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Wts up guys, i've been a member of teamliquid for a while now, and its my pleasure to let u all know that one of the members became a valedictorian of his school, and since there are some smart people in this site, im sure im not the first. i just want some comments on my valedictorian speech. the graduation is this thursday. the graduation is at 1 30 and its going to be hot, and there are going to be four speakers, two val two sal, so i tried to keep it short. so here goes:
How’s it going, ladies and gentleman, TeamLiquid high school district board members, distinguished guests, faculty, parents, and class of ’06. My name is DN2perfectionGM
My friends gave me two advice on making my speech.
One, keep it short. It’ll probably be pretty hot during graduation.
Two, better make it good because I’m the first Korean ever to be a valedictorian of Teamliquid High School and I better represent my country right.
With that said, I want to share with you one lesson that I learned in high school, and one only. That is, overcome your fears! Only then we could find out what kind of talents we truly have.
In high school, we pretty much conquered the fear of doing things that we don’t want to do and the fear of sitting in one place for too long. For instance, we all sat through and endured five hours of SAT on a Saturday morning. And that was an accomplishment!
And ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to say that just a few weeks ago, I conquered one of my fears. The fear of height, the fear of roller coasters. I went to Six Flags, and of all the rides, I rode the famous Goliath! And I didn’t cry. But I became a man. Then I got used to riding the roller coaster, the fear simply vanished. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that for the most part, every fear and limitation that we have are like my fear of roller coasters. It takes courage to step out of the comfort zone but after the first time, one gets used to the situation, and becomes ready for a bigger challenge.
We’ve all been given talents, and it’s up to us to use them. So explore them and use them! Don’t waste them.
Finally, thank you God for giving me this opportunity to speak in front of thousands. Thank you mom and dad, for giving me the chance to have my education in the United States and pushing me every time I get a B+, in progress reports. I would like to thank my friends, you guys were the flavor and spice of my high school years. Also, I wont forget the Korean tree, it has been my sanctuary. And I would like to thank all the teachers in Teamliquid High. And thank you for listening.
[edit] appreciate all the comments. i'll definitely consider all the advise, and i'll post the edited version. again, thx for all the help 
and ya, my english is still sort of weak, weak enough to mispell critique; i think i spent too much time scing
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I don't like it. It's all over the place and really unfocused and doesnt really relate to the rest of the class. And your mini stories suck.
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Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
don't write something you don't mean or aren't really feeling. it sounds cheap and honestly imparts nothing. did you spend any time on this?
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Are you really gonna say thanks fellow Koreans?
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On June 12 2006 17:04 mnm wrote:
-_- wtf
agreed
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It shouldn't be too long, but this is definitely too short. Like omgbnetsux said, it'll only take a minute to read. Also, the valedictorian speech should be focused on the whole class of '06, not just you.
This last part is my own personal feeling and I don't know what everyone else feels about it, but I don't like it too much when people bring nationality/ethnicity into speeches. That's just me though*
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Frankly, unless you thank teamliquid and rattle off a list of moderators and members like nobody's business, offering no explanation and focusing entirely on them to the exclusion of everyone else in your school, I don't care. (plus you need to tape it and post it).
"I would like to thank rekrul for all the tough love when my posting quality slipped; hotbid for the numerous laughs we've shared; Murph for being my 24-7 personal trainer; and most of all Manifesto7; whether you're living it up Japn with your lovely bride, or writing battle reports in heaven, all of teamliquid would like to thank you for your dedication and wish you luck in your endeavors, otherwordly or not"
Seriously, if you did that, I guarantee nobody would forget your speech.
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On June 12 2006 16:53 DN2perfectionGM wrote:
Six weeks ago, this guy was coming at my base with two rockvees and an ambo - and all I've got is a Jarmen, two scorps and a quad. And I didn’t cry. But I became a man.
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On June 12 2006 16:59 omgbnetsux wrote:
Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath.
I care! Goliath was fucking sweet! Of course, you sat in the back like a *bitch* (with Ryan, no less) while John and I sat up front. We both agreed to put our arms up on the first big drop but put them down the moment we entered that first tunnel--scary stuff! Then we had caramel apples--which I think you purchased for us, you big sweetheart--before leaving.
As true and heartfelt as that above story is, it's bad for the same reasons your speech is.
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definitely cut the six flag shit or dont elaborate on it too much. focus on topic related on future, happiness, success? u focus on the whole class of 06. I believe the speech is not about you.. You just use yourself as an example for your topic.( I THNK)
btw our valedictorian is a hardworker but is a mere weakling. "I switch from engineering major(her dream) to nursing because my dad is fully concern about my future(probably the dad convince that it's too risky)" (forgot the quote on the school newspaper article, but she state something like that, i despised and look down on anyone who drop their dream just for a dumb reason)
I think the introduction is really intresting(the first 3 paragraph)
TL will give you an online applause if you end: "GG NO RE"
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On June 12 2006 17:20 -_- wrote:
Frankly, unless you thank teamliquid and rattle off a list of moderators and members like nobody's business, offering no explanation and focusing entirely on them to the exclusion of everyone else in your school, I don't care. (plus you need to tape it and post it).
"I would like to thank rekrul for all the tough love when my posting quality slipped; hotbid for the numerous laughs we've shared; Murph for being my 24-7 personal trainer; and most of all Manifesto7; whether you're living it up Japn with your lovely bride, or writing battle reports in heaven, all of teamliquid would like to thank you for your dedication and wish you luck in your endeavors, otherwordly or not"
Seriously, if you did that, I guarantee nobody would forget your speech.
hahahaha
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i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque....
