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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:09 drowisimba wrote: It's true. Sorry that it doesn't agree with your feminist agenda.. It's only true if you don't want to date smart girls. and smartness is the most attractive thing anyway | ||
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zbedlam
Australia549 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:09 drowisimba wrote: All this is bullshit. If you're ugly and boring you're still ugly and boring. Confidence won't change that. Never met someone with a strong personality frame that is boring. I suppose its possible but the boring people are generally the shy ones. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14081 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:07 zbedlam wrote: Looks, money and status is important, but what is more important is confidence. Girls will always gravitate towards the guy with the strongest personality frame in the room. To all the people in this thread complaining about women being backstabbing bitches that will rip your heart out and steal your wallet, not my experience. Saying that though, women will leave you in a heartbeat if she sees something better that takes interest in her. To make sure this doesn't happen, make sure you are the best thing in her life, support her, love her and don't take shit from any other guys. Guys will do pretty much the same thing though, if there is an attractive girl that takes interest in you guaranteed your gf will feel insecure and tell you about it, some will take the male approach and drive the other girl away and that is always fun to watch. Don't be a chump, don't be a pussy, you will get girls providing you aren't broke and ugly. While you're on the right track I'd like to add/nitpick some things: To make sure this doesn't happen, make sure you are the best thing in her life, support her, love her and don't take shit from any other guys. That frame has a bad focus. Aiming to be the best thing in her life is aiming to please. "Make sure you are the best thing in your life and she will want to be part of that as much as possible" is a stronger frame. Guys will do pretty much the same thing though, if there is an attractive girl that takes interest in you guaranteed your gf will feel insecure and tell you about it Depends. If you manage to properly convey your values and the differences between sleeping with women and falling asleep with a woman you can also get her to try and figure out how she can drag that attractive girl into the bedroom. =P | ||
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MetalPanda
Canada1152 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:09 drowisimba wrote: It's true. Sorry that it doesn't agree with your feminist agenda.. It's completely false, you don't know anything about women it seems, and you're sending negative messages to those ugly, low-status and smart guys. Just because you have no self-confidence doesn't mean you should shit on people that are like yourself. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14081 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:09 drowisimba wrote: It's true. Sorry that it doesn't agree with your feminist agenda.. If being feminist leads to me getting laid more often, I'm all for feminism. | ||
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
On January 04 2013 06:53 drowisimba wrote: Money doesn't really matter, only if you can buy power and status with that money. Money might be able to do that, but then you need a lot of it and you need to earn it the right way (and you need to look good, or at least not ugly; you should be able to pass for an alpha male even if you're not handsome). Money itself is shit worth. I'm fairly rich but I earned my money playing poker, and nobody cares. I haven't gotten a date in my entire life. If I would've been handsome or at least not butt ugly as I am now, then I would've been able to get someone anyway, money or not. The best things to get women: 1) Being handsome 2) Being high-status 3) Being able to trick people that you're high-status The worst things: 1) Being ugly 2) Being low-status 3) Being smart so much no in this post. I'll revise your list for ya. best things to get women: 1) confidence 2) having a personality 3) intelligence (yes, the girls worth being with dig smarts) worst: 1) thinking that "status," or how much you're worth or how much money you have is even close to the most important thing honestly dude, the fact that by your own admission, you've never gotten a date in your life kinda invalidates your opinion. blind leading the blind right there. REAL women (and by "real," I mean the ones who want more than a hookup) are interested in guys who are confident and treat them right. that's why you have couples who are perfectly happy living on mid-level or lower salaries while there are rich as fuck couples who can't stand each other. it's because it's not about money or status. it's about how you carry yourself and how you treat women. | ||
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Jisall
United States2054 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:11 maartendq wrote: Don't be to sure of that. I've been the victim of that twice in a row now. Both admitted I was the better choice and treated them better but both of them went back to their old boyfriends. The girls are just being nice in saying you were the better choice, don't take it personally. Long story short the ladies are happier now, which is what matters as much as it might hurt you to move on, you will find someone else who is a better match for you. | ||
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Jisall
