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Valhalla18444 Posts
I wake up in a haze, struggle to sit upright. I'm a mess. Broken bottles next to me, and a heart to match. The alcohol gave me the sweet release I craved. My escape route, my ticket away from the cruelty and deciet at the hands of this raven-haired she-devil. They're malevolent creatures, women, and this bitch took the cake. She'd flip her hair, or giggle, or shed a tear or two, anything to lure me in. Fool that I am, I believed her, every time. She seemed to get a kick out of giving me the faintest glimmer of hope, and then taking it away, leaving me laying in the dirt. She crushed me, over and over. The image of her standing over me, sneering at the pathetic heap at her feet, it's burned into my eyes. I see it every time I nod off, whenever I hold my head in my hands and lament my existence. She knows she makes every waking moment hell. She knows I'm too dumb to figure a way out of the circle she's got me going in. She tells me I disgust her, tells me I'm lucky she sticks around, like she's doing me a favor. Day in, day out, and I take it like the whipping boy I am.
Everybody's got to break sometime. A guy like me can only take the abuse for so long before something inside snaps. And when it does, there's fireworks. The mind's set ablaze as everything resurfaces, and tonight I'm torching the world. I toy with a shard of glass as memory after horrible memory race through my head. The ill advice she'd give me, her laugh when I'd crash because of it. The way she teased me, used me as a means of entertainment. I'm the asshole side character in this twisted theatre, and I've had enough. If I can keep from killin' myself long enough to get the job done, it's the final curtain call.
The dykes down the block have always been dependable. They give me shelter from the rain, keep me full of coke to kill the pain. Somewhat of a surprise, the way those two turned out. I've known them since we were kids. We used to play baseball, their team against mine. They'd always win. Somewhere down the road they'd gotten mixed up in some heavy shit, stuff I ain't got the balls to run with. They'll fix me up with a line and a nine, and send me on my way. I grab my coat, and the dog shows up, food dish in his mouth. It doesn't matter how fucked up I am, I can't let the poor guy starve. He's been faithful. I fill his dish a bit over the top, and head out down the street. The walk seems to take an eternity. I don't notice the cold biting at my near-bald head. I reach the door at the dykes' place and knock, it swings open.
"Jesus, you look like shit." She eyes me up and down. She looks like she's waiting for an explanation, but I didn't come here to chat.
"I need a gun. No questions." I barely recognize my own voice. The passiveness is gone. It's no longer timid, submissive. It's the voice of a man with a score to settle. She stares at me, obviously concerned. She tells me to wait where I am, and disappears inside. I hear mumbling on the other side of the door, and she appears again holding a piece and a box of bullets. She hands me the gun.
"How many?", she asks me, as she roots through the box.
"I only need one." She stops rummaging and leans against the door frame. Her eyes lock with mine.
"...What's going on? What're you doing?" I ignore her. I reach into the box and fish out a single round, and place it in the chamber. I stuff the gun into my jacket, about face, and walk down the steps. I start towards the finish line, the place where this whole nightmare ends. I don't even hear the dykes calling after me.
During the short walk to her house, I can't help but grin. It's not that I got a lot to be grinnin' about, but the idea of ending this disgusting ritual of torture and self-loathing was comforting. I reach her place, and she's standing on the driveway, cigarrette in her hand, leaning on her beat-up Pontiac. I pull the pistol out of my jacket and slow my strides, revelling in her last moments. I catch her eye, and she shoots me a fiendish grin. She flicks her cigarrette onto the pavement, and takes a few steps to meet me. "That yellow shirt has always looked horrendous on you." Satan in a blue dress, this woman. She glances casually at what I'm carrying. She knows what it is, she knows what it's for, and she knows why.
"What are you going to do with that?" She chuckles ever so slightly, shakes her head. I raise my arm and hold the gun in front of me. She laughs again, and my grip tightens. My finger moves to the trigger.
"What are you thinking, kid? That's a dangerous toy, you know." She laughs again, then takes a step forward. She grabs my wrist, and points the barrel of my gun at her forehead. My hand quivers uncontrollably.
"Well, come on! This is what you came for, isn't it? 'I'm going to show her, I'm going to kill that bitch'?" Click. "You can't do it, you don't have the fucking guts. You need me, to fill the holes in your miserable life, you wishy-washy son of a --" Boom.
