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Active: 1526 users

my girlfriend got raped. - Page 3

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Zer[OX]o
Profile Joined October 2004
United States42 Posts
July 13 2005 10:40 GMT
#41
On July 13 2005 19:14 Refrain[FriZ] wrote:
wow what the fuck
how is it not possible that she did not get a look at the person?
Uh...knock her our with drugs?
Heck, if she was drunk enough so might not remember either.


That sucks man, be there for her.
Who noob? Me? Yes sir!
So no fek
Profile Blog Joined June 2005
United States3001 Posts
July 13 2005 10:45 GMT
#42
Think of it this way. If you had gone out and killed him, you yourself would most likely be in jail. That certainly doesn't help her out.
#1 Shuttle fan - TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #36 BW4lyfe
SweeTLemonS[TPR]
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
11739 Posts
Last Edited: 2005-07-13 10:57:12
July 13 2005 10:56 GMT
#43
On July 13 2005 19:14 Refrain[FriZ] wrote:
wow what the fuck
how is it not possible that she did not get a look at the person?


Ski mask?

I thought the map joke was well timed, considering he did get the first post, so... It was about as good as the time that guy with the eye staring at him was told to take off the ring.
I'm never gonna know you now \ But I'm gonna love you anyhow.
Liquid`Drone
Profile Joined September 2002
Norway28701 Posts
July 13 2005 10:59 GMT
#44
or maybe he doesn't really want to describe how it happened because doing so is very painful in fact even thinking of it is.

Moderator
NewbSaibot
Profile Joined May 2004
3849 Posts
July 13 2005 10:59 GMT
#45
wow, 2 firefox crashes in a row obliterating both my attempts at posting a response to this. Maybe its just not meant to be. So ill make it quick.

I feel the only thing you can really do for her, that has any weight or value whatsoever, is to just be there for her. Shes gonna go through some serious shit for this, shit way beyond your scope or ability to understand, so dont even try. Just be there while she goes through it.

My ex was repeatedly raped at 14 by a 27 year old, who held her mentally hostage for a period of 3 months by use of constant threats to her , her family, and friends. Was it her fault for being naive and approaching his sports car walking home from school? Possibly, although 14 is pretty young to have already established that fear of the world mentality. However, what she went through for the next several years was total hell and chaos. Drugs, promiscuity, alienation from her family, and the list goes on. Pretty much ruined her life. And having a relationship with her was basically impossible, of course i didnt find this all out till towards the end of it all. We broke up on bad terms and i dont really know what shes doing these days, but i imagine its more of the same when we were together. Be prepared for something like this to happen to your g/f in a lesser form (or hell, maybe worse). It was a little late for me to "be there" for her, and my attempts at sympathy were treated as pity and only further angered her. So whatever you do, it will be on a fine line.
I went to the chippy last night and only orderd chips because I knew I could get fish from her bushy plate.
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20063 Posts
July 13 2005 11:03 GMT
#46
I'm 14 and i know not to get in a car with a stranger. I would've thought that common sense by then.
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
NewbSaibot
Profile Joined May 2004
3849 Posts
July 13 2005 11:04 GMT
#47
Oh, and she never turned him in because when it was finally finished, and he basically just let her go, she just couldnt bother to deal with it anymore. It was over, thats all she wanted. She couldnt handle being brought back into that world again, so letting it slip away into her past felt like the best idea. And of course, after a couple of years when she could go back to that moment and think about it without falling apart, it was far too late in her opinion to make anything legal happen out of it.

Man it was so sad, she would show me home videos and pictures of her and stuff of her life before and after the events, and it was just like this horribly dark line of demarcation. Happy -> unhappy. She even had a photo album of friends she made in a couselling group for sexual victims, and like all of them were super hot. And she would point at them "oh thats stacy, her two brothers used to rape her with a toilet brush in the woods.. There susan, her uncle filmed her giving oral to himself during her birthdays... " etc etc.
I went to the chippy last night and only orderd chips because I knew I could get fish from her bushy plate.
NerO
Profile Joined February 2003
United States2071 Posts
July 13 2005 11:05 GMT
#48
On July 13 2005 20:03 decafchicken wrote:
I'm 14 and i know not to get in a car with a stranger. I would've thought that common sense by then.

most rape doesnt occur in that way usually its by putting themselves in a party situation and getting a little to close to someone u dont know and they thinking they are getting signals or drugs etc.
Sorrow_eyes
Profile Joined February 2005
United States1007 Posts
Last Edited: 2005-07-13 11:09:44
July 13 2005 11:06 GMT
#49
You are doing the right thing mate, take it calmly... that's it
use the force, strech out for your feelings...
Well I'm no expert but I think she needs comforting
go talk to her, take her out or sumthing... heal the wound.

