Life Tricks - Page 16

++ The nicer you are to your parents, the nicer they will be to you (for the most part).
++ Make friends as soon as possible with a new neighbor. You have no idea how much this will ease
certain encounters in the future. It's easier to have a big party or just generally be loud in your room if
you know that the upstairs (or wherever) neighbor is cool with you.
++ Make friends at the university. This is especially important for you career-minded individuals.
Getting on a professor's good side is one of the most important things you can do at university. If you
see someone sitting in the lunch room by themselves and they aren't studying or doing homework, go
sit at their table and talk to them. Get their name and what they're studying and BAM, you've got an
aquaintance. Then, when you see them around campus/town again, say 'hi'.
++ Even though you may be nervous about talking to random people, the worst you can get is "Go
away."
++ Making friends with janitors at school is a great hint. Feel like having a day off school? Do it. He'll
write you a note, because even though he's kinda weird, he's pretty cool.
++ If you're in a large group that's singing, and you know the tune of the song but not the words, you
can just mouth "Watermelon" over and over. No one watching will be able to tell, except the deaf.
++ Guys, when everything is going perfectly with your relationship, send your girlfriend flowers or a
Vermont Teddybear. If you can do it well, cook her a surprise meal.
++ If you're standing in a line at the grocery store or wherever, turn to the person behind you and
make small talk.
++ Do not buy your girlfriend or wife flowers in an attempt to make nice after you pissed her off. Every
time she looks at the flowers, she will just be reminded that you pissed her off, unless she has the
memory span of a goldfish.
++ If you occasionally feel like feeding the hungry looking guy with the sign at the intersection, don't
give him money. Your desire to help him get some hot food may end up being exploited to get things
you don't intend. Carry meal coupons to local restraunts. Its real hard to exchange a $5.00 Quiznos
coupon for alchohol or drugs, but it will get them a toasted sub.
++ Learn to apologize. Swallow your pride and do it. It will make your life so much better in the end.
++ Repair your messed up relationships if at all possible.
++ If you're at a party and you don't know anyone, make it a point to meet the host and introduce
yourself. The host can introduce you to other guys/girls and it scores you points so you get invited
back.
++ Don't loan money to friends.
++ Spend some effort staying in touch with friends.
++ If you're in a foreign country, never assume that a particular type of humor is universal. Your clever
sarcastic comment might not go over well at all if the listener isn't familiar with the concept of sarcasm.
++ Remember when you were little and were intimidated by adults and big kids? Play with little kids
and don't think they're dumb, they're smarter than you think. Kids will listen and behave better around
you if you do that.
++ Have a firm handshake.
++ Relearn childhood skills or hobbies that you decided were stupid. They'll often inexplicably impress
people later on.
++ Pay attention to how your coworkers treat waitstaff. It's is generally a good indicator of how they'll
treat people they feel they have some power or control over.
++ Take your hat off during dinner of say, a significant other, or a friend's family that you aren't too
comfortable with yet. It just looks bad to be an impolite punk who doesn't show any manners.
++ If you get in trouble with an authority figure, be as nice as possible, sometimes they let you off if
you display that you have regretted your mistake or are willing to accept consequences.

++ If you have a girlfriend and would like to keep her, before you go drinking with the guys shut your
cell phone off and give it to the designated driver. Not so much so she won't call you, but so you won't
call her.
++ Sleep on your stomach if you've been drinking.
++ Before you go to bed when you're drunk, chug a big glass of water and eat a banana. If you don't
like bananas then take a pill with potassium, and eat a package of soda crakers. The big glass of
water is going to wake you up in about 3 hours to go take a pee. When you pee, chug another glass of
water. You should wake up after about 6-8 hours with no hangover, works incredibly well.
++ Don t ever ask a bartender to hook you up. It will make the bartender � � � charge you more for
calls and add mystery charges to your
tab.
++ Red Label Smirnoff Triple Distilled is 80 Proof, while Blue Label Smirnoff Triple distilled is 100
Proof. Generally the blue label has a stronger taste to it.
++ If you've been drinking or are planning on it and you know you're going to puke or you think you
might, avoid all spicy food (from peppers to buffalo wings). They make puking much worse than it
normally would be.
++ When you're given a cocktail napkin or coaster with an excessively wet drink (condensation),
sprinkle salt on it. It will cease to lift up with your drink.

++ When purchasing a car, pick the model you want from the lot/showroom and take notes (make,
model, color, options, price etc.) Ask questions of a sales rep if you need to, but don't enter his office
or sign anything. Visit several other dealerships and do the same thing. Take note of the lowest price.
Wait a day or so, then call all the dealerships, starting with the highest-priced one, and ask them to
meet or beat the lowest price you recorded. They'll all ask you to come to them to discuss the matter;
refuse. Work your way down the list, then start over with the current highest-priced dealer. Keep
calling until you can't get a lower price.
++ In the same vein, when making any major purchase like a car or a house, bring a calculator and
check the dealer's math. Learn the formula for compound interest (write it down if you must). If you
find the dealer playing fast and loose with the numbers, call him on it and make as big a fuss as
possible, ideally involving his manager.
++ Always learn the side-streets if you travel on a major thoroughfare. They can, occasionally, be less
congested.
++ Keep in mind that when the light turns red the other guys' light doesn't usually turn green for at
least a second or so. Plus, they have to accelerate and get out to the middle of the intersection. So its
actually safer in some circumstances (you're going too fast, the yellow light is short or you didn't notice
it till late) to just slightly run the red light. to avoid real unsafety, i usually think of red lights as being
bad only if it's red before you're halfway through the intersection. Note, however, that I'm not actually
condoning breaking the law, merely advocating safety.
++ If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but
vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.
++ When changing your oil, take the filler cap off before removing the drain plug.
++ A very good tip for long distance (travelers) drivers: For every 2 hours of driving take at least a 10
minute break, even if you don't have to go to the bathroom, or aren't hungry.
++ Your car battery is getting old, hmmm? Not a lot of cranking power left, and it's cold out. AND you
have to fire that sucker up and be on your way at 3 a.m. Try this: before turning the key, turn the
headlights on for a few seconds. It might seem counter-intuitive, but it works. This process is called
"boot-strapping," as in "picking yourself up by the bootstraps." It warms the battery slightly and
provides a bit more cranking amps for the initial starting attempt.
++ If you live in a part of the country where snow is a regular thing during the winter, do yourself a
favor and find a large, open parking lot the next time you get an inch or two. Drive up there, and
practice inducing spins and then steering out of them. At minimum, half an hour of this is as good as
gold, but ideally you should do it until it becomes second nature for either direction at most any speed.
It's a lot more helpful than reading a description of how to do so.
++ Before embarking on a long drive, give your car a once over: check tires, lights, fluids, and make
sure to have a spare tire -- A real one and the stuff to change it with, not just a donut.
++ Try to keep a "go bag" in your vehicle. Include 20 bucks emergency money, a blanket, a full change
of clothes, lighter, bottled water, some sort of non-perishable food (MRE's are perfect if you can get
them), flashlight and batteries, a jacknife, bungie cords or a good length nylon rope, and anything else
you can possibly think of that you might need. If you ever need to take off in a hurry, you've got pretty
much everything you might need already in the car. This also makes a good emergency kit.
++ Keep a blanket and a snack in your car, not just for emergencies, but for whatever.
++ At strip malls, and most stores, for that matter, there is almost always parking in the back,
regardless of the fact that you'd have to kill someone to get a space in the front. It might be for
employee parking, but there usually aren't signs that say so.
++ Keep a disposable camera in your glove compartment.
++ Learn how to use basic hand tools. This can prove to be near-infinitely useful.
++ Don't baby your car during the break in period. It is not bad to bring the engine to redline every now
and then. It is actually good for the engine, proven by many people, that the engine seals expand
much better when it is exposed the full range of what it is capable of. The thing you don't want to do is
keep it under 3000 rpm during break-in, because I guarantee you that your piston rings wont seat
evenly. Highway driving is bad for new cars, because usually you'll drive at a fixed RPM, which means
again, the piston rings will not seal fully and you'll burn oil in the later days.
++ The break-in period is typically about 500 miles. After this, highway driving is better for your engine
than stop-and-go city driving.
++ Higher octane doesn't do anything for your car if it doesn't need it. Don't put 93 octane gas in your
car if it doesn't need it. It will not give you more horsepower. Instead it'll leave deposits in your engine.
++ Have a stubborned oil filter and it's too tight to get a wrench in there? Use sandpaper to grip it.
++ If you get into a car crash, don't shrug it off just because you can't feel anything. An injury (i.e.
whiplash) can cause a world of hurt later on. As you age, these injuries, which usually don't heal
100%, turn into something much worse.
-to get free air (for your tires) at Shell gas stations, press the button on the side of the pump three
times. The pump will start without you having to insert any coins.
Don't ever buy a car on its very first generation. Most of the time, the tech is just pushed out the door
and used to test it in the field so that the second gen can be much, much more stable.
-- Tips for Getting Out of a Ticket
1. Pull over ASAP, but not if it's dangerous. Turn into a non-busy parking lot if you can, or if you can
turn onto a side road without driving too far, do it. Don't forget the officer has to get in behind you. Take
that into account. Also, pull over as far as possible. The officer will not pull over as far because they
use their patrol car as a shield to deflect oncoming traffic.
2. Turn your parking lights on and your engine off. Roll down your windows and turn on all the lights in
your car. Stay in your car. Keep your hands where the officer can see them, but not on your roof, felon.
The top of your steering wheel is fine. Turn your stereo off.
3. You never know why you were pulled over unless it's painfully obvious. Ask permission and/or tell
the officer everything you are doing; "My license is in my pocket, let me grab that for you." "My wallet
is in my gym bag in back, mind if I grab it?" "My registration is in my glove box, let me grab that."
(leave the glove box open until your registration is back in it) Do things slowly, but promptly.
4. Above all, be polite! Address The officer as "Officer" Not "sir" or "ma'am."
5. Acknowledge that you may have broken the law, but not intentionally. "I don't normally take this
route, officer, I must have missed the sign," NEVER "I was in a hurry." Don't blame your car, your
thottle, cruise control. That's a good way to get an additional fix-it
Just keep in mind, the officer is just doing his job. If you get a ticket, suck it up and learn from your
mistakes.
-I worked at Budget Rentals a number of years ago, so this may have changed. When you make a
reservation for x class car, it means absolutely nothing. They will not go out of their way to get you that
specific size car on time unless you're renting a luxury model. If you show up and they happen to not
have your class they'll do one of two things:
1. Upgrade you for free to the next larger class. This is fine, but you can fuss that you specifically
requested the smaller car to save gas (due to lower MPG). You'll get a small deal, like paying the cost
of the class below your original reservation.
2. The distraction method: They won't even acknowledge your class request, but instead ask "So,
what car can we put you in today?" and indicate the lot, suggesting you look around. If you pick a
larger class car, you'll get charged accordingly. If you pick smaller, you just "requested" that car, so
they're off the hook for your reservation. Or they might ask "Is a Sebring/Spectra/whatever okay for
you today?", again, without acknowledging your reservation. If you say yes, they're off the hook again.
Lesson: know the classes/models and call them on it.
The only other thing I can think of right now is the gas trick. When I was working there, the policy was
that all rentals come ready with a full tank of gas. If the car happened to not be full (lazy
employees/busy day), the employee would just say "so, the meter's at 3/4 tank, just bring it back at the
same." This sucks, because you can't really estimate distance against the meter level, so you'll likely
come back with too much gas, which they keep. Or, you come in under, which they charge you
ridiculous rates to refill. Or, you drive around the block wasting gas and time to spite them 'cause your
meter's too high. Lesson: always request them to fill up the tank and just wait the five/ten minutes.

