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Hmmm i've been in a similar predicament, I really loved this girl, she lived in the same dorm as me, and we'd do virtually everything together...She knew about my feelings for her, but it wasn't mutual. We always did everything together, we'd eat together like 5 times a week and go clubbing twice a week. We'd talk for hours, sometimes till 5AM even tho we'd have to work the next day. It was awesome, but also very difficult at times for me.
She's probably the one who seeks contact the most, as she enjoys your company (a lot). It's a very mixed feeling, on one hard you'd like to be with her all of the time, on the other hard you know it's better no to hang out so much since you will keep feeling something for her. Do make sure that you respect yourself. You're not going to have a relationship with this girl, so make sure that the effort you put in isn't with that intention. Stand up a bit for yourself, and give yourself some space to meet other girls as well...although that may seem difficult, when compared to other girls this one will always come out on top in your mind.
Mind you, this happened to me when i was 25, it's definitely not something that only happens to younger ppl. I still see her sometimes, but not that often anymore. Looking back, i remember a lot of fun we had, but it also feels like a lot of wasted time...and although it's too bad it never happened, i can see a lot of reasons now why it wouldn't have worked out.
Good luck to you sir, especially with all the helpful comments from TL^^.
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edit: okokok, i thought we were still trolling
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The last cereal I ate regularly was Lucky Charms. Haven't had any in a while. If I wasnt so lazy I'd make myself bacon and eggs every morning.
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On November 12 2008 09:36 Nytefish wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 09:34 tika wrote:On November 12 2008 09:32 Nytefish wrote:
In a way I'm glad I don't "think" like you. My world isn't lonely and most problems have straightforward solutions. unfortunately this kind of thinking gets you divorced 1 or 5 years of misery down the line. You're making quite a lot of assumptions. :S Sorry if I'm just a simpleton who can't understand your superior level of relationship.
I'd have to agree with Nytefish here.
What exactly does your 'thinking' (tika) have to do with marriage anyways? Are you trying to say that a love which permeates every aspect of your life is necessary for marriage? I'd have to say most couples prefer a more pragmatic approach.
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On November 12 2008 09:51 ktp wrote:
You are not in love with her, you simply desire her. If you truely love her, whether she loves you back or not matters very little. Once you start to grasp this concept, then your feelings will subside and everything will be wonderful again.
the problem with this is however my conscious mind feels, my spontaenious body reacts completely beside my control. understand? this is the strength i'm talking about, fighting against ones instinct, animality, ones unconsciousness, for the good of another
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On November 12 2008 09:56 jidojazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 09:36 Nytefish wrote:On November 12 2008 09:34 tika wrote:On November 12 2008 09:32 Nytefish wrote:
In a way I'm glad I don't "think" like you. My world isn't lonely and most problems have straightforward solutions. unfortunately this kind of thinking gets you divorced 1 or 5 years of misery down the line. You're making quite a lot of assumptions. :S Sorry if I'm just a simpleton who can't understand your superior level of relationship. I'd have to agree with Nytefish here. What exactly does your 'thinking' (tika) have to do with marriage anyways? Are you trying to say that a love which permeates every aspect of your life is necessary for marriage? I'd have to say most couples prefer a more pragmatic approach.
no i'm just pointing out that for example (and im getting angry now) THIS fucking relationship isn't so similar to all the others you seem to know so much about.
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oh and i dont eat cereal but might start soon. im thinking of just guzzling extremely expensive protein shakes unless you can come up with an attractive, effortless alternative. (fuck i love crunchy nut though.)
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Guys let's not be so mean to tika:
-he is pretty new to TL and doesn't understand which posts should be where
-he is young and inexperienced, doesn't know that what he describes is very common
-he isn't used to how people respond here (like blowing up to "sir", which is often used in a joking way on TL)
This should be put back in blogs right away in my opinion.
@tika: most people go through this at some time or another. It is very significant at the time, but not uncommon. You must stay friends with this person. What will happen over time is that your romanic feelings will weaken and then all of a sudden you will discover someone else, and then they will disappear completely. Feelings for close friends can provide a sense of security to your emotional life but as soon as another good opportunity (ie girl) presents itself (herself), these feelings will often just vanish. All you need is patience and resolve.
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On November 12 2008 09:57 tika wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 09:56 jidojazerg wrote:On November 12 2008 09:36 Nytefish wrote:On November 12 2008 09:34 tika wrote:On November 12 2008 09:32 Nytefish wrote:
In a way I'm glad I don't "think" like you. My world isn't lonely and most problems have straightforward solutions. unfortunately this kind of thinking gets you divorced 1 or 5 years of misery down the line. You're making quite a lot of assumptions. :S Sorry if I'm just a simpleton who can't understand your superior level of relationship. I'd have to agree with Nytefish here. What exactly does your 'thinking' (tika) have to do with marriage anyways? Are you trying to say that a love which permeates every aspect of your life is necessary for marriage? I'd have to say most couples prefer a more pragmatic approach. no i'm just pointing out that for example (and im getting angry now) THIS fucking relationship isn't so similar to all the others you seem to know so much about.
