EPTWell, I figured I could review a couple of movies for you guys, right now with the intention of saving you from sitting through Eli Roth's Hostel. I'll update this when I can with other movies. For now i'll start with Hostel, which I saw a few days ago. Excuse the waiting time from when I said I'd write it.. I got really busy and originally I intended on this to be a review, not a summary + review.
Hostel
We are immediately introduced to three guys; two American, one Icelandic. The movie starts out in Amsterdam, Nl. and the two Americans have presumably 'adopted' their European friend during their cross-continental pussy hunt. Directly from the get go we are forced to endure about 20 minutes or so of the main characters partying, doing lots of various drugs,getting kicked out of clubs, having sex with strangers, and thats about it.
The first real bit of story development occurs when the main characters are locked out of the Hostel they were staying at because of missing curfew. The trio: Paxton, Josh, and Uli climb into someones window, a Dutchmen named Alex. Alex is just chilling while his friend is busy having sex on the bed; no one really reacts to the sexual act, other than Ulti who is transfixed by it. They explain their situation to Alex and he shows them pictures on his camera phone of numerous nude women participating in various sexual acts, with him always appearing somewhere in between them. He tells them about an unlisted Hostel located East of Bratislava that apparently just basically has more beautiful sluts than one can count, and that they are practically yours at the mere sound of an American accent. The three men jump on the opportunity, and just when I thought the story might really pick up, I was dead wrong...
On the train ride they meet some creepy Dutchmen, and talks about how he eats his salad with his fingers, then touches Josh's leg. Josh flips out, and the guy leaves.
When the trio reach their Hostel, they open up their front door to see via mirror two partially nude women changing. Paxton genuinly apologizes and as they are backing out to close the door, the girls say something along the lines of "We don't care. This is your room, come on in." As they are still changing. The guys think its pretty damn awesome, and they quickly get to know the two girls. Josh and Paxton both pair up with one of the girls, and Uli had already paired up with an Asian women. Then we pretty much see the same old, lots and lots of unnessisary breast shots, clubbing, and so on. This time Josh says he needs to get a bit of air, as he has asthma and the smoke was bothering him. He is ambushed by a gang of little kids asking for smokes (must be about a dozen 8 year olds here). The guy from the train makes the save, giving the kids money and warns Josh to watch out for the kids. As the evening wraps up the guys end up having sex with the girls they paired off with and the next day they wake up to find that Uli is missing. The two guys are told Ulti checked out in the morning, so they are pretty confused, leave a note, etc.
While Josh and Paxton are searching for Uli they find him, and yell out for him and chase him around. Uli seems to be ignoring them, so they follow him all the way into a tourture themed museum. When they finally reach him, he turns his back and it turns out it isn't Uli, just a stranger wearing what appears to be Uli's jacket exactly. The stranger is really agressive and moody, so they just leave. On the way back Paxton tells a story of how he once witnessed a little girl drowning, and the mother screaming bloody murder. He says how he regreats so much that he didn't try and help the girl. Additionally during this day, the friend of the Japanese girl that Uli hooked up with sees Josh and Paxton, and shows them a picture of Ulti and her friend togather near an orange smoke stack. The bottom says "Goodbye" in Japanese. Later on Uli sends a picture from his cell phone with a picture of him in a rather odd looking pose, and the words "I go home" are written across the bottom.
The camera then zooms into the phone and a transistion is made to seeing Uli's disembodied head on a table with a man dressed up in a surgeon uniform walking around with calipers and other tools. He walks towards a screaming Japanese women, and we are left to assume it is his friend.
That night Josh and Paxton are once again partying with the girls at the club, and this time both of them take some unidentified pill from the girls, and drink some kind of alcohol (presumably alcohol). They both get pretty sick, and wobble around. Josh is treated by a women at the front desk whom Uli had also tried to get with; She leads him to the same bed that Uli disappeared from. As soon as he lays down on the bed he passes out, and we see some men entering the room as the camera pans down and the screen fades. Note that there were lots of out of place looking well dressed men at the club in general that night. Paxton manages to get himself accidentally locked in what he thought would be a bathroom where he too, passes out. It was pretty much just an empty storage room.
The next scene shows another man, in a very similar uniform to the guy who killed Uli using various weapons to torture Josh as he is bound in a chair. Nothing worth noting happens in this scene, there is just some torture and then Josh gets his throat slit and he dies.In the morning after Paxton is discovered, he returns back to his Hostel. He is told at the front desk that he and Josh had checked out earlier that morning, but Paxton says there must have been some kind of mistake. Paxton has his bag given to him, and he is re-assigned to a new room. This time, he walks into a door, and what do you know.. There happens to be two half naked women just finishing changing. He says sorry like before, and starts closing the door when they give the same lines that the other two girls did originally.. It is basically a duplicate of what happened before.
