On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
take a step back there... asian girls in america are WAY different from asian girls in asia. a lot of asians here disown their asianness because they subconsciously feel ashamed of their race and want to fit in. And this could easily lead to asian vs asian situations as described in the op
On March 08 2009 18:31 TheosEx wrote: I wish I had this problem.
Seriously, I thought it was the other way around. Usually, anywhere I go where there's an asian, that asian person (guy or girl) always tries to become my friend JUST because I'm asian. It's especially worse when it's another fellow Filipino. Like, wtf, don't say hi to me in Tagalog, cause I don't even understand.
Needless to say, it can be super awkward at times.
That's generally what I've noticed too. Which just further leads me to believe that the situation really had nothing to do with him being asian and everything to do with him as a person just not being very interesting to her.
Now that I think about it, I actually do this myself as a self-defense mechanism, but to both girls and guys. Like one time, there was this Flip girl at Starbucks. I could tell she was trying to think of a way to talk to me. I put it out there very clearly that I didn't care that she was Flip and was not interested in talking to her. I was very flamboyant by talking to my gf at the time who was white and other white friends.
It's silly, I know, but I'm just trying to avoid those awkward situations that I was talking about earlier.
Ya'll asians know what I'm talking about, I think... right?
I think I understand. I'm a white guy, and when I've been in Asia you occasionally meet other white people who want to talk to you just because you're white (well, and because you can speak English well),and it's always hella awkward and annoying.
it's also always hella awkward and annoying when people of the other race act differently because you're not their race. What kind of introverted and arrogant person are you to think that someone of your race saying hi to you in a foreign country is annoying? the dude is probably just being friendly. like it or not, being in a foreign country (especially asia) makes you the minority, so people like you should flush your superiority complex down the drain. More often than not minorities stick together, no matter how "integrated" you think you are in your present surroundings. ever wondered why racial boundaries still exist all over the world? Disowning your own race or forcing yourself to only socialize with the dominant race, is pathetic and not going to fix the problem.
On March 09 2009 03:01 caelym wrote: it's also always hella awkward and annoying when people of the other race act differently because you're not their race. What kind of introverted and arrogant person are you to think that someone of your race saying hi to you in a foreign country is annoying? the dude is probably just being friendly. like it or not, being in a foreign country (especially asia) makes you the minority, so people like you should flush your superiority complex down the drain. More often than not minorities stick together, no matter how "integrated" you think you are in your present surroundings. ever wondered why racial boundaries still exist all over the world? Disowning your own race or forcing yourself to only socialize with the dominant race, is pathetic and not going to fix the problem.
Who said anything about a superiority complex? I live in the Bronx, around a Montefore hospital (I'm sure there others of you around here that know what that means). I have like 20 immediate aunts and uncles and probably 150ish immediate cousins. I can't even imagine to count how many 3rd or 4th cousins I have. Needless to say, all of these people also know other Filipinos and asians, so I know them by association too. All-in-all, I think I know all the Filipino, and asian people, I need or want to know. So excuse me if I don't get excited whenever I meet another fellow Filipino or asian.
I am not ashamed of being Filipino or asian, but I am ashamed whenever someone thinks I should be friends with them just because they are Filipino or asian.
But then again, Filipinos can also be rather extra friendly too, in a bad way (or friendlier than most asian races), so that might help in the extra awkwardness.
On March 08 2009 10:01 Straylight wrote: If he had any confidence he'd just not give a fuck instead of writing some essay about why she's a bitch and then having to validate himself in the last line.
What a tool.
How is that confidence? He was having coffee and minding his own business when the Asian girl went out her way to separate her Asianness from the Asian guy sitting next to him. Not exactly a routine situation for most people.
How do you separate your asianness?
The whole comment from the guy reeks of a lack of confidence. Just because she took it upon herself to strike up a conversation with someone else (in which we don't even know the circumstances), he decided to go on this rant. How do we know she went out of her way to do anything? Simply what was described definitely doesn't give him the information necessary to accurately come up with the claims that he did. That's entirely a routine situation for most people, he was just being bitter.
Even if she was repulsed by him, chances are it had little to do with him being asian and much more to do with how he acted and presented himself. People are always quick to put the blame on things that they can't control and rarely look to themselves for improvement.
Just my opinion anyway.
