EPTWhen would you turn down sex? - Page 7
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Spartan
United States2030 Posts
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Waxangel
United States33326 Posts
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LaughingTulkas
United States1107 Posts
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Sc2ggRise
United States607 Posts
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SweeTLemonS[TPR]
11739 Posts
On December 20 2009 01:45 LaughingTulkas wrote: Probably the only one like this on here, but I'm engaged and we're waiting till we're married. The honeymoon is something to look forward to eh? Sometimes delayed gratification is better Ha, not when it only lasts for 30 seconds. No amount of masturbation can prepare you for it either. | ||
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DyEnasTy
United States3714 Posts
On December 19 2009 07:12 number1gog wrote: I think this topic is different for everyone. Your two scenarios are from a single man's point of view, whereas some of us are in long term committed relationships. I personally would never say no to sex (yes I had to underline that for emphasis). But its with the same girl every time, so it's a little different from the playboy lifestyles you're presenting. This guy sums up my exact thoughts. When your in a committed relationship, your view on sex might be a little diffirent. From a married guys standpoint, no I wouldnt turn down sex with a hot chick. + Show Spoiler + And no Id never cheat on my wife  | ||
Liquid`Ret
Netherlands4511 Posts
1st scenario is a little much..but would be enjoyable for a while..as long as you aren't lying to any of the women. | ||
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esla_sol
United States756 Posts
when you are afriad of your girlfriend finding out. | ||
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proberecall
United States104 Posts
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OSWater
United States1343 Posts
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rA.Hippie
Denmark714 Posts
Related/Minors/too old etc. But I think thats basically it | ||
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skypig
United States237 Posts
On December 19 2009 16:42 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote: Short term relationships is a nicer way of saying one-night stand or fuck buddy. You're still completely misunderstanding the idea of practice girls. Practice girls = one night stands and fuck buddies. No one goes into a relationship thinking "This is practice for another girl later on." It may be something that you say after the relationship doesn't work out (and good luck having the first one you ever enter work out. And you'll need a shitton of self-control and self-deprivation to avoid having sex with her) to make yourself feel better, but the mentality isn't to use a girl as a practice girl. If you decide to start seriously dating someone (at least in my mind), it's because you think that there is potential for something more than being physical. You're speaking from a point of view that greatly lacks experience, which you've admitted. I don't mean to be an asshole, but you really don't know what you're talking about. I used to think very similarly, then I had a gf for a while and I learned a few things. It didn't work out in the end, but I also didn't go into that thinking "this girl will be good practice for another girl that's worth something later on." I thought "man, this girl is amazing, I really want to be with her. I better make this clear and start dating her so I don't lose her (obviously not verbatim)." Relax, man - I jumped all over the "practice girl" stuff because I have a weak spot for trashing stupid arguments, and that was definitely one. The way you worded your first statement implied that you thought of all the women you'll ever meet as "practice" before the real thing; if that's not what you meant, then you could have saved a lot of trouble and just said so right from the start. Again, I'm going off of what YOU said. You said yourself that no one goes into a relationship thinking it's practice - why then did you bring up that Kennigit quote before? Whatever, dude. Try not to switch your viewpoint so abruptly. Also, I'm not sure why you say my point of view "lacks experience" - I definitely lack experience with one night stands and running through different girlfriends, but that's because I've made a conscious choice to avoid that garbage. I don't want that experience and I don't plan on getting it, ever. The fact that "you learned a few things" doesn't make you more qualified to argue this at all - if anything, it means that you'll be more biased towards treating relationships with women as non-permanent because that's what happened to you (no offense intended, you said it yourself). Because that's what your "experience" has shown you, that's the way you'll think. I know people that never had a different partner other than the one that they're married to currently, and they would tell you that you're crazy for thinking that going through girlfriends "gives you experience." If anything, it gives you more stress, guilt, and monkey-wrenches in your life than you need, not to mention it ensures that you'll approach the next relationship ready to repeat the same thing over. If you find that type of experience advantageous, fine. As far as I'm concerned, I know it's possible to find the right partner the first time around and to remain happy with that choice the rest of your life - for me, that's way better than playing around with one night stands (using people, duh, which I have a problem with as well) and "practicing" with different girlfriends. I think a lot of the people here also have no interest in developing stable relationships; they just want the thrill of the chase and constantly-changing physical pleasures from different girls. If that's the case with you as well, then you shouldn't bother arguing about relationships, period, because that's not your interest anyway. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4198 Posts
