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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: Show nested quote +1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum.
You're taking this way out of context. It's human nature to divide and categorize, it's built into our reproductive system. We categorize potential mates on how suitable they are to carry our future generations. You can argue all you want about racism. But you're ignoring the fact that preference is subconscious. It's like calling a kid racist for not wanting to eat broccoli(yes, extreme but you get the point). I'm perfectly fine being friends with anyone(gay, black, asian... etc), but dating them I have different standards.
Racism is more about peoples not respecting the humanity of a person due to race. Respect and sexual desires are two very different things....
woops derailed again....
Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone".
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On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. You're taking this way out of context. It's human nature to divide and categorize, it's built into our reproductive system. We categorize potential mates on how suitable they are to carry our future generations. You can argue all you want about racism. But you're ignoring the fact that preference is subconscious. It's like calling a kid racist for not wanting to eat broccoli(yes, extreme but you get the point). I'm perfectly fine being friends with anyone(gay, black, asian... etc), but dating them I have different standards. Racism is more about peoples not respecting the humanity of a person due to race. Respect and sexual desires are two very different things.... woops derailed again.... Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone".
Depends how much she likes you, if at all and her thoughts about how long relationships should be etc.
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Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone".
If you wait a long time (multiple weeks/months... or more, ever heard of that guy that has a crush for 3y and the girl has no idea ?) it weakens your odds BUT it won't make them drop to zero instantly (unless its years of course).
There is no "automatic" here. If you could have closed in a week, the girl is really into you but suddenly wait a month, you still have good chances unless you suddenly became her gay friend during that time.
In the end anyway, there is no point to wait too long. Here is why:
1. It weakens your chances. You look undecided or she thinks you're not into her and lose interest. You lose momentum.
2. You lose your time, instead of thinking about something else. It's like procrastining an important work...
3. You build up bigger expectations. You become more invested making a "no" harder to take
4. Because of 3, you'll have a bigger fear effect making it even harder. Creating a vicious circle that will just bite very hard if it all fails.
If you have a good time with a girl/woman, just asks her out. No big deal, and do not worry about the words just get the message across without saying weird stuff.
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On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone".
Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone".
This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame.
If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason.
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On April 27 2013 09:03 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 02:40 Recognizable wrote:On April 27 2013 02:31 Snotling wrote:On April 27 2013 02:21 Recognizable wrote:
How's my luck? I don't know man. This dropdead gorgeous girl who broke up a couple of months ago with her boyfriend seems to have taking a liking to me. But I am not sure. Because she's perfect. It's the kind of girl everybody in the school knows. She skillfully rejected almost 6 guys at the last party. So obviously I am hesitant. On the other hand... I'm whatsapping with her and we were on the subject of cooking and she casually suggested that she wouldn't mind me cooking for her sometime. So yeah...
But come on. Every fucking guy in the school is after her and she could get every single one of them. She's off the charts. A 1-10 scale doesn't apply to her. She is a model for christ sake. I know I have soul piercing blue eyes but objectively; I am nowhere near her level. You know that women dont compare looks the same way as guys, do you? There is a lot more that makes a man attraktive. There are so many guys with women way to pretty for them. why not join the club? If youre not butt-ugly she could very well find you attractive. And with an opener like the cooking thing there is really no reason to not at least try! Do it! Do it! Or i will find you and take your dick, because you dont deserve it anymore! Damn right I will try. But with a girl like that it's hard not to have your doubts. I seriously don't find myself that attractive. I know I am well liked, probably intelligent. But so is she. I just don't see myself as attractive. I don't know man. I seem to have a fanclub of 14 year old girls who stare at me and give random compliments on my eyes, but I figured it's just because I am four years older than them. The number one rule of dealing with attractive people is treating them just like everyone else. Keep in mind that if much of her value comes from her physical attractiveness, then that value is a continuously depreciating asset. By contrast, your value is continuously appreciating if you work on it.
QFT. Girls will know if you treat them better because they're more good looking.
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On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason.
I actually question sometimes whether the "friendzone" actually exists. It's quite possible that there's a correlation only because the people who end up in the friendzone are unattractive in the first place.
