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Australia3818 Posts
This will be hard to take in, but we can only learn.
Now if you don't already play Protoss, don't worry...it's not really hard to adapt to an entirely different race. Especially when all you have to do is to build a gateway, then a forge and finally photon cannons.
Here is a typical game plan:
First few minutes:
- Move workers, that start next to your big building, (Nexess)
to the mineral patches, which are blue and are near your Nexess.
After 2-3 minutes:
- If you have not got all workers mining yet, just click on them and make them mine. If you look in the top left wait top right, you'll see a thing like this: 4/10 with a symbol next to it. This means you have 4 guys and 10 population in which to fill. (If I am being too technical PM me and I'll explain further.)
Just click with your left mouse button on your Nexcuss, then click 5 times on your little 'Probe' icon...which is the name of your worker unit.
This'll stack 5 up for production, and soon you will have 5 more...thus increasing productivity. So just wait it out and then make them go for more minerals.
After 7-8 minutes:
- You'll have around 600 minerals or more by now, so build a pylong so you get more population, (again, PM if you need a further explanation) then build a gateway next to it in it's blue aura (you can check where it is by left clicking your pylong).
Then after that, build a forge...then comes the best part. If you look at your building chart in the bottom right...you can see the mighty 'Photon Cannon'.
Now you can proceed to build lots of pylongs in symmetrical patterns. Then in the spaces put lots of photon cannons.
After 20 minutes:
Since the rules now state that both of you can move out and attack, you'll be sitting at your base laughing at what your opponent is about to encounter.
Note: If your opponent attacks before this point he/she is obviously a) hacking b) cheating c) forfeiting the game advertently. In the case of this happening, proceed to spam 'HACKER', 'CHEATER', 'NR 20 YOU FAG.' This of course illustrates your deftness and ability to handle situations. Show him your base and say...'GIVEN 10 TO 15 MORE MINUTES YOU WOULD SO BE DEAD'.
Yank the cord out of your router/modem or simply build pylons in remote corners of the map, so you can prolong the ordeal and show the hacker just what he's up against. You can also use this as a chance to get some more FAG's in.
20 minutes +:
Watch as your opponent loses guy after guy after guy, he has nowhere to land his shuttles...he has no possible way of getting even close to the cannons (Photon has the highest range of any unit in Starcraft).
Now all you have to do is wait for them to give up...usually (from my experience) people will usually send their last messages like this:
"Wow, great play, where did you learn that?"
or
"*Bows down* You truly are the master, and I am but your feeble opponent."
or
"I've never felt such pain inside, please accept my apologies for even joining your game."
Several different variations of this strategy, involve making 55 workers in a row and then getting photon cannons. You must remember to edit the map and set mineral patches to have 50000 instead of the strangely chosen '1500' which seems to be the normal.
Or I have discovered a type of map which favours this strategy. 'Fastest Map Ever' and many such alternate names/maps with this description.
They are the fastest maps ever built, so obviously you're going to need to do some training to keep up. I've been told from a reliable source, that progamers train on these maps to increase their skill, and then they take back what they have learned from these maps and incorporate them into slower maps...what I like to call 'Newb maps'.
Such maps would be 'Luna', 'Lost Temple', 'Dahlia', 'Arcadia' , 'Peaks of Baekdu'. 'Tau Cross' and so on and so forth.
Any map which has 'clutter' or what I like to call 'shit' on it isn't a real map, it's just a poxy map designed by Blizzard or other people too stupid to realise that the faster you are the better you are.
Avoid these maps as they'll only decrease your overall skill.
Please, use this tactic wisely...I'm sure I'll see some of you emerging on the pro-scene soon (thank me later) and I look forward to seeing my world-beating tactic in play.
[The reason I have not gone pro, is because I prefer to keep my ID anonymous as I have too many enemies who have been bested by my tactic. Watch out for; DragonSlayur[Ca], TOXICSK8TERLOL, MissPiggy, Vzzdak & PETROLSNIFFPOWER. They are mean bastards who will stop at nothing to turn your life into a tempest of shit.]
Look, before anyone steps out and says "Hey look at this...Smurg deserves a monetary donation, or a medal...at least something for fucks sake! Look at what he's done for the community!", let me say this:
I'll stem this at the flow...please, I don't want your money...buy me a drink sometime. I don't want a medal, I just want everyone to realise that there are some tactics that elevate the level of the game to a higher level. A different plane which is seldom reached.
As someone who has reached that level...I just want to share, as I am more enlightened now than ever before.
People regularly come up to me on the street and say..."You...you are the best." I think nothing of it and tell them..."Look, one day you can be the best...maybe not quite as 'the best' as I am...but still very good."
Enjoy this, as defining a moment it is...remember. Knowledge is power, but with great power comes great responsibility. I beseech you to be careful with what you now know.
Adieu my friends...adieu.
That is a screen shot of the "The Final Solution".
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This is a joke right? It's still November
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this is hilarious, you deserve a razzie ;P
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:32 Loveletter wrote:
This is a joke right? It's still November
Please, do not regard what I have posted as a joke...I know you may be at first overwhelmed by the strategy...and all your body can resort to is crumbling mentally and physically. Your emotions are askew...and all you can do is laugh...
This happened to me when I stumbled upon the mighty secret...but be strong friend, you will soon develop a tolerance for greatness and be able to harness it...and unleash the raw power in a battalion of blue heavenly balls.
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On November 26 2006 14:39 In)Spire wrote:
Dude wtf..... this strat suxxors. Ull NEVER USE THIS ON A PRO MAP AND WIN unless ur playing a nooby. This *MIGHT* work on island maps, but not against good players, and like i said b4, it might work against a nooby.
uhhh i tried this strategy today, and guess what? 5-0
that's right bitch.
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16971 Posts
When I clicked on this thread, I was hoping to learn about Hitler's Final Solution to solve the Jewish Problem. I was deeply disappointed 
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
this is like purepwnage1 lolz
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the staff icon ruins the best parts of your posts, Smurg. The morons who don't catch on.