++ Lay down some toilet paper in the bowl before you sit down. This greatly reduces the risk of
splashback and noise. Especially useful in public restrooms.
++ Make a conscious effort to smell good. Don't kill yourself with aerosol deodorants like that kid in the
UK did, but shower daily, wear a deodorant, brush your teeth/tongue, etc. Smell works in your favor on
a subconscious level. You don't have to actually stink for it to work against you. On a subconscious
level, you might just smell "wrong." You're not trying to smell like perfume, you're just shooting for
"pleasant," or at the very least "unobtrusive."
++ Brush your tongue if you want your bad breath to go away. Not the front, way in the back. If you
want to eat spicy foods but are a total wuss, do not let the hot part of the food touch the rear sides of
your tongue because that is where the tastebuds that detect spiciness reside.
++ Toothpaste makes a simple pimple cleaning agent if you don't feel like giving your money to Oxy.
++ If you want the freshest breath ever, use a really strong mint mouthwash like Listerine until you
can't bear it anymore, then immediately rinse out your mouth with the hottest water you can stand.
++ If you want to wear cologne/perfume, do not use a scented bodywash unless it is made to
compliment the cologne/perfume (ie Victoria's
Secret Very Sexy II for Him Bodywash and Cologne). After drying off, but before putting on any
clothes, spray the cologne once or twice in front of you and walk through it. Put clothes on afterwards.
This prevents the "smell cloud" effect, people smell it when getting close, but not when passing you in
the hallway.
++ Put a layer of antipersperant on first, and then a layer of deoderant. Deoderant alone does not
reduce sweating, and may result in slight pitstains, especially if you're nervous.
++ When you blow your nose, keep your mouth open a bit. You can actually pop (as in, put a hole in)
your eardrum if you do not.
++ Orbitz spearmint gum has an incredible fresh breath smell range.
++ If you are like me and get shocked constantly no matter where you are, ground yourself with a little
slap against whatever metal object instead of just touching. You'll feel the tap more than the shock.
++ Buy a styptic pencil from a nearby drugstore. It may sting a little, but it will instantly close up any
shaving cuts.
++ If you get one of those annoying cuts on your hands or fingers that don't really hurt but don't want
to stop bleeding, go ahead and put super glue or krazy glue on it to seal it right up.
++ Never cut your toenails so they are rounded (the way you cut your fingernails). They are more
brittle and if you cut them with too rounded of a shape you can get ingrown toenails.
++ Shave in the shower -- shaving is best accomplished when your skin is moist and soft, and the hot
water and steam of a hot shower is the best time for this. Get yourself a small hangable fog-free mirror
(see below) and keep it in there, along with your razor.
++ Many haircare and shaving products have water repellent properties. You can apply these to your
mirror and glasses to keep them from misting up. Shaving cream, hair spray, mousse style hair control
stuff, etc. -- all of these can be applied to your glasses and/or mirrors so you can see clearly to take
care of what you need to in a misty post-shower bathroom.
++ After shaving, store your razor with the blade dunked in rubbing alcohol. This keeps it from rusting
and you can get many more good shaves before changing blades.
++ Do not shake nail polish before applying them, doing so makes air bubbles appear. Roll them
gently in your hands instead.
++ Always wait for your moisterizer to be completely absorbed before applying foundation, that way
your "face" won't slide off in the middle of the day.
++ Sharpen your eye and lip liner pencils before and especially after you use them. It stops nasty
bacteria from growing on them, and if you are in a hurry to use them they are already sharpened from
last time.
++ Press a liberal amount of face powder under your eyes before applying eyeshadow. Brush the
extra powder off with the fallen eyeshadow, and you won't look like a panda. Rest your right pinky on
your face and look down into a mirror when you apply eyeliner.
++ For long lasting lip color, use a lip pencil in a similar shade to your lipstick all over your lips, apply a
thin coat of lipstick, blot with a single ply of tissue, then apply again.
++ Spray perfume into your hair for long-lasting fragrance, but don't use too much as alcohol is drying.
++ Ever pop a zit only to have a red mark appear that's just as bad as the zit itself? Buy some
eyedrops and spread a single drop on the red area. A lot of eyedrop brands out there (especially the
cheap ones) merely have chemicals that shrink blood vessels, hence "getting the red out." After a few
minutes of sitting on your skin, the liquid should help diminish the redness.
++ If you wear contacts that are not specifically designed to be worn while sleeping, for God's sake,
take them off. I don't care how lazy you are. It destroys your eyesight.
++ Keep your bathroom in good shape and try to make sure you match your towels and stuff. Being
mismatched and untidy is a sign of someone
who doesn't care, and guests will notice this.
++ Don't mix bleach and amonia. Ever. This means don't use bleach in your toilet bowl, because urine
has ammonia in it.
++ When packing your bathroom stuff for a trip, be it via car or plane, always pack your bottles of stuff
in Ziploc bags, seperate if possible. That way, if one gets bumped and the cap opens, you don't end
up with shampoo/soap all over everything.
++ Irritability is often the first sign of dehydration.
-Anytime that you book a hotel room through a 3rd party website, like Expedia, you are not actually
guaranteed the room type that you booked. I work at a hotel, and people get screwed over if they
happen to make their reservation on a night when we are sold out. We try to accommodate everyone,
but we only have so many 2 Queen Non-Smoking rooms. So call ahead to be sure that your family of
5 won't be stuck in a Smoking King Jacuzzi room.

