[HoN/DotA] Let's Play~!! - Page 952

The Birth of Testie

1 Again the TL in-house did evil in the eyes of Icefrog, so Icefrog delivered them into the hands of the Pubstars for a few months.

2 A certain man of Canada, named Elemenope, from the clan of the TL, had a wife who was underleveled and remained childless. 3 The angel of Icefrog appeared to her and said, "You are underleveled and childless, but you are going to conceive and have a son. 4 Now see to it that you drink no bottle or other fountain drink and that you do not eat anything essified, 5 because you will conceive and give birth to a son. No claymore may be used on his head, because the boy is to be a Carry, set apart to Icefrog from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of TL in-house from the hands of the Pubstars."

6 Then the woman went to her husband and told him, "A man of Icefrog came to me. He looked like an angel of Icefrog, very awesome. I didn't ask him where he came from, and he didn't tell me his name. 7 But he said to me, 'You will conceive and give birth to a son. Now then, drink no bottle or other fountain drink and do not eat anything essified, because the boy will be a Carry of Icefrog from birth until the day of his death.' "

8 Then Elemenope prayed to the LORD : "O ICEFROG, I beg you, let the man of Icefrog you sent to us come again to teach us how to level up the boy who is to be born."

9 Icefrog heard Elemenope, and the angel of Icefrog came again to the woman while she was out in the jungle; but her husband Elemenope was not with her. 10 The woman TP'd to tell her husband, "He's here! The man who appeared to me the other day!"

11 Elemenope got up and followed his wife. When he came to the man, he said, "Are you the one who all-talked to my wife?"
"I am," he said.

12 So Elemenope asked him, "When your words are fulfilled, what is to be the -mode for the boy's life and play?"

13 The angel of Icefrog answered, "Your wife must do all that I have told her. 14 She must not eat anything that comes from the rune spawns, nor drink any bottle or other fountain drink nor eat anything essified. She must do everything I have commanded her."

15 Elemenope said to the angel of the Icefrog, "We would like you to stay until Vladimir prepares a young animal courier for you."

16 The angel of Icefrog replied, "Even though you detain me, I will not eat any of your regen items. But if you prepare a animal courier offering, offer it to Icefrog." (Elemenope did not alliance-check that it was the angel of Icefrog.)

17 Then Elemenope inquired of the angel of Icefrog, "What is your b.net ID, so that we may /f a you when your word comes true?"

18 He replied, "Why do you ask my ID? It is beyond the character limit. [a] " 19 Then Elemenope took a young animal courier, together with the tango offering, and sacrificed it on a bloodstone to Icefrog. And Icefrog did an amazing thing while Elemenope and his wife obs'd: 20 As the light strike array blazed up from the altar toward heaven, the angel of the LORD ascended in the macropyre. Seeing this, Elemenope and his wife fell with their faces to the jungle ground, stunned. 21 When the angel of Icefrog did not show himself again to Elemenope and his wife, Elemenope realized that it was the angel of Icefrog.

22 "We are Doomed to die!" he said to his wife. "We have seen Icefrog!"

23 But his wife answered, "If Icefrog had meant to pawn us, he would not have accepted a Vladimir's offering and tango offering from our hands, nor shown us all these things or now told us this."

24 The woman spawned a boy and named him Testie. He grew and Icefrog blessed him with imba skills and stats, 25 and the Spirit of Icefrog began to level him while he was in Canada.

4 Some games later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Tainted Love whose name was Kelly while laning with her. 5 The rulers of the Pubstars went to her and said, "See if you can bait him into showing you the secret of his God's Strength and how we can gank him so we may Shackle him up and disable him. Each one of us will give you two hundred gold."

6 So Kelly said to Testie, "Tell me the secret of your God's Strength and how yooh can be shackled and disabled."

7 Testie answered her, "If anyone Dagons me with seven fresh Dagon 5s that have been fully upgraded, I'll become as weak as any other man."

8 Then the rulers of the Pubstars brought her seven fresh Dagon 5s that had been upgraded, and she nuked him with them. 9 With men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Testie, the Pubstars are upon yooh!" But he BKB'd the Dagons easily with a hotkey. So the secret of his God's Strength was not discovered.

10 Then Kelly said to Testie, "Yooh have made a fool of me; yooh lied to me. Come now, tell me how yooh can be tied."

11 He said, "If anyone perma-disables me, I'll become as weak as any other man."

12 So Kelly took perma-disabled him. Then, with men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Testie, the Pubstars are upon you!" But he BKB'd the disables as they were poorly coordinated.

13 Kelly then said to Testie, "Until now, yooh have been making a fool of me and lying to me. Tell me how yooh can be tied."
He replied, "If you weave the hundred braids of my head into the fabric on the loom and tighten it with the circlet of nobility, I'll become as weak as any other man." So while he was alt-tabbed, Kelly took the hundreds braids of his head, and [c] tightened it with the circlet.
Again she called to him, "Testie, the Pubstars are upon you!" He alt-tabbed back and pulled up the circlet.

15 Then she said to him, "How can you say, 'I <3 yooh,' when yooh won't confide in me? This is the third time yooh have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your God's Strength." 16 With such spamming, she nudged him day after day until he was harassed to death.

17 So he told her everything. "No claymore has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Carry set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my God's Strength wouldn't be leveled, and I would become as weak as any other hero."

18 When Kelly saw that he had told her everything, she sent word by flying animal courier to the rulers of the Pubstars, "Come back once more; he has told me everything." So the rulers of the Pubstars came Surging to her with the gold in their hands. 19 Having put him into a Nightmare on her lap, she called a man to shave off the hundred braids of his hair, and so began to disable him. [d] And his God's Strength left him.

20 Then she called, "Testie, the Pubstars are upon you!"
He awoke from his Nightmare and thought, "I'll go out as before and Black King Bar myself free." But he did not know that Icefrog had left him.

21 Then the Pubstars ganked him, gouged out his eyes of Skadi and took him down to the Arena of G. Binding him with red shackles, they set him to grinding in the Filipino rooms (13/225). 22 But the hair on his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.

The Death of Testie

23 Now the rulers of the Pubstars assembled to offer a great sacrifice to Dagon (lol i didn't edit this word) their god and to celebrate, saying, "Our god has delivered Testie, our enemy, into our hands."

24 When the people saw him, they praised their god, saying,
"Our god has delivered our enemy
into our defiled fountain,
the one who multi-killed our land
and pawned our heads."

25 While they were in high spirits, they shouted, "Bring out Testie to entertain us." So they called Testie out of the prison, and he performed for them with a sexy dance.
When they stood him among the pillars, 26 Testie said to the ward slave who held his hand, "Put me where I can feel the pillars that support the temple, so that I may lean against them." 27 Now the temple was crowded with men and women and creeps; all the rulers of the Pubstars were there, and on the roof were over nine thousand men and women watching Testie perform. 28 Then Testie prayed to Icefrog, "O Sovereign Icefrog, remember me. O Icefrog, please strengthen me just once more with mana, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Pubstars for my two eyes." 29 Then Testie reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them with some bracers, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, 30 Testie said, "Let me suicide with the Pubstars!" Then he tower pushed with all his God's strength, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when his spawn timer ran than while he lived.

31 Then his teammates and his father's whole clan went down to get him. They brought him back and buried him between Canada and USA in the tomb of Elemenope his father. He had led TL in-house for two years.