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Vatican City State1176 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:32 Loveletter wrote:
This is a joke right? It's still November
lol joking? how dare you? that's the ultimate strategy , respect smurg's skill and try his strategy;
even though it's hard play of and timing is soooo important, you'll need about 23094813458234905 hours of training this strat; and don't even bother to look at these weird races (how are they called...zergs and hm...terrons...nope terrans), they suck...not cannons => no instant win, and they don't have carrier omfg...everybody who disagrees just pm and I'll beat the shit out of you noobs which this perfect strategy, also known as the royal strategy
only true Kings of Starcraft have got the skill to pull this strategy of
smurg = Lord of War
CoralReefer = the one and only emporer of the royal strategy
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Sweet! I think you could have been more subtle though, such as not putting the pic at the very top of the thread so as to let the awesomeness of your strat gradually dawn to people as they read on, rather than being overwhelmed as of now.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:43 Empyrean wrote:When I clicked on this thread, I was hoping to learn about Hitler's Final Solution to solve the Jewish Problem. I was deeply disappointed
ditto
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:39 In)Spire wrote:
Dude wtf..... this strat suxxors. Ull NEVER USE THIS ON A PRO MAP AND WIN unless ur playing a nooby. This *MIGHT* work on island maps, but not against good players, and like i said b4, it might work against a nooby.
Indeed, I would take heed of this if I accepted advice from such lowbrow user and amateur Starcraft player.
I am sick of attitudes like this, I present so much yet get scorned because some people can't get their heads around such a strategy...
But, I had been expecting it, it always hurts when your brain-child is insulted. I forgive you son.
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:52 cichli wrote:
Sweet! I think you could have been more subtle though, such as not putting the pic at the very top of the thread so as to let the awesomeness of your strat gradually dawn to people as they read on, rather than being overwhelmed as of now.
Ah, I will take your advice, people aren't prepared for the shock...they must slowly let their brains matriculate into the place of learning that is this strategy.
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Wait hold on, there's several numbers up in the right corner of my screen and I don't know how to use fractions so I normally ignore that one. Is there an easier way to deal with this supply issue? My next problem is being attacked before the 20 minute mark by a hacker. I call him a homosexual but then he just makes fun of my mom. What should I do?
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 15:16 EAGER-beaver wrote:
Wait hold on, there's several numbers up in the right corner of my screen and I don't know how to use fractions so I normally ignore that one. Is there an easier way to deal with this supply issue? My next problem is being attacked before the 20 minute mark by a hacker. I call him a homosexual but then he just makes fun of my mom. What should I do?
The easiest way to deal with supply, is to wait until your minerals go into four figures...this is what I call 'trail-blazing'. Then you can get a probe to make say 10 pylons...then don't even bother looking up at the top right, you'll have enough supply to last you for the rest of the game. But in the extreme case you need more, just repeat this again.
He is attacking before the 20 minute mark? I see this happening a lot...and although it is to BW what statutory rape is to society it cannot be avoided sometimes.
Call his father an insecure moron who has obviously regularly fellated him at a young age. Then proceed to say that you hope he dies in a vehicular related accident. That should quell his dirty hacking mouth.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
I was going to post some "final solution" pic to attempt to be funny, but they were all too offensive so I decided against it...
so instead, here's a pic of the San Diego Naval base
tehehehehhehee
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Hahahaha thanks Smurg
I must try out this "ultimate strategy"
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United States7166 Posts
i tried this strategy exactly like you described but at 30:00 mark i see that my opponent has copied my strategy exactly.... WHAT DO I DO HELP it's been over 2 hours now and game still going on, plz help me defeat this copycat hacker
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I don't find it funny at all.... maybe if u try to explain where is the lame joke hidden?
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hahaha best strategy ever
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 26 2006 15:35 Raist wrote:
i tried this strategy exactly like you described but at 30:00 mark i see that my opponent has copied my strategy exactly.... WHAT DO I DO HELP it's been over 2 hours now and game still going on, plz help me defeat this copycat hacker
ahahahaha awesome~
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 15:35 Raist wrote:
i tried this strategy exactly like you described but at 30:00 mark i see that my opponent has copied my strategy exactly.... WHAT DO I DO HELP it's been over 2 hours now and game still going on, plz help me defeat this copycat hacker
Hah, this situation hasn't cropped up much because obviously no one has ever used this strategy except for me before this time.
I must think with haste...
My friend, there is only one thing you can do...build more photons. Quickly! This comes down to personal skill! Soon your photons will touch his and holy war shall be unleashed against the sacred soils! This is where your training is imperative...build like ye have never built before!
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United States4467 Posts
On November 26 2006 14:37 Smurg wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2006 14:32 Loveletter wrote:
This is a joke right? It's still November Please, do not regard what I have posted as a joke...I know you may be at first overwhelmed by the strategy...and all your body can resort to is crumbling mentally and physically. Your emotions are askew...and all you can do is laugh... This happened to me when I stumbled upon the mighty secret...but be strong friend, you will soon develop a tolerance for greatness and be able to harness it...and unleash the raw power in a battalion of blue heavenly balls.
GOLD
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Netherlands19133 Posts
Smurg why set yourself up for your own liquidscoop nomination while you're LS staff already!
and unleash the raw power in a battalion of blue heavenly balls.
Cracked me up so bad hahaha.
i tried this strategy exactly like you described but at 30:00 mark i see that my opponent has copied my strategy exactly.... WHAT DO I DO HELP it's been over 2 hours now and game still going on, plz help me defeat this copycat hacker
hahaha, gold :D
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 26 2006 17:15 CultureMisfits wrote:
hahahahaha funnny... not
The word 'not' doesn't change the fact you just said the word 'ha' five times prior. You're just sour because you get beaten by this strategy on a regular basis.
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Dear god, brilliant. How long has it taken you to amass so much knowledge Smurg? The cannons, the arbiters, the probes, genius!
