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MURICA15980 Posts
I don't know how popular this is, but I know it is old. Just got reminded of this in the "game of 3 words" thread.
Enjoy.
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.
"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the
tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you
wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
-------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of
the question.
------------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Wanker.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Slut.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Get f****d.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Eat s**t.
--------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
*************************************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
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HAHA haven't read far.. I got until "Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon"
hahahh
Edit: That shit was gold, thx for posting it!
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United Kingdom10597 Posts
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Cayman Islands24199 Posts
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men and women are totally different species 
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MURICA15980 Posts
It also shows that contrary to popular believe, men can dish out the insults far better than women.
Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
That was better than anything she said haha
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Oh man, that was hilarious. Thanks for sharing. 
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lol it was funny but doesn't seem to be real, or atleast not at a decent university
especially the end
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
btw the best part was
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
ahahah
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On January 02 2006 17:52 Klogon wrote:It also shows that contrary to popular believe, men can dish out the insults far better than women. Show nested quote +Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." That was better than anything she said haha
Well, he's a genius at insulting wouldn't you say? But yes we really are better at it, wonder if its gaming that makes us better?
"Go drink some tea - whore." lol
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Lol really nice. The style and the content of their writing was totally different.
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Hahaha Omg thanks for posting that.
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best read of the year so far. really really fresh and funny. thx for sharing
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Awesome haha thx for sharing
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Hilarious. Can't blame Gary, the girl's opening paragraph was indeed the literary equivalent of Valium.
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I couldnt stop laughing at "Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4" after reading that, I knew this was gonna be some funny shit
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KLOGON THANK YOU SO MUCH! ahahahahaha This may be the best post I've ever read on TL.net!
P.S. I have struggled for like months, maybe over a year looking at your avatar. Somedays it looks like a transformers helmet(what I secretly wish it was) then somedays im just staring into the forum too hard and I see its a fucking loaf of bread with tiny ears and mouth.
P.P.S. Are you actually a professor at American? Looked at Pol. Sci. grad program there, but didn't like it because it was about milling kids onto the hill rather than pure academia(no dissertation). Very good liberal arts school though.
P.P.P.S. "He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him." I wanted to smack her. Thankfully Gary owned her.
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lol, funny read, ahahahah
its funny cause both ppl are the extremes of their sex
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We did this back in like 7th grade. I got kicked out of class and 3 days of detention for writing a porn script.
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i dont know if its correct to write P.S. longer than the actual text ... -_-
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A+ - I really liked this one.
Bwahaha golden.
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oh
my
god
That was hilarious
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Great! I have to say that this, below, is the funniest part of it. Who comes up with this?
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of
the question.
The girl needs to remove that abnormally large plank of rugged firewood from her ass. And Gary has a serious case of awesomeness. I am absolutely objective here
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" Each person will pair off with the
person sitting to his or her immediate right."
Wouldn't an entire row of people be sharing the same story then?
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that seems like a "slip of the pen"
actual meaning intended "pair off with a person next to you, sort it out yourself"
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and for yet another content filled post:
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Baltimore, USA22256 Posts
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On January 02 2006 18:45 decafchicken wrote:
oh
my
god
That was hilarious
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haha...
Girl:
Ohhh emotion emotion emotion ~__~ How sorrowful
Boy:
I'm blasting off, BLASTING! laz0r gogo bazzz bzzzzz!!!
Girl:
FUck this, you died, okay?
Boy:
Aliens Killed YOU! DIE mothafucka!
Girl:
*curses*
Boy:
*curses*
Swear
swear
swear
.
.
.
A+ hahah :p
Awesome, thx for posting :D
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hahahahaaha rofl
klogon fro prez
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On January 02 2006 20:40 baal wrote:
thats fucking old
I agree with baal, I read this I believe last year (2005 har har har).
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MURICA15980 Posts
On January 02 2006 18:14 ChoboCop wrote:
P.P.S. Are you actually a professor at American?
Nope. I just copy/pasted the text.