On December 19 2009 06:58 Emon_ wrote: Reading another topic here on TL got me thinking about attitudes towards sex. I've written out two situations bellow of typical circumstances when saying no to sex would be an option. I would love to hear if anyone would turn down sex in either one of them, and for what reasons. Situation 1 Say you were looking for a relationship and could date a different girl every day of the week. After a few dates, you and the girl would get to know each other better and become intimate. Since you are dating several girls at once and aren't really committed to any one of them, you have a lot of sex with different girls. Would you at some point decide that you've had too many partners and start saying no to sex? Okay, so, would you have a job? Or be in school? If so, how the fuck would you find the time and energy to date several girls at once? I happen to enjoy hanging with friends, or even doing shit like playing SC..... If not, it's not a "typical situation"..... Situation 2 Once a week for a year, a hot girl would come into your life and start flirting with you. You didn't sign up for this, but she's ready to go. There are no strings attached and a new one would take her place the next week. Would you turn it down and continue going about your day, or would you sleep with her? There are a lot of factors that would go into this one. I have turned down one-night stands before, even if they were hot. Why? Because I wasn't attracted to them. There was something I didn't like about them, and it was enough to make me refuse..... It's impossible to explain properly..... | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
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Emon_
3925 Posts
On December 19 2009 07:00 haster27 wrote: I would say no for both, since I am Korean and have very conservative traditional view about sex. Despite, I am too nerd to care about such trivial matters Edit: StorkHwaiting below me qft. Congratulations to you on being a person with integrity. Hope you find a woman that is as honorable as you! On December 19 2009 07:04 StorkHwaiting wrote: These are both really odd situations. Why not have a relationship with a person? It's creepy to stick my dick into friends. It's not something I'm habituated to do. I'd rather find a girl who supports me and my life goals and that I find attractive and morally compatible. I'm lucky enough to have found a girl like that and am dating her now. I've gone on many dates with other girls and had a few real shitty relationships and I can say without a doubt that a bad relationship for me = bad sex. I feel hollow and kind of disgusted with myself afterwards. Only a very egotistical selfish person goes around hi-fiving himself just coz he got with a good looking girl. Then again, there are quite a few egotistical selfish people out there who think "scoring" a hot lay is an accomplishment. I understand that you feel being committed to one woman is a more fulfilling situation. And in turn it lets you focus on other parts of life. Though this doesn’t come easily for a lot of people. And in all likelihood you’ll have to date some different women first. On December 19 2009 07:13 NeverGG wrote: If it was with Kwanro. No, seriously. TBH I am about as interested in sex as I am in chocolate fire guards. I have much more fulfilling and creative things to do with my time. Also where is the female scenario in this post? We do exist on TL! The female perspective was discussed in another topic recently ~ http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=33800 On December 19 2009 07:15 Zoler wrote: If the person is ugly? They are attractive and specifically tailored to your needs. Just wondering if you would refuse based on principle/ethic/morale and what the reasoning behind it would be On December 19 2009 07:58 starfries wrote: Am I not seeing the part where it says she has a horrible disease or teeth in her vagina? because unless there's a really good reason (eg we are related) I don't know why I would EVER say no. hahaha ^^ ok man. . . I hear where you are coming from ^^ On December 19 2009 08:08 Foucault wrote: Sex is crazy overhyped though unless it's love imo Quoted for truth. | ||
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ghostWriter
United States3302 Posts
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
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Radiomouse
Netherlands209 Posts
This whole "sex is the best thing you can ever do" doesn't really ring true to me. Even though it's fun and feels good. It's not my one and only goal in life. | ||
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D10
Brazil3409 Posts
On December 20 2009 01:45 LaughingTulkas wrote: Probably the only one like this on here, but I'm engaged and we're waiting till we're married. The honeymoon is something to look forward to eh? Sometimes delayed gratification is better hahahah thats so sweet and incredibly naive. In my opinion buying a car with no test drive is not good, specially because sex is not something to abstain in the name of sanctimonious morality, or delayed gratification or whatever. You just said that its something good, that you are waiting to do, well my friend here is the real deal, theres no reason to delay it, if you both like it each, enjoy spending time toghether, want to get MARRIED, sex is just one more thing you could be enjoying toghether today! If an engaged couple said they both have tried weed before once, and liked it, but want to wait to smoke toghether for when they are married would it make any sense ? Enjoy sex today, you never know what tomorrow reserves. | ||
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SweeTLemonS[TPR]
11739 Posts