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SMURG YOU ARE TOO GOSU FOR ALL OF TL... 
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so this strategy is why nal_ra is so gosu
very informative and helpful post, i might switch races to protoss because of this
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Smurg can you help?! My hacker opponent made a tank and I can't attack him with my cannons!! Doesn't cannon have the largest range? Is he hacking?! T_T
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Aww, man, boxer is history now
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Rofl i apologize for my earlier comment 
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I think this would lose to a well timed Pod.
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Sticky this strat. I will try this when I get back home
Edit: This strat is awesome. I ahd a little trouble initially getting the amount of probes up to par but I think I got it now.
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I should switch to protoss now =)
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nvm someone already wrote what i was thinking
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Poll: Did you find this thread funny?
(Vote): Hell yes!
(Vote): I guess.
(Vote): Not at all.
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This strategy is moot and subject to ridicule.
It's ludicrous.
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This is the strategy one of my friends swears by... He also plays nothing but BGH and Fastest...Surprised? o_O
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"Hell yes!", its fucking gold.
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On November 26 2006 15:21 Smurg wrote:
Call his father an insecure moron who has obviously regularly fellated him at a young age. Then proceed to say that you hope he dies in a vehicular related accident. That should quell his dirty hacking mouth.
haha
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rofl...
laughing at the people who don't get it is even funnier. =D
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reminds me of some guy in the dota-allstars forum who did a ultra hilarious strat guide on using a particular hero (or unit as we call it) are you that same guy? if you are, well kudos my fren, u have a hilarious way of thinking up such things! hahaha
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so the maps i was playing when i was 11 yrs old was actually pro?
dammit ive been FOOLED into thinking the noob clutter maps need skill.
oh and damn that video of people playing on ZERO CLUTTER FASTEST is the best. ever.
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Australia3818 Posts
Not funny.
Stupid shit, you're trying to make 'photon cannon mass' a real tactic...it's retarded, you're just 'trying' to be funny.
Stop doing that shit man, because then we are obliged to read it and make posts like this...you fucking idiot.
How could anyone be so retarded? Satire/sarcasm is just low, this is the strategy section not the 'general section' where you can unleash your retarded posts furiously...just stay out of here. Don't even bother coming back, unless you have something important to say...variety isn't the spice of life, let's just keep it serious, this is BW you forget it's serious business...cunt.
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On November 26 2006 16:08 Smurg wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2006 15:35 Raist wrote:
i tried this strategy exactly like you described but at 30:00 mark i see that my opponent has copied my strategy exactly.... WHAT DO I DO HELP it's been over 2 hours now and game still going on, plz help me defeat this copycat hacker Hah, this situation hasn't cropped up much because obviously no one has ever used this strategy except for me before this time. I must think with haste... My friend, there is only one thing you can do...build more photons. Quickly! This comes down to personal skill! Soon your photons will touch his and holy war shall be unleashed against the sacred soils! This is where your training is imperative...build like ye have never built before!
Bring 50-100 probes and patrol at their borders(don't run in) to help absorb fire while you build and creep more cannons & pylons towards his territory. Don't forget to replenish back your probe numbers.
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On November 27 2006 05:00 KTEC4u wrote:
reminds me of some guy in the dota-allstars forum who did a ultra hilarious strat guide on using a particular hero (or unit as we call it) are you that same guy? if you are, well kudos my fren, u have a hilarious way of thinking up such things! hahaha
What hero and what guy?
OMGSAOWNSUGGNOOBZZZ
>_>
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pretty lame joke if you ask me
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*applauds*
*gives Smurg a hug*
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I just wasted ten minutes.
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If you don't see how funny this is, you are a noob.
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Smurg, what if you are not protoss? Is there any way to come close to the ultimate strat with terran or zerg, and if there is, could you enlighten us?
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
On November 27 2006 07:05 Smurg wrote:
Not funny.
Stupid shit, you're trying to make 'photon cannon mass' a real tactic...it's retarded, you're just 'trying' to be funny.
Stop doing that shit man, because then we are obliged to read it and make posts like this...you fucking idiot.
How could anyone be so retarded? Satire/sarcasm is just low, this is the strategy section not the 'general section' where you can unleash your retarded posts furiously...just stay out of here. Don't even bother coming back, unless you have something important to say...variety isn't the spice of life, let's just keep it serious, this is BW you forget it's serious business...cunt.
loool
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On November 27 2006 08:02 KovacsFlorian wrote:
If you don't see how funny this is, you are a noob.
Or you just don't find contrived and overdone humor funny. The addition of anachronistic English and many "big" words for no purpose didn't help either.
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On November 27 2006 07:46 Prose wrote:
I just wasted ten minutes.
You sir are the biggest scrub on TL for reading the whole thing for 10 minutes. I realized it was a joke strat after the first line, and it was hilarious.
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It's pretty obvious from the thread title.
I thought it was pretty funny.
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hmm, this strat might be really good!
But I wonder how it fares against teh gas rush?
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really you cant blame me for thinking of nazis when you make a thread called the final solution.
my thought process:
final solution --> hitler --> nazis --> indiana jones --> ghosts --> nazis --> slayer
therefore, this thread helped me to remember a beautiful poem which i hope you will enjoy:
The Final Command
by Kerry King
http://www.goear.com/listen.php?v=1f16e62
note the powerful symbolism and violence apparent throughout the poem. lines such as "Turning all hopes of life into sand" and "Machine gun fire, blood level higher" show the violence and horror of the second world war in terrifying detail. the unreal speed and power of the german army is captured in lines such as "Born with the power of God in his hand" and "Awaiting our victory ending his dream."
it makes me smile and sing along every time i hear it. oh sure you can say slayer isnt very good at singing or playing instruments, but you have to admit theyre badass and can play fast as hell.
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Australia3818 Posts
On November 27 2006 08:04 Artanis[Xp] wrote:
Smurg, what if you are not protoss? Is there any way to come close to the ultimate strat with terran or zerg, and if there is, could you enlighten us?