++ When your ultra-expensive headphones start separating at the weakest part, where the wires
connect left to right, if you melt candle wax over the rupture point, allow to harden, then chip away
carefully any unnecessary crap. You will have a lovely fossilized piece of loose wiring which is unable
to loosen any further, and you can pretend you have a prehistoric mosquito trapped in amber hanging
from your neck.
++ Don't listen to anything too loudly and your ears will be more perceptive. Turn the TV down to the
lowest level you can, and do the same with music. This not only saves your hearing but it makes loud
experiences that much more eargasmic, especially in regards to music.
++ Back up any important data on disk. Your C drive is not indestructable.
++ Keep an extra power supply around, you never know when yours will blow.
++ If you're on a budget, use the 'draft' option when printing long documents, it uses about 1/3 the
toner you'd normally use and doesn't look too bad.
++ Don't skimp on parts. You get what you pay for.
++ Restart once a week, whether you think you need it or not.
++ Take some time to get to know your computer. Seriously, it's amazing how many people are
impressed by the most basic computer knowledge. If you know enough and it is known that you are a
"computer geek," people will offer you money to build computers for them or solve
their computer problems; a very easy way to make a quick buck.
++ Blow the dust out of your computer. This has magically fixed many overheating problems, and
prolongs the life of almost all your computer
compnents. This goes double if you're a smoker, as the tar in cigarette smoke will coat PCBs and the
components on them and cause lots of overheating and damage over time.
++ Back up all of your important files onto something external (CDR/RW, DVDR/RW, or external hard
drive; not a floppy) fairly often. These things are dirt cheap, and hard drives fail a lot. This leads to a
more general statement: Never keep important data in only one place. This applies logically: keep
multiple copies on multiple media -- and spatially: keep some copies in a place other than your room.
Scale this up depending on how important the data is -- for example, you may want to keep invaluable,
mission-critical data on magneto-optical media and put one in a safe deposit box, one in your parents'
house, and one with your uncle in New York. But MP3s are probably safe on recordable CDs or DVDs
in a rack next to your computer.
++ Wet a cotton swab with rubbing alcohol and clean your game cartridge with it. Works much better
than the "blow hard while moving game
up and down" method.
++ Go into a Wal-Mart. Find the lightbulbs. See that Great Value bulb? See that GE bulb? Both of
those bulbs were made by GE. Probably in the same plant. Lots of store brand stuff is like this. Overthe-
counter pharmacy stuff especially.
++ Make sure your speakers are magnetically shielded or keep them way far away from your
computer and monitor.
++ Don't open up a tv and play with it. The capacitor has a deadly charge for a while, even after it is
unplugged.
++ When shopping for new computer hardware, if the sales guy says "buy basically any brand but the
one in your hand," take his advice.
++ When shopping for new computer hardware, if the sales guy says "buy this brand, it's the best,"
keep looking around.
++ Flatten and reinstall Windows once or twice a year. If you have a separate partition or drive, you
won't have to worry about losing that 40GB of completely legal MP3 files, and your system will be
squeaky-clean and error free.
++ Write your Windows CD Key on an address label and stick it to the inside of your case. You know,
just in case (HAR HAR).
Computer buying advice
++ If you have to skimp on something to save some money, skimp on the CPU. Stepping back a few
speeds from the top will save you a fortune
(often 50-80% of the CPU price), and you probably will never notice the difference. The CPU is
probably the least important component these days for general usage. (Within reason - obviously you
won't want to run Windows XP on a Pentium 100.) Need high performance? Get as much RAM as you
can afford, up to 512MB or 1GB.
++ Never skimp on the monitor. The monitor is the single most important component. You stare at it
constantly when you're using your computer, so get one that will fit the amount of space you have,
provide you with enough space to work with all of your programs comfortably,
and run your intended resolution at or above 85 Hz refresh rate. Lower than that and you're causing
eyestrain.
++ Get a good-quality, comfortable keyboard and mouse. Again, you'll be touching these things a lot,
so you might as well spend the extra money (from the CPU reduction ) to get nice ones that fit your
hands and your computing style.
++ Laser printers cost more up front, but they'll save you a bundle over their lifespans. Toner is many,
many, many times cheaper than ink.
++ High-end computer speakers are a waste of money. If space isn't extremely restricted, the best
computer speakers are regular stereo speakers hooked up to a regular stereo or receiver. You can
connect your computer to the unit's RCA inputs with a $3 cable from Radio Shack. Even if you don't
have a stereo to use for this, buying one is a lot cheaper than buying high-end computer speakers,
which can run $200-300.
++ When you're thinking about buying a component upgrade, like a new CPU, give it the following
test:
If someone came into my place when I wasn't here and swapped the new one out with the one I have
now, but everything looked the same,
how long would it take me to notice? If it's longer than a couple of days, it's probably not worth it.
++ Similarly, ask yourself the following question, especially when deciding between a high-end part
and a regular part:
++ This will give me a X% increase in whatever, Y% of the time. Is X% for Y% of the time worth the $P
cost? Actually, apply that to everything you buy, not just computers.
++ Never buy high-end cables, and never buy cables at retail. Cables have higher profit margins than
almost everything except extended warranties. Despite what the marketing and sales people will tell
you, there is no difference. It's been scientifically proven manytimes. It's all placebo. Hooking up some
speakers? Get lamp cord at a hardware store by the foot from the big reels. Need a computer cable?
Order it from a wholesaler online such as Newegg. That USB cable that your printer requires will cost
you $25 at Staples and $1.50 at Newegg.
-Next time you lose your phone charger, don't buy another one. Go to a hotel and say you think you
lost it there. It's the #1 most left behind item at hotels, so most places have a big bin filled with every
phone charger imaginable.
-Holding down F8 while booting into Windows XP for safe mode will often times reveal an
administrator account at the login window that by default is not password protected.

++ When making tomato sauce for pasta, you have a few options for reducing acidity. You can cut off a
small piece of potato or carrot, add a tiny sprinkle of sugar, plop in a few pieces of paper, or use a
tablespoon or so of jelly and cook it with the sauce.
++ If you ever have a problem eating a hamburger with a leaky bottom bun, eat it upside down. The
top half of the bun tends to be larger than the bottom, and much better padded for soaking up burger
juices.
-- There's a color code subtly incorporated through the bread tie to tell when a loaf of bread was
baked. The color of the tie represents the day on which the bread was baked:
++ Monday - blue
++ Tuesday - green
++ Thursday - red
++ Friday - white
++ Saturday - yellow
++ And to help you remember, the colors are in alphabetical order. BGRWY for Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
++ If you don't have a dishwasher, do yourself a favour and rinse the dishes before you leave them in
the sink.
++ To keep lettuce fresh for days longer, wrap it in paper towels instead of inside a plastic bag, it
works very well.
++ Always tear your salad greens. Cutting salad greens chops open the cells. This means that the
green leaks out quicker, and it'll brown faster. If you tear lettuce / spinach / endive / whatever, you'll
find your salads looking fresher longer.
++ When you measure flour out, use the back of a knife (a straight edge) to "cut" away the extra flour.
Take a big, heaping measuring-cup-full,
and tap the top with the back of the knife. Tap, and push the excess off. This should take about 30
seconds - if you're just cutting off the excess, you're not doing it right. Flour bunches up, which means
you can have big pockets of air in a cup. You may think you're getting a cup, and really only be getting
a few tablespoons.
++ Always use real butter, real sour cream, and real half and half. Those dairy products have strong,
heavy flavors and really make a difference in cooking.
++ Always eat your toast upside down. that way the butter goes on your tongue. it tastes much better.
++ To de-core a head of Iceburg lettuce, hold the head by the top, core-side down. Give it a swift slam
on a hard countertop. The core will come free with very little effort from the head.
++ Eat vegetables, and lots of them. Your parents weren't kidding.
++ Put some absorbant paper under your cheese in the fridge, all excess moisture will be absorbed by
the paper and the cheese won't become
moldy.
++ Tie your plastic grocery bag handles at the top before putting them in the trunk of your car. That
way you won't have rutabegas and bologna spread out all over when you get home because you drive
like a maniac.
++ For a quick meal, seal some fish in tinfoil with whole vegetables. Heat at 420 for about 20 min.
++ To peel garlic, put a clove on the cutting board and smash it with the flat side of your knife.
++ Always put frozen spinach in a towel and squeeze out the water before using it in any type of dish.
++ Cubes of sugar in biscuit barrels help the biscuits stay crisp.
++ To cook the perfect Digiorno/Freschetta/etc rising crust pizza:
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F
2. Place pizza on the middle rack, no pan.
3. Cook 16-18 minutes for "delivery" style crust (slightly crispy, still able to fold without cracking), 25-28
minutes for brick oven
style crust (crispy, cracks when folded).
++ Boil eggs straight from the fridge, and drop them in a dish of cold water when they're done. They
peel like magic.
++ If you need to slice a lot of mushrooms, a good egg slicer does it extremely quickly.
++ Let cooked meat "rest" after you take it off of heat for about 5-10 minutes before you cut into it. This
allows the hot juices to redistribute. Thus, when you finally cut into it, the juices don't run all out of the
meat leaving you with shoe leather.
++ When making scrambled eggs, keep the heat low until the eggs begin to curdle. Then jack up the
heat to full and finish them off to just before done. This will keep as much moisture as possible inside
the egg without overcooking it.
++ When microwaving leftover pizza, it tastes best if you wrap the slice in a damp paper towel.
++ If you're having trouble opening a jar, and you don't have one of those rubber jar openers, you can
whack the lid against a hard surface a couple of times. If that doesn't work, hold the jar lid under hot
running water for about half a minute. Works every time.
++ Do not wash your pasta, unless you're making a pasta salad. If you're serving sauce with pasta,
keep the starch on. Putting olive oil in the water is useless, and a waste of olive oil. Always salt the
water in your pot, but wait until the water has come almost to a boil before adding it.
++ Salt is not just a seasoning, it is a flavor enhancer. That's why just about every recipe for cake, for
example, calls for at least a pinch of salt. On the other hand, don't over-season with salt when you're
cooking. You can always add salt later.
++ Do not clean knives with steel wool. This can cause for painful experiences.
++ When ordering from Papa John's pizza, turn on the broiler and when your pizza gets there, stick it
in the oven since it's never cooked the way it should be.
++ A single bay leaf can add an incredible amount of flavor to sauces and other wet dishes like chili
without being overbearing.
++ If you use vegetable peelers, sharpen or replace them regularly. They seem insignificant, but it
helps a lot to have a good one.
++ To keep brown sugar from getting hard, put an end-piece of bread in the bag with it. Works
wonders.
++ When eating spicy food, try to eat some sour cream with it. It contains an enzyme that helps control
the burn on the way in and on the way out.
++ A couple of grains of rice in a salt shaker will absorb moisture and keep the salt from turning into a
miniature brick.
++ The best time for microwaving popcorn is 2 minutes and 17 seconds.
++ A blunt knife causes more accidents than a sharp one.
The "Special" of the day is usually what is left over and is going bad, we need to get rid of it and
make a profit somehow.
* If you send your soup back because it's not hot enough there's a good chance we will just warm up
your spoon instead.
A lot of times the side of lemon slices you ordered with your water were not washed before being cut.
-When bread or cheese turn moldy, don't just scrape or cut off the mold and eat it. What you see is just
the sporulation - the actual fungus (and all the lovely things it secretes) is likely growing throughout
that piece of bread or cheese, and only sporulates once the oldest parts start to die. So when you cut
off the mold, you're still eating mold, as well as all kinds of lovely antibiotics and possibly toxins that it
secreted into the food.

