might like them, and you'll get to know your roommates better.
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just do what u want and ull find ur niche eventually
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For some reason at TCU frat parties aren't so in. Instead there is parties thrown in nearby neighborhoods of the campus that ARE JUST BALLING OUT OF CONTROL. You know the party is the shit when its 2am, 10 kegs are empty, and all they have left is nasty ass jello shots along with shots of McCormick Vodka out of the plastic jugs.
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dude just get shitfaced. everything will work itself out. you'll make new friends. balls up on some fine ass chicks and maybe some not so fine ass chicks. but pussy all the same. anyways yea get hammered and live.
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Don't go to frat parties along and not knowing anyone. it's really intimidating when you walk in by yourself and seeing that you're posting this on a forum, chances are you aren't exactly the most outgoing person in the world. go to a party with your roommates and get drunk and meet people. it's not that hard. don't worry.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
frat groups r either gunna be a pathetic group of faggots, or a group of cool guys
good luck on ur choices
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Unlike a lot of other schools where frat parties are the social norm, the ones at Berkeley are actually seen for what they are...a bunch of homophobic meatheads.
To meet people, it's actually kind of hard for transfer students to meet people. By the time you start, most juniors are already part of their own cliques so you're best off trying to meet other transfer students. Even though people are starting to settle into their own cliques and you don't think you really fit in, just hang out with them. Meeting people through other people is one of the most convenient ways to make friends without being creepy. You may very well never find your clique at school, but that's kind of how reality works. You're a lot more likely just to have individual friends from different cliques than you are to find a truly compatible group to be around (at least at a big school).
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EPT