United States2054 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:14 iamahydralisk wrote: so much no in this post. I'll revise your list for ya. best things to get women: 1) confidence 2) having a personality 3) intelligence (yes, the girls worth being with dig smarts) worst: 1) thinking that "status," or how much you're worth or how much money you have is even close to the most important thing honestly dude, the fact that by your own admission, you've never gotten a date in your life kinda invalidates your opinion. blind leading the blind right there. REAL women (and by "real," I mean the ones who want more than a hookup) are interested in guys who are confident and treat them right. that's why you have couples who are perfectly happy living on mid-level or lower salaries while there are rich as fuck couples who can't stand each other. it's because it's not about money or status. it's about how you carry yourself and how you treat women. One thing I would add to your post is having good conversation skills, it goes hand in hand with #2. Having a personality and being able to show that to your lady is important. Edit: Sorry for double post, got excited lol | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On January 04 2013 06:45 Salazarz wrote: I know what cracked.com generally is. Have you read that particular article, though? It's really quite accurate. "The World Only Cares About What It Can Get from You" This is a meaningless generalization because the use of "the world" in any meaningful sentence makes it meaningless. The relevant world you will interact with exist on multiple levels: individuals, families, social groups, businesses, ideological organizations. All of them have their own needs, desires, goals, and conjectures. Saying that you were born into a system that supports people's needs is a mundane truth; if it did not do so, it will not be self-sufficient and would eventually collapse. "The Hippies Were Wrong" People often interpret the speech given by Baldwin's character incorrectly, especially when they fail to recognize what kind of writer David Mamet is. Mamet's works almost always deal with masculine identity and that was the entire focus of the speech. It is not about how people are only viewed as the sum total of their skills, it's about how the failure/success of men in their work is a self-reflection of the state of their masculinity. If you suck at selling real estate you're just not an idiot at selling real estate: you're a coward, a failure, lack personal resolve, and lack the essence of a real man. The same thing for Tyler Durden: didn't David Wong realize that Tyler Durden wasn't a real person, and not in the sense of physical existence? Durden wasn't even a fully-realized personality but the ideological incarnation of the protagonist's view, his essence negative. So it should have no surprise that he eventually went "insane". Even his soap business was based off of a childish revenge fantasy: steal the fat of the rich and sell it back to them at a profit, yeah we're sticking it to the man! Wong is forced to make his statement toothless by equating "job" with "what you do". Since people naturally do things anyway, where's the insight? People are associated with their actions? STOP THE PRESSES. "What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Benefit People" Uses the plight of hopeless romantics as a strawman, does not discuss any other relationships which do not require a sexual base. etc. etc. etc. | ||
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Shiragaku
Hong Kong4308 Posts
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zbedlam
Australia549 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:12 r.Evo wrote: While you're on the right track I'd like to add/nitpick some things: That frame has a bad focus. Aiming to be the best thing in her life is aiming to please. "Make sure you are the best thing in your life and she will want to be part of that as much as possible" is a stronger frame. Depends. If you manage to properly convey your values and the differences between sleeping with women and falling asleep with a woman you can also get her to try and figure out how she can drag that attractive girl into the bedroom. =P Ahaha yeah, agreed. Really depends on the girl though. If you are a guy and have a bi gf that won't cut your nuts off if you touch her hot friend when she brings her over for a threesome, then damn you are lucky. On the first point yeah, I did word that badly. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:18 Shiragaku wrote: What makes me curious is what most of you guys look for in a girl. likes to argue | ||
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Striker.superfreunde
Germany1120 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:17 CosmicSpiral wrote: "The Hippies Were Wrong" People often interpret the speech given by Baldwin's character incorrectly, especially when they fail to recognize what kind of writer David Mamet is. Mamet's works almost always deal with masculine identity and that was the entire focus of the speech. It is not about how people are only viewed as the sum total of their skills, it's about how the failure/success of men in their work is a self-reflection of the state of their masculinity. If you suck at selling real estate you're just not an idiot at selling real estate: you're a coward, a failure, lack personal resolve, and lack the essence of a real man. Are you educated in this? Even tho, tell us more! :o | ||
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maartendq