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On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque....
ACTUALLY IT IS SPELT CRITIQUE WITH AN I, LOL YOUVE BEEN RE-ASSHOLED!
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On June 12 2006 17:25 DJEtterStyle wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 16:59 omgbnetsux wrote:
Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath. I care! Goliath was fucking sweet! Of course, you sat in the back like a *bitch* (with Ryan, no less) while John and I sat up front. We both agreed to put our arms up on the first big drop but put them down the moment we entered that first tunnel--scary stuff! Then we had caramel apples--which I think you purchased for us, you big sweetheart--before leaving. As true and heartfelt as that above story is, it's bad for the same reasons your speech is. First seat is for pussies, you are already half way down the slope before the tail catches up giving you any momentum. The back seat is always moving at full speed and catches the most whiplash and g's.
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On June 12 2006 17:42 VdP]EpiphaNy wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque.... ACTUALLY IT IS SPELT CRITIQUE WITH AN I, LOL YOUVE BEEN RE-ASSHOLED! i think a typo is a lot less assholish than an obvious misunderstanding of the word. Seriously, valedictorian should know this.
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No offense, but that was pretty bad. Most speeches of this type are either congratulatory with a serious, thoughtful point or humerous and witty. Yours was neither. The entire time I was reading it I had no clue what the point of your speech was. You talked about accomplishing fears yet you didn't actually relate it to anything that anyone in the class would give a shit about.
Finally, the whole race and god thing should be kept out. Adding either is just going to cause a stink with people who aren't of that race/religion.
Start over, use a bit of that creative, validictorian brain of yours, and come up with something worth listening to.
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That was pretty bad. I think the speech is supposed to motivate students and leave an overall warm feeling for everyone that hears it. In short, the speech isn't about you. I guess thanking your parents would be fine (might not want to leave out teachers and such). I would take out the whole Goliath part, because frankly, people would be like "wtf". Also, no one cares that you're Korean. You say "ladies and gentlemen" too much. I guess the Goliath thing would work if you shortened the intro alot. Something like: "I’m proud to say that just a few weeks ago, I conquered one of my fears. The fear of height, the fear of roller coasters. It takes courage to step out of the comfort zone but after the first time, one gets used to the situation, and becomes ready for a bigger challenge", and just elaborate on life lessons blah blah blah. I would avoid anecdotes that no one would really care to listen to. I'd go for the sappy approach and make as many people cry as I possibly could, good luck. 
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you could blow your brains out on stage in front of everybody, that would be fucking exciting.
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You could go the route of someone who graduated valedictorian from my high school this year: make fun of the education system.
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i think your goals here should be
- bring everybody together, make them feel the speech is about them
- make people laugh
- make people feel good about graduation and the future
- give people something to think about
so:
- your stories should be stories that most of the whole school can relate to
- don't talk about being korean... that will make non-koreans feel isolated
- i wouldn't bring up God if you're at a public school
i think alternating serious and funny bits works well. talk about things that are specific to your school... like poke fun of one of the strange habits of one of the teachers, then genuinely thank them (and all teachers) for helping you through whatever. bring in particular things at your school; like if they're crazy about football mention that, or some strange feature of the building, the principal, etc. you can keep this part related to some theme... conquering fears could work. or friendship, learning, etc.
if you're all going to be dressed up, then for the keeping it short bit you could joke about how you want to get out of your suit, especially cuz of the weather
then end with some sappy bit talking about how much you've all grown and accomplished throughout your high school thx to teamliquid.net and how it's so inspiring how people are all going their separate ways after high school, but you'll never forget how awesome blahblahblah
good luck, and congrats!
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On June 12 2006 18:47 Polemarch wrote:
i think your goals here should be
- bring everybody together, make them feel the speech is about them
- make people laugh
- make people feel good about graduation and the future
- give people something to think about
I agree. Make them laugh and feel good. Your original speech sounds incredibly self-centered. (thank God for letting me... thank mom etc...)
Tell a joke, recall a funny moment (or a few) that happend during your 4 years. Say you had a great time and then be done :p
They (the school) aren't assigning you stuff and constantly forcing revisions are they? At my school we had like 10 people given speeches and they were all giving specific criteria and topics to write about, and they all had to turn in several rough drafts and do the revisions that the teachers asked for. It was like a fucking homework assignment, and then graduation sucked because it was really really really hot while thousands of people fell asleep during some empty speeches >.<
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I took the liberty of writing you a valedictorian speech.
Valedictorian Speech--Never Stop Learning
by decafchicken
Well, we have finally made it! And, I am sure some of you are happy to see some of us leave Hoxie. We have been quite rambunctious, as you could tell from Brandon's speech. But, hey, didn't we bring laughter to your life?
Aristotle once said "The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet." I agree with this comment, but he failed to mention anything about writing a speech. I think the quote should read like this: "The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet, unless you are the valedictorian and have to give a speech after the man with a prolific vocabulary, Brandon Deines." One teacher quickly set aside my fears and told me to write from the heart. He said "The key is NOT the precise words or language or quotes or scholarly remarks ... it is that you SHARE YOURSELF with your classmates, your mom, the school community, relatives and friends ..." So, here it goes Mr. Olson.
