This is becoming more entertaining with each and every post.
I think what needs to be understood we all have different backgrounds and outlooks. And obviously move in different social circles. The women i'm usually into don't get wet by the mention of a beach. If you want to stereotype at least make a distinction between women and girls. At a young age we're all impressionable, young female intoxicated persons are maybe the most impressionable. As far as I can make out PUA heavily relies on and draws it's success from those factors.
I wanted to know what pickup was about, when I ask question I get told nah that's not it. Enlighten me.
I think I'm a little older than most of you lot, and my experience has taught me there's more to life than picking up random women for casual encounters, but it is definitely an experience everyone needs to have otherwise the sense of not having it will haunt you in your adult life, undermining your future relationships. I don't see any argument here, rather an exchange of views.
Sounds like a lot of excuses. Either you want to do it or you don't. Simple as that.
1. Don't tell your friends about pickup. Yes people will judge you for it. If they don't understand you, why should they know? Keep it a secret if you have to. People are just offended at the concept of pickup. But nobody is going to give a shit that you are in the club talking to people, which is really what it boils down to.
2. Of course there are sacrifices in pickup. If it was easy, every ugly loser would be dating playboy playmates. Its just a path or journey out there, doesn't mean its for everyone. For me, pickup has negatively impacted my work life. For one, all I do is day dream about pickup and my dates while at work. I am also terrible at time management and I spend way too much time playing video games, making youtube videos, and posting on forums lol. But with proper time management, you can fit in going out 2 nights a week, Friday/Saturday. And no drinking. So technically it shouldn't affect work at all if you do it right. But again, its up to you to make it happen.
3. Who cares if it feels weird that you are 40 and hitting up on girls 20 years old. From your development point of view. Who cares? If you care about what people think about you.... pick up is NOT for you lol. Cuz you are going to get blown out of thousands of sets and some times the girls can be down right rude and belligerent. So yeah, if you care about what people think and you want to be successful at pickup, you better learn how to not give a shit REAL quick.
4. Stop caring about what other people think of you, and what you think of other people. A cold approach is random. Some times the best conversations come out where you least expect it. Some times you can meet an 18 year old who is super mature. Some times you can meet a 40 year old whos completely retarded. Its all random and its the luck of the draw. Just go into a set open with a blank slate and see where it takes you. Some times you can use the same fucking opener, one girl will fucking get angry, and another girl would be giving me a great big smile. This one opener:
Err, no, not an excuse (for what? was I trying to defend some point here? I'm confused)
I was letting you in on how life works for most of us (in the western hemisphere) once we hit the big 3-oh, at least from where I'm sitting. Fair enough, you say fuck what my old friends and family think, fuck I'm slacking off my career and foregoing previous ambitions i might have had to live a certain lifestyle. That's your prerogative. My point is the rest of us are moving in a different direction. You're stuck in an early 20s mindset. I can't believe you don't care if you come across as a creep though. And if you're stuck at 40 where you should have been at 20 your whole self development thing is regressing you, at best.
Sunprince, did I hit a nerve or something? You are spot on though, as a matter of fact, I invented judgement. I'm the only judgemental person out there. It's just a sea of tolerance out there. Women aren't judgemental. They don't want guys who have goals or ambitions or have their shit together and are independent. They just want someone who says all the right things, and put their hand on their back at the right moment.
Seriously, I get the whole I don't care attitude, as long as you appreciate those your age are moving on, getting a career, kids, marriage, a house, etc while you're doing "cold approaches". It's harder to kick start a career at 34 than it is at 26, that's all. I'm not asking you to submit or convince. Just take notice of reality while you're trying to catch up on something you felt you missed out on. This whole PUA stuff becomes a lifestyle once you start going to seminars travel to places and meet up with others. And every lifestyle comes with sacrifices, that is my point. Hiding your entire lifestyle doesn't work, you shouldn't have to.