I fall to my knees before she hits the ground. My arms go limp, the gun clatters on the pavement. It's over, she's dead. The mind games, the emotional torment, it's over. Her blood rushes down the driveway around me. I stare at her corpse, and I begin to weep. I don't even try to move the body. I just haul myself to my feet, and stagger home. I feel vindicated, but her last words ring in my head. She had been right about something, I did need her. Without her, I have nothing to occupy myself, I have nothing to loathe. I'm devoid of emotion, stripped of ambition. I have nothing left.
I enter my front door, and I can already hear the sirens. Out to the garage, to fetch a rope. I fill the dog's dish once more. Down into the basement. I fish a small picture of her out of a drawer, and say a last goodbye. The tears stop. I string myself up, and kick the chair.
http://img385.imageshack.us/img385/1487/wippeanuts25ys.jpg
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excellent
very good story. pic kinda ruined it for me though
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What? the hell?
And your picture isnt working.
Nice story I guess?
Edit: Now its working...
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Valhalla18444 Posts
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steve did you make that, or get it off somewhere?
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Valhalla18444 Posts
A friend of mine drew it to go with this story
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hahahaha
wonderful.
peppermint patty is SUCH a dyke. no one agrees with me. =[
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Decent writing, good story. Write more!
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Canada9720 Posts
i hope you're working on dragon ball fan fiction next
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Owwwwww that picture... looked so out of place T_T
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 11 2005 17:29 HappyManRun wrote:
Owwwwww that picture... looked so out of place T_T
out of place? did you even read it?
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Very funny. Peanuts: The E! True Hollywood Story.
Behind the dog's flights of fancy and the gilded comaraderie, there was always unspoken tension there. Glad to know what REALLY happened, when the papers weren't printing.
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its cool story, i like the first person style,
kind of reminds me of the movie SIN City, and the video game MAX PAIN, huh, i like it 
ever think of entering in one of those story competitions, you know, write a story, send it in, win a million dollars?
edit:spell check
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Valhalla18444 Posts
i LOVE contests where i win a million dollars
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It took me a second, but it's pretty damn funny.
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MURICA15980 Posts
Yeah, I don't think a lot of people are getting it just by how they are responding to that masterpiece haha.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
i was hesitant to post it at all because I knew the majority of people would not get it
I just hope the people who don't can keep from shitting up the thread with ignorance long enough for the people who do to enjoy it
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What do you mean 'not get it' ? You just wrote a story about peanuts characters in an nonpeanuts like plot.
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steve, that was a work of art ^^
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On November 11 2005 17:50 greatmeh wrote:its cool story, i like the first person style, kind of reminds me of the movie SIN City, and the video game MAX PAIN, huh, i like it ever think of entering in one of those story competitions, you know, write a story, send it in, win a million dollars? edit:spell check
Guess what video game i've been playing for the last week ^^
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On November 11 2005 18:30 Painter wrote:
What do you mean 'not get it' ? You just wrote a story about peanuts characters in an nonpeanuts like plot.
that's exactly what people arn't getting.
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it doesn't make sense because you didn't make it seem believable that he had to kill her instead of just leaving
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 11 2005 18:53 man wrote:
it doesn't make sense because you didn't make it seem believable that he had to kill her instead of just leaving
You are a fucking idiot
seriously i'm having a hard time visualizing just how fucking bad this would be if you had written it
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master piece indeed. pic was just awesome.
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On November 11 2005 17:50 greatmeh wrote:its cool story, i like the first person style, kind of reminds me of the movie SIN City, and the video game MAX PAIN, huh, i like it edit:spell check
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maybe most ppl here dont read peanuts...
i know i dont......
this is whats called a satire ! i think..
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Very good writing. But at first I thought it was real until the pic + ending. ><
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yea was great that you only realise what its about when checking out the pic :D
nice one
coincidence: i've been trying some english writing tonight and wrote a little story ^_^
don't worry i wont ruin your thread without your allowance
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Valhalla18444 Posts
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 11 2005 23:19 zertaul993 wrote:
----NUKED----
From what I can tell, you just wrote "----NUKED----" and hit 'Post'
Why
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MURICA15980 Posts
That's exactly what he did -_-
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Good story , you have a writing talent.