To begin, I would like to say something to the teachers. On the behalf of my entire class, thank you. Thank you for teaching us, for leading us, for building us up as adults. I know that we have not given back to you due respect. I know that we have not told you how much we appreciate you taking time out of your schedules to help us. And I know that we have not said thank you for giving us a wonderful education. So, I hope that as I say thanks, you can forget our shortcomings and remember us for who we are and not from the mistakes we have made.
I would also like to say thank you to the community of Hoxie. We have asked you for so much, and you have always provided.
On a more personal note, I want to say thank you to my family. I think my grandmother was more excited about me getting valedictorian than I was. Everytime I saw her, she would ask me if I knew yet. She even called me Thursday night to see if I had any news. Well, Grandma, I have news for you now. Mom, I haven't forgotten you. Afterall, you were the one harping on me to start writing my speech weeks ago. Again, you were right. Maybe I should have listened to you. Thanks Mom. Thanks for proofing my papers, baking cookies at 10 o'clock at night, and encouraging me to do my best. I couldn't have done this without you. Oh, and I can't forget my sister. She won't let me. I once made the mistake of not including her on my webpage and she let me know about it. OK, Daylene, I said your name.
I can't forget my father either. In fact, the topic of my short speech is somewhat about my father. He was a man of extreme intelligence and he never stopped his education. As he relaxed from a hard day's work, one would often find him watching the History, Discovery, and Learning Channels, or reading a book to gain more knowledge. So, this is what I am saying to you: Never Stop Learning. This applies to everyone: not only to you as graduates but also to you in the audience. There is another wonderful quote by Aristotle that can express my feelings further. He was asked how much educated men were superior to the uneducated. He said, "As much as the living are to the dead." Do not be a dead, uneducated person, but rather yearn, as Tennyson said, "to follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought." In fact, I encourage you to read all of Tennyson's "Ulysses," For at some point in our lives, we may be in a similar situation. Graduates, be Ulysses. Never stop learning. Always be willing "to try, to seek, to find..." Our education will not stop today. As Edward Gibbon stated, "Every man who rises above the common level has received two educations: the first from his teachers; the second, more personal and important, from himself." As we leave, perhaps for college, parents remember that we are still learning. Do not fear for us for we are only becoming ourselves. I would like to close with a poem by Susan Schutz. It may help the parents as well as the graduates in the upcoming months. It is entitled "We Cannot Listen..."
We cannot listen to what others want us to do
We must listen to ourselves
Society...family...friends do not know what we must do
Only we know
and only we can do what is right for us
So start right now
You will need to work very hard
You will need to overcome many obstacles
You will need to go against the judgment of other people
and you will need to bypass their prejudices
But you can have whatever you want if you try hard enough
So start right now and you will live a life designed by you and for you
and you will love your life.
Thank you.
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I'm not going to bother reading the speech or anyone else's comments about it. All I will say is I can't believe you were valedictorian of even the worst school in the poorest ghetto in the United States and don't know the difference between "critic" and "critique." 2nd grade vocabulary anyone?
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Bosnia-Herzegovina1381 Posts
Am I the only person who thought that this was a joke?
I'ts OBVIOUSLY a joke!
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Lame. You're obviously a big nerd. Sorry, but you shoulda had more fun in highschool.
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hey decafchicken, don't pretend like you wrote that speech. i actually read that speech online from else where. and missthemark, this is not a joke. i am for the better or worse a valedictorian and that is the draft of my speech. and xebra, its fine that you won't read my speech or other comments about the speech because i "don't know the difference between 'critic' and 'critique.'" But why do u bother to comment then?
I realize that my speech needs a lot of work. And I realize that TL is a sc site and half the comments are going to be raw. And just by commenting, I'll appear like some sensative sissy that can't take criticism. Well, it was a tough pill to swallow, but i appreciate them all. thx.
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people are just gunna walk away once u start talking about the Goliath Rofl.
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is awesome32277 Posts
This is how your speech should look like.
"*High School principal calls you on stage*
Yacine: *walks up to stage* (by the way i made your name Yacine because it fitted into the story)
Somebody: 42!
Y: Yes. 42. Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. I, uh, I don't actually have a speech prepared because I didn't know that this was going to happen today.
Somebody in the crowd: Bad start!
Y: Yeah, you know what? It actually isn't when you think about it. I don't have anything planned so I'm just gonna go ahead and wing it. Hi. I'm Yacine. You might know me from school. I think that most of you know me, actually a few of you fear me. That's good. I like that. And practically none of you respect me. And you know what? That's fine. It's perfectly fine. I haven't done anything particularly deserving of respect, I don't want your respect and I don't need it. Who wants respect? No. What I do want, and what I do need is your support. Your support is what I need above all else, after of course, your collective friendship. You're very friendly people. Let me tell you why it is I need your support.
*start pacing*
Consider if you will.... the internet. It's a scientifically proven fact that the internet is serious business. This speech is also serious business, which is something that the other people making speeches often forget to mention. This speech is also serious business. Therefore, this speech is the internet. Do you see what I did there?
dronebabo: I see what you did there!