I hope when I'm 34 I seek relational advice from anonymous video game enthusiasts on an internet forum. That way I can just insult their inferiority so that I can feel better about myself. Because I wasn't actually looking for advice, I was just looking for people to feel sorry for my uniquely tragic situation that they have absolutely no chance of comprehending. If I wanted advice, I'd write a blog so that only people that actually gave a shit would reply.
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On November 12 2008 09:56 tika wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 09:51 ktp wrote:
You are not in love with her, you simply desire her. If you truely love her, whether she loves you back or not matters very little. Once you start to grasp this concept, then your feelings will subside and everything will be wonderful again. the problem with this is however my conscious mind feels, my spontaenious body reacts completely beside my control. understand? this is the strength i'm talking about, fighting against ones instinct, animality, ones unconsciousness, for the good of another
If you can't win a battle like that, don't bother getting female friends in the first place. Friends stay friends, just let the feelings vanish. Be more like Mr Spock, son.
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On November 12 2008 09:50 Gene wrote:
lmao i had this exact same experience three days ago
you are not unique
time to grow up man up and get the fuck over it
the girl actually said to me
"Listen, you're making my boyfriend incredibly jealous and he doesnt deserve to be unhappy like that. You're cute, i like you, if i were single we would be a lot different. But its done. Stop. If you can't just be friends, its over entirely."
time to move on big guy
ouch...
@ op: give it up man. take everyone's advice and move on. You'll look back at this and cringe at how late it took you to realize the simple solution.
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On November 12 2008 10:01 inlagdsil wrote:
Guys let's not be so mean to tika:
-he is pretty new to TL and doesn't understand which posts should be where
-he is young and inexperienced, doesn't know that what he describes is very common
-he isn't used to how people respond here (like blowing up to "sir", which is often used in a joking way on TL)
This should be put back in blogs right away in my opinion.
@tika: most people go through this at some time or another. It is very significant at the time, but not uncommon. You must stay friends with this person. What will happen over time is that your romanic feelings will weaken and then all of a sudden you will discover someone else, and then they will disappear completely. Feelings for close friends can provide a sense of security to your emotional life but as soon as another good opportunity (ie girl) presents itself (herself), these feelings will often just vanish. All you need is patience and resolve.
thanks for the encouragement altho u must realise it does not appear as "encouragement" to me but simply as a positive attitude that i do not necessarily agree with. there are ALWAYS alternatives and certainly there are alternatives to this obvious and seemingly careless approach to life. u must understand that myself and this girl are...thinkers who aim to resolve their issues in the most rational way possible. this means a LOT of consideration is involved, hence me opening this topic to the various points of view available on this website
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first of all you should do some sophisticated thinking of yours and discover that you and your problems are rather average and common. than you should think farther to see that this fact doesnt demean you in any way.
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On November 12 2008 10:07 aqui wrote:
first of all you should do some sophisticated thinking of yours and discover that you and your problems are rather average and common. than you should think farther to see that this fact doesnt demean you in any way.
oh i am quite comfortable with that since i have been thru it many a time, there comes a point in ones life that causes u to search even beyond this however
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On November 12 2008 10:07 tika wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 10:01 inlagdsil wrote:
Guys let's not be so mean to tika:
-he is pretty new to TL and doesn't understand which posts should be where
-he is young and inexperienced, doesn't know that what he describes is very common
-he isn't used to how people respond here (like blowing up to "sir", which is often used in a joking way on TL)
This should be put back in blogs right away in my opinion.
@tika: most people go through this at some time or another. It is very significant at the time, but not uncommon. You must stay friends with this person. What will happen over time is that your romanic feelings will weaken and then all of a sudden you will discover someone else, and then they will disappear completely. Feelings for close friends can provide a sense of security to your emotional life but as soon as another good opportunity (ie girl) presents itself (herself), these feelings will often just vanish. All you need is patience and resolve.
thanks for the encouragement altho u must realise it does not appear as "encouragement" to me but simply as a positive attitude that i do not necessarily agree with. there are ALWAYS alternatives and certainly there are alternatives to this obvious and seemingly careless approach to life. u must understand that myself and this girl are...thinkers who aim to resolve their issues in the most rational way possible. this means a LOT of consideration is involved, hence me opening this topic to the various points of view available on this website
I'm sorry that our experiences only involve us simpletons and our mildly retarded friends. Alas! you have achieved a level of intellect we could only dream about. Perhaps you should seek advice on the MENSA forums.