After all, if Justin Timberlake was just good friends with a girl for 3 years, do you think she's gonna turn him down when he suggests they have sex?
Then again, maybe I'm just biased because friendzones have never caused me too many problems, just changed the dynamics of escalation slightly.
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On April 28 2013 00:58 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason. I actually question sometimes whether the "friendzone" actually exists. It's quite possible that there's a correlation only because the people who end up in the friendzone are unattractive in the first place. After all, if Justin Timberlake was just good friends with a girl for 3 years, do you think she's gonna turn him down when he suggests they have sex? Then again, maybe I'm just biased because friendzones have never caused me too many problems, just changed the dynamics of escalation slightly.
yeah I don't really buy the friendzone concept either I've seen plenty of people who were just friends for years have sex later on.
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On April 28 2013 00:58 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason. After all, if Justin Timberlake was just good friends with a girl for 3 years, do you think she's gonna turn him down when he suggests they have sex?
This is one of the sillier things you have said in this thread. People aren't this compulsive about pursuing people with 'higher value' or whatever.
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On April 27 2013 23:39 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 09:03 sunprince wrote:On April 27 2013 02:40 Recognizable wrote:On April 27 2013 02:31 Snotling wrote:On April 27 2013 02:21 Recognizable wrote:
How's my luck? I don't know man. This dropdead gorgeous girl who broke up a couple of months ago with her boyfriend seems to have taking a liking to me. But I am not sure. Because she's perfect. It's the kind of girl everybody in the school knows. She skillfully rejected almost 6 guys at the last party. So obviously I am hesitant. On the other hand... I'm whatsapping with her and we were on the subject of cooking and she casually suggested that she wouldn't mind me cooking for her sometime. So yeah...
But come on. Every fucking guy in the school is after her and she could get every single one of them. She's off the charts. A 1-10 scale doesn't apply to her. She is a model for christ sake. I know I have soul piercing blue eyes but objectively; I am nowhere near her level. You know that women dont compare looks the same way as guys, do you? There is a lot more that makes a man attraktive. There are so many guys with women way to pretty for them. why not join the club? If youre not butt-ugly she could very well find you attractive. And with an opener like the cooking thing there is really no reason to not at least try! Do it! Do it! Or i will find you and take your dick, because you dont deserve it anymore! Damn right I will try. But with a girl like that it's hard not to have your doubts. I seriously don't find myself that attractive. I know I am well liked, probably intelligent. But so is she. I just don't see myself as attractive. I don't know man. I seem to have a fanclub of 14 year old girls who stare at me and give random compliments on my eyes, but I figured it's just because I am four years older than them. The number one rule of dealing with attractive people is treating them just like everyone else. Keep in mind that if much of her value comes from her physical attractiveness, then that value is a continuously depreciating asset. By contrast, your value is continuously appreciating if you work on it. QFT. Girls will know if you treat them better because they're more good looking.
I don´t treat her any differently; I didn´t even pay attention to her a month ago and I generally hang out with everyone and anyone. Anyway, this monday I have a party and she should be there. I'll dance with her, chat with her, and at one point I'm just going to ask her if she likes me. It´s a win-win situation. If she says no that means I can finally focus on studying for my exams. If she says yes, well, that's definitely a win too.
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On April 27 2013 23:39 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 09:03 sunprince wrote:On April 27 2013 02:40 Recognizable wrote:On April 27 2013 02:31 Snotling wrote:On April 27 2013 02:21 Recognizable wrote:
How's my luck? I don't know man. This dropdead gorgeous girl who broke up a couple of months ago with her boyfriend seems to have taking a liking to me. But I am not sure. Because she's perfect. It's the kind of girl everybody in the school knows. She skillfully rejected almost 6 guys at the last party. So obviously I am hesitant. On the other hand... I'm whatsapping with her and we were on the subject of cooking and she casually suggested that she wouldn't mind me cooking for her sometime. So yeah...
