The Letting Off Steam Thread - Page 167

There are way too many hot girls on Tinder! There needs to be some sort of filter for those that are, like, 6 and below so that I don't have to swipe left on these bitches who are too hot for me.

Watching the Colbert Report with Anita Sarkeesian and he's just handling this crap like any other dumbshit media outlet that doesn't know anything about anything, just with his likable Colbert persona... Anita's just tossing wild guesses presented as truth again and he doesn't have anything to say in response so he just kind of is neutral to it.

It continues to amaze me that somehow humans have emerged as the alpha species of our planet. Given that the average human is dumb as a fucking doorknob, scared of bugs and a total wimp I can't see how we got to this phase at all.

Terran is so fucking stupid.

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are disappointing to watch every time you actually know something about whatever they're covering, especially if it's not one of their pet topics on which they're more informed. As an avid cycling fan I was anticipating those shows covering the Lance Armstrong scandal because I wanted to hear the funny insights, but it was just generic jokes and misinformation. They're comedy shows that appeal to a mainstream audience, they don't serve to inform and are mostly enjoyable as vehicles for the hosts' comedic persona.

Am I unreasonable for expecting other people in this apartment building to not have loud parties at 1am on weekdays? I complained about it and my downstairs neighbor was irate that I had done so and barged over to our half of the building to question whatever insidious individual wrote the anonymous complaint letter. I confessed and she said I was a coward and that I shouldn't complain about these things given students live here. I've seen her a few times since just in passing and she always looks at me with suspicion. I swear she has to be a complete sociopath to have the nerve to not take any responsibility for all the incessant and ever-present noise she makes and to instead place me at fault. As if I'm some villain for expecting people to be more or less quiet in the middle of a Wednesday night when I have to get up at 8am next morning. This is the irony, I can't sleep because of her noise making, but she can sleep perfectly well as she's not bothered by a nagging conscience since she doesn't have one. I hope she suffers.

There was a time when Zerg was prominent and I had high hopes of becoming the Zerg bastion for the east server. This is Sc1 we're talking about. Today I had suffered a devastating blow by a Protoss player who I had met before. The first time I had played them my ZvP was weak at the time. Over time as I began to practice though, I became hyperaware of every unit I was making, what supply I should get them, and had good map awareness. I felt more confident in my sense of game flow and pacing of the ZvP matchup and when I was in tip top shape I had gotten to C+. I'm not even sure if that's legitimate because the last game I needed to get to C+ was against a D rank player...I don't care though, I've come to realize if anyone wants to get up a few ranks it's only a matter of massing games, not pure skill, especially on a ladder like iccup that rewards massing games. The only thing to do is leave starcraft knowing what accomplishments I've made already and not lingering in the past.

When I was laddering I drilled into my brain loss after loss and now facing the same Protoss opponent I had fought with several months ago....I just crumbled. I had come to the realization that this player was better than me and you know....sometimes you have to accept it. I was just playing like crap. I feel bad too because I was stream sniping some random newbie today which shows how much I only care about winning. I haven't really been practicing zerg competitively recently so I wasn't as good as I was so I just floundered. I still never proved to myself I could beat 1 base gimmicks.

Through my years in Brood War I wanted to cultivate my skills, become the best turtle zerg ever, modelling myself after great players like the past Zergs I had seen in my years playing, specifically my former teacher sandman86. Of course, there are players like Sziky, Eonzerg, Trutacz, etc prominent in the BW foreign scene but I always felt like I had what it would take to bring to the table some more variety. It was really just a farce though, and when I look at the "top" Protoss players in the foreign scene, I just sigh thinking how..... I had a dream of living through the legacy of my past teachers but in the end it feels like Zerg's going to whimper out. They say Zerg is the toughest to learn, but the most powerful of the three races, and I was nowhere near close to mastering it. Even more so because I only played on fighting spirit. A part of me thinks I really have lost my skill when I can only play on FS. The game just lost its organic feel to me. It felt so...formulaic, doing the same build over and over again, playing on the same map.