No.
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I wasnt sure what to expect while I was reading that post. Was this originall posted for a newb or something? Big building, blue aura, etc. Also, what map is that? Is this only for that one map?
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haha that's awesome GW smurg
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On November 27 2006 08:16 DarK]N[exuS wrote:
Or you just don't find contrived and overdone humor funny. The addition of anachronistic English and many "big" words for no purpose didn't help either.
lol you just said anachronistic English and big words... stfu.
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On November 27 2006 08:16 DarK]N[exuS wrote:Show nested quote +On November 27 2006 08:02 KovacsFlorian wrote:
If you don't see how funny this is, you are a noob. Or you just don't find contrived and overdone humor funny. The addition of anachronistic English and many "big" words for no purpose didn't help either.
Nice, you used anachronistic in a 1 line flame criticizing Smurg for using "big words."
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I got it from the first line. Wasn't funny.
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I used this strategy vs my korean cousin and he owned me with a drone rush.
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HonestTea
5007 Posts
Smurg, I would like to kiss you.
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no more drugs for smurg ! ^^
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Why do you waste your time making a post like that?
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On November 27 2006 04:35 LeoTheLion wrote:
rofl...
laughing at the people who don't get it is even funnier. =D
There is a difference between not getting it and not finding it fun.
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Cayman Islands24199 Posts
you forgot to mention that true pros play on maps in which space-time has been modified by the mighty Pr0-toss to enable building multiple photons on one square thing on the map. Also, true gosu maps have square lands, not the weird triangular shit that is a clear demonstration of the logical inferiority of the noneuclidean mind.
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On November 26 2006 14:49 Sadir wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2006 14:32 Loveletter wrote:
This is a joke right? It's still November lol joking? how dare you? that's the ultimate strategy , respect smurg's skill and try his strategy; even though it's hard play of and timing is soooo important, you'll need about 23094813458234905 hours of training this strat; and don't even bother to look at these weird races (how are they....
hahaha,timings so important-that cracked me up :D
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
On November 27 2006 10:57 Cascade wrote:
hmm, this strat might be really good!
But I wonder how it fares against teh gas rush?
fucking newb gas rush doesn't work on fastest he has to take ten of your geysers
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ajahahahahhaha... 10 gas rush.
Fuckin art.
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On November 27 2006 17:30 Myxomatosis wrote:Show nested quote +On November 27 2006 08:16 DarK]N[exuS wrote:On November 27 2006 08:02 KovacsFlorian wrote:
If you don't see how funny this is, you are a noob. Or you just don't find contrived and overdone humor funny. The addition of anachronistic English and many "big" words for no purpose didn't help either. Nice, you used anachronistic in a 1 line flame criticizing Smurg for using "big words."
I wasn't trying to be funny. Nor was my use of the word anachronistic for "no purpose." Thus, as I said the use of "big words" and "anachronistic English" was useless as a way to facilitate humor, my using them in my in-no-way humorous reply was not contradictory. Read what you're flaming first. And I'm entitled to my opinion, that being that this thread wasn't funny. Given that many found it funny, one would think that you'd be satisfied with that and not try to antagonize me. However in your sycophantic zeal you seem to have purposely attempted to pick a fight with me.
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On November 27 2006 17:30 Myxomatosis wrote:Show nested quote +On November 27 2006 08:16 DarK]N[exuS wrote:On November 27 2006 08:02 KovacsFlorian wrote:
If you don't see how funny this is, you are a noob. Or you just don't find contrived and overdone humor funny. The addition of anachronistic English and many "big" words for no purpose didn't help either. Nice, you used anachronistic in a 1 line flame criticizing Smurg for using "big words."
He wasn't criticizing for the use of "big words." He just didnt find it funny..
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If you are indeed the one who destroyed me with this strategy, I commend you. I hold no grudge against you as this whole experience has thought me to be a better man.
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On November 28 2006 02:39 Vzzdak wrote:
If you are indeed the one who destroyed me with this strategy, I commend you. I hold no grudge against you as this whole experience has taught me to be a better man.
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On November 28 2006 01:14 intrigue wrote:Show nested quote +On November 27 2006 10:57 Cascade wrote:
hmm, this strat might be really good!
But I wonder how it fares against teh gas rush? fucking newb gas rush doesn't work on fastest he has to take ten of your geysers
ahaha, that'd be great stealing 10 gases!
But what I was refering to was the 1337 zerg strat where you use the first 50 minerals to build an extractor, and the other 3 drones to mine gas. Principle is along the lines that when the other guy scouts you, he will think
"wtf, no way I can fight a zerg with that much gas!!!111one alt q q"
But as the ultimate pylong+cannon build doesn't involve scouting, that probably wouldn't work. 
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Australia3818 Posts
Don't need scouting...it doesn't matter where they are...it just doesn't matter.
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i'm ready to pwn testie, midian, incontrol, etc. now. -thx for gosu stratzzz
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dude, wtf is with all the "not funny, cuz im cool" posts?
this is the ultimate STFU NOOB response to all this "money map is skilled based" bullshit thats been floating around for far far too long.
smurg, if there were a god or a real religion, you would be it. keep it up and keep it comin.
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On November 29 2006 03:59 pyrogenetix wrote:
dude, wtf is with all the "not funny, cuz im cool" posts?
wtf you are talking about ???
I don't find it funny not because i'm cool (actually i'm the coolest and most awesome guy ever =p) but because i don't find it funny.
If you still don't understand then read my response once again and v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.
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Yeah I bet he even didn't spent more than 5 minutes of thinking about this, cos last time I was on the toilet I made same pile of crap in that amount of time...
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On November 29 2006 03:59 pyrogenetix wrote:
dude, wtf is with all the "not funny, cuz im cool" posts?
this is the ultimate STFU NOOB response to all this "money map is skilled based" bullshit thats been floating around for far far too long.
smurg, if there were a god or a real religion, you would be it. keep it up and keep it comin.