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On November 12 2008 09:54 aseq wrote:
Hmmm i've been in a similar predicament, I really loved this girl, she lived in the same dorm as me, and we'd do virtually everything together...She knew about my feelings for her, but it wasn't mutual. We always did everything together, we'd eat together like 5 times a week and go clubbing twice a week. We'd talk for hours, sometimes till 5AM even tho we'd have to work the next day. It was awesome, but also very difficult at times for me.
She's probably the one who seeks contact the most, as she enjoys your company (a lot). It's a very mixed feeling, on one hard you'd like to be with her all of the time, on the other hard you know it's better no to hang out so much since you will keep feeling something for her. Do make sure that you respect yourself. You're not going to have a relationship with this girl, so make sure that the effort you put in isn't with that intention. Stand up a bit for yourself, and give yourself some space to meet other girls as well...although that may seem difficult, when compared to other girls this one will always come out on top in your mind.
Mind you, this happened to me when i was 25, it's definitely not something that only happens to younger ppl. I still see her sometimes, but not that often anymore. Looking back, i remember a lot of fun we had, but it also feels like a lot of wasted time...and although it's too bad it never happened, i can see a lot of reasons now why it wouldn't have worked out.
Good luck to you sir, especially with all the helpful comments from TL^^.
I had a similar experience as him, the best advice is definitely to GET TO THE POINT with her, see how she feels, and if the feeling isn't reciprocated, get the hell out of there. Don't try and be super close friends anymore either, just stay in touch every now and then. The world is too big to get stuck in limbo mode with 1 girl, you'll just end up with many regrets and feel as if you wasted so much time being naive. It's too easy to get stuck daydreaming about the perfect romantic ending that you see in the movies, but real life is not like that.
Move along, there are more important things in life than a girl that doesn't return your feelings.
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On November 12 2008 10:07 EpiK wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2008 09:50 Gene wrote:
lmao i had this exact same experience three days ago
you are not unique
time to grow up man up and get the fuck over it
the girl actually said to me
"Listen, you're making my boyfriend incredibly jealous and he doesnt deserve to be unhappy like that. You're cute, i like you, if i were single we would be a lot different. But its done. Stop. If you can't just be friends, its over entirely."
time to move on big guy ouch... @ op: give it up man. take everyone's advice and move on. You'll look back at this and cringe at how late it took you to realize the simple solution.
even the carebares teach that the simple answer, altho it may reach A goal, doesnt necessarily reach the ultimate goal. unfortunately in philosophy there is always a higher level of thinking, and therefore a higher level of peace/happiness/self improvement (enlightenment) to strive to.
i could just end it all here one way or another, like so many others may have done. or, i could explore, like countless thousands of people have attempted. sorry if im not satisfied by your dumbed down or simplistic or obvious resolutions. there is always something more. how else do you consider those sciences or philosophies or psychologies or psychiatries that you , right now, have no hope of comprehending? this is what makes me , and her, different from you, and why you are not able to help me.
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what is it you actually want if i may ask?
that she loves you back? that you can control your feelings towards her better? that you feel better?
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United States47024 Posts
On November 12 2008 10:07 tika wrote:
thanks for the encouragement altho u must realise it does not appear as "encouragement" to me but simply as a positive attitude that i do not necessarily agree with. there are ALWAYS alternatives and certainly there are alternatives to this obvious and seemingly careless approach to life. u must understand that myself and this girl are...thinkers who aim to resolve their issues in the most rational way possible. this means a LOT of consideration is involved, hence me opening this topic to the various points of view available on this website
You're over-complicating your problem. Stop. If you truly acknowledge that your situation is not unique, then you should realize why this simple solution that's been posed to you is the way to go. Of the hundreds and thousands of time that this problem has been faced by people like you, this is the one that has the best outcome. No matter how much of a "thinker" you think you are, a real thinker recognizes that empirical knowledge trumps any sort of analysis or philosophizing. You're not special. Trying to "think" your way through this isn't going to help you come across some magical solution that hasn't been tried and failed before.
You want someone to tell you that there's some way to make her love you; that somehow, if you maintain your resolve, she'll change for you. Stop deluding yourself. You have no control over her emotions, and attempting to assert such control will simply ruin your relationship.
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you're a fucking pussy but at least you'll never pick up an STD. more power to you.
also, the girl probably thinks you're a fucking creeper that just pretends to be her friend but actually wants to fuck her in the ass. because that's what you are.
fucking creeper
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EPT