Alouette, who is uh....you know, he's korean. he was some guy I knew from east server back when I was still very new to the game . He told me one time that I had the potential to become a good player if I put my mind to it, and you know, he was right. At the time it felt feasible to me and now...it all comes to a sudden halt. My feelings over...I don't know what I'm feeling. I feel as if there were ever the possibility of leaving the Zerg not only would I be leaving a video game, but I'd also be leaving the Zerg as a race to grow smaller. All of the newbs are protoss players and Terran. Zerg does have the steepest learning curve though. Once you understand the inner workings of it, you can tap into its potential. At some point I felt like if I had the tools necessary I could show that Zerg could break any defense, just like what sandman had done. As the game grows older and less people play it, people like sandman who had a more flexible, smarter insight in the game are disappearing. They just did magic with their hands, men with legendary micro. No longer though, no longer. It's not dramatic. Not only am I frustrated at my lack of intelligence when approaching the game, I feel like I've stagnatedaomgaomgogagaogmaaReally though, it....was all a matter of time for people to leave the game. After all, it is just . a video game. Nothing more.

This night feels different.I can't keep this up! I dedicated so much time. My mind didn't have the growth mindset I may have wanted. My mindset favored winning and I didn't want to go through the difficulties of losing for the ultimate sake of learning. I.....................I..You know, sometimes it feels like I have nothing i really enjoy. Hm..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Over time my mind has slowly degenerated unable to do tasks it once did. For example, I've lost my photographic memory. I'd remember whatever page numbers I had to write down for homework or whatever and I wouldn't have to glance back at the board or whatever paper the homework assignemnt was written on....and my god now I can't even remember more than one number. I have to glance back and forth from the paper I was recording the page numbers on and the page numbers on the board. Small things like that about me bother myself. I feel like it's because .....everything. I also can't get back the same euphoria I had when I first plyaed starcraft, or just any video games or tv shows I'd watch prior to finding starcraft. It's very dampening. When someone talks to me about depression i can't take it seriously. really though I mean............holy crap. Gonna be honest here, if there were a suicidal fat girl I just....no. There we have it, I don't need to be here. You know, I had dreams of becoming...something great but learning about the contemporary problems and existential problems that plague the human mind and seem further convoluted by religion, it feels confusing. I twas religious one time. It was also the same time I had lost weight. I was never the same again after i lost my religious fervor. I just felt numb everyday I went to school. I could not form coherent thoughts. At all. It stayed like that for a long time and I'm still not entirely sure what had happened. I just.........sadness. Was that the beginnings of my depression? My brain levels still haven't reached back up. I don't enjoy talking about it. Everyone says "How are you?" and you have to reply "fine" or "good" even if you're not, which is idk man. It's tiresome to reply I get anxious whenever I feel like someone wants to talk to me. I used to be more outgoing but look at me now: lonely, depressed, broken in many, many hospital staying induced ways, and seeing the faces of the depressed, the people who loved cutting, and blazed it 420/7 everyday....maybe I'm losing my innocence. It also might be my frontal lobe acting out since it's not fully developed. To think I'm 42 years old. And a dog. Sigh................................i'm a fat girl and if I wouldn't help a fat girl, why would a person help me. It's just a video game but I still cling to it because it's the last thing i enjoyed before I hurtled down into depression. Thinking about it I never really had any real friends when I moved. Why? I......I'm sick.

At some point in school I would try to be funny but at some point I thought, there's no need to be funny. Just do....nothing. And be you. Hm....i'm remembering all sorts of things. It all makes sense now. Don't try to be anything. Just be yourself I thought. And so, I became quiet. Eventually a person's jokes will run out and when they do, what is left? What is left to do. I remember I would have these laughing fits and they would come rarely. After I had lost weight and I was having a laughing fit, my sides were convulsing....painfully. My slabs of fat before had kept my organs safe from my pulsating humps of laughter. Never again did I laugh so hard. Never. I'm starting to grow the slabs of fat back again if that means anything.