And how's it different than "i find it funny, cuz im cool."
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GrandInquisitor
New York City13113 Posts
i like a lot of smurg's posts, but this just isn't funny. i didn't laugh
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Australia3818 Posts
Ugh, enough of this post.
It was made for my own amusement when I was bored.
I don't care if it's funny or not, just let it be now...it's an extended - "CANNON MASS IS THE BEST EVAR LOL!!" and that's all it is.
Shhh and let real strategies come into play.
This is the best strategy ever.
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Lol, awesome strategy.
hilarious thread. thought i'd bump it for new members or people that missed it first time around.
sorry if it was a bad bump
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Two years...
Though it is pretty funny.
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On November 26 2006 14:28 Smurg wrote:
Now all you have to do is wait for them to give up...usually (from my experience) people will usually send their last messages like this:
"Wow, great play, where did you learn that?"
or
"*Bows down* You truly are the master, and I am but your feeble opponent."
or
"I've never felt such pain inside, please accept my apologies for even joining your game."
lol at the 3rd option :O
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I laughed a lot more at the epic bump than at the OP.
Still, pretty funny write-up.
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Oh man I remember this thread
Why is this not a stickied guide
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A+ here I come. By this time next year, I should be royal roading the osl with this strategy. Wait and watch. I can already hear the Korean commentators going crazy.
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Finally, a strategy that actually works.
Suck it SlayerS_Boxer! You are lawl compared to me now!!
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funny how cannons would actually own boxers bunker rush tactics
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omg? THE ORIGINAL DOCUEMENTED STRAT?! This strat was honed by the true elite on bnet melee games forever, I cannot believe i am beholding the original prophet's revelation!
*craps pant*
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This is the funniest thread i have ever seen
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No wonder Teamliquid is #1
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fantastic bump, i havn't seen this thread for years
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
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On November 26 2006 14:43 Empyrean wrote:When I clicked on this thread, I was hoping to learn about Hitler's Final Solution to solve the Jewish Problem. I was deeply disappointed
I hope THIS is a joke.
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Australia3818 Posts
Die pope CHRIS whiz and coke.
Ps. lulz.
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I think this is a bit outdated now, the game has changed a lot in two years. The basic concepts and theory are still applicable but you may want to alter the build a little to suit the more macro favouring play-style of today. For example, queuing up 5 workers has been proven to be inefficient when you can queue 6 or 7 instead.
Also I find it very disappointing that you neglected to mention the importance of high APM. Your strategy mentions building cannons, but those are technically effective actions and do not contribute towards redundant actions. I sincerely hope this oversight is only because such matters are too trivial for a master of the game such as yourself.
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Australia3818 Posts
It does mention APM...the faster you are the better. But yes, I must agree I find it insulting sometimes when people want to talk to me like they can beat the cannon.
But I've hung my cannons up for now, I haven't played a game of Brood War in over a year. I just have too many bitter memories of a time long gone, times when I used to call 'ReignHard' my friend...We were the best of friends, and then the worst of enemies.
I call it the 'great ReignHard incident of 2006'. It was a dark and stormy night, I sat with the flickering monitor light upon my face. Tonight I was blessed with the most stoic of faces you will ever see. Knowing that I had my strategy all sorted out, I knew I wouldn't lose.
ReignHard had suggested the map we play on...it was known as The Hidden Palace...he said to me "Wannsee this map?" I said "I don't need to see the map, I am confident."
Let us just say, that after 23 minutes of play, with my initial troops moving out and my population at a proud 42, I noticed something strange. The mineral patches only had 40000 on them, and not 50000 like they are supposed to. The geysers were maxed out, so in the end...there was just too much gas. The gas aided in the killing of many - it was a travesty.
Needless to say, it took me months to get over this incident, it shook me up so badly that I had to quit professional Broodwar. I still get the shakes today thinking about it.
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On June 10 2008 19:38 Biff The Understudy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2006 14:43 Empyrean wrote:When I clicked on this thread, I was hoping to learn about Hitler's Final Solution to solve the Jewish Problem. I was deeply disappointed I hope THIS is a joke.
Clearly he was looking for this:
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After 20 minutes:
Since the rules now state that both of you can move out and attack,
I laughed so hard at this line.
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On June 10 2008 20:57 Smurg wrote:
It does mention APM...the faster you are the better. But yes, I must agree I find it insulting sometimes when people want to talk to me like they can beat the cannon.
But I've hung my cannons up for now, I haven't played a game of Brood War in over a year. I just have too many bitter memories of a time long gone, times when I used to call 'ReignHard' my friend...We were the best of friends, and then the worst of enemies.
I call it the 'great ReignHard incident of 2006'. It was a dark and stormy night, I sat with the flickering monitor light upon my face. Tonight I was blessed with the most stoic of faces you will ever see. Knowing that I had my strategy all sorted out, I knew I wouldn't lose.
ReignHard had suggested the map we play on...it was known as The Hidden Palace...he said to me "Wannsee this map?" I said "I don't need to see the map, I am confident."
Let us just say, that after 23 minutes of play, with my initial troops moving out and my population at a proud 42, I noticed something strange. The mineral patches only had 40000 on them, and not 50000 like they are supposed to. The geysers were maxed out, so in the end...there was just too much gas. The gas aided in the killing of many - it was a travesty.
Needless to say, it took me months to get over this incident, it shook me up so badly that I had to quit professional Broodwar. I still get the shakes today thinking about it.
Gold
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^ I lol'd. Great guide, btw.
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Great bump. This thread owns ^^ Funny how the guidelines specifically state not to make bumps like this. Watch out, Chill's gonna get you! =P
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Also nice:
How to Win at Starcraft
How to Play Melee On Starcraft:
1. Be Korean. If you aren't already Korean, you can convert by paying the 50 rupee fee.
2. Look through the bargain bins at Walmart or download it illegally from your favorite warez site.
3. Ressurect Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold and tell them that you will make fun of the way the dress if they don't win the match for you and if they dont they FAIL!!!