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Sweden33719 Posts
Well written, very well written even.. but it made me feel a bit queasy -_-;;
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On November 11 2005 17:06 1hp wrote:
excellent
very good story. pic kinda ruined it for me though
agreed completely. u can call me retarded or say i didnt get it, whatever. the pic didnt go well with the story imo
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that was art
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the storyline doesn't seem 'special' enough, but then again its too short of a story to make it too complicated..
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The streetlights just turned on and are spreading a warm orange light over the grey buildings on the other side.
I see a dog walking past the rain-blurred window of possibly the oldest irish pub on earth.
I'm pretty certain it's the oldest one i've ever been in.
And i'm pretty sure the fellow that just stands up and falls back on his stool is the oldest man i've ever seen to drunk to walk. He stumbles towards the door and bumps into some people.
Halfway on his path to fresh air he turns around and says, just a little too loud, good night to the barkeeper,
who's about as old as he is.
He walk on and finally he meets the massive wooden door, being the only thing between him and the world outside.
It takes him three times to find out how to open it, even after he has probably done the same thing everyday for the past twenty years.
Through the same window where i saw the dog pass by, i see the old guy grab ahold of the first light pole he can reach.
My thoughts are brutally disrupted by her sweet voice.
"Why the hell are you you so fucking beautifull?" she asks.
"Normally girls say that after i break their hearts" i reply.
She looks at me, trying to see through me. Am i joking, should she smile?
Or am i serious and should she get angry... She cant figure it out.
I can just smell her thoughts.
"Maybe things will work out better for you then" i say with a smile, not showing anything about my intentions of either remark.
"Normally i give some stupid reply to that question, seeing i normally dont care a great deal about the girl anymore"
"Something like its all about the genes."
"But to you... Because you're different... i'll give an honest reply"
The questionmarks in her eyes just keep growing.
"Though i wont answer your question"
One more word and she'll go insane...
"To be honest i find my beauty in the shadow, when ever i m with you..."
She smiles.
I smile.
She looks deep into my eyes.
My smile slowly fades as i look back into her big dark eyes, until i remember to smile and pull up the corners of my mouth again.
"I'm not kidding..."
She takes a little step into my direction.
The smile on her face slowly fades, but then suddenly it rises again.
I try to look through her big dark eyes.
"You want a beer?", I ask.
Her smile suddenly disappears.
"Or would you rather have something else?"
She smiles again. "A beer would be fine."
She must be the most perfect girl alive.
"Two beers please."
I grab in my backpocket to get my wallet and pay for the beer.
I turn around to walk back and there are three lads standing around the girl that i was planning to make mine for tonight.
"You fucking cunt!"
For the first time this evening i realised i had been drinking. What did the fat guy just say?
"You smelly fucking cunt!"
So it wasn't the alcohol.
I slightly speeded my pace up until i was just a couple of steps away, then slowed down again and reached the table.
I calmly put the beers on the table, look at my girl, then look at the guys.
"Can i get any of you lads a drink?"
I felt six eyes piercing through my skull.
"A pint maybe?"
Still no reply as they looked at each other.
"Arright then, suite yourselfs", and i grabbed a chair and sat down again.
"So you know these guys?"
No asnwer.
I grab my glass and hold it up.
"Cheers! To a wonderfull evening."
The smile that made me love her so much the moment before had disappeared and the way she looked now...
Well i've seen prettier girls.
I finish half my glass and put it back, turn towards the guys and notice they're looking about as stupid as the girl.
"So you know each other?"
The fat guy blinks with his eyes a couple of times before he opens his mouth.
A couple of blinks later he finally manages to talk.
"What the fuck" he says slowly.
I realise that it must have been my rudeness that made every one look the way they did.
"Good evening, i'm Abel" i say while streching my arm in his direction.
All three of them look at my hand, then at each other.
They turn around and grab a seat a couple of tables away from us.
"Friends of yours?" I ask with a smile.
"They didn't cause to much trouble did they?"
Silence, as far as there can excist such thing as silence in a pub.
"I think i'm going home" she almost whispers, as she looks at her hands, laying on her lap.
"Hmm"
She got up and put on her jacket.
I finish my beer and did the same, then look at the door and look back at the table.
I finish her beer and follow her towards the door.
"You ugly prick!"
Ah, the fat guy finally managed to speak to me. However the content of his words didnt seem worthy of a reaction.
I open the door and held it for her.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
Like a rhino running down the savannah he came towards us, grabbed my arm and pushed me back into the pub.