EDIT: I realize that the whole thing may not even be serious and might just be meant for humor. What I wrote is just meant for the case that it is serious
This is something most white people don't understand about Asians. In Japanese there's a phrase for this, "KY", or "Kuuki ga yomenai". Literally it means "He/she can't read the air". The idea is that there are subtleties in behavior and emotions that a person must be able to read to function properly in an Asian society, especially one like Japan. Even in America, Asians in general tend to be more sensitive to these intangible indicators (at least 2nd generation...probably not 3rd generation Asian-Americans). Whether it was the slightly raised volume of her voice, the timing of her conversation, or even the positioning of her body (and just overall body language), some combination of things gave away the girl's true intentions.
Also I thought that youtube video was hilarious. One interesting thing to note is that in Asia they generally don't like it when guys chase after females. To some it looks uncool and overly desperate. To others it shows a decided lack of focus on important life goals. Except for Korea, which has become extremely westernized over the last few decades, much of the time a girl will develop feelings for a particular guy and subtly drop off hints (Japan), or two people will just sort of grow up together from a relatively young age being close friends and knowing they're eventually going to 'date' and marry (China). This obviously doesn't happen in all cases. I'm just trying to generalize a pattern.
I'm not sure why I was quoted, because what you wrote really doesn't address much of what I said at all, but since you did I'd like to ask you: are you under the impression that other races, apparently white people in particular, don't need to pick up on subtleties in behavior very often? Because if so, that's a very arrogant and ignorant thing to assume and that kind of mentality is likely a big part of why this guy got so riled up to begin with (assuming he was actually serious). Not to sound condescending or anything, but saying white people don't get something like that about asians, when that kind of thing is common in ALL social settings of the world (including ones where white people play a large role), is pretty conceited. While it may be arguable that some races are more sensitive towards these sorts of things, saying that one or more races just "don't get it" is just not a smart thing to say. If this isn't the impression that you're under, then ignore this whole paragraph as it doesn't apply to you. (Note: I am actually aware of kuuki ga yomenai, I actually have an entire book full of little Japanese phrases and their meanings similar to this one.)
More importantly though, again, none of that really relates to what I wrote. My point was mainly that the guy, based purely on what he wrote, wasn't very confident at all and that if she was actually repulsed by him like he claims, then it probably had everything to do with his confidence and how he acted and carried himself and very little, if anything, to do with him being asian. I do understand that the girl may have given off signals that showed that she didn't want much to do with him (and then again I also believe it's very plausible that she may not have, simply because this stuff can happen with girls, for a variety of reasons), but my point was that even if such was the case, he simply didn't have enough information to psychoanalyze her in the way that he tried to (I mean seriously, read what he implied about her younger days. That isn't being able to read the situation, that's being an arrogant dick who thinks they know all about someone). I fail to see how what you wrote towards me addresses that, unless you're implying that this guy isn't very good at picking up on what her true reasons were (despite him being asian which according to you would supposedly make him very well at doing that), in which case I would completely agree.
Like I said, people are often very quick to put the blame onto things that are out of their control instead of looking to things that they are responsible for as the reason. He automatically assumed that his flaw was being asian. I'm saying that's a load of crap and that he just wasn't very enticing or interesting to her. That sucks, but every guy has to go through that with girls of all races, it's not a problem unique to asian guys.
Yes, he's bitter. But his little rant wasn't about just this one girl. He's simply using her to generalize to a larger group of people.
If you don't understand how non-asians can be less sensitive to feeling the atmosphere than asians....I can't help you there. You need to take a class on cultural differences between the east and west. Broadly proclaiming there are no differences between 2 very different regions of the world is itself conceited.
I've taken quite a few of them, actually. I delayed my graduation for a couple of years specifically for such classes. You're making assumptions about me and the things that I'm saying, which is even evident in your paragraph above, in order to make your point. Just to elaborate on what I mean in my last sentence, I even stated very clearly that there are differences, yet you're claiming that I said that there weren't any at all. Regardless, it's irrelevant.
Even if he had some super asian hereditary technique that the evil caucasians would hunt to the death for if they were aware of such existence that allowed him to establish a telepathic connection with the girl, he was still being pretty arrogant and quite frankly, an asshole.