++ When playing rock paper scissors, 90% of humanity goes scissors on first turn.
++ Never hit in blackjack if the dealer has a 2-6 showing and you have a hand of over 11. If you hit
and get a 10 and bust, the guy next to you will punch you in the face since he only had an 8 or
something and really needed that card. The dealer will most likely bust in this scenario anyway.
++ The best way to score a point at air hockey is to hit it straight into the goal directly. It is
unexepected by your opponent because he assumes, like most, that you will try to bank it off the side.
Always hit it as hard as you can. This tends to scare the crap out of them because if it is done right,
the puck may fly off the table and the fear that it will nail him in the face is there causing him to turn his
head or wince at every shot you make. Make the person cry for his mom.
++ Tighten fishing knots inside your mouth -- just utterly swamp them in spit. This reduces friction
damage to the nylon line so you end up with a stronger knot.
++ If you go snowshoeing, make sure you pack light. And leave room in your pack for the clothes
you're going to be taking off.
++ In chess, opening with king's pawn frees your bishop and queen, if you like to get them out early.
++ Don't move your rook's pawns early in the game if you can help it. You'll be left with less defense if
you need to castle.
++ If you're canoeing, make sure you put your car keys in a watertight vessel that floats.
++ During many a Monopoly game, you will have a choice between making a risky deal that has a
small chance of winning you the game, or dying a slow death, because you haven't the properties to
win the marathon.
++ Screw moleskin, duct tape the hotspots on your foot. This will completly prevent any friction on
your skin. This can be used both before and after blisters form. Wool socks are always a good idea
too, as they draw sweat away from your foot.
++ On a long hike, bring some corn with you. After three days of walking you'll love your fresh
popcorn.
++ There are powdered drinks (just add water) you can buy in pharmacies meant for people
recovering from diarrhea. Add some of that to your water bottle. Not only will it help cover up the taste
of your chosen purification method, but it will give you extra elctrolytes and vitamins.
++ The higher you go, the less air and clouds there is to block out UV radiation. It may be -10C out,
but you will burn at 5000 metres. Wear strong sunblock.
++ Walking poles, especially the spring loaded variety, take a lot of the weight off of your legs when
hiking. They also help you breathe more efficiently as your arms are elevated. Get some with a
tungsten carbide tip. Trust me when I say that they may save your life someday. When you're wearing
a heavy pack and traversing difficult terrain you do not want to fall.
++ Look out for your friends when climbing. If they're complaining of a bad headache they may be on
the verge of acute mountain sickness. Stop where you are and administer diamox if necessary. Climb
high, sleep low.
++ Keep a tin of altoids with you, and right before you take a big drink of water, put it in your mouth
and chew it up. When you drink the water, it will feel a lot cooler than it really is.
++ If you want to build muscle mass, work out in short reps that are difficult/heavy.
++ If you want to tone, work out for a long time with easier runs/lighter weights.
++ A good trick to exercising is to work different sections of the body different days. That way you can
work on your arms as you give your stomach time to heal.
++ There is always time for a few sets of pushups and sit-ups in the morning, and they're free.
++ It's a lot easier to work out if you do it with a partner or a group. You will get a much better workout
and always show up. You can't just decide not to show up if someone else is counting on you.
++ When working out, be aware of the pain that's going to make you stronger and the pain that will
break you. Don't work out on a torn muscle, but when those acids in your body build up from the
strain, work through it.
++ Nike and Saucony shoes run thin. New Balance shoes run wide.
++ Don't play basketball in running shoes or you risk twisting your ankle.
++ When spelunking, always wear a helmet, and always have a spare flashlight. Caves are one of the
few placse you can see absolute darkness, and it sure isn't a place you want to be stuck. Go with a
friend, and make sure people know where you are.
++ Running is bad for your knees over a long period of time. Biking is better.
++ If you're going to the gym or running, tie your key in your shoe laces. Make sure to double knot.

++ Brush your teeth twice a day. Floss, too. Not only will your mouth feel cleaner, it will actually be
cleaner.
++ To stop a coughing fit (when you swallow liquid): breathe in deeply and hold your breathe for ten
seconds, then you should feel ready to make one good cough to clear your throat. Breathe in and out
slowly until the spasm passes.
++ Fish oil pills really do reduce cholesterol.
++ For the flu, sleep as soon as you feel it coming get home and get sleeping, force yourself to sleep
as much as you possibly can. Two parts LemSip (or Theraflu for Americans), maybe a little honey if
you want it sweeter, will help you sleep very well. With enough sleep, you can kill flu in 48 hours.
++ If you ever feel sick to your stomach, suck on an orange peel. The acid will reduce the sick feeling.
++ Sleep more than you think you should, always. Don't wake yourself up in the middle of a sleep
cycle unless you have to get up, it will mess you up worse than anything else.
++ Taking vitamin B-6 and Vitamin C will reduce risk of a lot of diseases.
++ If you can't get rid of a cough you have, drinking a tablespoon of cod liver oil. It'll go away instantly.
++ To clear your sinuses, eat a lot of wasabi. It will hurt tons, but your sinuses clear almost
instantaneously.
++ The cure for the ice cream headache:
1. Cup your hands against your face, covering your mouth and nose.
2. Breathe very slowly out of your mouth, so hot air enters your nostrils.
3. Count to 3-Mississippi in your head.
++ If you need to look at something in a dark room and your eyes haven't yet adjusted to the
darkness, look directly to either side of what you're trying to see. You'll see the object better.
++ Don't eat food after 6pm.
++ Grape and cranberry juice makes climbing stairs a cinch.
++ For sore throats & canker sores, gargle with warm salt water.
++ Clip your nails after you've had a shower. They're all soft and much easier to cut.
++ Do stretches in the morning and night. Not only does it ease the future tension that you'll be forcing
on your joints throughout the day (stronger muscles = less pressure on joints), increasing blood flow
works wonders for your body.
++ Drink water whenever you're studying. Studies show that most people can concentrate and learn
much more if they keep their brains hydrated. It helps flush out your filthy system- why not, then?
++ Use warm water to brush your teeth, it softens the bristles so you can have an easier time
massaging the gumline. Then rinse with cold water, which refreshes and makes everything contract
back up.

++ Always keep a photocopy of the cards and IDs in your wallet. That way, if it's ever stolen, or lost,
you'll not only know everything you lost, but also your ID numbers, as well as important numbers to
call.
++ If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but
vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.
++ Open a bank account, put a hundred dollars in it. Then put the atm card in a box somewhere.
Having a hundred dollars that no one knows about could save your life.
++ Go to a shooting range and learn how to load and fire a pistol and a shotgun. Even if you are
vehemently opposed to firearms, knowing how they work won't kill you. It will cost around 50 bucks to
rent the guns and then buy some ammo.
++ If you or someone you know gets mugged, has their purse snatched, whatever, if you look around
in dumpsters and trash cans within the next block or two you'll probably find the wallet/purse. It won't
have any cash in it (and maybe not any credit cards), but at least you won't have to replace your
driver's license, ID cards, library cards, whatever, which is 99% of the pain in the neck about being
robbed (aside from the victimization thing).
++ I've heard that keeping a second, cheapo wallet with a few twenties in it is good for muggers. "Give
me your wallet!" and you hand them the crappy wallet. Meanwhile, your good wallet with all the stuff
and, in fact, most of your money is safe in some non-obvious spot.
++ If you're ever going through a bad neighborhood on a bus, don't sit in the back. You'll be more
susceptible to robbery.