1. I live in the western hemisphere, whats your point? 2. Plenty of people hide pickup very well. Your family and friends doesn't have to know everything about you. Pickup is going out 2 nights a week. Do you call your parents every time you go out? 3. If I come across as a creep, they better change the definition on dictionary.com as "sexy mother fucker" 4. Pick up does not require a full time job. You don't need 40 hours a week to learn pickup. For less time you spend on Starcraft, you could learn pickup. If you can't master pick up + education/job, I guess you just aren't hardcore.
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote: This is becoming more entertaining with each and every post.
I think what needs to be understood we all have different backgrounds and outlooks. And obviously move in different social circles. The women i'm usually into don't get wet by the mention of a beach. If you want to stereotype at least make a distinction between women and girls. At a young age we're all impressionable, young female intoxicated persons are maybe the most impressionable. As far as I can make out PUA heavily relies on and draws it's success from those factors.
I wanted to know what pickup was about, when I ask question I get told nah that's not it. Enlighten me.
I think I'm a little older than most of you lot, and my experience has taught me there's more to life than picking up random women for casual encounters, but it is definitely an experience everyone needs to have otherwise the sense of not having it will haunt you in your adult life, undermining your future relationships. I don't see any argument here, rather an exchange of views.
Who said in pickup, you have to talk about the beach. Let me tell you my last 14 lays, what things I talked about in the beginning. It doesn't matter who you talk to, you should be fluent in pop culture, travel, science, fitness whatever the fuck. Pickup is simply getting better with women, what you do what that skill is up to you. You can do one night stands, you can do multiple long term relationships, you can do single long term relationships, you can marry. Who cares. Pick up is simply the getting good part. Its like learning how to run fast. What you do with being able to run fast is up to you.
1. Japanese girl. I got her interest Speaking Japanese 2. Puerto Rican girl. I got her interest dancing 3. Black girl. I got her interest being funny and talking about Jackie Chan / Chris Tucker jokes 4. White girl who loves starcraft. I got her interest talking about STARCRAFT. 5. Mexican girl. Got her interest being sexual and talking about working at a movie theater back in the day lol. 6. Mongolian girl. Well, I knew a shit ton about Mongolia and the school she went to. 7. Dental student (I didnt fuck her) but I got her interest talking about academics) 8. Filipino girl who worked at Brookstone - got her interest talking about electronics 9. Brazilian married woman: Talked about Brazil and fitness 10. White girl who played WoW - Talked about nerdy video games
I am not going to list them all because some didn't have anything specific memorable moments. It was just vibe.
You have to realize that the fundamentals of pickup is the same whether you are talking to a nerd librarian or a porn star. Obviously there are calibration difference between talking to the two however,
If you look at being funny, being confident, having good body language... they are all requirements no matter who you talk to. The other thing that you can only get from experience in the field is calibration. Its crazy how calibration is such key. Everything else in pick up has wiggle room, except calibration. Calibration is knowing what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Ultimately every new girl you meet is random. You won't know how sexual she is or what shes all about and really the only way to be calibrated in your moves is from talking to a LOT of people and a lot of different people. If you meet a sexual woman who wants you to move fast, but you play it too slow, you basically make her lose interest in you. You meet a super conservative woman and you escalate on her too quick, then basically you make her feel uncomfortable and she leaves. Its doesn't matter who you talk to, its that calibration that really lets you get the girl.
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote:I think what needs to be understood we all have different backgrounds and outlooks. And obviously move in different social circles. The women i'm usually into don't get wet by the mention of a beach. If you want to stereotype at least make a distinction between women and girls. At a young age we're all impressionable, young female intoxicated persons are maybe the most impressionable. As far as I can make out PUA heavily relies on and draws it's success from those factors.
Seduction skills come in handy regardless of who you're trying to seduce. Kinda like how social skills are useful regardless of what social skills you move in (especially since seduction is just a subset of social skills).
I personally refuse to sleep with girls whom I would be ashamed to impregnate on a Darwinian level... which includes girls with less than ~115 IQ (e.g. girls who couldn't have gone to college if they wanted to). I prefer women who are more intellectual (hell, one of the ladyfriends in my rotation is finishing up her PhD thesis). Despite both of those, though, I find that game is very useful, though obviously it's necessary to understand the core concept behind seduction teachings so that you can adapt it to the situation.