And baal, I know it's old. But like I said, it's not very well known.
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really nice one :D
we used to do this too and they always turned out hilarious
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internet freaks always say something is old, their mind is so fkin absorbed that they cant think not everyone surfes the fucking web out of boredom, some justo go out and chill =/
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Who cares if its old. If this many people are laughing, they obviously haven't read it yet.
Does the fact that you read it before make you better than everyone else? Like feeling Elitist?
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Haha, first time reading it and it's hilarious!
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On January 02 2006 20:54 Klogon wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2006 18:14 ChoboCop wrote:
P.P.S. Are you actually a professor at American? Nope. I just copy/pasted the text. And baal, I know it's old. But like I said, it's not very well known.
Well apparently you are right, i've atleast seen this thing 5 times, weird that nobody else has.
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Baltimore, USA22256 Posts
On January 02 2006 22:05 baal wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2006 20:54 Klogon wrote:On January 02 2006 18:14 ChoboCop wrote:
P.P.S. Are you actually a professor at American? Nope. I just copy/pasted the text. And baal, I know it's old. But like I said, it's not very well known. Well apparently you are right, i've atleast seen this thing 5 times, weird that nobody else has.
I'm about 99% sure I saw this before too, but it was a long time ago, and it's still funny.
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On January 02 2006 17:40 Patriot.dlk wrote:
HAHA haven't read far.. I got until "Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon"
!
I swear I laugh at only the description of what was happening. That guys is fucking hilarious :D.
The girl tries too much.
Gary is a case of clean-awesomeness.
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haha, that's so awesome  .
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MURICA15980 Posts
I think Gary was just writing all that just to merely piss of the girl. Seriously, he seems like the type of guy who would pull something like that off.
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On January 02 2006 19:19 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
" Each person will pair off with the
person sitting to his or her immediate right."
Wouldn't an entire row of people be sharing the same story then?
No, each of them is probably just writing on two different stories... First everyone writes a paragraph, passes it to the right, writes one paragraph, then passes it back not on.
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MURICA15980 Posts
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BTW, that last comment of the "Teacher" is totally Fake, this is the first time ive seen that in it.
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On January 03 2006 00:02 baal wrote:
BTW, that last comment of the "Teacher" is totally Fake, this is the first time ive seen that in it.
dream killerX_X
lol, good stuff
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ahaha this made my day
Gary's first paragraph was awesome, so was the ending lolz
thx klogon ^^
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHa
omg;o
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Canada5062 Posts
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MUST KEEP LAUGHING DOWN, MUST NOT BURST......................
roflmaololololollolololololmaorofl!! That was the best damn stuff i've ever read
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1 of the few things i read through ggnore
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I really, really don't understand the "OMG OMG ITS OLD"
about 20 or so tl.net posters had a really nice time becouse we never saw this before.. So baal or what ever, don't even post like that.
Remember how old bw is and realize old = gold.
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Definitely classic gold. Seen it 3 or 4 times but it's still just as good today as it was the first time I read it ^^;
I suggest for the next installment of "Classic Gold" we go to the Adventures of BloodNinja
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I swear that this is a repost.
But good that u did anyway, i wouldn't have thought so many ppl haven't seen it.
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Not everyone has such a life as to which they browse the internet constantly looking for things like this.... Honestly, who gives a fuck if this has been posted already? Oh shit, I found it hilarious but it's been posted before....I guess I can't laugh now in fear of looking like an internet newbie!
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ahaha thanx for posting this. a great way to start off my day
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On January 02 2006 23:20 Orome wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2006 19:19 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
" Each person will pair off with the
person sitting to his or her immediate right."
Wouldn't an entire row of people be sharing the same story then? No, each of them is probably just writing on two different stories... First everyone writes a paragraph, passes it to the right, writes one paragraph, then passes it back not on.
No, because then the two end people only have to write in one story as opposed to writing in two like everyone else. It's just a "slip of pen" as it was put, but if you think about it, it's pretty much impossible to do, because eventually you run out of people to the right of you.