++ High school teachers are pretty wise to whole "increase font size" or "increase margins" thing, but
none of them seem to get the whole "increase space between letters ever so slightly, making the
paper pages longer" thing.
++ Sometimes, if you have a term like 1+((1-n)/n) you can write it as (n+1-n)/n = 1/n making the whole
calculation a lot easier.
++ Avoid cliches like the plague.
++ Learn to speak from the diaphragm. It'll take time, but after a few lesssons you can find yourself
sticking with it; try singing your favourite song thinking about your throat, then do it again imagining
your voice rising up from as far deep in your chest as you can; imagine it, feel it. The tone may
change, and you'll find your voice bouncing off of the walls. Do it whenever you can; when you're
walking, whenever. You'll be known as the guy with the booming voice once speaking from the
diaphragm becomes part of you.
++ Don't base your college/professional career on the potential for money, but rather on the level of
interest you have in the subject at hand.
++ In college, always check the library to see if the teacher is using a test bank.
++ Try to avoid starting sentences with the word "this" when you write. Your style will generally
improve. On a similar note, for essays, when you finish, try replacing your opening paragraph with
your closing paragraph and see if the essay improves.
++ Always keep a current resume handy.
++ Never use a generic cover letter, it's way more important than you think it is. Never describe
yourself as a team player, someone who works well with others, "motivated" or any of the other cliches
you're usually advised that people want to see.
++ In general, if you aren't inspired to do homework, the best thing to do is just start working anyways.
++ If you are a freshman in college, talk to the seniors about professors before you get your classes
for the next semester. Getting a good prof is extremly important.
++ If you're a college student and you want to get on the good side of a professor, find a common
interest and discuss it with them.
++ Showing up to class is half the battle in college.

++ Clean silverware by laying alumninum foil in your sink, filling it with warm water then put in some
baking soda and salt (or laundry detergent instead of salt? I dont recall). Submerse the silver in the
water and have it touch the foil. Just a few seconds or minutes and the silver will be restored.
++ If you have dings or dents in expensive wood, dabble the spot with water, take a rag, and iron over
the spot with the rag as a buffer. The steam will expand the wood and fill up the ding.
++ Use chopsticks when you're eating cheese doodles, and your keyboard won't be sticky and yukky.
++ Fill your wet shoes with newspaper.
++ If you don't have a dishwasher, do yourself a favor and rinse the dishes before you leave them in
the sink.
++ You can throw clothes in the dryer for about 5 minutes or so to get wrinkles out.
++ If you ever spill red wine on light carpet, shaving cream will get the stain out pretty well.
++ The best way to get out red wine from carpet is to pour white wine on the spill.
++ Taco Bell hot sauce is very good at cleaning pennies.
++ Drinking coffee or tea at a restaurant, and there's a bit of liquid in the saucer under your cup that
keeps dripping when you drink? Tear off a bit of napkin and put it in the saucer -- instant drip-proofing.
++ Put the smelly shoes in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer overnight. The smell is caused by
bacteria, which will die when deep frozen.
++ Lemons can be used for a lot of things. Make shoes look like new, get rid of coffee/tea stains on old
mugs, rust (put a lemon drenched cotton ball on the rust spot overnight), polish copperware, etc.
++ Rubber Dish Gloves get cat hair off of furniture very well.
++ To get candle wax off carpet, use newspaper and a warm iron once you've chipped off what you
can. Put the newspaper down and run the iron over it - the wax gets absorbed into the paper. You
need patience, but it does work.
++ Want to keep your car smelling fresh without having to buy those stupid pine tree air freshners that
smell like crap? Take a dryer sheet and place it under your seat. April freshness!
++ Super cleaning, sticker removal, stain removal and more! -- Lighter Fluid, the kind you put in your
zippo. Its a great solvent, it cleans plastics, melts the glue on stickers and always evaporates away to
nothing. It's good at getting tar and oil out of clothes, and its a great degreaser for mechanical stuff. Its
also cheap. Brilliant for taking the price tags off gifts, even book covers.
++ If you have a stone countertop with a stain in it, make a paste using bleach and flour. Smear the
paste on top of the stain, and then cover it with saran wrap and tape down the edges. Let it sit
overnight, and in the morning you should be able to wipe the paste off, which should have absorbed
the stain. If it is really bad, you may need to do it a couple of times. If you own a pool, Diametrecious
Earth (the white powder stuff you use for the filters) works a lot better than flour.
++ If you feel the need to spit into the sink, run a little water in it the instant before you expectorate. It
will all go right down.
++ In an emergency, saliva is a pretty awesome cleaning agent. Good for things like blood in clothes.
++ If you smoke in your car, put one of those silicone absorber packets underneath the ashtray. It will
make a big difference in the smell in your car.
++ If you use a kettle to boil water you know it collects a white scum in the interior. Boil some vinegar
and it dissolved instantly.
++ If you have a pot or pan with crap stuck to the bottom, put water in the pot and put it on the stove
on high heat for a while. If that doesn't work add a splash of alcohol. Then try vinegar. You've pretty
much covered all of your bases for solubility, so you can be pretty sure that whatever was down there
will dissolve.
++ Vinegar makes for a good Windex substitute. Vinegar will also clean hard water residue much
better than commercial cleaners, but for truly streak-free windows, use newspaper instead of towels.
++ If you ever get blueberry juice on anything, immediately pour boiling water over the stain. Don't put
anything else on it first, or it'll set permanently. Boiling water, mind. This works like a charm.
++ Bloodstains, I find, come out best if you pour ice cold water through the fabric. Like the berry
stains, don't get anything else on it until you can get the ice cold water, or that stain is set.
++ Guitarists: Rub the tips of your fingers on your fretting hand on the sides of your nose, natural
grease will get you moving a little faster. Just be sure to clean your strings often.
++ If you have a long-haired pet, don't use finely-toothed combs or brushes to groom it; they pull and
tangle fur. Get an English rake (check Google) instead.
++ Also, when packing lunches in plasticware, it can help your clean up later if you line your
tupperware with a tortilla before you dump in the spaghetti or the cheese doodle casserole. Most of
the time, what you pack for lunch won't be ruined by the addtion of a tortilla, and it will reduce how
much dried cheese or tomato stains you will have to clean out of the container later.
++ If you go fishing, or handle sardines or whatever, and want to get that fishy smell off, you will find
washing with soap does not get rid of it, even after several tries. Put abunch of toothpaste in your
hand and rub it in good, the antiodor ingredients will remove the stink in 1 wash.
++ Pert Plus will clean the grimiest of bathtubs. Squirt product on affected surface, allow to streak
downward and apply moderate scrubbing vigor.
++ Toothpaste will take scratches out of CDs. Buff from the centre outward with a clean, soft cloth or
sock. Only regular toothpaste, not the gelly kind.
++ Axe Deoderant is a good cleaning agent. When using a plunger to unstop your pipes, the secret to
quickly getting the job done is to put your force on the pull rather than the push. Push in slowly, then
pull out quickly and with some force. Also, make sure there is a good amount of liquid around the drain
you're plunging. This will assist with the suction. If plunging a double-sink, have someone hold a
stopper in the other side. When plunging a bathtub, tape some cling-film around the overflow (usually
where the shower/spigot selector is).
++ If you get yellow arm pit stains on your clothes dilute some asprin into water and soak the shirt over
night.

++ You can open those annoying impossible-to-open blister packages with mechanical pencils.
++ If you're going to water your plants with town water, leave it in an open container overnight, to
evaporate the chlorine. Plants don't like that stuff. And make sure it's room temperature, not too hot or
too cold, it shocks them.
++ Once your socks are wet, you'll never be comfortable. Just take them off and get a dry pair.
++ Wear a hat in the wintertime, it's probably the most important article of clothing you'll wear the
whole season.
++ When in doubt, use Google. It knows what you're talking about.
++ When putting in an earring, or any ring for that matter, instead of poking at your ear with the stud,
lick your thumb and index finger, or wet them with water, wet where the hole is, and put the stud in. It'll
open up the hole so you're not fiddling around at it with the stud.
++ Sharpen scissors by using it a few times on a piece of sand paper.
++ If there is a woodworking shop (cabinets, furniture, etc.) nearby, they will usually give you scraps
that are great for fire kindling.
++ If you like to watch live theatre but don't have the money to see it often, call the theatre up and ask
them if they need volunteers to usher or something. This is especially good with the smaller theatres
of the area. Most times they'll let you see the show for free and maybe give you something else like a
free drink or something. Plus, they'll usually be nicer to you if you decide to come as a paying
customer later.
++ Always keep a lighter and gum on you.
++ You need a good knife. It doesn't matter if people give you weird looks, having a knife on you will
simplify your life 100 fold. There are so many uses for it daily that you won't even realize untill you
carry one with you. I suggest just a plain folder, the kind with the blade that has the bump/hole on it so
your thumb can swing it open.
++ If you go to a friend's house and you have something you don't want in your pockets, but need to
remember where it is, put it in your shoes. Chances are you'll either take them off or they'll ask you to
take them off anyways.
++ Don't put your alarm clock near your bed. This will result in you simply pressing snooze and going
but to sleep. Put your alarm clock on the other side of your room so you are forced to get up and walk
around.
++ Always find the start of a roll of tape. Bite your fingernails like I do? Then you probably waste way
too much time finding where the end is stuck flat, then you can't get enough free to pull, curse loudly,
and so on. The next time you use your roll of tape, before you snip off what you need and press back
down the rest, place something small and flat there on the new end of the roll as a tab of sorts to free
it next time. A paperclip works great.
++ Duct tape is wonderful, but it makes horrible packing tape.
++ It's been said before, but drink more water.
++ Send more mail (the corporeal kind).
++ If you've got a bad memory, always carry a notebook and pen with you, also leave notes for
yourself on your front door. Or if you're like me and are never hatless, leave notes in your hat. Hats
also make good collection points for your glasses, wallet, keys and lighter when it's time for bed.
++ Blank CDs have a karma set to them. For however many cigarettes/CD-Rs you bum to people,
that's how many you can get out of other people. If someone wants you to burn them a CD, don't ask
them for a CD, give them one of yours. Bringing someone a CD to burn something is a giant pain in
the neck. You might forget or never get around to it.
++ If theres something you really need to remember the next day, put a weird object in a weird place.
It helps you to remember anything by triggering your memory.
++ Never quote an entire post unless it's shorter than the one you write in response.
++ If it's free, take it. It doesn't matter what it is.
++ Get a calling card if you're travelling.
++ Trust in God, but tie up your camel.
++ A lot of the store brands you see are actually surplus name brands. Try them out and see how they
are.
++ If you want free stuff at a movie theatre, just go up and ask for it. Half the time they'll just give it to
you.
++ Wear sandals in public showers.
++ Run a trickle of hot water through your pipes when it's really, really cold out.
++ There's a fine line between being altruistic and being a doormat. If you don't know where that is,
you're probably a doormat.
++ Always support the bands you like. Buy the CD or record.
++ If you want to avoid getting :rolleyes:, avoid "u" and "r" at all costs.
++ Before moshing, double-knot your shoes and don't wear glasses if at all possible.
++ The consequences and stress resulting from procrastination are ten times worse than just getting
off your ass and doing whatever it is you're putting off.
++ Get out of bed, get into the shower, and get your day started. It's far too easy to waste an entire
day off by lounging around in your underwear watching Cagney & Lacey.

