Effectively, while I’m playing SC2, I become confused and frightened by something in the game, then find myself staring at some piece of scenery or other, trying desperately to figure out just why it was put there. I mean, I know that this stuff is almost always just there because someone at Blizzard had this conversation:
Developer A: Hey, we can’t have our whole map looking all bland and rubbish.
Developer B: Throw in some totally cool tech junk, people love all that tech junk.
Developer A: What should I put in? We should spend some time making sure it’s all consistent and-
Developer B: Lunchtime! Send a request for some tech down to the art department and we'll grab a pizza.
Developer B: Throw in some totally cool tech junk, people love all that tech junk.
Developer A: What should I put in? We should spend some time making sure it’s all consistent and-
Developer B: Lunchtime! Send a request for some tech down to the art department and we'll grab a pizza.
That’s all well and good for them, but for those of us who happen to suffer from a desperate need to rationalise everything we see in games? I’ve been trying to rationalise every structure I see in SC2, giving each a function, some sense of purpose.
SirJolt’s Unified Rave Theorem:
In order for us to fully understand the way in which technology has accumulated in the ways it has in StarCraft 2, we must first understand just what kind of race would produce the technologies we encounter. While it might seem a bit of a leap, I feel it’s likely that Terran society is built largely on a single key cultural feature – an all encompassing need to attend raves. I understand it might seem a bit of a leap, but stay with me.
Smoke Machines:
One of the things that’s always bugged me about SC2 is that, for space-faring races, there’s very little in the line of orbital intelligence. It seems as though the “fog of war” is the only reason not to gain insight into combat from space. That makes sense on planets with atmospheres, but a lot less sense on asteroids… unless you consider the fact that Smoke Machines enhance raves in pretty much every way possible.
As you can see, there are even some totally sweet rave lights off to the right hand side, located conveniently close to the smoke machine, to enhance the psychedelic effect. Can you imagine being in a club while the red lights lanced through that smoke? Terran’s have the best parties.
Here we have a shot of another smoke machine, this time with an adjacent DJ booth. The massive pipes between the PC and the smoke machine probably allow the DJ to directly control how much smoke is produced. While this is incredible cool, it has the downside of also shrouding the entire map in a thick fog. The end result is, as you might have guessed, the whole map being pretty much impossible to navigate unless you’ve got a man on the ground.
Reimagining the ComSat:
The descriptions of the “Scanner Sweep” ability have been a bit vague, with some just suggesting that “The orbital command has the ability to temporarily clear the fog of war and detect all units within the target area…”
Now, I understand that if there’s a physical fog preventing you from seeing through something, then a satellite from space would definitely be really helpful. If we’re opening our minds to the idea that the fog of war is an actual fog then there are other options for the Scanner Sweep.
Whenever someone scans me, I quickly lay down all the scans I've saved up (because I play hardcore - without mules) to block his vision.
Consider, if you will, that the humble scan is deployed from orbit, not as an array of sensor equipment, but as a large, semi-transparent fan. This fan swings around a weighted central axis as it falls to earth, blowing all of the fog away from a particular area. Once all of the fog is out of the way, units can see easily.
I understand that many of you are now thinking, “But how would that help to detect cloaked units!?” Clearly, the fan bumping against the surface of a cloaked unit can be used to send a signal back to the Orbital Command, it’s hardly rocket science.
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And before anyone asks how it detects burrowed units, I’m just going to say that I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet. I presume the sweep is composed of WIMPs (that's weakly interacting massive particles to all you dark matter geeks out there), which would easily pass into the ground.
Above: The Gen. 1 Orbital Command, also known as the Orbital Command 3G.
It makes sense that sometimes there would be a need to clean the fog away from the rave, in case anyone needed to get away to a raved-out hospital or anything. That would mean we should expect to see a non-militarised Orbital Command-style structure on rave-worlds… and surprise surprise, there it is.
On Planet Rave, the most common cause of hospitalisation is recreational stimpack abuse.
There’s nothing like seeing the lights shine through the fog and across the creep, especially when you’re off your face on stims.
Ghost Factory:
If you’ve got everyone dancing all night and out of their minds on stimpacks, then you’d do well to have something to do when you’re too tired to dance anymore. I’m not sure quite what those people would elect to do, but by then we’d be talking about completely 3D movies being a total bore.
The ghosts around the top are surplus to requirements, but will likely be made to perform in some kind of ghost pantomime.
You know what never gets boring? Ghosts. If I lived in the future, I would totally go and see a theatrical performance starring some ghosts, and if ghosts come from anywhere (apart from just harnessing the souls of the damned) they’d come from a structure like the above.
Speaker Systems:
If you’re going to be running a planet-wide rave, you’re going to need some serious speaker systems. The nice things about the Unified Rave Theorem is that it can be used to explain away a lot of pretty out there looking bits of kit…
You see these massive light-up towers? Speakers. Huge, Windows Media Player visualisation speakers.
Closing:
Space Rave, that is all.
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Why does having a shield allow a marine to take more stimpacks? Is the inside of the shield lined with syringes?