4. Connect to the internets.
5. Start a game.
6. Pick Zerg
7. Spam Hotkeys like shit to get all warmed up for a wank during, before or after a match
8. Spawn moar Overlords.
9. Harvest moar vespene gas.
10. Infinitely spawn Zerglings and Hydralisks.
11. Or, pick Terran.
12. Spam Hotkeys like shit to get all warmed up for a wank during, before or after a match but moar than usual
13. Watch SlayerS_boxer videos and suck his Korean dick with one hand stuffed down your pants playing with your stub.
14. Micro your SCVs then send them out into the field to sing and pick cotton.
15. Become an Gosu.
16. Avoid playing the Protoss unless you are a homosexual or wish to become one.
17. If you play Protoss you must construct additional pylons!
18. Sit in Public Chat 1 or sex chat and emote with the rest of the fucktards.
19. Play for 50 straight hours
20. Construct additional pylons.
21. ????
22. PROFIT!
How to play UMS on Starcraft:
1. Nigger-rig your CPU to turn on using an old, rusty Phillips screwdriver.
2. Wait 3 hours for your computer to load.
3. Open Starcraft.
4. Go to USEast and spam, "sum1 mak3 a diplo!1!"
5. Wait 3 moar hours for your gamelist to populate.
6. Fail to join games because of high latency.
7. Finally, you enter the game lobby.
8. Wait 2 moar hours for people to d/l the map.
9. Spam "gogogoggogogo" for 20 minutes until host is back.
10. Continuing spamming even after game is about to start.
11. Ask for mid.
12. Wait 3 hours for the map to max.
13. Mass.
14. Repeat steps 12 & 13 several moar times.
15. Screen turns colors, hit alt+tab
16. Wait for drop-screen to close.
17. Say "gg faggot" when you lose.
18. Save replay to impress people IRL. (not rly, lol)
19. ??????
20. PROFIT!!!1!11!
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Canada7170 Posts
On June 10 2008 10:05 dost wrote:
Lol, awesome strategy.
hilarious thread. thought i'd bump it for new members or people that missed it first time around.
sorry if it was a bad bump
Well done. If you bumped this with "lol", lots of people might get pissed.
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On June 11 2008 06:11 0xDEADBEEF wrote:Also nice: How to Win at StarcraftHow to Play Melee On Starcraft: Show nested quote + 1. Be Korean. If you aren't already Korean, you can convert by paying the 50 rupee fee.
2. Look through the bargain bins at Walmart or download it illegally from your favorite warez site.
3. Ressurect Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold and tell them that you will make fun of the way the dress if they don't win the match for you and if they dont they FAIL!!!
4. Connect to the internets.
5. Start a game.
6. Pick Zerg
7. Spam Hotkeys like shit to get all warmed up for a wank during, before or after a match
8. Spawn moar Overlords.
9. Harvest moar vespene gas.
10. Infinitely spawn Zerglings and Hydralisks.
11. Or, pick Terran.
12. Spam Hotkeys like shit to get all warmed up for a wank during, before or after a match but moar than usual
13. Watch SlayerS_boxer videos and suck his Korean dick with one hand stuffed down your pants playing with your stub.
14. Micro your SCVs then send them out into the field to sing and pick cotton.
15. Become an Gosu.
16. Avoid playing the Protoss unless you are a homosexual or wish to become one.
17. If you play Protoss you must construct additional pylons!
18. Sit in Public Chat 1 or sex chat and emote with the rest of the fucktards.
19. Play for 50 straight hours
20. Construct additional pylons.
21. ????
22. PROFIT! How to play UMS on Starcraft: Show nested quote + 1. Nigger-rig your CPU to turn on using an old, rusty Phillips screwdriver.
2. Wait 3 hours for your computer to load.
3. Open Starcraft.
4. Go to USEast and spam, "sum1 mak3 a diplo!1!"
5. Wait 3 moar hours for your gamelist to populate.
6. Fail to join games because of high latency.
7. Finally, you enter the game lobby.
8. Wait 2 moar hours for people to d/l the map.
9. Spam "gogogoggogogo" for 20 minutes until host is back.
10. Continuing spamming even after game is about to start.
11. Ask for mid.
12. Wait 3 hours for the map to max.
13. Mass.
14. Repeat steps 12 & 13 several moar times.
15. Screen turns colors, hit alt+tab
16. Wait for drop-screen to close.
17. Say "gg faggot" when you lose.
18. Save replay to impress people IRL. (not rly, lol)
19. ??????
20. PROFIT!!!1!11!
JUST ROOOFL!
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The How To Win at Starcraft almost made me piss my pants. Especially the dialogue on page 2.
My gawd that was so funny.
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On June 11 2008 06:23 mikeymoo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 10 2008 10:05 dost wrote:
Lol, awesome strategy.
hilarious thread. thought i'd bump it for new members or people that missed it first time around.
sorry if it was a bad bump Well done. If you bumped this with "lol", lots of people might get pissed.
Yea ill let the cat out of the bag.
I had my friend who doesn't visit TL much bump this thread for me. I figured if it was a shitty bump (not 100% sure on what makes it a 'good bump') he would get the flame and possible tempban instead of me.
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5673 Posts
ROFL. Chill needs to feature this.
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Canada7170 Posts
On June 11 2008 07:55 SnowFantasy wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2008 06:23 mikeymoo wrote:On June 10 2008 10:05 dost wrote:
Lol, awesome strategy.
hilarious thread. thought i'd bump it for new members or people that missed it first time around.
sorry if it was a bad bump Well done. If you bumped this with "lol", lots of people might get pissed. Yea ill let the cat out of the bag. I had my friend who doesn't visit TL much bump this thread for me. I figured if it was a shitty bump (not 100% sure on what makes it a 'good bump') he would get the flame and possible tempban instead of me.