Me: dronebabo saw what I did there. Ladies and gentlemen, now is not the time for false modesty; I am really good at the internet. I rock at the internet, I could kick your ass at the internet. To give you an example, no more than say, half a dozen of you know what a swarm of ninjas is . Or how unexpected a Jinjo can be. You don't know what Mass Carriers entail, or that they are an instant win. I'm not gonna go into an anecdote about how this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just to sit right there and tell you all how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. I digress. This speech is serious business and I know that some of you are expressing doubts as to how the hell i got selected for doing this speech. Few of you know this, but when it comes down to serious business, I can be very down to earth. I can be very down to fire. I can be very down to wind. I can be very down to water. I can be very down to heart. I can be very down to GOOOO PLANET. I can be very down to BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I am Captain Planet. The power is yours. Have fun.
*standing ovation* *clapping*"
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Open with a joke:
how much does a polar bear weight?
Just enough to break the ice.
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keep it lively, tihs is too serious. and cut out the god about thanking god.. its cliche and sounds awful. gl.
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On June 12 2006 19:28 IntoTheWow wrote:
This is how your speech should look like.
"*High School principal calls you on stage*
Yacine: *walks up to stage* (by the way i made your name Yacine because it fitted into the story)
Somebody: 42!
Y: Yes. 42. Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. I, uh, I don't actually have a speech prepared because I didn't know that this was going to happen today.
Somebody in the crowd: Bad start!
Y: Yeah, you know what? It actually isn't when you think about it. I don't have anything planned so I'm just gonna go ahead and wing it. Hi. I'm Yacine. You might know me from school. I think that most of you know me, actually a few of you fear me. That's good. I like that. And practically none of you respect me. And you know what? That's fine. It's perfectly fine. I haven't done anything particularly deserving of respect, I don't want your respect and I don't need it. Who wants respect? No. What I do want, and what I do need is your support. Your support is what I need above all else, after of course, your collective friendship. You're very friendly people. Let me tell you why it is I need your support.
*start pacing*
Consider if you will.... the internet. It's a scientifically proven fact that the internet is serious business. This speech is also serious business, which is something that the other people making speeches often forget to mention. This speech is also serious business. Therefore, this speech is the internet. Do you see what I did there?
dronebabo: I see what you did there!
Me: dronebabo saw what I did there. Ladies and gentlemen, now is not the time for false modesty; I am really good at the internet. I rock at the internet, I could kick your ass at the internet. To give you an example, no more than say, half a dozen of you know what a swarm of ninjas is . Or how unexpected a Jinjo can be. You don't know what Mass Carriers entail, or that they are an instant win. I'm not gonna go into an anecdote about how this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just to sit right there and tell you all how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. I digress. This speech is serious business and I know that some of you are expressing doubts as to how the hell i got selected for doing this speech. Few of you know this, but when it comes down to serious business, I can be very down to earth. I can be very down to fire. I can be very down to wind. I can be very down to water. I can be very down to heart. I can be very down to GOOOO PLANET. I can be very down to BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I am Captain Planet. The power is yours. Have fun.
*standing ovation* *clapping*" ROFL
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On June 12 2006 19:21 DN2perfectionGM wrote:
hey decafchicken, don't pretend like you wrote that speech. i actually read that speech online from else where.
wtf i spend half an hour writing you a speech better than that disgraceful jumble of words you call a speech. then you have the balls to come and tell me that i copied it from somewhere online. all i have to say is fuck you
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intothewow is all your stuff original? cuz god damn its good
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On June 12 2006 19:28 IntoTheWow wrote:
This is how your speech should look like.
"*High School principal calls you on stage*
Yacine: *walks up to stage* (by the way i made your name Yacine because it fitted into the story)
Somebody: 42!
Y: Yes. 42. Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. I, uh, I don't actually have a speech prepared because I didn't know that this was going to happen today.
Somebody in the crowd: Bad start!
Y: Yeah, you know what? It actually isn't when you think about it. I don't have anything planned so I'm just gonna go ahead and wing it. Hi. I'm Yacine. You might know me from school. I think that most of you know me, actually a few of you fear me. That's good. I like that. And practically none of you respect me. And you know what? That's fine. It's perfectly fine. I haven't done anything particularly deserving of respect, I don't want your respect and I don't need it. Who wants respect? No. What I do want, and what I do need is your support. Your support is what I need above all else, after of course, your collective friendship. You're very friendly people. Let me tell you why it is I need your support.
*start pacing*
Consider if you will.... the internet. It's a scientifically proven fact that the internet is serious business. This speech is also serious business, which is something that the other people making speeches often forget to mention. This speech is also serious business. Therefore, this speech is the internet. Do you see what I did there?
dronebabo: I see what you did there!
Me: dronebabo saw what I did there. Ladies and gentlemen, now is not the time for false modesty; I am really good at the internet. I rock at the internet, I could kick your ass at the internet. To give you an example, no more than say, half a dozen of you know what a swarm of ninjas is . Or how unexpected a Jinjo can be. You don't know what Mass Carriers entail, or that they are an instant win. I'm not gonna go into an anecdote about how this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just to sit right there and tell you all how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. I digress. This speech is serious business and I know that some of you are expressing doubts as to how the hell i got selected for doing this speech. Few of you know this, but when it comes down to serious business, I can be very down to earth. I can be very down to fire. I can be very down to wind. I can be very down to water. I can be very down to heart. I can be very down to GOOOO PLANET. I can be very down to BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I am Captain Planet. The power is yours. Have fun.
*standing ovation* *clapping*"
Okay...I say you use this. This is amazing.
But, just to add along to the general opinion on your speech, I'd have to agree and say that was pretty terrible. I still am debating in my mind, whether or not this is just a joke because of how poorly it was written. It almost seemed like you were trying to write it that bad. People before me have basically said everything I was going to say concerning revisions, but good luck.
