The Letting Off Steam Thread - Page 148

DOING NO FAP DOESN'T GIVE YOU SUPERPOWERS YOU FUCKING MORONS. So let's talk about this fucking shit. Fucking no-fap. Birdie introduced me to this... fucking abomination of human insanity that is literally worse than fucking Hitler, literally like fuck. If you visit reddit, it's too late, you already have AIDS, but there is message board where guys brag about how little semen they have excreted, and give advice to others how to not touch their dicks. I don't know how they're gonna make it more than a week, then they're gonna have to pee in a public bathroom and just be letting go of a motherfucking stream of gold while holding their dick when all of a sudden, the stimulation of touching causes the dick in question to bulge up and get all veiny and shit and want to spew out the spermies and the guy is like "OH FUCK, NATURAL BODILY FUNCTIONS" and will spill his precious life-giving seed into the urinal as he curses himself out like "Fuck me, I fucking suck, I'm such a fucking faggot, fuck fuck fuck, what the fuck" and is guilt-tripping hard because his baby batter is frosting the urinal cake (goddamn that was fucking clever, shiiiiiit)

SO HERE IS HOW I UNDERSTAND NO-FAP, FROM WHAT BIRDIE TOLD ME:

BENEFITZ:

- YOU WILL HAVE INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY (HOW?)
- YOU WILL HAVE INCREASED MENTAL FOCUS AND PHYSICAL STRENGTH
- YOU WILL BE HAPPIER AND HAVE MORE ENERGY

BOI I NEVER KNEW THE SLUDGE IN YOUR BALLS HAD SUCH A GRAVE IMPACT ON YOUR SHIT. I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT EATING A PROPER DIET SO YOUR BLOOD CELLS ARE STRONG AS FUCK AND CALCIUM FOR BONES OF STEEL AND YOUR HEART PUMPING BLOOD. I'M NOT A DOCTOR THOUGH, SO I HEARD SPERMING IT UP RELEASES TESTOSTERONE OR SOME SHIT OR MAYBE VICE-VERSA.

IF U FAP:

- U ARE DEPRESSED AS FUCK AND SUICIDE EVERY DAY
- LESS MENTAL FOCUS
- LESS DRIVE TO ACQUIRE FEMALES
- LESS PRODUCTIVITY

But if you have regular sex, it's fine. In fact, here is a list of what is okay and what's not:

• Sex - Good
  
• Oral sex - Good
  
• Anal sex - Good
  
• Handjob (another person grabbing your dick) - Good
  
• Robot hand grabbing your dick - Good
  
• Having a cybernetic body enhancement bio-suit that is programmed to automatically jerk you off, but you were equipped with it from birth so it's not your choice to be stimulated sexually. - Good
  
• Wet dream (just creaming yourself naturally) - Good
  
• Randomly ejaculating like Lonely Island - Good
  
• Using your own hand to ejaculate - BAD
  

So releasing sperm is okay, just as long as you don't consciously make it happen?

But okay

I understand a couple of things. There are people who masturbate way too much and it's an addiction. I'm not talking like once or twice a day. I'm talking about like 6 times a day minimum compulsively. That's not good if you can't control it and it takes over your life. Then you will become like one of those weird germ-people who wash their hands like 50 times a day.

Also, pornography addiction is a real thing, and if people want to overcome an addiction, fine. But let's not pretend beating it will help you beyond giving you peace of mind, self-control, and some self-confidence. Now, don't get me wrong, those things are really important, but expecting to be like "I haven't fapped in 12 months, and now I'm a millionaire and I'm dating a model and benchpress 350 lbs" because THAT IS FUCKING RETARDED CUZ RICH PEOPLE DON'T BENCHPRESS, THEY HAVE PEOPLE TO DO THAT FOR THEM JESUS CHRIST

Speaking of Jesus Christ, doing it for religious reasons, I can understand. Now, you may say "Well, religion is the scourge of the human race", but we're not debating that issue at the moment, so let's just set that aside. Let's talk about the perception of "God", not a bearded man in the clouds giving out minor financial breaks and pleasant weather to middle-income folks, but a more abstract sort of God. Let's say, without this God, your life has absolutely no meaning. You are a worthless fuck without God. Well, of course, I'd want to have some God in my life, cuz I don't want to be a worthless fuck, right? Well, yes, but there's more to it than that. God also represents more: Pure selfless love from a father-figure, happiness, comfort, protection, purpose, and life itself. And he gives it to you freely, and you are so overwhelmed by how awesome he has been that you are moved to tears from happiness, that such a wonderful thing could exist.

But let's say you also liked to watch naked women getting fucked hard by throbbing cocks right after sucking two other men's dicks, and it's dirty, and perverted, and you have some weird fetish, like you're super into cum-swapping or something. Not something you'd want to bring up at a job interview, or a family get-together, or pretty much anywhere. Like, you're sitting on the city bus, and you turn to the guy next to you and say "Hm, nice weather we're having. I heard it's going to rain this weekend." and he replies with "Yeah, I hope there's not too much rain delay in Cincinnati cuz the Reds are playing." and you reply with "Oh, you're a baseball fan?" and he goes "Yeah, I enjoy baseball, and I also am into videos of fat sluts wrestling naked, and the winner fucking the other one with a strap-on in the ass while the referee cums all over them." and you're like "WHAT?"

THE SHAME.

Also, if you did this, and it made God disappointed in you, that would be depressing. You want to be a good steward of the Lord's ministry, and you're jerkin' it to tentacle hentai and furries for 5 hours a day. I would imagine there would be a lot of self-loathing involved in that circumstance, and since you'd be stressed and depressed because you hate your addiction, of course it's going to wear on you mentally and physically. That's just common sense. Having that lifted may actually be good for your well-being.

What I'm saying is, I understand if you don't want to fap for religious reasons. I mean, I get it. I'm perfectly fine with that. But don't try and pretend like there is some hidden benefit that you can get from limiting your ejaculation to outside stimulation (not including porn) which could include having your dog lick peanut butter off your shaft until you cum. I know one of you fucking perverts have tried it. So let's not mince words: ejaculation is ejaculation, plain and simple. Either it's all good or it's all bad. On the same note, addiction can prevent you from having a functional and happy life, so dealing with that is something that is important, but yeah, you're not gonna hold your juice back and suddenly rebuild another sphinx.

And if you are into it, and slip up, it's okay. Shooting it off is a normal bodily function, just like sneezing or getting eye-goop from sleeping too long. Just get back where you think you need to be.

Also, I don't understand why women would do this cuz we don't have dicks, but I guess if you're spanking it 24/7, maybe it's time to lay off on the pink-poking for awhile before you end up rubbing your clitoris clean off your body.

btw, if you're at work, this is NSFW, so don't read

Honestly, I would never do that. Incidentally, I haven't masturbated for like a week and I feel like shit.

The human race makes me so mad sometimes.

Surely there's a difference between them stressing out over their semester that is very busy and overwhelming *for them*, and them trying to belittle your life by saying you wouldn't understand their workload, right? Are they saying their life is hard *and yours isn't*, or just that they're doing far more than usual *for them*, so they're stressed?