P.S
I agree that drone is by far the most sensitive admin in this forum.
Myacctmessup: People tried to create a Perfect language that the whole world can communicate with out difficulty, that it is universal and easy to learn. Do you hapen to know what language is it? Fireblast: You mean love?
SCFraser
Profile Joined May 2003
Canada1534 Posts
July 13 2005 11:09 GMT
#50
Drone u know 3 girls that have gotten raped?.. wow makes me wonder if i know any that just never said anything...
I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live.
SweeTLemonS[TPR]
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
11739 Posts
July 13 2005 11:09 GMT
#51
On July 13 2005 20:05 NerO wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 13 2005 20:03 decafchicken wrote:
I'm 14 and i know not to get in a car with a stranger. I would've thought that common sense by then.

most rape doesnt occur in that way usually its by putting themselves in a party situation and getting a little to close to someone u dont know and they thinking they are getting signals or drugs etc.


Actually, rape most commonly happens with someone they know fairly well. You're right that it doesn't occur in the way it happened with Newb's supposed ex, but it's not really the way you say, either. (According to statistics I've seen, and what was said in the "health" class in highschool.)
I'm never gonna know you now \ But I'm gonna love you anyhow.
NewbSaibot
Profile Joined May 2004
3849 Posts
Last Edited: 2005-07-13 11:11:03
July 13 2005 11:10 GMT
#52
I cant remember if you said whether or not you are going to try and pursue the attacker, or turn him in to the police, or whatever can be done. However you must realise that you HAVE TO do something right? Otherwise you are guilty for the next person he attacks. Because predators always attack, and they never stop. If you or her do nothing, you lose one more chance until the next victim does something, at which point she must now suffer whatever your girlfriend will suffer, and how can you willingly put someone else through that again? Even if your attempts to stop him are unsuccessful, you do not bear the burden of guilt because at least you tried.
I went to the chippy last night and only orderd chips because I knew I could get fish from her bushy plate.
NewbSaibot
Profile Joined May 2004
3849 Posts
July 13 2005 11:13 GMT
#53
On July 13 2005 20:09 SCFraser wrote:
Drone u know 3 girls that have gotten raped?.. wow makes me wonder if i know any that just never said anything...
I was just listening to a report on this the other day on the radio, and it basically said, out of 10,000 college students accross multiple universities, 50% of women admitted to having been a sexual victim in at least one sense, being no less than fondled or groped against their will. 20% admitted to being full on raped. And 80% of all victims admitted to having been heavily intoxicated, mostly with alcohol. So there is definately a correlation between a womans behavior and what she can do to avoid these instances. And personally, im not so sure i have pity for a girl who gets raped for getting drunk at a party.
I went to the chippy last night and only orderd chips because I knew I could get fish from her bushy plate.
Mora
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Canada5235 Posts
July 13 2005 11:20 GMT
#54
alot of girls have told me they have been raped.

alot of them are liers.

i wonder if these girls in these studies are being honest. Alot of them lie to their friends, alot of them lie to surveys, and alot of them lie to themselves.

If you decide you don't want sex after you have sex with someone, it is not rape. Alot of girls don't seem to get that.

(this post has nothing to do with the original topic starter just to make things clear)
Happiness only real when shared.
WildCard
Profile Joined March 2005
United States76 Posts
Last Edited: 2005-07-13 11:23:40
July 13 2005 11:22 GMT
#55
i dont know about you, but if someone i did care about got hurt by someone else, id find that person and slaughter them to death, regardless of what happened to me, id make sure that person never took another breath after i was done with him. dont know how close you are to her, but id at least find the guy and put his head through a wall, the fact your like so passive about it means one of two things, you dont care about her, or your a chicken and afraid to confront the guy. thats my opinion tho, take it as you wish.
if you dont do something, what guarantee you have he wont go after her again? you dont know who it is, what if its someone that knows where she works/lives?
1337
Profile Joined February 2005
United States171 Posts
July 13 2005 11:31 GMT
#56
or he is smarter than u....
A fact is what the majority of people believe, the truth is something entirely different.
Chris307
Profile Joined June 2004
3095 Posts
July 13 2005 11:35 GMT
#57
This is a really, really complicated issue.