-Actually this is an industry standard for many retailers (food to clothing) xx.95 is regular price xx.99 is
the sale xx.97 is last call clearance before it is sent to liquidators.
-If you want to buy anything expensive from Apple on their website you can save 15-20% . Log
in/create an account, go to the configurator and spec out what you want, then go to checkout, but do
not buy. Do nothing else for about 7-10 days. You should then get a call from Apple offering a deal if
you buy then and there. Worked for my iMac.
-If you're at a rave and don't feel like paying $5-$20 for a bottle of water, which is how we make the
majority of our income, tell a member of the staff (preferably an organiser [we shuffle around a lot and
talk on walkie talkies]) that you were given some kind of pill and now you're feeling dehydrated. The
last thing we want is a hospital run, and unless I'm really busy I'll personally bring you over to the
merchant table and lift a couple of bottles for you.
Worked at bath and body works. They will take back anything even if it's used, even if its practically
gone, and you'll at least get store credit, if you manage to keep the receipt, your money back. All you
have to say is it started to bother your skin as you used it more, it's a done deal, we're not allowed to
say no.
Also- there are always $10 off 30 coupons we can use, if you don't have one all you have to do is go
in, fill up your bag with $30 worth of stuff, go to someone and say you had completed a survey you
thought there was a coupon but you forgot it...if they say no, say oh well and put the stuff down, they
will almost always say oh okay I can give it to you this once. They don't want to lose a sale, the CSL's
have to make certain numbers and when its lotions you are selling every dollar counts.
-Don't buy from credit jewelers or any jewelry store in the mall, like Zales or Daniel's. They are rip-offs.
They peg you as a sucker just for walking in the door. They know that anyone with any knowledge of
gold or diamonds wouldn't bother with them. Independent jewelry stores might seem more expensive,
but you are not getting crap for your money. Some even make up their own diamond grading systems
just to keep you fooled. You can get the same shit for half to a third of the price at your local pawn
shop. Also, most cash for gold places are a big rip-off. Find a local smelter and sell them your scrap
gold. You will get about 98% of whatever the current spot gold price is. Furthermore, small diamonds
can cost a fortune at the jewelry store, but on the scrap market, they only fetch $20 - $60 per carat.
Chances are your local pawnbroker is scrapping more than they sell retail. Use this to your advantage
to haggle the price down from $500+ per carat to $300 per carat (for small stones) The pawnshop is
also a great place to get a loose diamond cheap for a piece that is missing a stone.
This is how to get a brand new electronic device for really cheap to replace your old one. When you go
to a Staples Business Depot, make sure to buy the Extended Service Plan because a neat little hack
goes with this. I used to work customer service and returns and it's virtually impossible to detect this. I
don't personally use it myself, but i know people who do this. You buy the service plan for one year
(costs from 9.99-29.99$ depending on the price of the object). KEEP THE RECEIPT AND FORMS
AND PREFERABLY THE BOX. Then, after a year when the manufacturers warranty runs out and the
Extended warranty begins, return it and say it's broken. They'll give you the original amount of money
you payed back, or another of the same objects if it's still in stock (which after a year, it probably isn't)
For example, buy an iPod for 150$. Get the service plan for 20$. When apple's 1 year warranty runs
out, wait about a month so it's not too suspicious. Then return it to the store and say the battery can't
hold a full charge (even though it can).
You: It's supposed to last 10 hours, but only lasts 1.
Them: Ok, can i have your receipt and the service plan form?
You: Sure.
Them: (look over the receipt). Ok, it seems everything's in order, but we don't carry 3rd generation
iPods anymore. We'll give you back 150$ and you can put that towards a new ipod.
You: (smiling sneakily and thinking) hahahahh, I just got a brand new iPod for the 20$ of my original
service plan.
Buy the warranty on this one too. Originally, you paid full price for the the first ipod, but you got all that
ipod money back and only had to legitimately pay for a service plan . Now, you can just exchange
ipods every year and only have to pay 20$ for new ones. Enjoy
-I have a good friend that works at Wendy's. His managers told him by wendy's-law, if someone pulls
into the drive-thru saying they're not from around there, lost, and don't have any money, Wendy's will
always compensate them with free food. He ran into this problem when it actually happened to them,
which is when the manager explained it to him, but told him not to tell anyone because too many
people abuse it. Redditor's try this shit out. You may have to have an out of state tag on your vehicle.
-When prompted with a promo code when checking out online, try FREESHIP. It worked the one time I
tried it. ;-)

-Do something for free once a month (if possible). For example, If you deliver pizzas, give one away
for free and pay for it yourself. Don't go half way, either - do it up right, and do it once a month. Our
business develops applications (web, desktop, mobile) and develops online marketing strategies for
small to medium sized businesses (email marketing, local online targeting, etc.), and I make it a point
to do something for free once a month. This month I'm helping a local auto repair business create a
cheap, effective marketing strategy. Business is tough for them, and they operate in a college town
(big college, 45k+ people) so I suggested advertising to the students and faculty. They are a solid
business, they've always done quality work for me (4 years going), and it's only going to take 10 hours
of my month to put a decent plan into action for these people and have them take the wheel once it's
up and running. Do it because it makes you feel good, do it because it gets you more business, do it
because you're bored, I don't care what motivates you, just do it.
-At walmart, hold down all 4 corner buttons on the credit card machine to reboot it and piss of the next
customer in line (behind you) who wouldn't shut the fuck up.
-If you're looking for a hooker, grab your camera and tell them you wanna take nude photos of them.
This is not illegal and 99% of undercover cops won't let you take them.
When calling 911, the very first thing you should do to ensure your safety—especially in lifethreatening
situations—is to state your location. Cell phone triangulation is imperfect, and sometimes
landline info is out of date. The moment an operator has an address or intersection, the police can be
dispatched.
-If you can't live within your means, you won't ever be happy because you'll increase your spending
with every raise/promotion.
Job interviews are worthless. People will do anything to get the job they want. To really get to know
someone, take them to lunch and make them drive. You learn about their self-control about by their
driving behavior, you learn how civilized they are by their table manners, and you learn how much they
know about what you're hiring them for by initiating conversation about the industry.
-Another way to get someone to do a job for you is to assume that that is the natural order of things (or
act like it's the natural order). It's like asking someone standing right next to a bench to hand you
something from the bench. Anyone would do it if you ask politely as it's obvious they're much closer to
the thing being asked for than you are. You just extend that idea. Ask them politely to do something as
if it's obvious much handier for them to do it than for you.
Be nice. This isn't self-serving. When you're cool to a customer service person, you're probably going
to be the only nice person they talk to all week. In return, they are far more likely to do what you want.
There are good and bad people at any job. If you call customer service anywhere, and the person is
rude immediately, or didactic, or unreasonable, hang up and call back. Don't say "I'm going to call
back and talk to someone else, " Say: "click". I can not stress this enough. 25 minutes on 4 calls
where you get what you want beats 45 minutes on one call getting nothing.
-If you're at the airport, always offer to take bumps (if you can afford the time). Even if you aren't sure
the flight is overbooked, go up to the counter, ask the people if they need anyone to take a bump, and
if they do, volunteer. You will usually get comped very well for volunteering, especially if you ask. This
is one of the few areas where airline reps have a lot of options; they are legally required to get
everyone to their destination, and volunteering will make the gate agent's life easier (and they will
reward you for doing so). First class upgrades, free ticket vouchers, etc.
-If you're in an auto accident and it's the other person's fault, if on the police report it says you're
injured in any way, the insurance company will bend over backwards to make you happy. I'm not
suggesting anyone lie. I'm simply saying, the insurance company will move heaven and earth to get
your car's damage fixed fast, and do whatever they can to make you happy, if the report says
"accident with injury."
If you're leaving court after doing something wrong, walk tall and proud, look straight ahead, say
nothing. If you cover your face or try and run, we will only chase you more, and makes you look
incredibly guilty or retarded.
Second piece, is if TV people are camped outside your house, you have two options.
Give them nothing: TV is a picture based medium. Without pics, they almost have no story. Many will
give up after about 3-4 hours. if its a big case, wait until its early in the morning when they're most
tired. Many think they can sleep and miss nothing. We've had major perps leave police stations at 3 in
the morning because of this fact. We got no pictures that night.
Second piece, give them something (On your terms): Make a deal that you'll come out and make a
statement if they'll leave. If they agree, walk straight out (Tall and proud like before) and say what you
want to say. If they want it, they'll be ready. Don't bother asking if they're ready. Finish your piece, say
thank you, and leave. No questions.
-As we all know, many customer service departments have people of middle eastern ethnicity working
the phones. If you're in Canada this is no exception. When you are calling a Canadian customer
service line, ask for a French speaking agent even if you don't know it. Just say "Oh sorry I hit french
by accident". The agent will know perfect english.