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Ok, some honest criticism
scrap it and start over
I don't see how a high school valedictorian speech could get any more generic than with an anecdote about the SAT. I mean I could be from Trinidad and Tobago and would probably still think that's a cliche.
"overcoming your fears" is a pretty tricky topic to cover because you don't want to get too heavy with the sob stories, but you don't want to completely trivialize the real fears that people have actually overcome (and trivialize is exactly what you've done with your six flags story). I mean, imagine some guy is sitting in the audience who has overcome cancer. You think he wants to hear your shitty story about "goliath" and how it relates to overcoming fears? That's just disrespectful.
I would leave your "koreanness" out of it. That's an in-joke for your friends maybe at best, and at worst it'll just be crickets.
And a sob story about your B+ on progress reports? Believe me, even those that can relate don't want to hear that. And what about the people that got straight C's? You think they really give a rat's ass about the valedictorian's trials with B+ on a progress report? Jesus.
Be universal, be insightful, inject some real humor, and HAVE A THEME.
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Put this in your speech:
Integral z-squared dz
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of 'e'.
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The valedictorian of our high school was chosen based on who among the top 5% had the best speech. The salutatorian of our high school was chosen based on who among the people who weren't in academic or disciplinary probation wrote the best speech.
My speech wasn't as good so I didn't get valedictorian and I wasn't even considered for salutatorian. Idiots. Valedictorian and Salutatorian means NOTHING!!!
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You proved you could make the grades, now prove that you can appeal to your peers.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
Here is this year's Valedictory Oration at university commencement (ie graduation)
It's a nice piece of work.
I want to begin by saying that I never, until about six weeks ago when they told me, pictured myself standing here and speaking before this audience. I consider it one of the greatest privileges of my life. And thank you to the class of 2006, and to the faculty and administration for this honor.
Frankly, though, this honor frightens me. Events like this tend to bring out the worst in my personality -- and as my friends would tell you, I get a little humorless and grave. When I was in high school I got to give a valedictory address, and I started out by telling everyone that, since we were all about 18 years old, and since everyone lives about 77 years in the United States, we could really all consider ourselves about 23 percent dead, give or take a few. I was really into the idea at the time, but I don't think the audience appreciated hearing it as much as I appreciated telling them.
Today we are gathered for a similar ceremony, and, as time would have it, four or five years have ticked away since the end of high school. Now everyone's a little older but also a little wiser. But I don't want to repeat my role as some sort of fake insurance actuary -- I've already learned in the past four years that there are better ways to get people's attention than telling them they're going to die -- but I do want to do right by the occasion, and today's occasion, or at least a good portion of it, feels as weighty to me as anything I've ever known. I think for all of us, graduating from Princeton marks a moment of transformation that will continue to reveal its significance to us as we live out the rest of our lives, all the way until the end. Even without the interpretive aid of a few made-up statistics, it should be plain for anyone to see that this graduation ceremony is a mixture of celebration and holy dread, with all its sunny prospects streaked by moving shadows of uncertainty. Today is the commencement of our new lives in the wider world, and, at least to me, that brings on its own little heart attack of excitement and fear.
Just look at us. I think I can say without bragging that today we stand together as one of the most capable, intelligent groups of people anywhere in the world. And it blows my mind to be a part of it. We've spent nearly half a decade together in the best University in the country, learning how to think for ourselves, how to criticize, how to solve problems for the greater good. Now we're ready to apply that education to the rest of our lives. And to that end, Princeton has been an incredible incubator: It has indulged our minds, and our minds have grown. Perhaps more importantly, it has kept us nestled away from the intellectually toxic culture of our time. This culture respects power more than ability, it respects answers more than inquiry and it respects naked opinion more than nuance. We should be grateful that Princeton has given us the safety to immerse ourselves in a rich suspension of people and ideas so that we could develop our intellect and our character uninterrupted. I think we should regard this moment of graduation, therefore, as a crowning moment, not just in the sense that we have achieved much in our time at Princeton, but in consideration of the more arcane sense of the word "crowning" that refers to the first moments of birth: Today we are delivered from this amniotic environment of campus life, vulnerable and untested, into a world that mostly reasons backwards. Let's remember that the receptiveness that we have to our lives right now is a beautiful and potentially catastrophic thing, so that when our surroundings try to change us, we know that we will always have the power to push back and change our surroundings.
Now, I have a friend back home in Spokane who once told me that he once read somewhere that someone once said that the people in history who have truly changed the world all made the decision to become world-changing people by the time they were 25, or 23, or some uncomfortably low number like that. Now factually speaking, there's no way this is true, but as a concept, for us, a group of people at a decisive age, I find it terribly compelling. We are leaving behind not only the careful structure of campus life, but also the broader phase of our lives marked by a careful adherence to structure. For the most part, we students have only known time in two divisions -- school and summer -- and we've always had a neat latticework of expectations and rewards to fit over the surfaces of our day-to-day existence. This school structure has allowed us to grow and flourish, but it has always been external to who we are as people, and to what we might want out of life. Graduating from college traps us in an exhilarating and terrifying moment: On the one hand, we finally have the freedom to choose for ourselves the rhythms and the priorities that will guide us through life. On the other hand, the burden of commitment is now upon us, and it will always be easier to adopt someone else's idea of what life should be than to formulate our own. Of course, there's no arbitrary cut-off age that renders the rest of our decisions impotent -- time is usually more forgiving than I think we would allow it to be. But we also shouldn't wait for courage to appear out of nowhere. Let's recognize our loves and passions and values, and have those determine what structure our lives take on, and not the other way around. I think this is the choice that will make all the difference in the world.
