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I used to be a guy who said fuck bitches and did my own thing. I never really had a 'real' relationship. Then they just started falling all over me and I got caught up in a big 4 year relationship. Long story short I cheated on her once or twice very early in the relationship but stopped, and I found out she had cheated on me more than a few times throughout the entire relationship (after the fact).
I then realized that is not the way to do it. Either hit and quit or commit, no inbetween shit. (yes this all rhymes and sounds stupid as fuck but its the truth). If you don't do this, someone will get hurt (including you).
So anyways. With my last most recent gf (2 relationships later). I got into a debate with her one night about whether or not it is just as bad as cheating if you are dating someone (but not labeled as bf/gf) and still dating/seeing other people. (just to make it clear, dating is doing bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate).. She said that dating multiple people at once is ok and I just couldn't understand how she could think like this. Especially since she said things before like "I'm a one man kind of girl", "You need space between relationships" etc. She ended up lying, and misleading me and dating some other dude while she was dating me and I found out and told her to fuck off. To be honest it's just as much my fault for not making sure she was mine or getting her to commit.
I actually read some women's dating article that said women should always date 3 people at once (but no sex). Which even sounds kind of shitty to me as well.
So the question is. Is it morally just as bad as cheating if you are dating someone and then start dating another person/people. Again, the definition of dating here is: not actually having the label of bf/gf, but doing bf/gf things, calling/texting everyday, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also sex and being intimate.
Poll: Is it similar or equal to cheating to your moral code?Yes (76) 81% No (11) 12% Other (explain please) (7) 7% 94 total votes Your vote: Is it similar or equal to cheating to your moral code? (Vote): Yes
(Vote): No
(Vote): Other (explain please)
+ Show Spoiler [read after you vote] + just for shits and giggles. Did you choose your answer based on the fact that you have done something similar or had something similar happen to you?
  
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dating multiple people at a time is not the same as cheating on a steady relationship
though, there should be at least some level of info about that being shared in regards to intimacy if being promiscuous
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On November 08 2011 16:27 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
dating multiple people at a time is not the same as cheating on a steady relationship
though, there should be at least some level of info about that being shared in regards to intimacy if being promiscuous
Therein, the problem lied for me. I didn't think she was capable of cheating but I forgot that every single person is.
Also, I forgot to mention this girl was my gf from june to august. then we were off and on dating til last week. So where is that in your idea of cheating?
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On November 08 2011 16:29 SpoR wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 16:27 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
dating multiple people at a time is not the same as cheating on a steady relationship
though, there should be at least some level of info about that being shared in regards to intimacy if being promiscuous Therein, the problem lied for me. I didn't think she was capable of cheating but I forgot that every single person is. Also, I forgot to mention this girl was my gf from june to august. then we were off and on dating til last week. So where is that in your idea of cheating?
if she was not your girlfriend, she can date as many guys as she wants IMO
though she should let you know if the legs are spreading
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I'm hardly surprised about the women's dating article, since most of them are full of nonsense.
If the situation had been the other way round - i.e. you were seeing many people, then she would be making a big fuss over it. Hence, you are 100% right. And it is also not your fault because it is implied - if she didn't feel that it was wrong, she wouldn't have been lying about it.
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On November 08 2011 16:33 Azzur wrote:
I'm hardly surprised about the women's dating article, since most of them are full of nonsense.
If the situation had been the other way round - i.e. you were seeing many people, then she would be making a big fuss over it. Hence, you are 100% right. And it is also not your fault because it is implied - if she didn't feel that it was wrong, she wouldn't have been lying about it.
Exactly what I was saying to her slut friend arguing with me on fb. Thank you
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Similar, not equal though.
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On November 08 2011 16:35 DystopiaX wrote:
Similar, not equal though.
So is that a yes vote then? lol
OT but, does anyone ever wish their ex's new bf(s) didn't believe the crap they told them about their past relationships/you. So that you could just talk to the guy man to man and give him the 411 like a hero, instead of him hating you are threatening you or trying to fight you?
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you really just made this blog and waiting for people to agree with you so you can win a facebook argument?
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I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things.
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On November 08 2011 16:37 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
you really just made this blog and waiting for people to agree with you so you can win a facebook argument?
no, I'm not talking to those bitches. I've talked to a number of people (both male and female) on this subject with varying replies so I'm actually curious what the majority thinks now.
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On November 08 2011 16:38 RedJustice wrote:
I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things.