On December 20 2009 03:58 skypig wrote: Relax, man - I jumped all over the "practice girl" stuff because I have a weak spot for trashing stupid arguments, and that was definitely one. The way you worded your first statement implied that you thought of all the women you'll ever meet as "practice" before the real thing; if that's not what you meant, then you could have saved a lot of trouble and just said so right from the start. Again, I'm going off of what YOU said. You said yourself that no one goes into a relationship thinking it's practice - why then did you bring up that Kennigit quote before? Whatever, dude. Try not to switch your viewpoint so abruptly. Also, I'm not sure why you say my point of view "lacks experience" - I definitely lack experience with one night stands and running through different girlfriends, but that's because I've made a conscious choice to avoid that garbage. I don't want that experience and I don't plan on getting it, ever. The fact that "you learned a few things" doesn't make you more qualified to argue this at all - if anything, it means that you'll be more biased towards treating relationships with women as non-permanent because that's what happened to you (no offense intended, you said it yourself). Because that's what your "experience" has shown you, that's the way you'll think. I know people that never had a different partner other than the one that they're married to currently, and they would tell you that you're crazy for thinking that going through girlfriends "gives you experience." If anything, it gives you more stress, guilt, and monkey-wrenches in your life than you need, not to mention it ensures that you'll approach the next relationship ready to repeat the same thing over. If you find that type of experience advantageous, fine. As far as I'm concerned, I know it's possible to find the right partner the first time around and to remain happy with that choice the rest of your life - for me, that's way better than playing around with one night stands (using people, duh, which I have a problem with as well) and "practicing" with different girlfriends. I think a lot of the people here also have no interest in developing stable relationships; they just want the thrill of the chase and constantly-changing physical pleasures from different girls. If that's the case with you as well, then you shouldn't bother arguing about relationships, period, because that's not your interest anyway. Now you're misquoting people. I never quoted Kennegit. To your second paragraph, you're still misunderstanding me. I don't know how I can make it more clear either. You lack experience with women, that is (as you've admitted) fact. Being that arranged marriages don't really exist in the Western World anymore, it's really hard to find one person and end up with them for your whole life. What's the likeliness that the FIRST person you date (not even necessarily have sex with) is the person you will marry? The odds are extremely against you. The girl I dated, I had every intention of being with her for a very long time (and in my mind, marriage was a very plausible idea with her), but it didn't work out. There were differences that we had that were, apparently, irreconcilable. But the idea of "using her for practice for a better girl later on" never entered my mind. You're blurring the line between serious and non-serious relationships (and by non-serious relationships I mean casual sex, one night stands, and fuck buddies). Sex IS important in relationships at some point, because it's a way of keeping each other physically satisfied. You're absolutely right that going through relationships adds stress, guilt, etc. But it's really hard to avoid that. The people you know that are with the first person they ever dated are the exception, not the rule. Most people aren't that lucky. Again, people don't decide to seriously see one another (i.e. date exclusively) thinking "this will be good practice." Saying "it was good practice for the right one" is a way of holding your ego together. Instead of coming to terms that you fucked up, or there was something they couldn't deal with in your personality, or vice versa, you say "I'll be better for the next girl." And hopefully you will, because it's almost impossible to find a "soul mate" on the first try. To recap: girlfriends are not seen as "practice" when starting the relationship. It's impossible to get to know someone on a level intimate enough to marry them without having been with them for some time (there are things you just don't tell friends). Because it's impossible to get to know someone on that level immediately (i.e. you have to spend a lot of time with them), you date them, get to know them better as a person, and along the way decide if you can put up with their shit for the rest of your life (i.e. you want to marry them). Most of the time it's not going to work out, but you didn't begin the relationship with the mindset that it won't work out. Your mentality changes when you're in a relationship, so much so that previous thinking (like what I'm typing right now) goes out the window. When you fall in love with someone (or pairbond if you want to call it something different), you think it's special and unique, and unbreakable. The likeliness is that it's not, though, and that it will end. But, when you're in the relationship, you always say "damn the statistics! We're different." So, our thinking outside of relationships does not apply to our thinking inside of them, because of the change that occurs when in a relationship. That's why not having any experience with this issue matters. I reference myself a lot because all I can go on is personal experience, but breaking up with my ex didn't seem possible for a long time, until about a month before we actually broke up. This probably still won't make sense to you, but it really is something you have to experience to understand. Emotions are illogical, so debating this in a logical manner doesn't work. | ||
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