Now I'm not saying that I really have any answers here -- after all, I was a music major and I spent most of my time wearing headphones, hoping nobody would bother me with this kind of thing. But, while I was writing my thesis, I kept learning a lesson over and over again, as I'm sure many of you did, that I think relates to this moment of mixed emotion. You see, I came into the music department as someone mostly interested in writing songs, and for my thesis I got to write three songs and arrange them and perform them with a band I put together. The process went kind of like this. First Paul Muldoon, who advised me on the lyrics, would tell me, "Find good material and stick with the language of the material. Quit trying to write it into a song." Then Dan Trueman, who advised me on the music, would tell me, "Find the tunes and instruments and arrangements that will clarify the material that you have in the words." Finally, David Kellett, my voice teacher, would tell me, "Your job as a singer is to find the material that's already there in the words and the notes, and to make it come alive as music." By the end, what I had to say in my songs had a lot more to do with what lay dormant in the material I chose to write about at the beginning of the process than with how willfully I tried to manipulate this material later.
For the members of the class of 2006, I can think of no more relevant wisdom than to find whatever it is that constitutes the source material of your life, and to keep extracting that material throughout the years. We are about to walk out of those gates and into adulthood in a world that keeps shifting underneath our feet, so we must be able to distinguish for ourselves between the surface and substance of who we are. Personally, I'm glad I can count Princeton among the experiences that have changed the substance of my life undeniably for the better, and I hope you can, too. And, please, before too many years tick by again, let's all remember that we are young. I know, this is Princeton, and there are plenty of 57-year-old men trapped in 22-year-old bodies out there. But let's all have the presence of mind to do stupid, bold things with our lives, and to never take ourselves so seriously that we can't toss everything we've learned out the window if the time calls for it. Congratulations, Princeton University class of 2006, on your crowning accomplishment, thank you for your friendship, and good luck with the next 69.444 percent of your lives
http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S14/96/15A46/index.xml?section=announcements
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rofl, I think I would do IntoTheWoW's speech if I knew I could get through the whole thing without cracking up
Gotta maintain composure for a speech like that :p
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Ok, I just reread your speech. I feel it is important, for your sake, to make it clear just how terrible your speech is. I don't mean to be a prick, but you really need to figure out how to appeal to a crowd. Talking about rollercoasters and God? Booo. Make it entertaining. People remember really good speeches, and really entertaining speeches. Since you obviously tried to make this one good and failed miserably, I'd suggest going for plan B. I'm sure there are some people around here that can help you.
Your speech even tastes like nerdy asian kid. =(
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
I just have one thing to say:
don't take this speech lightly,
sit down with it, spend time with it, your presented speech is a good first draft,
but its likely just your first thoughts.
think about yourself first and what has inspired you, what has been the most important thing in your life, for your future; then think about your audience; then just pretend you're in front of the students and just speak, and when you're able to really speak with an authentic and genuine voice, then you'll make a great speech.
i'd say yes, keep it short, but 3 mins is fine, yours would be like 45 seconds right now.
if you speak from the heart, then the 3 mins will go by so quickly.
if you need a guideline, just start with a quote; what it means to you as a graduate and for your and your classmate's future. then when you end, give a big smile and say, good luck.
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a) the word you were looking for is "critique"
b) your speech is terrible
c) Finally, thank you God for giving me this opportunity to wave my GIGANTIC E-PENIS in front of thousands.
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and, thank you God for giving me the intelligence to wonder why the fuck my location is set as Liberia. I must be brave and sit quietly for hours and ponder.
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seriously though
this is something that you'll need to figure out mostly on your own, and certainly not with the help of internet smartasses such as myself
when you get up there, it's just you and the shit you wrote and whatever it is that you have with the people out there
the actual shit you write ain't worth much. it's almost certainly gonna be more of that sappy shit intended to inspire and all that other crap so that these peons can go out there and gloriously fail in the effort and settle into mediocrity, so, don't put too much pressure on yourself.
gooooood luck
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Alright, here's your speech:
I'd like to start off this speech by blaming my classmates. That's right. I blame you. Perhaps if some of you females would have fallen victim to my obvious charm or maybe some of the guys would have asked me to go get high in the parking lot more often, I wouldn't have spent so much time in my basement studying and wouldn't be standing here right now - pissing my pants.
But given that things are what they are, and I can't become as viciously handsome as SaNteria overnight, I'll do my best to make the next few minutes worth your while.
This is typically the portion of the valedictorian speech where some pompous, self-righteous, book-nerd, gripped by self-satisfaction and a sudden feeling of justification for his wasted years in highschool stands on high and preeches down to the graduating class like the peasants that they are. Topics covered usually encompass but are not limited to: the future, growing up, some sort of vague 'transition' I don't quite understand. Apparently it's important.
Through such a speech, we gain a sense of success and importance. Nothing makes a class of a few hundred average-joes feel better than having some chump who hasn't kissed a girl tell them that they're 'the brightest and best graduating class, holding the keys to the future or some thing.'