It's just starting with the furthest left (assuming everyone faces the blackboard), pair with the person to your right. So, ABCDEF A with B, C with D, E with F. It also doesn't work if there are an uneven amount of people in one row.
Also, I had seen this a few years ago, but I haven't seen it in a long time.
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MURICA15980 Posts
Nah, it works because the person on the end will just transfer it to the person on the opopsite end. It doesn't make sense to just pair off because otherwise, one person will sit around doing nothing while the other writes the story. But by doing the method Orome outlined, you are writing at all times, which is a more efficient use of classtime.
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On January 03 2006 16:09 Klogon wrote:
Nah, it works because the person on the end will just transfer it to the person on the opopsite end. It doesn't make sense to just pair off because otherwise, one person will sit around doing nothing while the other writes the story. But by doing the method Orome outlined, you are writing at all times, which is a more efficient use of classtime.
Then there's too much walking around involved, and the teacher will have to pay far too much attention to what's going on, because, if I know people my age, they don't like to do work and will take whatever time possible to screw off.
At any rate, I had already thought of that, but wrote what I did anyhow. (EDIT: Upon further consideration, based on what's presented, it's an impossibility for there to be more than two people writing on a given story, because this one is only between two people: Rebecca and Greg.)
Another thing, what's wrong with sitting around and doing nothing in classes? That's all I did in highschool. (I realize this isn't supposed to be a highschool paper, though)
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in highschool people don't give a shit and slack off
in college and university generally nobody cares if you pass or fail and you have money tied up in it, so it's in your interest to work
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LOL
I tested this shit with a close friend to my gf... It was crazy.
She started and had a chick doing random things.. I wrote things about how stupid she was and wrote so the character obviously was the friend i did this with=)
She got upset and started on a new character (me). Ended up with she trying to frame me for murder in the story and i murdered her as a result. I won though.
But, dont try this shit with close friends...
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On January 03 2006 07:02 JonnyDublin wrote:
Not everyone has such a life as to which they browse the internet constantly looking for things like this.... Honestly, who gives a fuck if this has been posted already? Oh shit, I found it hilarious but it's been posted before....I guess I can't laugh now in fear of looking like an internet newbie! Shut the fuck up. You're the kid at the party who creates those awkward moments because you're so intent on shutting someone down that you just act like an arrogant asshole.
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ROFL! Thanks for posting :D
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Canada9720 Posts
On January 04 2006 14:10 rpf289 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2006 07:02 JonnyDublin wrote:
Not everyone has such a life as to which they browse the internet constantly looking for things like this.... Honestly, who gives a fuck if this has been posted already? Oh shit, I found it hilarious but it's been posted before....I guess I can't laugh now in fear of looking like an internet newbie!
Shut the fuck up. You're the kid at the party who creates those awkward moments because you're so intent on shutting someone down that you just act like an arrogant asshole.
i think you misunderstood what jonny meant, he was deploring people for getting mad at someone for reposting a funny link (ie baal)...at least i hope you misunderstood him, cause otherwise your a huge prick
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dang, i can picture myself as gary in that situation easily.
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On January 04 2006 14:08 Patriot.dlk wrote:
LOL
I tested this shit with a close friend to my gf... It was crazy.
She started and had a chick doing random things.. I wrote things about how stupid she was and wrote so the character obviously was the friend i did this with=)
She got upset and started on a new character (me). Ended up with she trying to frame me for murder in the story and i murdered her as a result. I won though.
But, dont try this shit with close friends...
This thread is now ROFLx2 =]!
Omfg, this is the first time I read this..and I must say it was hella FUN!, Omfg I couldn't stop laughing on Gary who from the first paragraph tryed to piss Rebecca is a very sutil way...calling her a whore =]!.
Amazing!
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hehe you should remove the names and the "teacher", makes it to obvious
however!! great fun anyway
used to do this kinda thing with my sister back in the day, always ended up in a fight too.