Paxton goes back downstairs and asks about the other Japanese girl, the one who wasn't taken with Uli of course.. They say she left also. Not that it is really important, but that girl was more of a pure girl, and she didn't join in when they went to the clubs, etc. She dressed conservatively and wasn't a slut. Paxton goes to the police station to report it/ask about it, and he is just told that the best thing he can do is just wait back at the Hostel. Against the cops advise Paxton travels the city, and the same Orange smoke stack from the picture with Uli and his Japanese friend strikes him. He tries to call Josh again on his cell phone, but another gang of kids runs through and one of them steals his cell phone. As he is walking around rather aimlessly he catches of glimpse of one of the original two girls, the one he'd hooked up with walking into a bar. He pursues her, and enters the bar to find her and the other girl, the one Josh had hooked up with. The two girls are with another guy dressed similarily to the ones in the club, and he asks the girls about his friends. They ask him on numerous occasions if he wants to have a drink, insisting. He refuses, stating that he pretty much just wants to get his friends and get the hell out of there. They say through deliberately bad acting pretty much that Josh and Uli were togather, and went to an art exhibit.. Paxton isn't buying it, but he still wants to see his friends. He is a bit pissed at the girls now, and explains how it is so uncharacteristic, and how Josh is the responsible one, why wouldn't they call, etc, etc.. They give a bunch of bogus answers such as dead cell phone batteries. He demands that they take him to his friends, and so the one that hooked up with Paxton and the guy agree, the other girl who was with Josh doesn't wish to guy, saying she's already seen the exhibit.
And so they are off.. While on the trip Paxton is offered a pack of gum, and a huge bag full is shown.When they arrive at what appears to be an abandoned munitions plant, they get out of the car and find that there are lots of other all similar in appearance black vehicles waiting outside. Men dressed the same as the ones seen at the club are seen here, appearing to be watching guard. They walk through the rubble and go through a dark narrow pathway towards a staircase and head downstairs until they reach an admission booth. The guy there says "For you, it is free." They continue down a hall way until finally they reach Josh laying on a table with his chest all opened and a lot of his organs exposed. The guy with him is playing around with the scalpel. Paxton turns to look at the girl who took him there, he yells at her, she laughs, and two men run up to him from behind and they drag him away.
We see about a half a dozen people being tortured in various ways as he passes by door by door, until finally they reach Paxton's room. Paxton is placed in a chair and the one there to torture him puts something over his mouth because he seemed bothered by Paxton's pleads. He starts revving up a chainsaw and letting that fly just a few millimeters from his face, and then goes to put it down at the back of the room and pick up something else. He then starts clipping weed clippers inches from his face to scare him. Paxton starts to throw up and starts drowning himself, until finally the guy torturing him seems to feel bad and removes the mouth piece. He goes to cut off two of Paxton's fingers, but accidentally cuts off the chain too. After this mistake he goes back to grab the chainsaw and runs at Paxton, but he slips on the wet mouth piece and drops the chainsaw on himself, resulting in the loss of one of his legs and his organs being ripped out. He still manages to survive though, and starts grabbing for the chainsaw. Paxton manages to pop the chair out and he hops over and grabs a gun and shoots the guy.
Paxton goes out to call the name of one of the tough guard like guys, and the guy gets out of his chair to investigate. As he leaves the camera shows us what was on his laptop; porn. The camera stays in this spot for aprox. 60 seconds then moves back to the guard. The guard enters the room and sees the dead guy and Paxton re-positioned sitting with his back turned to the guard in his chair. When the guard looks at the dead guy Paxton turns around and shoots him. Paxton finds a disguise, some full face helmet and heads out of the room, trying to blend in. Immediately two guys emerge from a room, so he runs and hides in another room. Inside this room we see a cart full of hundreds of pounds of various mostly unidentifiably small flesh fragments, organs, etc, etc. Paxton gets the idea that he'd rather play his luck pretending to be a corpse and taking the ride to the body disposal unit, rather than chance passing as one of them. In about 2 seconds he manages to get to the very bottom of the cart and he is wheeled down to the basement, where the parts are hacked up and thrown into the oven. While the guy is busy throwing parts into the oven Paxton crawls out and hits the guy once from behind with something, presumably knocking him out or killing him. Paxton gets on the elevator and heads up a few flights before it is opened up by more guys, but he hits the close button and hits up once again.
When he gets to the top he runs around trying his best to not be seen, and runs into a small room. Within the room he washes himself up, puts on a big suit, and gazes out the window at the cars below. Paxton notices a slip in his pocket that says Elite Hunters on the front, and various prices on the back for Russians, Europeans, and Americans. I recall the numbers being 5,000$ for Russians, 10,000$ for Europeans, and 25,000$ for Americans. As Paxton is leaving he bumps into a guy who is entering, this guy assumes Paxton is someone who had just paid to kill someone. He is asking Paxton how he did it, and so on. The guy seems definitly seems like a pyscopathic, really excited about his first kill, ranting how pussy is just pussy, but killing is special and you get a rush, and thats why he paid 50,000$ to do this. He decides he wants to kill her slow, so he puts his gun down. The guy shows his tattoo, and asks to see Paxton's. Luckily for Paxton the other guys attention is swayed and the guy leaves. Paxton gets out without having to react, and grabs the gun.