1)You are NOT a philosopher.
2) If someone offers you to use a public toilet before them, DO IT, it means he's gonna drop a
bombshell in there.
3) Don't pay for every girl you go out with, that's just stupid.
4) Do what YOU want, not what THE WORLD wants you to do.
5) Accept who you are, you aren't changing soon.
6) Even if she looks 18, she might not be.
7) DON'T keep messaging a girl every few hours, girls don't like clingy guys.
8) Girls don't like guys who BAWWW alot, or try to get pity. Be happy.
9) If you find money on the street, IT'S YOURS, DON'T HAND IT IN ANYWHERE.
10) Everything people do in life is self motivated, nobody "does stuff to be kind".
11)CHECK YOUR PAYSLIPS; people like to fuck you over for money
12) Don't try Internet dating at all; it fails no matter what people say.
13) Accept that not everyone in life has to fit into a stereotype.
14) Your highschool marks don't mean shit in later life, have fun.
15) High School years ARE the BEST in your life, again, don't stress through them.
16) Don't feel pressured to be in a relationship because all of your friends are in them, they aren't
super awesome.
17) Sex IS overrated, you get your dick wet, there is no need to become so desperate for it.
18) Do not sleep on the floor naked when you have animals in the house
19) Do NOT fap into underwear and leave them around, your mother can tell.
20) At the store, just because it says buy 2 get 1 free, it isn't SAVING YOU MONEY if you DON'T
NEED IT.
21)No matter who you vote for, they are still gonna fuck you in the ass with their policies no matter
what.
22) Just because the media and government tell you something, doesn't mean it's always true.
23) Do not add "friends of friends" on facebook that you haven't spoken to before. Shit's just creepy.
24) Just because a girl is talking to you, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her mouth.
25) Some girls are JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS, they don't all have hidden agendas.
26) All women care about what others think about them, there is no exception.
27) Trust NO-ONE with your finances apart from yourself.
28) Just because she says she is on the pill and is disease free, still do it with a condom, bitches can
lie.
29) Never look after peoples pets long term, or they eventually dump them with you and you feel too
guilty to give them away.
30) Try to stay at your parents as long as possible, life is so good with them if they make you food and
clean your clothes.
31)Get Roomates, you are never going to be able to afford a place by yourself.
32) If you go to University and live on Campus, don't stay inside your room all the time playing vidya
games, socialize.
33) Just because someone spends alot of time on their computer until 4am in the morning, doesn't
mean they are constantly masturbating.
34) If your girlfriend is having a pregnancy scare, make her TAKE THE TEST THREE TIMES, then if
it's positive, get an abortion. Having a baby before 25 is never good.
35) During Highschool, copy and paste as much shit as you want and just change a few words,
teachers RARELY put your work through "insertschoolplagurismfinder"
36) Actually GO to your classes, even if your class is only an hour that day, and it takes 20 mins to
drive there, STILL GO.
37) Do not wait until the petrol tank in your car is nearly empty, the gauge can be wrong, fill it up
around the 1/3 mark.
38) Your first job is not a CAREER, you are just getting experience, don't push trollies or serve
customers forever.
39) If you browse 4chan, NEVER let anyone near your computer. At all. People have a habit of finding
the worst things that you didn't know were there.
40) Sometimes, two wrongs DO make a right, you gotta stand up for yourself and not let yourself be
walked over.
41)If you have appointments that you had to book far in advance for, GO EARLY FOR THEM, traffic
might be a pain and you will have to wait another 6 months.
42) Just because you can afford it, don't buy fast food all the time, actually learn to cook at a young
age.
43) Don't buy a pet when you're living on your own, shit's a pain in the ass.
44) CONSTANT communication with your lecturers/tutors is essential, if they give you access to a
mentor, USE THEM.
45) Be aware that not every person in the world is honest, not every website keeps your information
private. Do not use your personal email to sign up for forums, make another one.
46) When applying for jobs, use a good fucking email address, not something like
sexgod69@hotmail.com. Just keep it simply as firstname.lastname@hotmail.com. If you have a
college/university email, use that!
47) If you get fired from your first job, don't care too much, there are plenty of other jobs like them.
48) Just because you have a high status degree, it doesn't guarantee a job, you ARE competing with
all your College friends for those jobs, don't assume there is enough to go around.
49) NOTHING in life is free. NOTHING.
50) If someone wants to drag race you in your car, try not to do it. They are not going to pay your
speeding fine
51)When one of your College papers requires a number of words, this does NOT count the
referencing.
52) Wikipedia is NOT a good source to reference, get the reference links from the bottom of Wiki.
53) Penis size rarely matters, most G-Spots are 4"~ in, if you can reach that, you're fine.
54) ALWAYS have a condom in your wallet that isn't past its usedby date.
55) Always have some in your bathroom aswell, always, expect the unexpected.
56) Just because you didn't get into your desired course, there are ALWAYS bridging courses that
allow you to get in.
57) Despite what 4chan says, wincest is NEVER okay, it just makes shit awkward and ruins families.
58) KNOCK before going into your roomates rooms, it also might get awkward.
59) If you want to get to know a chick you haven't spoken to before, MAN UP and talk to her. Chances
are she isn't going to completely reject you on looks.
60) MOST women will give the average guy a chance, not all hot women are superficial shallowers
61)Do not jump in the shallow end of the pool, shit fucks up your ankles.
62) Buy ALL your schoolbooks second hand, you're only going to use them for a semester or year,
why waste all that money?
63) Never walk down dark alleys by yourself at night. This is crucial.
64) Know how to dance, girls in clubs love guys that show confidence in their skills.
65) If you like a chick and she agrees to hang with you, don't get in the friendzone. Be forward about
what you want. If she doesn't like you that way, fuck her off.
66) There are billions of girls in the world, don't get strung up over a couple of bad relationships.
67) Don't be a dick to the nerdy guy, he's probably going to end up being your boss someday.
68) When you live alone, your house is going to make creepy noises, its very unlikely that someone is
going to come in and murder you.
69) lol 69
70) If you are diagnosed with a serious medical condition, get a second and third opinon.
71)Do not get any of the following tattoo's; tribal symbols, chinese lettering, females names.
72) When getting a tattoo; it's going to be with you for life, don't be a cheap ass about it, get it done
right.
73) Typing Like This Does Not Look More Organised, It Makes You Look Like A Retard.
74) It's okay to be different! Just because you don't fit into any group perfectly makes you wierd.
75) Wait AT LEAST 6 months before moving in with your girlfriend.
76) If your girlfriend cheats on you, LEAVE her, no matter how much you feel for her.
77) If you steal a girl away from another guy and make her your girlfriend, chances are she's going to
do it to you.
78) You will NOT make more money begging on the street than you will from your shitty minimum
wage job
79) Do not do anything that will not benefit you in any way. You are meant to look out for number one.
80) Do not turn up to College stoned and get sweet talked into joining Greenpeace.
81) Long Distance relationships NEVER work.
82) Store all your debatable images on an external hard drive and hide it in the roof.
83) Do not be pushed around by the cops, they usually need a warrant for any extreme searching.
84) If you're going to kill yourself, go out with style, don't use cyanide.
85. Don't oppose the concept of Anarchy by saying "EVERY1 WILL JUST KILL THEMSELVES
LULUL", be open to more opinions and your eyes will eventually be opened.
86) Not everything you read on the internet is true.
87) Don't threaten people without being able to back up your threats otherwise you will just look like a
dickhead.
88) Trim your fucking pubes, girls don't like massive bushes. DO NOT completely shave them either,
girls don't like it when they feel they are fucking a 13 year old.
89) Realise that jailbait IS illegal, childporn doesn't always mean kids under 14.
90) If you have clocked out at work, just leave, don't do any more work that you aren;t going to get
paid for.
91)Start assignments EARLY do NOT leave them to the last minute.
92) Everyone procrastinates, don't feel like you're the only one.
93) Even though you are behind 7 proxies, the police can still find your IP.
94) Ordering 10 pizzas per night to someone you hate actually IS a crime, believe it or not.
95) Fake ID's are ALWAYS obviously fake if you buy them from a college guy.
96) Never buy weed on your own for the first time, just because the guy says it's top quality shit, he is
probably conning you.
97) Realise that browsing 4chan isn't going to make your future any easier, don't make BAWWW posts
saying how bad your life is. MAN UP.
98) TV is basically obselete when you have the internet, don't buy a high quality TV as it's a waste of
money.
99) If something is too good to be true, it probably is.
100) Don't read really long posts by people on 4chan, they are usually Just trolling you.
101. Buy stuff in bulk instead of buying it at a vending machine or news stand. You save money.