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pure gold
reallu good klogon thx
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About my story with the friend... I think i seriously hurt her feelings.. I might actually make a (OMG OOPS WTF) thread about this... my girlfriend is pissed at me.. the friend is sad and hates me.
I wanted the female character to be her so I descried the character with real life things that's happened to my girlfriends friend (the one i this one with)
I got myself into deep shit with this.. Its lethal.
Edit: nope acutally thinking about it, its just me being for taking it to far
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MURICA15980 Posts
I actually think that's hilarious and the girls need to lighten up.
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This should be placed in the TL.net comedy gold mine.
....if we had one.
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is that supposed to be sarcastic? because we do have one
its at the bottom of articles
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/articles.php
i'm not sure if i like all the choices though but its alright
like i didn't really laugh at the "download RAM" or smurg's thread ;(
there's probably some golden threads missing too but its a chore to look through all the threads
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On January 04 2006 22:37 Klogon wrote:
I actually think that's hilarious and the girls need to lighten up.
shut up you loaf of bread
Re-posting something that all is an automatic 1cm deduction in E-penis.
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On January 04 2006 22:58 Locked wrote:is that supposed to be sarcastic? because we do have one its at the bottom of articles http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/articles.phpi'm not sure if i like all the choices though but its alright like i didn't really laugh at the "download RAM" or smurg's thread ;( there's probably some golden threads missing too but its a chore to look through all the threads
OMg, I didn't even know we had a button called Articles, I thought the only functions on this site were Liquibet and Forums.
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very funny to read, thanks I can't believe it's real, though. It was probably written by one person as an example in order to demonstrate how the male and female minds differ.
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Locked, didn't know about that either... wow
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hahahahah, best shit ever written
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srry guys i just feeling the need to bump this.. too funny to be missed out.. hope u guys dont mind.. but it really is one of the funniest shit ive ever read
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You really should just keep that to yourself next time -_-
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this was extremely enjoyable to read
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On March 22 2006 04:31 KOFgokuon wrote:
You really should just keep that to yourself next time -_-
Better bump it than starting a new thread about it, and anyway, probably a lot of people missed it.
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I've seen this before, but yes it is hilarious.
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Vatican City State1176 Posts
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron....then came my first laugh =)....damn so funny
thx for sharing....hmm now i ve to sent it to all my (male)friends
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"Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live."
exactly what I would have done... haha
and also:
"Go drink some tea - whore"
haha
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"Go drink some tea - whore."
looool, gold
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On January 02 2006 17:52 Klogon wrote:It also shows that contrary to popular believe, men can dish out the insults far better than women. Show nested quote +Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." That was better than anything she said haha
The joke is on Gary because he probably reads Danielle Steele novels.
I actually like the first paragraph by Rebecca. It's awesome. No locale more exotic than the mindscape of a woman.
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On January 02 2006 17:57 Patriot.dlk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2006 17:52 Klogon wrote:It also shows that contrary to popular believe, men can dish out the insults far better than women. Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." That was better than anything she said haha Well, he's a genius at insulting wouldn't you say? But yes we really are better at it, wonder if its gaming that makes us better? "Go drink some tea - whore." lol
hahahha, i was thinking to my self "wtf shes deciding on what tea?"
-i think gaming does make us better. My roommate who cant play Counterstrike (literally he cant move through double doors, yet shoot alone) has no coordination, has no history in gaming ever. When i pick an argument for the fun of it, his insults are lame upon lame.
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This is funny as hell !
P.S. Prose, your attempt at sarcasm has failed!
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On March 22 2006 10:49 Prose wrote:
The joke is on Gary because he probably reads Danielle Steele novels.
I actually like the first paragraph by Rebecca. It's awesome. No locale more exotic than the mindscape of a woman.
I really like both of their opening paragraphs. It's hilarous how the conflicting themes were put together. One is patience & subtle while the other full of action.
LOL
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
well neither of them comprimised their style for the other, so i guess that is a plus.
btw that was awesome. =)
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I hate novels in same style as that girl Rebecca.
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Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes comics ^^
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