Hmm...............................................................I just make paragraphs according to how my brain thinks. You know, I think I lost my innocence the moment I started playing online StarCraft. A whole new world of.....bad manners just came to life. Then there was Suplex, who is me. He's just him. I'm going to be him. I won't denounce him for the man he is, but he's what a guy who becomes a secluded anti social person would be, so.......that's me. I think we bonded somehow. I listened to his voice one time on teamspeak, and I remember I said he could be a singer like that person with the hair. I forget her name. Susan Boyle? That's the one. I always take things for granted, and when it's too late, I regret. Even now I know future me would want present me to start doing something today, yet....it shall be too late. You know I made a post a while back and some guy was all SYMPATHY SUMPATHY and....idk man. He was saying things like "What are your interests? I don't understand how someone could be depressed and still enjoy activities. posers. AM I EVEn a male? What......is anything. Am I hand? What....hand. but yes i mean i don't need sympathy. I know there are people who naturally hate any sort of compliment or sign of sympathy and will retaliate aggressively. That sounds like me. You know, in the back of my mind what I really want is for everyone on teamliquid to hate me so I naturally become ousted from StarCraft and lose complete interest in it out of not personal will but by the will of others. I can't just leave by myself, I'm weak and helpless, I need someone to force me out so I leave due to outside forces outside of my control.. I'm only sticking with StarCraft only for the social aspect. Sigh...It's getting late. I'm going to be obnoxious which I have for many, many years. I only thank people for putting up with me. I use depression and aspergers and weed as my excuse. And ADHD. And OCD. And diabetes, thyroid problems, genetic disorders, thin privilege, all of it. I've been suffering from weight issues somewhat, hard to admit but it's true. I would act all goofy in real life though. I just...............can't get serious. Aren't transgender males just....lesbian transvestites? I have over 3 days worth of homework piled up. Yet, I'm going to let it pile up until I either go into a flight or fight moment. IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'll either do all of my work in an adrenaline pumped fury or I'll just slump back into my bed and cry my eyes out. One day I will soaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar across the skies. I've been hoping for some hacker on starcraft to permanently disable my computer.router somehow, but it has to be WITHIN STARCRAFT. idk how i'll deal with it. Most likely I'll just use the computer at my person's workplace. It's a church. Will I spend the rest of my days at church, the exact place I loathe? There's some reasoning in the church people I can't argue against, for example, just because something has sharp teeth doesn't mean it eats meat. I....don't know where to begin on creating a counter argument. What is the very basis of........................................human common sense? Is there a common common sense? Where does this all come from. I think i just matrix? I'm getting..........................vibes that something is about to kill me. So, this is it, huh. It's been a long road but I guess this is how it ends.

You know man I just in secret I just I just I just I just can't say it because I know the person who I want to type the name of is gonna read this. I know. It's because I want sympathy but it's because I'M A DISGUSTING PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......

perv. I think I'm developing schizophrenia. I mean...I'm going. I might have it, you know and........it saddens me. Early signs of cancer?!!! Alzheimers. Why is work so.....................much? I want it to not be there.

If people become creeped out by me then I think that's for the best because that way I'll levitate away from teamliquid and feel emotionally terrible coming here. HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO WRITE THIS?! The time goes by fast. Everything runs out of time. I could type something like "thank you for reading the first 16 pages of my book" but....I won't. talk about. Yawn...........i want something.

pretty sure you can file a complaint at the local authority's about this.

Sometimes I wish I could just sleep, play Starcraft and guitar and be good with it

Those fucking dishes why can't they clean themselves we're in fucking 2014 cmon

I feel like I've gotten so slow. I'm also sad that both the times I've gotten to C+ on the iccup ladder were somewhat sketchy. I just hit C+ again actually but only because I had played a bunch of games against a bnet friend who I tried to go scouts against vs. his Zerg. Then when he was ready for the milking I kept on going for 2 gate which countered his speedling opening. The game that got me to C+ was against this C- noob called Heartbeat. His TvZ is god awful so I managed to beat him, a matchup I don't feel too sure about. The first time i got to C+ was by proxy 2 gating, no change at all. The second time I did go Zerg but I got to C+ by noob bashing this D rank noob. I was MASSIVELY behind from my failed 5 pool but somehow he noobed out and I lucked out and punched out the win. I've always compared myself to others always placing myself below or above out of insecurity, and while I may not have been as good as the person I admired and sought to reach the same heights as I won't ever know if we were ever equivalent in skill. Plus, that person's pretty noob now because real life, while I'm just rotting away playing StarCraft. It's funny to think about the little world I used to live in on east server. No zergs I knew could stop the 2 gate proxy strategy this one protoss always used...Now in retrospect they all were pretty low skilled. Even the older players I met that I thought were pro back in 2011 are people I can be beat by myself regularly today.

I've also been going through this identity crisis because I can't decide whether to go 3 hatch muta or 3 hatch lurker anymore vs. T. I end up just being mediocre at both rather than playing one style really well and the other style terribly....but that's the best way to play. I decided to hunker down and play 3 hatch muta. The korean Terrans really love to do their mech switches. It's tough.