For example, "nice hair, is it real?" is obviously useless if you're gaming a chick in your advanced Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. That's because the type of girl in that class doesn't really care about her hair. But by understanding the concept behind the line, instead of merely knowing the line itself, you would say "nice arm bar, is that your only submission move?" to similar effect. The concept behind this is to tease and challenge someone who might assume they're better than you, and in doing so put you on equal footing.
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote:I wanted to know what pickup was about, when I ask question I get told nah that's not it. Enlighten me.
Replace "pickup" with "social skills" or "attraction building skills", and you might understand it better.
Finally the other guy who posted the link about the reasons why men loathe/love women, you need to re-read the whole thing man. You totally misunderstood it. The article is a humourous attempt at highlighting how warped men's thinking still is in this day and age. The guy is saying we need to come away from feeling we need to have a hot girlfriend to be someone ... and you're posting it in support of a cause that aims at finding a hot woman on your arm even if you're a uber-geek on the inside? We're led to believe we deserve and need to have a hot woman and if for whatever reason we don't it's a source of frustration. Written in mockery or not, it's pretty spot on and describes how most straight guys feel at times.
You misunderstand. I don't post the article in "support of a cause that aims at finding a hot woman on your arm even if you're a uber-geek on the inside." I posted the article because it's fundamentally fucking retarded to view a hot girlfriend as a "reward" for having a career. Perhaps you should reread the article.
It's ridiculous to view women as some sort of object that you deserve to have simply because you happened to have a career (just like most normal american citizens, CONGRATULATIONS!) Women are autonomous beings, and they are capable of choosing their own mates, rather than being delivered to you as a reward
Replace "pickup" with "social skills" or "attraction building skills", and you might understand it better.
I'm inclined to ask...so what's it all for? If I as a physician could prescribe a pill that gave instant balls, wouldn't that serve a similar purpose as all the pickup theory does? Maybe I have a extremely simplified understand of this but when you first meet a woman your age that you view as a potential partner of sorts... you check each other out, if she finds you physically attractive she will talk to you in a certain way (obviously you already find her physically attractive otherwise you wouldn't approach..be looking at her etc), if you both click and entertain each other it'll eventually lead somewhere. That initial approach just takes balls. I assume everyone does this - once you have an intimate relationship with someone ... at least eventually you discuss your first encounter and ask the woman why she reacted in the way she did to you. No one's ever said to me it was cause you talked about this this and that or knew about... it's "i thought you were cute/you were hilarious or witty and confident, or more over some sort of inexplicable attraction.
In my book what makes one attractive is being happy, having a good time, feeling healthy and sexy, confident and being a bit ballsy. Just seems more plausible for me to focus on these things rather than on seduction... how to speak to women and cold approach. Learn to please yourself before you please others. So indeed crudely speaking... masturbation is part of self improvement. Then again if you grew up just being hopeless at talking to girls...yeah you need to practice. But I doubt that is the case for most doing PUA. There must be some kind of underlying narcicist need for admiration from females that is stronger with some than with others for them to turn it into a pastime or skill.
On March 30 2012 17:05 SeXyBaCk wrote: In my book what makes one attractive is being happy, having a good time, feeling healthy and sexy, confident and being a bit ballsy. Just seems more plausible for me to focus on these things rather than on seduction... how to speak to women and cold approach.
Well in this case, your uncomprehension is largely rooted in ignorance. The first sentence IS what a lot of PUA teaches people...
The second sentence is refining the attributes you picked up in the first part.
Look, if you still dont get what pick up is for, it might be time to move along to another thread like the funny picture one. Pick up isn't for everyone. The last thing I want is a buncha wannabe PUAs creeping all the girls in the club and raising all their shields.
Well in this case, your uncomprehension is largely rooted in ignorance. The first sentence IS what a lot of PUA teaches people...
