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Okay, so I was just talking to my friend about this, and I think it's really interesting, maybe no one else will. Should I ask my ex-gf if she cheated on me? As of now, there is little reason to ask her. She broke up with me a few days after Valentine's day (after dating for seven months, or so), and I think this weekend I'm going to get my stuff back from her (fucking finally).
It was a semi-long distance relationship (40 miles, approx). And she had a lot of male friends. Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo). And there was some other things I found suspicious a few times. I mean, she claimed she loved me, etc, etc (why'd she break up with me then, right?)
Whatever. Long story short, I think I'm getting my shit back next weekend, and I'm considering asking her if she ever cheated on me (because I had a slight suspicion that she did). I really want to know, just for the sake of the knowledge, but--and this is why I'm asking here, because this is what makes this interesting to me--she's never said no in my head. I've played out the scenario, and asked in about a hundred different ways, and she always says no, and gets kind of mad at me for even suggesting it. BUT, what if she said yes? Would that knowledge be worth the potential pain it would cause (i.e. the relationship never meant anything to her, and I really wasted my time)? Would it hurt at all to know this?
Maybe this is a lame blog, but if you could answer the poll, and if anyone has experience with this, chime in, that'd be fantastic.
Poll: Should I ask her?
(Vote): Yes
(Vote): No
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On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo).
hahaha love it. qft
i would say ignorance is bliss for this situation. unless you think you can handle the possibility of her saying yes
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On April 13 2009 14:18 TommyG wrote:Show nested quote +On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo).
hahaha love it. qft i would say ignorance is bliss for this situation. unless you think you can handle the possibility of her saying yes
I think I can. But even if I can't. I'm really interested in what knowing that way after the relationship has ended might do to the psychology of a person. Idk if this has been studied already or not, but I'm really just interested in this in a somewhat scientific way.
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is awesome32278 Posts
If you want to forget her and move on, asking her this is a step in the wrong direction. By the looks of it, it would only make you angry.
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On April 13 2009 14:19 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 13 2009 14:18 TommyG wrote:On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo).
hahaha love it. qft i would say ignorance is bliss for this situation. unless you think you can handle the possibility of her saying yes I think I can. But even if I can't. I'm really interested in what knowing that way after the relationship has ended might do to the psychology of a person. Idk if this has been studied already or not, but I'm really just interested in this in a somewhat scientific way.
I wouldn't try to stay objective or pretend to be objective.
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On April 13 2009 14:22 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On April 13 2009 14:19 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:On April 13 2009 14:18 TommyG wrote:On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo).
hahaha love it. qft i would say ignorance is bliss for this situation. unless you think you can handle the possibility of her saying yes I think I can. But even if I can't. I'm really interested in what knowing that way after the relationship has ended might do to the psychology of a person. Idk if this has been studied already or not, but I'm really just interested in this in a somewhat scientific way. I wouldn't try to stay objective or pretend to be objective.
Look, honestly, I'm really just interested in getting my book/clothes back at this point.
Idk, from the looks of it, it was stupid to consider this at all, but I never even considered that she may say yes before my friend brought that possibility up.
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well just make sure you have your stuff in your possession before you ask her anything
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you'll find your answer in a few weeks anyway when you find out she's in a new relationship
just wait it out ;s
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I went thrrough this a after my birthday ( two days after v-day lol). I would not ask, because my ex hooked up with her best friend, a guy. But what i dont get is that she dated him before and he basically used her, then she goes around and gets with after me :O. ok ok all in all i would nto ask her, because you want to know right now but if she does say yes then it will tear you apart formthe inside..... NO!
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On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
(i.e. the relationship never meant anything to her, and I really wasted my time)?
Man.. if girls are driven by anything, it's their emotions, a girl will never give you the time of day or go out with you unless she's attracted to you. But that does't mean she won't lose attraction and start liking someone else if you don't put in the effort. Even if she didn't cheat on you she probably had someone else in mind. I'd say it was the long distance thing.
Anyway think about this if you're going to ask, maybe you turned her into a lesbian and she now prefers to munch rug, that is something you self esteem will be able to take? lol.
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It'll probably start a fight and you will most likely end up pissed off somehow. Girls will say something to piss you off if you ask them a thing like that. Either they did and they say ya or they didn't and get bitchy cause you asked.
I didn't vote but I guess you could. I wouldn't unless you really needed to know.
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United States4991 Posts
I guess I'll be in the minority here, but I'll say do ask her. I've been in a similar situation and lost the opportunity to ask, and now I always wonder. Just satiate your curiosity.
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Don't ask her, If you love her and she loves you then you don't want to know if she cheated on you.
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At first I was going to say yes, but I decided to vote no because if she says yes then you might lose your trust in woman. If she fucked another man, why wont your next gf??
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dont be obsessive. just move on with your life.
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United States4991 Posts
On April 13 2009 15:46 nttea wrote:
Don't ask her, If you love her and she loves you then you don't want to know if she cheated on you.