I should have figured the tone was too cautious.
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I had my friend who doesn't visit TL much bump this thread for me. I figured if it was a shitty bump (not 100% sure on what makes it a 'good bump') he would get the flame and possible tempban instead of me.
We've been had!
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On June 11 2008 14:52 mikeymoo wrote:
I should have figured the tone was too cautious.
Here on TL you can never be cautious enough...
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On June 11 2008 15:48 lakrismamma wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2008 14:52 mikeymoo wrote:
I should have figured the tone was too cautious. Here on TL you can never be cautious enough...
That was my reasoning.
So, I have this other thread that would be another lolbump.
Anyone wanna do it for me?
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I'll do it. :D
On the other thread I'll just bump with "SNOWFANTASY MADE ME DO IT"
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Sorry for the bump, but...
Photon cannons are extremely cost effective.
150 min cannon>3 vults
150 min cannon> over 9000 marines/lings/mutas
I also have trouble dealing with scouts
I want to know how to COUNTER this awesome strat
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On June 12 2010 11:10 101toss wrote:
Sorry for the bump, but...
Photon cannons are extremely cost effective.
150 min cannon>3 vults
150 min cannon> over 9000 marines/lings/mutas
I also have trouble dealing with scouts
I want to know how to COUNTER this awesome strat
6 of any unit in the game can kill 1 cannon
1 siege tank can kill infinite amount of cannons
1 guardian properly microed can kill infinite amount of cannons
1 reaver can kill infinite amount of cannons
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Mass carrier/reaver kills this strat lol. Just try this strat vs cpu and u'll lose. mass tank kills it. mass guardian kills it. Also, this was a huge OP of wrongness that the guy knew was wrong. He just felt like being a **** ***.
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i have had many defeats to this and other unholy protoss strategy(like the MOAR NEXESS'SS strategy), i curse you for bringing this knowledge to protoss players everywhere...
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This so-called "ultimate startegy" falls easily to siege tanks with siege mode researched.
(yes I know this is a joke)
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Fenrax
United States5018 Posts
What a waste of time this is. I hope Mods will let the banhammer swing (and hopefully spare me).
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On June 12 2010 12:00 3FFA wrote:
Mass carrier/reaver kills this strat lol. Just try this strat vs cpu and u'll lose. mass tank kills it. mass guardian kills it. Also, this was a huge OP of wrongness that the guy knew was wrong. He just felt like being a **** ***.
I tried it against the computer and I destroyed it
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haha i've never seen this thread
its only moderately amusing, though
after having seen the somethingawful post
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jesus christ what a necropost lol
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On June 14 2010 04:34 Sylph wrote:
This so-called "ultimate startegy" falls easily to siege tanks with siege mode researched.
(yes I know this is a joke)
Just build a pylon and cannon next to the tank.
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Haha where the hell is smurg these days T_T
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Pfff, I knew Protoss was imba.
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This thread will be bumped again in year of 2012, for the great sagaciousness of this strategy cannot be covered by thick fog of ignorance; as the soil of time flows over, the shine of great photon cannon will be visible to the naked eye, the true beacon and light-bearer that shall lead the lost race of Protoss.
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Rumors are that Bisu is using this strategy to make up his new comeback build.
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As a Zerg player i say:
Nerf pylonx plz, diminish their aura.
On the other hand, i know how to play Protoss now, better go practice
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On June 16 2010 05:16 jimminy_kriket wrote:
Haha where the hell is smurg these days T_T
2 pages back.
This strategy is too powerful, so it's banned on IcCup and I think pro-gaming. It also gets boring since you win so much.
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FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
Oh my god, amazing bump.
I hope people don't use that word in here...
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United States10328 Posts
On June 16 2010 15:10 flamewheel wrote:
Oh my god, amazing bump.
I hope people don't use that word in here...
do you mean "metagame" because this strat TRANSCENDS METAGAME
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oh my god this is still so true on USEast that it's amazing
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i've been using this strat since it was first unveiled in 2006 and hvaent lost a single game yet! thanks!!
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wow this is a truly imba strat... dam cannons.. always gets me in pvt
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Nice. One of the first threads I had read when I joined TL. Brings me back some memories.
I wish I could find one in WGT forums where a guy was mentioning his incredible strategy and went something like this:
"Guys, I discovered a fantastic strategy for TvZ in Lost Temple. As soon as the game starts, lift off your command center and head for the island. Use your initial scvs to attack the Zerg. The opponent will try to scout you in all the bases and won't find. While he is confused trying to figure out what happened, you rush to starport and wraiths and catch him off guard. I won several games with this strategy."
then there was a repply:
"In my 5 years of Starcraft, never had I seen a strategy such as this! I have used this gold nugget in all my TvZs, and I found out that the opponent gets so confused that he just leaves the games. Excellent tip. 5/5"
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It's been two years, this is due for a bump.
Also, it's important to note that this strategy is disadvantageous against Terran, supporting the long-held belief that terran is a so-called "imba" race.
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Does any one know if this sweet strat is still viable? I'm thinking of switching to BW.
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United States10328 Posts
On June 20 2012 17:19 Lightwip wrote:
It's been two years, this is due for a bump.
Also, it's important to note that this strategy is disadvantageous against Terran, supporting the long-held belief that terran is a so-called "imba" race.
LOL oh you
(and I think this strat is weakest vs P actually, especially because a wily Protoss opponent can give you a taste of your own medicine! So really P is toi ez)
1a2a3a is a thing of the past! All behold the advent of click b c click click b c click!
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On June 20 2012 23:47 ]343[ wrote:
1a2a3a is a thing of the past! All behold the advent of click b c click click b c click!
Inferior tactics detected.
Truly great protoss will laugh at your pathetic show of weakness for such a foolish mistake.