Well, tough shit. Most of you will be lucky to be holding the keys to the Walmart electronics department in 5 years. We will all move on, that much is true, but in a society that has taught us that any child can be a lawyer or a doctor, we're also in for a big surprise.
My point is that we should stop looking to the future and whatever mysteries it holds and start looking to the present. Highschool is not the big jumping-off point we all like to pretend it is. If it was that important, you'd think more of us would have taken it seriously enough to be standing on this stage.
What highschool does represent is a time to have fun and make friendships that will last for the rest of our lives. So fuck the future. Look to the present. Look to tonight. Look to our last chance to get fucked up and make asses of ourselves while we're still young enough to get away with it.
(cracks beer, drinks it, rips off shirt).
Cheers!
edit: As a side note, I gave a speech at my highschool grad many moons ago. It was fucking rad. It wasn't significant, it wasn't weighty - what it was was relentlessly humorous. People remembered it, people liked it, it got a good reaction. I spent my time making fun of myself and everyone else in our grad class. It was a good time. My point is that there is a lot to be said for not taking oneself too seriously, ESPECIALLY in cases like this when you're expected to be boring and uptight.
Wooooo
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Austin10831 Posts
I suggest you scrap your entire speech and start over.
What you need to do is come to terms with what this speech actually is. It's an opportunity for you to unite your class at the end of four years together.
You can't get up to that podium and start doling out life lessons, or a sobering, heavy-handed sermon. Everyone in that audience sees you as an 18(?) year old kid. They're not going to take your advice on fear seriously unless you've actually overcome real world fear. I'm talking about the fear of not knowing if you have enough money for food, or if a family member will survive a crippling disease or accident. The fear of heights may be real to you, but to most of the people in that audience, it's just something made fun of in movies and TV shows. No one's going to relate to that, or that fact that you overcame it by riding a rollercoaster.
You should stay away from all this somber fare. Your classmates don't want to remember their SATs. They don't want to hear you thanking God or your Korean heritage. You're making a valedictorian speech, not accepting an Oscar.
My advice to you is to lighten the mood. You can be insightful, and impart good advice, but keep it upbeat. Open with a joke. It can be about a well-known teacher, some stupid assembly the whole class sat through, or even yourself, as long as the majority of the student audience will "get it".
Pick a strong, uniting theme, and stick to it. Talk about how the last four years brought many of you together, or some event at the school the class will always remember. Remind everyone about the things that made your high school years great (preferrably without any drinking, sex, or rampant vandalism).
I'm sure many people here, myself included, would be willing to help you with a final draft of this, but you really need to rework what you have altogether.
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lol i remember riding goliath i got the fucking worst whiplash, i coudlnt ride anything else after that... and it was the first ride too
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//ok this was too cruel lol. deleted.
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How do you say this nicely...?
It sucked. Far too informal, and it's all superficial with no depth, interest, insight or orginality.
Quit life asap.
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graduation speeches suck
someone put it pretty nicely:
"if you have nothing to say: stfu"
...
and yeah, your speech doesn't really say something and is in fact ... wait ... i'm not gonna say that.
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On June 12 2006 19:28 IntoTheWow wrote:
Me: dronebabo saw what I did there. Ladies and gentlemen, now is not the time for false modesty; I am really good at the internet. I rock at the internet, I could kick your ass at the internet. To give you an example, no more than say, half a dozen of you know what a swarm of ninjas is . Or how unexpected a Jinjo can be. You don't know what Mass Carriers entail, or that they are an instant win. I'm not gonna go into an anecdote about how this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just to sit right there and tell you all how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. I digress. This speech is serious business and I know that some of you are expressing doubts as to how the hell i got selected for doing this speech. Few of you know this, but when it comes down to serious business, I can be very down to earth. I can be very down to fire. I can be very down to wind. I can be very down to water. I can be very down to heart. I can be very down to GOOOO PLANET. I can be very down to BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I am Captain Planet. The power is yours. Have fun.
*standing ovation* *clapping*"
ROFLMFAO
By the way your speech blowed harder than a dirty whore in las vegas. (Interesting fact: prostitution is actually illegal in the county las vegas is in)
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lol even koreans are joking u that u are thanking ur korean heritage.
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On June 13 2006 02:40 l2ealization wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 19:28 IntoTheWow wrote:
Me: dronebabo saw what I did there. Ladies and gentlemen, now is not the time for false modesty; I am really good at the internet. I rock at the internet, I could kick your ass at the internet. To give you an example, no more than say, half a dozen of you know what a swarm of ninjas is . Or how unexpected a Jinjo can be. You don't know what Mass Carriers entail, or that they are an instant win. I'm not gonna go into an anecdote about how this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just to sit right there and tell you all how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. I digress. This speech is serious business and I know that some of you are expressing doubts as to how the hell i got selected for doing this speech. Few of you know this, but when it comes down to serious business, I can be very down to earth. I can be very down to fire. I can be very down to wind. I can be very down to water. I can be very down to heart. I can be very down to GOOOO PLANET. I can be very down to BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I am Captain Planet. The power is yours. Have fun.
*standing ovation* *clapping*" ROFLMFAO By the way your speech blowed harder than a dirty whore in las vegas. (Interesting fact: prostitution is actually illegal in the county las vegas is in)
omfg lmao
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Okay,
- if i were you, id leave korea out of it so u dont alienate every1 else!.
- if i had to sit through that fear of heights story, id punch u in the face after. j/k....
- Too korny
- dont talk about yourself but every1 in general; you arent the only 1 graduating!