??? They broke up, lol.
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it never helps
believe me, there is no good outcome to you asking.
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In a way it'd be good to know, in a way it's not worth it. Flip a coin
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ask her, its over anyways, you already wasted your time, either you get a yes and move on completely, or she says no and you ask her why the hell she broke up with you
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United States3824 Posts
Do it and report back
Also, pics or it didn't happen
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On April 13 2009 14:17 yubee wrote:
not worth it
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I've played out the scenario, and asked in about a hundred different ways, and she always says no, and gets kind of mad at me for even suggesting it.
If you can't imagine her ever saying yes with no negative repercussions, regardless of what the truth is, you're right. You're probably better off not asking.
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HOW you ask is much more important question. considering you're posting about it, i'd guess that you already want to ask. since its a touchy question and potentially explosive/flamebait, you would have to do a lot of prepping and tiptoeing @_@
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On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
And she had a lot of male friends. Now, if there's something I know about men, it's that we hang out with women to have sex, not because they're fun to be with (because they generally aren't, imo).
I'm really sorry for you if you think/feel like this, i have some female friends and i wouldnt have sex with them, no matter what, and yes, it's fun to be with them.
about the poll, if you want to make her feel bad, than yes, if you dont care, dont want to hurt her than no. regardeless of the possbile answer, in my opinion.
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Let me save you the trouble: The answer is yes, she bounced on someone else's pogo stick.
Now get the fuck over it.
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I would ask her, but not to find a reason to hate her more or anything, to try to find out why. If she just did it because of the thrill or something, then sure she is a bitch, but if he was doing it because she actually liked another guy more of something I would want to know what I did wrong.
It's just like SC! Watch your replays to fix your mistakes and learn!
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Oh awesome, more fucking BW analogies. Brilliant.
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Well, the problem with this is that if she confirms your suspicion it will set a bad precedent for future relationships. Imagine down the line you're in a relationship with someone who's worth it and they do something suspicious and because you were correct in this situation you decide your intuition is 100% and say or do something stupid when you've got a keeper. Every time you have any suspicion (regardless of logic) you will unconsciously harken back to the emotions surrounding this event and it will not help. I guess being confident in your intuition isn't a bad thing but this just does not seem to have any positive outcome.
Also, you've admitted in the past that you get pretty angry so I really doubt you're going to come out of this with a cheery attitude if she does admit to cheating but holy shit that's a whole lot of wasted emotion. I really doubt it would have the cathartic effect you'd need for it to be worth it and it would probably end up hurting you more than helping.
And to the idea of asking her what you did wrong that's a mixed bag. If you actually trust this woman (it doesn't seem like it) and value her opinion (hard to value the opinion of someone you mistrust) then sure ask what you did wrong. Really though if she were important enough in the scheme of things then she would have been much more open to discussing why she was breaking up with you in the first place. So in this case I wouldn't ask her where you "went wrong" because you don't trust her and it doesn't seem like her opinion would be that helpful especially considering if she prefaced it by saying that she didn't cheat because you'd almost certainly still doubt her.
Also, I know two people who were in a similar situation. One believed the other cheated and confronted them. The other said no and vehemently denies it to this day but the first doesn't believe it. It will probably never be resolved because no matter what the first person will never quell their suspicion. It will do you no good because you will get absolutely no closure even if she admits it! So in summary: Why the fuck should you care if someone who is unimportant in the grand scheme of your life cheated on you?
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On April 13 2009 14:14 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Maybe this is a lame blog, but if you could answer the poll, and if anyone has experience with this, chime in, that'd be fantastic.
I've had similar experience. When me and and my ex broke up it was after a period of time where things gradually went downhill in a time span of 3 months. We met and we talked and we decided that it's best to quit it. In the last three months I was sure she was having sex with some guy. I know this because when you're with a girl for three years you get to know her preferences. From what she told me about this other guy I could see myself at the beginning of our relationship. Having read her phone messages one night didn't hurt either, lol. But I never brought it up, I never asked. I had my reasons:
1 - I wanted to keep her as a friend cause she is a very nice human being.
2 - I didn't want to ashame her if she admitted and I was sure she'd admit cause she hated lying openly.
3 - I learned that's it's best for my mentality not to ask questions whose answers I might not like. That was such a question.
4 - As I was banging with another girl too and I was sure she suspects I didn't want to explain too.
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If you don't give a fuck, then yes ask her hahaha :D
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I don't know if anyone actually cares or not. I haven't gotten my shit back, but I'm nearly 100% sure she was fucking someone behind my back at this point. She just went to visit her friend in another state, left her baby (yeah, she had a kid, I don't think I mentioned that in the OP. That made this a lot harder, but whatever), and she went with the guy that I thought she may have been messing around on me with. I'm gonna ask her now, because I'm so sure of it, and it really can't make anything worse. Btw, it did make things worse.
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EPT