That was my point exactly. Pickup is what you (should) have known all along. So it just leaves a few people who don't or can't get a decent job prying on insecure men with anxiety issues trying to make a quick buck by selling ebooks and online courses, selling a scam as self-help. That's corporate america for ya I guess. At least the AA is non-profit. I can see pro's in it that it might set guys with serious anxiety issues on the right track, for everything else you're better of seeking therapy, getting a personal trainer and so forth.
As long as you're aware of what you're doing, not neglecting all your real friends and family, not surrounding yourself exclusively by other emotional wrecks who draw all their self-worth from receiving superficial female attention you should be alright. Don't let life pass you by, you're young only once.
On March 30 2012 17:05 SeXyBaCk wrote: Maybe I have a extremely simplified understand of this but when you first meet a woman your age that you view as a potential partner of sorts... you check each other out, if she finds you physically attractive she will talk to you in a certain way (obviously you already find her physically attractive otherwise you wouldn't approach..be looking at her etc), if you both click and entertain each other it'll eventually lead somewhere.
You fundamentally misunderstand a critical aspect of sexual attraction: most guys are sexually attracted to women primarily due to looks, but the reverse is not true.
The vast majority of heterosexual women are sexually attracted to confident, socially-skilled, dominant men of higher social status. These qualities are even more important than looks and money (though looks and money can of course contribute to the qualities in the first sentence).
Since the aforementioned qualities can be developed/learned, the purpose of pickup is to help guys to develop/learn them.
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote: That initial approach just takes balls.
It takes more than balls to successfully approach. It takes skills, skills that some people develop gradually as they grow up and some people instead need to learn, and that can be refined regardless.
This is particularly true for women who are more selective (i.e. more attractive women have higher standards in approaches).
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote: No one's ever said to me it was cause you talked about this this and that or knew about... it's "i thought you were cute/you were hilarious or witty and confident, or more over some sort of inexplicable attraction.
Most people (male or female) can't/won't tell you what they're actually attracted to. Academic study after academic study has shown that most people are dishonest or at least ignorant of what they find sexually attractive.
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote: In my book what makes one attractive is being happy, having a good time, feeling healthy and sexy, confident and being a bit ballsy.
Your book is based on nothing but anecdotal experience, whereas mine is based on academic studies of psychology, sociology, and economics, as well as the very substantial experiences of the seduction community (including my own).
On March 30 2012 01:19 SeXyBaCk wrote: But I doubt that is the case for most doing PUA. There must be some kind of underlying narcicist need for admiration from females that is stronger with some than with others for them to turn it into a pastime or skill.
You don't know anything about the seduction community. All you have are your pre-concieved judgmental assumptions.
Funny, I am in San Francisco. Hit up some bars on Polk and Bush street. After I got out, there was Jeffy from RSD and his crew. Chicks from SF are weird. Most of them are not hot, I would have to say southern California is way better.
So, I turned 21 last week and I've been clubbing downtown a few times this week during my spring break. Now one question: how the hell is anyone supposed to talk when it's so fucking loud in downtown clubs (at least in my city)? XD Like communication was literally a girl screaming in my ear and barely hearing her, and vice versa. hehe
One thing I noticed straight up was that nearly everyone there just dances with who they came with. This worried me a bit. Except for one time, I went alone (because people I asked have clubophobia I think lol). I was a bit nervous the first time going downtown, but then I walked in and noticed most of the girls in there aren't intimidating dropdead beauties (most weren't even that great at all lol) and the music was nice and I felt fine. Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to dance alone, so I tried my confidence and went and danced with random girls / groups of girls. Most were down with it, so I guess that's a good thing. The ones who kinda just moved away, I don't know whether it was because they had a problem with me or they were uncomfortable with new people, or if it's a bit of both. I can't read them that well. :S
Umm, I won't go into post-clubbing details despite it would probably be more relevant to this thread, but I will say that the last week has been pretty reassuring of my confidence by virtue of literally approaching and dancing with random ladies (and a little talking when the music wasn't ear-bursting loud) the whole time I was in a club, and that the anti-social univ. I've been going to hasn't had so bad an effect on me hahaha. Not to forget that yeah, it was a hell of a lot of fun. This thread has its lulz, but I'd like to think squattin (and other people, mostly irl) has been a positive motivator.