- you dont talk about anything important, noone will remember it.
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On June 12 2006 20:12 zulu_nation8 wrote:
intothewow is all your stuff original? cuz god damn its good
you sound like after 5197 posts by intothew0w, you still dont know what hes like!
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Pfft, and I thought mine was pretty bad 
What you need to do is to have less "I"'s in the speech and more "we"s.
I'll check back when I come back from my lectures.
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'critique'
do you go to a "special" school?
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he valavictorian of dat skool yo
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On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque....
My thoughts exactly.....
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On June 13 2006 09:49 JiNGeaR wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque.... My thoughts exactly.....
Maybe a different language? Or a really really unfunny joke.
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Is it just me, or should it have been criticize and not critique? It's a fucking imperative!
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Perhaps this is irony. He is only feigning ignorance!?
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I think you should erase the word Korean totally. And the Six Flags thing was just stupid.
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Braavos36379 Posts
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Braavos36379 Posts
assisted by jeremy levine... =)
Ladies and gentlemen... before we begin, let me ask you one important question:
What is a valedictorian speech? Where does it come from? What does it mean? Does it have a meaning? Where does it come from? What is it made of? Is it made of ideas? Some might say it is made of ideas. Others contend that a valedictorian speech is made of words. People used to think that a valedictorian speech was made of words. Words from someone's mouth. Words that when spoken by said mouth, would be received by someone else's ears. Ears are part of your face, which is also the location where your mouth is. The mouth that emits the words. Of your valedictorian speech. Made of words.
Many people are smart. Many smart people are valedictorians. But do the two correlate? A recent study says yes. It says that being smart and being a valedictorian do correlate. That means that being smart corellates with being a valedictorian. You have to give a speech when you are valedictorian, so being smart also correlates with giving speeches. As valedictorian.
Thank you.
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That is worse than the one written by the guy who started the thread.
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Korea (South)11584 Posts
How’s it going, ladies and gentleman, TeamLiquid high school district board members, distinguished guests, faculty, parents, and class of ’06. My name is DN2perfectionGM
My friends gave me two advice on making my speech.
One, keep it short. It’ll probably be pretty hot during graduation.
Two, better make it good because I’m the first Korean ever to be a valedictorian of Teamliquid High School and I better represent my country right.
Is this supposed to be a joke? Cause I don't find it remarkly funny at all
With that said, I want to share with you one lesson that I learned in high school, and one only.
That is, overcome your fears! Only then we could find out what kind of talents we truly have.
In high school, we pretty much conquered the fear of doing things that we don’t want to do and the fear of sitting in one place for too long. For instance, we all sat through and endured five hours of SAT on a Saturday morning. And that was an accomplishment!
just an accomplishment? How about And that was quite a rewardable accomplishment
And ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to say that just a few weeks ago, I conquered one of my fears. The fear of height, the fear of roller coasters. I went to Six Flags, and of all the rides, I rode the famous Goliath! And I didn’t cry. But I became a man.
But intead, I became a man
Then I got used to riding the roller coaster, the fear simply vanished. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that for the most part, every fear and limitation that we have are like my fear of roller coasters. It takes courage to step out of the comfort zone but after the first time, one gets used to the situation, and becomes ready for a bigger challenge.
We’ve all been given talents, and it’s up to us to use them. So explore them and use them! Don’t waste them.
Finally, thank you God for giving me this opportunity to speak in front of thousands. Thank you mom and dad, for giving me the chance to have my education in the United States and pushing me every time I get a B+, in progress reports. I would like to thank my friends, you guys were the flavor and spice of my high school years. Also, I wont forget the Korean tree, it has been my sanctuary. And I would like to thank all the teachers in Teamliquid High. And thank you for listening.
Everything else is ok.
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Vatican City State1872 Posts
Making speeches is actually really easy, make a good opening that makes people think hard, put in some words in the middle that make you sound smart and make a really really strong closing that will make everyone happy.
The begining and ending are the only really important parts 
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On June 13 2006 12:00 CaucasianAsian wrote:
Everything else is ok.
Don't give him false hope like that.
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Yo, what the fuck is a Korean tree?
One of those little bonzai things?
When I googled Korean tree I got
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United States10774 Posts
Honestly, I would hate to listen to a speech like yours during a graduation. Talk about something that more people can relate to; nobody cares about your B+ progress report, Goliath, etc. I don't see any real humor in it either, so try to do a better job on that. Also I would not talk about heritage/religion in front of that many people, as some might feel isolated.
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United Kingdom10597 Posts
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A valedictorian speech usually isn't supposed to be a thank you speech, like for an award. It is usually given as a celebration with your peers for all of you accomplishing graduation, and a memorial to all your years together. Instead of the academy award acceptance style you have going on, perhaps you had better focus on what happened to get you all there and, more importantly, answer the all-important graduation question of "So what do we do now?" Remember, you are speaking as a representative of your entire class, not as one apart from them.
For mine, I outlined a typical day at our high school, highlighting funny and heartwarming events that had happened over the years that everyone could remember and feel a part of. I talked about the lessons that those everyday events taught us, like valuing diversity and serving others, and then urged the class to take those on into the real world. They seemed to like it.
Most important: Make 'em laugh. That's the best you can do for a sweaty arena full of people who just want to get to the after-party.
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Way to many lady's and gentlemans...
And btw, spend some f'in time on it.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000DGG5F.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg)