102. If you have an iPhone, jailbreak it and tether it to your laptop instead of paying 80 bucks
for high speed wireless. Also, if you have a laptop, look up how to use backtrack 3 to crack
wireless wep keys. And just call at&t and cancel your 3G plan all together, then you can use wifi
on your iPhone.
103. If you're paying for your internet and text messaging on your iPhone. Get rid of text messaging,
you can use your email to send text messages to people using 30332358443@txt.att.net
or 30332358443@tmomail.net etc.
104. Instead of renting, pay to buy a home. Then fix up your home and resell it for twice the price.
105. Instead of driving or paying to own a car, ride a bike. You'll save money on insurance, repairs,
and gas. The bike will let you exercise while you're going places and you'll save time by not having
to go to the gym.
106. If you want to go to the gym, go swimming instead. You burn more calories that way.
over 9000. If you buy a car, buy a hybrid or something that runs on electricity.You save more money
on gas.
108. Invest in solar panels, the price for them has come down.
109. Get an uninterrupted power supply at costco. A certain brand kicks in occasionally, to save you
money on electricity. You save about 60 bucks a year.
110. Date older women who have more experience, they have more money and are less likely to
leave.
111. If you need to cheat on your girlfriend, come up with a fake nickname and use your middle name
as your last name (in case you DO have an encounter with you and her and your real gf). Use a fake
email, and a fake phone number (yes, cheating is expensive if you do not want to get caught, think
Dexter on Showtime).
112. If you want to get a girl who is out of your league or super hot, pretend to be Mormon or Christian
or any kind of hard to follow religion and go to their church and meet women there. You can later, be
less religious and the woman is less likely to leave you.
113. Never tell car rental places you're going out of state and say you're staying inside your state,
otherwise they charge you interstate travel taxes, also tell them to let you use your own insurance if
you already have it, you'll save about $30.
114. Eat more complex carbs and proteins instead of starchy foods and ramen. You'll have more
energy during the day and can function better.
115. If you have trouble reading books. Get books on tape and play them at 4 times their speed on
your iPhone or iPod or while swimming (get a waterproof kit).
116. Do ab exercises during the day even while you're at work. Just flex them throughout the day and
you'll be ripped much much faster.
117. When buying something, think of wether you'll have it in 4 years. You'll save money that way.
118. Read 4chan's message boards for threads like this and suck up as much info as you can. If you
don't see a life-hack thread, start one.
119. Look for porn on boards like this instead of having to look for it for hours. People usually post the
best they've already disovered.
120. Never be afraid to ask. One answered question can avoid hours of searching.
[121-130] (404)
131. Think robots. Use as much automated machinery as home as you can. For example, get an
iRobot vacuum cleaner that vacuums while you're away. Time is money. In some areas it cheaper to
have a maid who cooks, cleans, and goes to the store, instead of doing those thigns yourself.
132. Wear boxers. Wearing briefs makes your balls not produce as much sperm and you can run into
all kinds of problems.
133. If you're circumsized, pull on your skin frequenly to extend the nerves you have lost when you got
cut. If you're uncircumsed, wash your PENIS frequently.
134. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. Total and Crest have long lasting protection that will keep
you from having decay for 12 hours. Get an electric toothbrush. Electric toothbrushes are at least
twice as effective as regular brushing, if not more.
135. Cats are stress relievers, if you own one, you'll have lower levels of stress (I personally don't care
for pets).
136. Consider a different point of view before making a decision. Pretend you're a different person like
say... Tyler Durden and his significant other. You'll get more shit done that way and know what you'll
really want.
137. If you can build it at home or prepare it, why buy it?
138. "The things you own end up owning you." Don't be afraid to throw out something you don't really
need. Do a yard sale or sell stuff on ebay. If no one is buying it, it's time to give it away or just throw it
out.
139. Eventually everything is going to be done by robots. Don't work at a job where you're not happy
nor doing what you want. In the future, a robot or software program will replace you anyway (I'm
serious). Study hard to become a doctor or artist to create things or do things no one else can do.
140. Even though 4chan is aggressive, 4chan is very knowledgable and is like 40 000 minds put
together, ask honest opinions, and you'll get them 33% of the time. Sort through bullshit.
141. Experiment with technology to become more knowledgable. For exmaple, get a screw driver and
open every electronic device in the house, just to see how it works. It never hurts to have a general
idea. Put them back together afterwards. I once fixed my USB hub on my monitor, just by opining it up
and soldering a lose connection back together. Saved me about 400 bucks.
142. Use credit cards instead of cash, I recommend having an account with Etrade. they give you free
checks and the money market works as a checking account and you get interest, plus you can use
that money to immediately invest in stocks and immediately sell and use that money on the etrade
card. Use an American Express or Discover card with 5% cashback. Might as well be earning money,
while you spend. Always pay off yoru credit cards. Never invest in cheap stocks. Invest in companies
that are doing well, like Apple and Google or Starbucks.
143. Eat lots of fish, vegetables, chicken, whole grains. Look at the package before you buy it. Eating
too many chalories will make you fat and slow you down. Figure out how the food pyramid works and
stock your fridge and storage accordingly.
144. Don't have too many female friends. Women cost money. Have one good female friend, but keep
track of how much you are spending on her. If you spend too much, it's time to dump her. Be straight
forward and tell her she's too expensive to be around. Hold your ground and be assertive, you run
your own life.
145. Don't be pushed around anywhere, get a third opinion, if someone is tricking you into signing a
contract or buying something, see through it and stop right there and ask for a copy of the contract.
Read everything before you buy.
146. If you're being charged an early termination fee from an internet company, here's how to get
around most of them: Tell them you're moving to a state where they don't service the area. Do a little
research. It can save you $200-400.
147. When buying a car, check what all the extra fees are. There are up to 18 extra fees that can be
around $100 to $500 each (most of which you can avoid). Do not buy a car with more than 9% interest
(used or refurbished). Do not buy a new car for more than 2% interest.
148. Never make yourself look like a fool. Make controlled moves when around people. More chicks
will dig you if you're confident and know what you want.
149. Smiling (even forcefully) suppresses the gag reflex.
150. if you feel a gag or vomit comin on after you take a shot...smile...hard...it still won't feel
much better, but you will not gag or vomit.
151. If you get a brainfreeze hold your tounge on the roof of your mouth. Theres a cluster of veins
near the roof of your mouth that feed the brain. Getting them too cold too quick is what causes the
brainfreeze sensation. Putting your tounge up there will heat it back up faster and kill the freeze.
152. A command will result in more people doing what you want then a simple question.
153. You know how you think everyone are a bunch of sheep? Well it's actually true...
154. "Give me your phone number" has a far higher success rate than "Can I have your phone
number?"
155. if you need to defeat a retinal scan you cannot remove the eye from targets head. Loss of blood
pressure changes the shape of the eye and wont be recognized by the scanner. Its best for them to
be alive or killed in manner where the blood pressure will dissipate slowly.
156. Bacteria that cause tooth decay, acne, tuberculosis, and leprosy can be cured with cashews.
157. Here's a little psychology trick, it's called anchoring mental states.You want to make girl smile?
Try this out. Once you start talking to the girl and you have her in a conversation try to notice her
breathing pattern. Try and inhale and exhale at the same time she does. (don't make it obvious, and it
takes some practice)Next, wiggle your left hand fingers anytime she smiles while you are talking to
her. Eventually, you will have anchored her smile and her mental state to the wiggling of your fingers.
Every time you wiggle she will return to that mental state. NOTE: you don't have to use wiggling. You
can pretty much use any subtle move. Try using the left side of your body though. ALSO, if you have
the balls, instead of creating an anchor with your own body, use hers. Touch her left shoulder every
time she smiles or laughs.
158. With EVERYONE, mimic someones breathing, talking patterns, and body language and they are
almost guaranteed to start liking you. the sooner you do this the better. Also, don't make it obvious that
you're doing this...
159. Practice every day being Vincent Vega or a pirate. You will like the results, mimic speech
patterns subconsciously.
160. I a,m also quite a people person and liked by most everyone I talk to. I never new that mimicking
people in subtle ways actually had an effect like that.