But come on. Every fucking guy in the school is after her and she could get every single one of them. She's off the charts. A 1-10 scale doesn't apply to her. She is a model for christ sake. I know I have soul piercing blue eyes but objectively; I am nowhere near her level. You know that women dont compare looks the same way as guys, do you? There is a lot more that makes a man attraktive. There are so many guys with women way to pretty for them. why not join the club? If youre not butt-ugly she could very well find you attractive. And with an opener like the cooking thing there is really no reason to not at least try! Do it! Do it! Or i will find you and take your dick, because you dont deserve it anymore! Damn right I will try. But with a girl like that it's hard not to have your doubts. I seriously don't find myself that attractive. I know I am well liked, probably intelligent. But so is she. I just don't see myself as attractive. I don't know man. I seem to have a fanclub of 14 year old girls who stare at me and give random compliments on my eyes, but I figured it's just because I am four years older than them. The number one rule of dealing with attractive people is treating them just like everyone else. Keep in mind that if much of her value comes from her physical attractiveness, then that value is a continuously depreciating asset. By contrast, your value is continuously appreciating if you work on it. QFT. Girls will know if you treat them better because they're more good looking.
And then they will take advantage of you're free dinners. Sometimes I wish I was an attractive girl just for the sake of never having to pay for food again.
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On April 28 2013 00:58 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason. I actually question sometimes whether the "friendzone" actually exists. It's quite possible that there's a correlation only because the people who end up in the friendzone are unattractive in the first place.
Well as I said, it's the place where you put people that you - more or less - love but can't imagine sexual relationships with. Kind of like guys get to hear "You're like a big brother to me". When you think of an affair as a mostly sexual relationship, a friendship as a mostly emotional relationship and a "relationship" as a sexual + emotional relationship it all comes into place.
It's just easier for most guys who have lots of girl-friends to build emotional relationships than sexual ones. If the guy has sexual interest but only conveys emotional interest the girl puts him in the place for her emotional buddies, not her sexual ones. Since changing that all of a sudden requires her to reframe how she sees the guy it's going to hail shit-tests ("is he really a potential sexual relationship all of a sudden?") and require a strong frame from his side to change that situation, hence it doesn't seem as hard once you're used to those stronger frames from other situations.
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On April 28 2013 01:19 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On April 28 2013 00:58 sunprince wrote:On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason. After all, if Justin Timberlake was just good friends with a girl for 3 years, do you think she's gonna turn him down when he suggests they have sex? This is one of the sillier things you have said in this thread. People aren't this compulsive about pursuing people with 'higher value' or whatever.
By definition, a person with high sexual marketplace value is a person who is attractive to the vast majority of their preferred sex(es).
If you've ever seen the way guys act around extremely hot girls, or girls around extremely hot guys, then you know what I'm talking about.
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On April 28 2013 01:38 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 28 2013 00:58 sunprince wrote:On April 27 2013 19:37 r.Evo wrote:On April 27 2013 14:13 iAmWaKai wrote:On April 27 2013 04:14 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 04:02 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 04:00 Najda wrote:On April 27 2013 03:42 Grumbels wrote:On April 27 2013 03:23 Ryalnos wrote:On April 27 2013 03:19 McBengt wrote:
Woah, what did I create here o0.