Hmm, so you're basically saying as long as the communication is fantastic and everyone knows the good and the bad its ok even if it's only 1 person doing the dating?
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you're being stupid about this. that's not a label - being in a steady relationship is a mutual agreement of said relationship and to (unless said otherwise) be exclusive in it
dating is dating, dating is not bf/gf
On November 08 2011 16:38 SpoR wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 16:37 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
you really just made this blog and waiting for people to agree with you so you can win a facebook argument? no, I'm not talking to those bitches. I've talked to a number of people (both male and female) on this subject with varying replies so I'm actually curious what the majority thinks now.
seems like you're more curious about convincing us to agree with you - just based from your responses prior to this
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Didn't expect this from CharlieMurphy.
What's wrong or right in this case isn't clear cut, man. You have to define these rules for each individual relationship. You can have your own rules that you want to stick to, but if she doesn't, then of course there will be problems.
In this case, she seems to have lied and misled you. Guess she's not for you, then.
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On November 08 2011 16:43 Wolf wrote:
Didn't expect this from CharlieMurphy.
What's wrong or right in this case isn't clear cut, man. You have to define these rules for each individual relationship. You can have your own rules that you want to stick to, but if she doesn't, then of course there will be problems.
In this case, she seems to have lied and misled you. Guess she's not for you, then.
It seems so silly to have to have to have this talk with potential girlfriends though. This is what gf/bf is to me, is this what it is to you? This is what dating is to me, is that what it is to you? But I guess you have to find a way to have this talk before getting serious. And that's where I went wrong. I just assumed we both agreed on what was going on and that words mean the same things to everyone.
Just like Love means 1000000000 different things and people have no clear definition of it if you ask 100 strangers.
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If YOU don't think it's ok, then it's not ok for YOU and your relationships.
It's all about the personal preferences. I for one would not be involved in a relationship where I didn't fully trust the other. It doesn't matter anymore to me because I'm married now, but just the morality of it for my OWN personal preferences. My wife shares the same preferences.
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On November 08 2011 16:42 SpoR wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 16:38 RedJustice wrote:
I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things. Hmm, so you're basically saying as long as the communication is fantastic and everyone knows the good and the bad its ok even if it's only 1 person doing the dating?
1. If you can't communicate with someone you're being intimate with you are far too immature to be doing that shit in the first place.
2. If everyone is ok with it, what's wrong with it?
So if you've gotten past those two steps... seems to me you're mature enough to make your own choices, and everyone's happy. Yay.
In your case, your significant other did something you were not ok with. Either this was cheating (probably), or you failed to communicate with her. If you did not express your desire for a closed relationship or didn't know she is not into closed relationships, that is your mistake and one you will rectify with time, I am sure. Otherwise, she's a bitch, move on happily. :D
EDIT: It may seem silly-- but seriously always error on the side of clarification. I truly believe about 90% of all fights and drama in relationships come from miscommunications and differing perceptions of what something means. You really do have to lay out-- I like you. I want a relationship with you. Here's what that means to me. What do you think? (Listen.) Ask clarifying questions.
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I've cheated on every chick i've dated hahaha
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hmmm......
this is an interesting question.
Through I haven't actually dated more than one girl at the same time. The girl I am currently with had a bf and was also dating some other guys when I met her.
She used to be a girl I fancied all along since primary school but we lost contact for 8 years. Then one day I found her back on facebook and started going out and chatting. I broke up with another girl just a month before that, so when we talked about relationship, she told me that she has a boyfriend now but she doesn't love him and still misses her ex.
(when I asked her why doesn't she just break up with this guy, she would give me answers like "he is rich" or something like those, super scary)
So I got convinced that I should get her out from that relationship with her bf because apparently they started talking about marriage as well and I was totally against that because she wasn't happy with him and I thought he isn't doing enough to make her move on from the past relationship.
She also got a few guy friends who were chasing after her (all are just like the relationship between me and her, just going out, movies, eat dinner etc, but nothing like kissing or holding hangs).
Eventually they broke up on valentine's day because he found another girl that he likes. Then she told me she wants a fresh start of her relationship side and just stopped meeting up with those other guys except me.
So I would say that dating multiple person is wrong and mostly is because they don't know how to handle their relationship side. I wouldn't mind competition through, but you will have to trust her that she knows her boundaries.
(damn, am I going off topic? but I will post it anyway since I wrote that much already)
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EPT