Belgium3115 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:14 Jisall wrote: The girls are just being nice in saying you were the better choice, don't take it personally. Long story short the ladies are happier now, which is what matters as much as it might hurt you to move on, you will find someone else who is a better match for you. Oh I always move on. Life doesn't stand still, and neither do I. Ironically, one of these girls is my best friend and we've known each other for more than nine years now. We both know (and recently reconfirmed) that we're still not completely over each other, despite the fact that she's dating someone else. The other one is now in a situation noone would call ideal, and practically everyone I know, including friends I have in common with her, pretty much agrees she made the wrong choice. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14081 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:21 zbedlam wrote: Ahaha yeah, agreed. Really depends on the girl though. If you are a guy and have a bi gf that won't cut your nuts off if you touch her hot friend when she brings her over for a threesome, then damn you are lucky. On the first point yeah, I did word that badly. Mhmmm... I would say getting to that point is a process you have to go through together in a relationship. It probably goes a bit beyond this thread to explain this in detail but feel free to shoot any questions you have. tl;dr: It's vital that you have to be aware of what creates fear and see through the bullshit your (and the other parties) minds make up to find out what the real issue is in a specific scenario. e.g. "I hate it when you look at other girls because it makes me feel bad" -> "I'm afraid that you might like another woman more than me because she's prettier" -> "I'm afraid of you leaving me because I love you" ... The first statement leads to irrational decisions, the last one is something you can work on together. Getting to the point where e.g. a threesome is cool with all parties involved follows pretty much the same logic. | ||
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phipsL
Germany189 Posts
On January 04 2013 00:17 ShrieK wrote: It's not bad luck.. figure out the reason why they do that and fix it. thats harder than it sounds because i dont really know what im doing wrong. For example the last girl i was texting with. I met her in hospital (she was one of my patients and i am a male nurse) and she randomly gave me her number. After a week or so she said "yeah, of course i want to meet you again, thats why i gave you my number" and then another week later i asked her when we could meet. She replied with "i dont know, it depends on the weather" which for me seems like a very questionable answer and more like bad excuse because i dont know about the weather in america or so but in germany its kinda bad at the moment, so it would take a few months till the weather gets good again. And i dont really want to run after somebody who gives such a stupid answer. Maybe thats my mistake but i dont think thats an answer a woman would give if she'd actually wanted me to run after her. | ||
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heishe
Germany2284 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:18 Shiragaku wrote: What makes me curious is what most of you guys look for in a girl. Honestly? Besides the obvious basics of her not being a dumb bitch that has shitty worldviews which are objectively idiotic (surprising numbers of women out there), I'd just like to be with a gamer girl. I've noticed with all of my past girlfriends that I get bored with them incredibly quickly because we don't share my biggest hobby: Gaming. I'm super bored by going out to eat and talking, super bored by going out with their friends with whom I also have nothing in common. I'd just rather play games with her. I usually can't stay with them for more than a couple of hours at a time before wanting to go back home and do my own shit (not just playing games, mind you) for a while. Not just any gamer girl either. I'd like a girl that has a similar taste for games as me. Can't do with a girl that just likes to play FarmVille. But finding a girl like that is incredibly difficult... well just like it's difficult to find any person that has a lot in common with you. | ||
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SirGlinG
Sweden933 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:18 Shiragaku wrote: What makes me curious is what most of you guys look for in a girl. I'm drawn to independence. I pull away from a girl if she adapts to me in a unnatural way, changes herself for me. I'm drawn to a strong personality, someone being herself. I'm want her to be down to earth, calm when I'm in crisis. That's for relationships. If I'm just out in a bar, or anywhere, looking for a one night stand or something more It'll always be about chemistry. If we click we click and I'll want to make something out of it. | ||
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HardlyNever
United States1258 Posts
I'll just leave with this. I don't really follow much "pick-up" or dating advice, and maybe I'm not that best person in the world to give it, but I heard/read this somewhere and it stuck with me for years and seems to work well. The gist of it was basically: Men and women actually want the same things. They want (in no particular order): 1) Excitement 2) Romance 3)Sex 4)Love The thing is, this looks different from men to women, and from individual to individual. For some guys, looks are what bring "excitement." It might be being "mysterious" for women (I'm just making up examples). So really, what everyone should be trying to do (and I do, as best I can) is provide these things the best way that works for me, and to fit whoever I'm trying to get with (in other words, what I perceive will be exciting or romantic to them). Maybe that is too vague for most people and will lead us back to the "looks vs. status. vs money" circle that everyone seems to focus on, but honestly the things I focus on are what I listed above. Any of the "tools" people keep talking about (looks, money, status, personality) are means to those ends. Figure out what tools you have (and don't have) to get to those goals, and you'll probably see your "success" improving, if that is what you want. | ||
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algue
France1436 Posts
On January 04 2013 07:18 Shiragaku wrote: What makes me curious is what most of you guys look for in a girl. I've already found it but when I'm single I'm looking for someone with whom I'm able to have a discution other than bitching+studies+party. physically i'm just looking for someone I can look witjout telling myself "wow this [part of the face] is so damn ugly". Fortunately it's not hard to find :D | ||
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