It was meant as a lighthearted anecdote on the subject of online dating, I was 17 years old at the time, with hormones coming out of my ears. It was just an amusing setback brought on by an overpowering urge to copulate, before I was old enough to control it. It's not racist to have a preference for people with appearances similar to your own 'race' ... Ehm, that is being racist. If you are not attracted to an otherwise wonderful girl because she is black, then what else would you call it but racism? It's one thing to say you don't like someone because she is black, it's another thing to just be not attracted to the typical features attributed with a race. Grumbels has an itchy trigger finger. Obviously I was going for the latter in your example. Racism has two definitions: 1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race. I meant in the second sense, not the first. A preference can be racist despite the fact that the person they belong to is not racist in the first sense at all. If you think that fat people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on weight, if you think that black people aren't attractive then you are discriminating based on color (i.e. racism). It's not meant to say that you are evil racist scum. Heres a question: Does taking longer to ask a girl out automatically put you in the friend zone? Or if you play it right and keep the conversation somewhat sexual, you'll avoid this "zone". Presenting yourself as a great human being but not as a potential sexual partner is what puts people into the "friend zone". This is both why the biggest recommendation for people getting "friendzoned" a lot is to work on escalating things much quicker on a physical level but also why "being friendzoned" is no big deal once you have more experience. In those cases all it needs to turn such situation into a sexual one is to isolate her and escalate physically with a strong frame. If you want to avoid situations where you have to escalate out of the friendzone tone down anything that has to do with rapport/comfort and turn up anything related to physical/sexual escalation. For example it's kind of hard to consider someone not a potential sexual partner when you're already having phone sex on a regular basis for whatever reason. I actually question sometimes whether the "friendzone" actually exists. It's quite possible that there's a correlation only because the people who end up in the friendzone are unattractive in the first place. Well as I said, it's the place where you put people that you - more or less - love but can't imagine sexual relationships with. Kind of like guys get to hear "You're like a big brother to me". When you think of an affair as a mostly sexual relationship, a friendship as a mostly emotional relationship and a "relationship" as a sexual + emotional relationship it all comes into place. It's just easier for most guys who have lots of girl-friends to build emotional relationships than sexual ones. If the guy has sexual interest but only conveys emotional interest the girl puts him in the place for her emotional buddies, not her sexual ones. Since changing that all of a sudden requires her to reframe how she sees the guy it's going to hail shit-tests ("is he really a potential sexual relationship all of a sudden?") and require a strong frame from his side to change that situation, hence it doesn't seem as hard once you're used to those stronger frames from other situations.
My point is that the friend zone only inhibits those guys who tend to put themselves there in the first place. By contrast, attractive alpha males tend to avoid such emotional relationships with female friends, but when they do they have little trouble transitioning to a sexual relationship if they so choose. After all, there's plenty of girls who have crushes on their hot guy friends, even if (and sometimes especially if) those guys never conveyed sexual interest.
So if attractive guys are getting laid even if they friendzone themselves, and unattractive guys wouldn't get laid even if they didn't friendzone themselves, then does the concept of the friendzone have any useful predictive power?
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In all my life I've never seen a friendship between a male and a female without sexual interest from one of the two. In fact the friendzone to me looks like the sexually interested person has to compensate with something else just to gain interaction and proximity, hence one gives way more than the other. That's very different from friendship, which in itself means that both individuals consider themselves equal and respect each other. Friendzoning can also be seen as an act of disrespect altogether since both know the intention of the other but one is clinging to an hopeless chance while the other is using it to his/her advantage.
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Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out?
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On April 28 2013 04:51 heishe wrote:
Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out?
Sometimes. Sometimes they do that if they enjoy horror movies and want to hang out doing something they enjoy.
If you want to get close and make out, be prepared for it to happen, and hopefully she'll make it clear whether or not she's into it. Personally, I think horror movies are good for the "get close" part, and pretty weird for the "make out" part.
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On April 28 2013 04:51 heishe wrote:
Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out?
it's a good way for a girl to gauge if you can give her safety
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On April 28 2013 05:17 evanthebouncy! wrote:Show nested quote +On April 28 2013 04:51 heishe wrote:
Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out? it's a good way for a girl to gauge if you can give her safety
So should I loudly proclaim that I would beat those monsters up if they were threatening her?
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On April 28 2013 05:40 heishe wrote:Show nested quote +On April 28 2013 05:17 evanthebouncy! wrote:On April 28 2013 04:51 heishe wrote:
Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out? it's a good way for a girl to gauge if you can give her safety So should I loudly proclaim that I would beat those monsters up if they were threatening her?
yeah, then shout like tarzan and look deep into her eyes and tell her "im batman!"
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On April 28 2013 05:17 evanthebouncy! wrote:Show nested quote +On April 28 2013 04:51 heishe wrote:
Had a date with a girl on thursday. She wants to watch horror movies with me tomorrow. Don't chicks do that if they want to get close and make out? it's a good way for a girl to gauge if you can give her safety
maybe she just likes horror movies?
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EPT