On one hand rape is a natural thing. The bodies and minds of men and women were physically designed through evolution to facilitate rape for the means of ensuring the ongoing survival of our species. This is supported by the fact that rape is a very common reproductive strategy among many other mammals, especially primates.

On the other hand, the human race has gone far beyond evolution and instinct. It has developed morality and ethics, civilization. These things oppose rape, and rightfully so in my opinion. It is a violent and unjust act given the fact that we are a booming race that doesn't need to worry about extinction.

Ironically, however, that very fact that morality and ethics and society all viciously oppose rape, gives rape even more power. Most of the mental and emotional torment women go through after being raped, simply wouldn't be there if they weren't part of a society that so looked down upon it. Without that stigma attached to the act, it's basically a fight with another human being, but with the added possibility of disease.

It's really complicated, like most things are I guess. But in specific cases I think it can be boiled down.

Your girlfriend has gone through a very traumatic experience and she needs to recover. If you care about her enough, the best thing you can do is be there, and do whatever she asks you to.

Also, and I don't think anybody else mentioned this... When you two have sex with eachother, let her have physical control. She'll probably scare very easily during sex at first.

Best wishes.
PUSH DICE CUP BACK AND I SHOOT CRAP
lil.sis
Profile Blog Joined March 2005
China4650 Posts
July 13 2005 11:38 GMT
#58
damn dude, its hard for her to deal with this situation

much harder than it is for you

i think a wise move would be to delay her taking the tests, until maybe two or three months from now

this is because you should NOT under any circumstances even think about touching her in a sexual way until she has had some time to heal

as far as your emotions are concerned, you have every right to feel like crying, or killing someone-- somebody very dear to you has been violated in a very horrible way.

did she go to the hospital to have a DNA sample collected? If so, they probably tested her for diseases while she was there.

if not, it will be difficult to prove a case in court. try to avoid washing her clothes, if you are lucky enough to have them, as there might be some traces of the attacker (hair etc.)

issues of criminality aside, it is IMPERATIVE that you provide her with as much comfort as you can during this tough period, make sure that she knows that it was NOT HER FAULT

for some unknown reason, some rape victims have a tendency to blame themselves, make sure that she knows you still love her and care for her, and that this does not affect your relationship in any way

the most important thing for you to do as her partner is to communicate, give her love, and give her the time she needs to heal

just to re-emphasize, in case you didn't read it the first time, do NOT try to touch her sexually (even kissing could be traumatic) for a good long while.

this is going to be a very difficult time for you both, and your relationship. i wish you luck.

好好喝喝天天快乐
EvilTeletubby
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
Baltimore, USA22254 Posts
Last Edited: 2005-07-13 11:42:19
July 13 2005 11:39 GMT
#59
On July 13 2005 20:22 WildCard wrote:
the fact your like so passive about it means one of two things, you dont care about her, or your a chicken and afraid to confront the guy.


How fucking wrong you are. Until something like this happens, and you can stand in someone else's shoes, shut the fuck up. Did you not read his post? Of course those were his initial reactions, he even said so, that would be natural. But how is that going to help anyone? Especially his girlfriend. You think she's feeling "Yeah, kick his ass Johnny, that'll teach him, yeah!" You clearly lack the maturity and sensativity to even possibly comprehend what he or his g/f are going through.

Excellent posts by Chris and lil.sis btw.
Moderatorhttp://carbonleaf.yuku.com/topic/408/t/So-I-proposed-at-a-Carbon-Leaf-concert.html ***** RIP Geoff
Chris307
Profile Joined June 2004
3095 Posts
July 13 2005 11:40 GMT
#60
On July 13 2005 20:20 Teroru wrote:
alot of girls have told me they have been raped.

alot of them are liers.

i wonder if these girls in these studies are being honest. Alot of them lie to their friends, alot of them lie to surveys, and alot of them lie to themselves.

If you decide you don't want sex after you have sex with someone, it is not rape. Alot of girls don't seem to get that.

(this post has nothing to do with the original topic starter just to make things clear)


I belief this to be true!

But that's probably just because I've been exposed to a lot of really awful, lying women.

The 14-year-old in NewbSaibot?'s story struck me as the kind of girl that would lie and exaggerate like crazy. Seems more likely to me that she's just making most of it up because she'd rather be the "Damsel in Distress" than the "Preteen Whore."
PUSH DICE CUP BACK AND I SHOOT CRAP
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