I already had a feeling he didn't like me all to much.
"Well i was planning on bringing this lady home in order to then proceed to the next pub." I replied as i look
straight in his eyes.
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"You filthy piece of..."
He grabs a bottle from the bar and swings it in the direction of my head.
I automatically lift my arm and prevent the bottle from reaching its destination.
As i rub my arm, realising this lad isnt much of a talker.
Nevertheless its worth a last shot on a peacefull ending.
"You sure you dont want a drink?"
One second he's stunned, a second later he's furious.
I'm seriously wondering what it is that made him so angry, trying to understand the situation from his perspective.
I donnot have a clue.
Then i observe the whole issue from where i'm standing, but before my thoughts find their final conclusion, i see a big hairy hand approaching my face with considerable speed.
A stinging pain spreads through my skull, my jaw goes numb.
Determined to first finish my thoughts, i start laughing out loud.
You go out with a nice girl, all is going well and the next thing you know a guy tries to break your jaw.
I can't stop laughing, from my point of view this situation is hilarious, though a bit sad.
What matters most occures to my mind a couple of seconds later; from where i'm standing the situation is dangerous.
I feel the proof of my conclusion as his other hairy fist hits my stomach.
I decide its time to plan what action is to be taken. The time for talking seems to be over, so i dig through my memory
and vaguely remember other fights i've been in, back when i was young.
This guy isn't the fastest i've met, so i should take advantage of it.
Two quick punches on his nose and a kick on his chest.
Two quick steps backwards and he loses balance, falls to the floor taking a chair with him.
I turn around and want to walk towards the door, but his friends seem to disagree.
I wonder where she went.
There must be girls twice as perfect alive.
But i believe i've got bigger problems right now.
A hand grabbing my arm. I turn around. Out of the corner of my eye i see the fat guy stands up again, and a fist way too close to my mouth.
I feel the little control i had over the situation slip away.
I see fifteen guys throwing and hitting with what ever they can get.
It's time to say goodbye to my teeth.
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Its noway close to as cool as yours, especially with the whole peanuts thing.
this is just random.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 12 2005 04:34 collegeBored wrote:Show nested quote +On November 11 2005 17:06 1hp wrote:
excellent
very good story. pic kinda ruined it for me though agreed completely. u can call me retarded or say i didnt get it, whatever. the pic didnt go well with the story imo
Are you kidding? Seriously how can you live in America and not be familiar enough with Peanuts and its characters to not get this?
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MURICA15980 Posts
It's almost fustrating how people aren't getting it. I showed this to a few friends and they didn't get it either. asdgl;jkasdl;fjkasdf
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Valhalla18444 Posts
thats why i was so hesitant to post it here
foreigners and idiots
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nice1 steve
passion, when you read steve's story, the first lines capture alot of your interest to continue reading the story, whereas when i tried to read yours, couldnt be fucked to read all of it, stopped at 3rd line, so ye randomzz.. gotta go with teh flow.. gl next time
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 12 2005 07:37 Passion wrote:
Its noway close to as cool as yours, especially with the whole peanuts thing.
this is just random.
It isn't bad. There are some errors in your english and there isnt much explanation given for what's happening. But it isn't bad
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That was godly. Could use some ninjas.
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Austin10833 Posts
Nice, Steve. You've got a bit of a knack for that neo-noir style.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
On November 12 2005 18:38 BroOd wrote:
Nice, Steve. You've got a bit of a knack for that neo-noir style.
yeah, it's fun
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what's peanuts? the characters in the picture do look like some of a well-known comic or cartoon to me. Dunno what it is about tho. im foreinger and idiot^^.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
=]
It won't make much sense unless you're at least somewhat familiar with the characters in the comics
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My ending 
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On November 12 2005 17:21 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2005 04:34 collegeBored wrote:On November 11 2005 17:06 1hp wrote:
excellent
very good story. pic kinda ruined it for me though agreed completely. u can call me retarded or say i didnt get it, whatever. the pic didnt go well with the story imo Are you kidding? Seriously how can you live in America and not be familiar enough with Peanuts and its characters to not get this?
ive only lived in america for 6 years yo. so i was looking at the picture from a totaly unfamiliar perspective. sorry i didnt get it :/
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EPT![[image loading]](http://www2.yk.psu.edu/~jlg18/484/violence%20and%20Charlie%20Brown.bmp)