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United States10328 Posts
On June 21 2012 00:41 Lightwip wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2012 23:47 ]343[ wrote:
1a2a3a is a thing of the past! All behold the advent of click b c click click b c click! Inferior tactics detected. Truly great protoss will laugh at your pathetic show of weakness for such a foolish mistake.
noooo you have to wait for probe #1 to arrive to the cannon spot, so you select a second probe to build another one (otherwise your cannon building is too slow, and your opponent may be able to exploit your lack of cannons!!!)
Though once your probe arrives, you can certainly just b c click b c click b c click with probe #1, and b c click b c click b c click with probe #2.
True gosus have the multitask to build cannons with up to 10 probes at once!!
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ahh but the TRULY great protoss have already positioned their probes for OPTIMAL EFFICIENCY in cannon placing so that they can effortlessly place more than one down within microseconds.
+ Show Spoiler +besides, TRULY great protoss use hotkeys because every click that is not a cannon is a wasted click. CANT BE SO CARELESS
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I have a variation of this build in which I transition into scouts.
But I guess that's not saying much, since all modern strategy transitions out of this.
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I heard that the entire motivation behind developing SC2 in the first place was to nerf the photon cannon so no-one could abuse this build anymore. From a reliable source.
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I struggled against this build so many times but I think I finally got the counter. You do nexus first at 8 supply and then you make cannons around both your bases.
Two bases = 2x more cannons than 1 base. EZ
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United States10328 Posts
On June 21 2012 11:42 littlefighter wrote:
I struggled against this build so many times but I think I finally got the counter. You do nexus first at 8 supply and then you make cannons around both your bases.
Two bases = 2x more cannons than 1 base. EZ
You have to be really careful with the timing here, as he'll have some more probes early; on a map with short rush distance, he might be able to gain an advantage in space here, allowing him to build a large concave of cannons before your economic advantage kicks in!
I find that it isn't until about 30 minutes (well after the no rush agreement ends) that your cannon count finally overtakes that of an opponent using this strategy. But with gosu macro, maybe you can do it faster!!!
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Your pylon, gateway, and forge timing will be significantly set back. Should you be up against a protoss whose probes function at OPTIMAL EFFICIENCY, you will find yourself in quite a bind. However, with clever diplomacy, a NR20 can become a NR30, and the scales are suddenly tipped in your favor.
It's the little things that seperate the best from the best Protoss.
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United States10107 Posts
my build usually involves a faster forge timing to better optimize my cannon timing. there's this really small window where your opponent can try to kill your probes, so i usually open with a 4 pylon into 5 forge to minimize the timing as much as possible.
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GRAND OLD AMERICA16375 Posts
If you know that your opponent is not going to rush, why not just double forge so you double your cannoning?
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I'm a Zerg that's recently been demolished by this tactic, and I've taken a good look over the replay.
It seems the builds biggest weakness is the time between the start of the game, and when the first cannon finishes building.
Is there any way I could exploit that with a timing attack?
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On June 22 2012 10:05 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
I'm a Zerg that's recently been demolished by this tactic, and I've taken a good look over the replay.
It seems the builds biggest weakness is the time between the start of the game, and when the first cannon finishes building.
Is there any way I could exploit that with a timing attack?
Not without cheating because it's NR20.
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United States10107 Posts
On June 22 2012 10:13 Lightwip wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2012 10:05 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
I'm a Zerg that's recently been demolished by this tactic, and I've taken a good look over the replay.
It seems the builds biggest weakness is the time between the start of the game, and when the first cannon finishes building.
Is there any way I could exploit that with a timing attack? Not without cheating because it's NR20.
And if you do cheat then you will be outcasted from the whole of the Brood War community for the rest of your cheating existence.
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On June 20 2012 21:23 BadgKat wrote:
Does any one know if this sweet strat is still viable? I'm thinking of switching to BW.
Yes, this strategy is quite popular, especially among pro-gamers because the range of the photon cannons provides an excellent opportunity to push with static defense. A good game to watch for this is Jangbi vs Turn on Neo-Triathlon.
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Oh god ! I forgot about this !
Even the stove can't beat this strat !
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United States10107 Posts
On June 22 2012 12:27 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2012 21:23 BadgKat wrote:
Does any one know if this sweet strat is still viable? I'm thinking of switching to BW. Yes, this strategy is quite popular, especially among pro-gamers because the range of the photon cannons provides an excellent opportunity to push with static defense. A good game to watch for this is Jangbi vs Turn on Neo-Triathlon.
Does this game even exist?
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On June 23 2012 01:35 FlaShFTW wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2012 12:27 ninazerg wrote:On June 20 2012 21:23 BadgKat wrote:
Does any one know if this sweet strat is still viable? I'm thinking of switching to BW. Yes, this strategy is quite popular, especially among pro-gamers because the range of the photon cannons provides an excellent opportunity to push with static defense. A good game to watch for this is Jangbi vs Turn on Neo-Triathlon. Does this game even exist?
Keep looking, you'll find it.
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United States10107 Posts
On June 23 2012 03:27 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2012 01:35 FlaShFTW wrote:On June 22 2012 12:27 ninazerg wrote:On June 20 2012 21:23 BadgKat wrote:
Does any one know if this sweet strat is still viable? I'm thinking of switching to BW. Yes, this strategy is quite popular, especially among pro-gamers because the range of the photon cannons provides an excellent opportunity to push with static defense. A good game to watch for this is Jangbi vs Turn on Neo-Triathlon. Does this game even exist? Keep looking, you'll find it.
I feel like ive been trolled. -.-''
I actually thought that there was a legit game between them in osl or msl or something xD i hate you ninazerg.
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There is actually a blizzard map where this strategy can be used to rush the under 20min rushers(with no chance of failure). Yeah, thats right. Rush the rushers .
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EPT![[image loading]](http://sysd.org/hybrid/starcraft/the-bridge_strategy_screen3.gif)
![[image loading]](http://www.iwilltryit.com/san%20diego%20naval%20base2.JPG)
![[image loading]](http://www.sfwchan.com/pics/26261149.jpg)