Paxton makes it to the outside from a back alley, and sees the policemen he'd talked to earlier shaking hands with one of the guards outside. Paxton manages to slip into a car before being stopped, and it has the keys still in the ignition. Just before he turns it though, he hears a women screaming from inside. He gets out of the car, and runs back downstairs into the place. He runs into the room and sees the guy he'd seen earlier who paid 50,000$. He is holding a blowtorch to the Japanese girls face (the one who wasn't with Uli) and Paxton is spotted by the other guy. The guy is angry at Paxton telling him to buzz off, and that he wants privacy. Paxton shoots him and cuts the girls half melted eye off. They run back upstairs and through the back alleyway again. They get in the car and start driving off, being persued by a car with 3 guards and being shot at.
After Paxton and the girl reach a certain point theres a van blocking the road. They honk their horn and the guy gets out of the cafe beside them to move the van, and behind it we see the two original girls talking with Alex. One of the girls sees Paxton, and Paxton runs into the three of them. One of the girls, and Alex are instantly killed. The remaining girl is hit seconds later by the guards.
Paxton and the girl run into a road block of litting kids, asking for gum. Paxton doesn't think he has any, but then spots a bag of gum packs. The next scene shows the guards arrive atthe kids, and they won't move for them. The guards threaten to kill them, and then kids from above ambush them with stones. The kids on the ground storm the car and kill all the guards. They are shown with the entire haul of gum.
Eventually Paxton and the Japanese girl reach a road block with the same cop there. He is stopping every car and beating the people in them, trying to find out where Paxton is. He spots Paxton and by the time he runs over to the car the two have run away. They run to a train station, but the place is flooded with cops watching out. Paxton tells the girl to go over to where he is, hiding behind some wooden crates. The Japanese girl is distracted however, catching a glimpse of her face in some reflective glass. She sees how messed up it is, and walks slowly towards the tracks in plain site. She jumps out, and gets splattered by a passing train. Everyone gathers around, and the next scene shows Paxton riding a train into another town.
While on the train Paxton hears a guy giving the same speech he'd given to Josh, and knows its the guy who was eating salad with his hands. When he gets off of the train he follows him, and goes into a bathroom with him. He shuts the doors and turns the sign to closed, and follows him into the bathroom area. The guy is in a stall when an Elite Hunter card pops under the stall. He bends down to pick it up, and gets some of his fingers cut off. Paxton enters the stall and gets drowning him in the water, but pulls his head out after about a minute and slashs his throat, then puts him back into the toilet. He then goes back to the train, and the screen fades out and the movies over.
...Wow.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't just have a problem with Thrillers.. I loved Se7en and the Saw series to death. This movie on the other hand, made me wish I was one of the characters being tortured. It was brutal; the whole first half was a soft-core porn. I was waiting for it to finally pick up, and when it finally did I was begging for them to go back to the porn. If you want to see a porn, then just go to http://www.empornium.us and get a porn. If you want to see a gorefest, look into watching a snuff film. http://www.ogrish.com would probably meet your fancy.
It is definitly a leave your brain at the front door kind of movie, and it isn't remotely disturbing or gross. I thought it did have some potential, and some parts were almost on the edge of your seat thrilling. But it was just killed by stupid story/lack there of, stupid or impossible events, things that just made no sense whatsover, and totally unnessisary gore or nudity.
My favourite part was definitly the dialouge between Paxton and the guy paying 50 grand, he was pretty entertaining and funny. Sadly the movie did get the point of Comedy-Slasher, like Scream or Friday the 13th. Such as when the guy was getting killed in the bathroom at the end, Paxton got absolutely no blood on himself, except for one splash on his shirt. In the next scene this splash was gone, and there was no sign that he'd washed up because he wasn't at all wet, and was wearing the same attire. Surely he'd be found to be the killer of the guy he killed. The whole set up with Alex at the start was way too elaborate, but I don't even need to get into that. The kids thing was hilarious, I thought, and totally ludacris.
The "based on true events" thing is because a guy showed Eli Roth a website offering a vacation where you could kill people for 10,000$, so he and Quientin came up with the idea for the movie. On an Icelandic interview they later stated that they didn't know if the website was authentic or not.
Overall i'd give this film a 3 out of 10, and I feel i'm being a bit generous.
Ignore the terribly placed paragraphs.. The formatting for this got all screwed up, and I wasn't willing to re-do the whole thing to fix that up, so I had to rush through really fast matching up sentances without taking the time to make all the correct paragraphs again.