On April 02 2012 04:03 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:Now one question: how the hell is anyone supposed to talk when it's so fucking loud in downtown clubs (at least in my city)?
If your night game depends a lot on your verbal skills (e.g. you're not a dancer, aren't unusually good-looking, etc), then you're going to want to carefully select your clubs to find ones which have some quieter spots. Clubs which identify as "lounges" with dance floors, as well as clubs where there's at least one bar some distance away from the dance floor, are a good bet. Also, depending on the layout of your scene, you may alternatively consider approaching chicks in bars and then changing venues to a nearby club once you've established interest and rapport (helps here to befriend club staff and/or have table service so you can get in smoothly).
Additionally, it may help to learn how to project your voice properly (look it up on Google). Having a confident voice which cuts through the noise also has the side benefit of being a DHV. Of course, this won't help with hearing the girl better, but that has the benefit of allowing you to encourage her to get closer so that you can hear her better (easy compliance test, opportunity to display dominant body language by not leaning forward, and kino potential). You could concievably learn how to read lips too, but that seems excessive.
Haha maybe I'm just slow, but I realised PUA has nothing to do with maintaining a relationship - both set of skills are invaluable and one must strive to learn both --
This might be offtopic, but hey I would love some help. I just broke up with my gf (which I might/might not have used PUA to get with) but anyhow, her biggest complaint was that a) i didnt spend enough time (i did call every other day, and maybe hung out twice/thrice a week) and b) her biggest hangup was that early on in the relationship, I did not introduce her as my girlfriend to my friends.
Do you guys think I really did commit a dealbreaker? also, how much contact between bf/gf is enough/too much, or how do you ask the girl or gauge her level of comfort for the amount of contact required?
Well, I might as well ask this too. According to PUA (and my personal belief somewhat) is that you should never call your ex to be "friends". However, this might be akin to burning your bridges. What do you guys think? Call or not to call? How long after your breakup would be a good time to call, not to appear too needy?
Any tips on dealing with girls who are slow to warm up? I'm kinda used to seeing pretty obvious signs when a girls really into me. They tend to get very physical very fast. But this new chick is very subtle about expressing her interest. She laughs a lot during conversations, plays with her hair etc. but doesn't really respond to kino. It almost feels like she really hates to be seen doing anything like that in public.
Still I managed to keep going for more subtle kino, legs touching, accidents, hand on arm etc. she didn't really respond negatively to that so I guess that's something. Also she talks a LOT and I'm definitely the one keeping eye contact more, she doesn't keep eye contact so much. Shyness perhaps? She's asked me where, I live and do I live alone about 3 times, which is a pretty obvious positive sign, but I haven't moved out yet so fml. I just gotta try take it to her place.
2nd date coming up soon, really gotta up my game and try to go for the kiss, all I got was a passionate hug last time. Logistics were all over the place and going from isolation of a bar to a bunch of friends in a club wasn't really the greatest move, but it was the only chance to meet her during that week. We both have pretty full timetables and I never want to lose a girl again to something as dumb as not setting up a date fast enough. I could really feel the effect her friends were having on her in the club, but luckily she never left my side, even if it did bother her.
Conversation went pretty smoothly and I could feel rapport building up. Stuff like making statements instead of asking questions came off really naturally (I guess all that material reading did do something lol).
@bloopie That wasn't probably the actual reason, but the real reason is something close to that. She probably just felt that you didn't care about her even when you called her or hanged out a few times per week. If you've both decided to have a relationship by practically saying it out loud, then you should've probably introduced her as your girlfriend. Otherwise it's a bit tricky and really depends on how long you 2 have been dating.
I'll be giving a talk for CasanovaCrew on May 6 if you guys are in the LA area. My handle is "Enthalpy". I'm just volunteering to present, I don't get paid or anything.
EPT![[image loading]](http://www.casanovacrew.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/newbloodbanner.jpg)