What makes you think that he was correct in assuming everything that happened was simply because he was asian? You haven't addressed this at all and are simply saying that he could read the situation. Let's assume then that you're correct, and some people just don't get how asians can magically know everything about a person from such a brief encounter. Enlighten the rest of the people here and explain it to us then. Right or wrong about the situation, I'm genuinely curious as to what makes you, and him, think that this is all a result of him being asian. No logic has been presented by him or you to support that idea. I would be very curious to see a well-supported argument in favor of this idea and may very well agree with you if such could be done.
On March 08 2009 18:43 Orlandu wrote: Because if so, that's a very arrogant and ignorant thing to assume and that kind of mentality is likely a big part of why this guy got so riled up to begin with (assuming he was actually serious). Not to sound condescending or anything, but saying white people don't get something like that about asians, when that kind of thing is common in ALL social settings of the world (including ones where white people play a large role), is pretty conceited.
Except its DIFFERENT in all social settings of the world. It should be fairly obvious that Asians interact differently from Europeans or Americans, because the two distinct cultures create different meanings for different things. Its silly to say that implied language from both cultures would be the same, and its conceited to think that anyone would be able to understand both without study or immersion in both environments.
Of course they interact differently and of course there are differences between cultures. But that doesn't mean that they haven't developed many of the same skills, especially when people from one culture are living in a different society (most likely the case in our story). Saying that one group simply can't read situations is very arrogant and quite frankly, wrong. Of course there are things that one group may not pick up that another might. But again, that's all irrelevant to this situation.
Since you seem to think that maybe the guy was able to read the situation and derive that everything was because of him being asian, I'll ask you the same question that I asked the other guy: what kind of things do you think he read that signaled that it was because he was asian? She apparently didn't outright say it, so what kind of things might have proven his reasoning was correct? Simply because she talked to a non-asian person? Is that realistically sufficient evidence to support such a conclusion? These are serious questions, I'd be very interested in a well-thought response to these.
On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
take a step back there... asian girls in america are WAY different from asian girls in asia. a lot of asians here disown their asianness because they subconsciously feel ashamed of their race and want to fit in. And this could easily lead to asian vs asian situations as described in the op
This actually is an interesting point and one which actually does support the guy's reasoning. However I'm not sure that I necessarily agree that a lot of asians disown their asianness and feel subconsciously ashamed of their race (not that I'm saying that this doesn't happen either, I agree that it does, I just disagree that it's "a lot" of them). I've usually found the opposite to be true in areas where asians aren't an extreme minority. I honestly can't remember meeting any asians that have ever been ashamed of being asian and weren't very openly proud of it, for whatever reason.
Regardless though I still think it would be a big assumption on his part to assume that this girl was one of those asians, unless there are some details that he's leaving out in the story. The reason that I think that is because his reasoning seemed to rely on the girl not giving him attention and instead giving it to a non-asian, which isn't enough support for such a conclusion by itself. Even if you're incredibly proud of your heritage, why shouldn't you be allowed to converse or flirt with someone of another race? Why should you have to automatically give your attention to someone of your own race over someone of a different race? We don't even know what went down before this guy entered the place.
Basically it seems like this guy is upset because he didn't get the attention that he felt he naturally deserved because he was asian. It seems like he felt that he was asian and thus automatically deserved attention from another asian simply for that reason, and when this sentiment wasn't reciprocated, he took it as a "black and white" issue in which by default she must not like asian guys or be in touch with her "asianness" or whatever.
Pretty shitty reaction regardless of the situation and whether or not he was right or wrong, though.
On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
take a step back there... asian girls in america are WAY different from asian girls in asia. a lot of asians here disown their asianness because they subconsciously feel ashamed of their race and want to fit in. And this could easily lead to asian vs asian situations as described in the op
On March 08 2009 18:31 TheosEx wrote: I wish I had this problem.
Seriously, I thought it was the other way around. Usually, anywhere I go where there's an asian, that asian person (guy or girl) always tries to become my friend JUST because I'm asian. It's especially worse when it's another fellow Filipino. Like, wtf, don't say hi to me in Tagalog, cause I don't even understand.
Needless to say, it can be super awkward at times.
That's generally what I've noticed too. Which just further leads me to believe that the situation really had nothing to do with him being asian and everything to do with him as a person just not being very interesting to her.
Now that I think about it, I actually do this myself as a self-defense mechanism, but to both girls and guys. Like one time, there was this Flip girl at Starbucks. I could tell she was trying to think of a way to talk to me. I put it out there very clearly that I didn't care that she was Flip and was not interested in talking to her. I was very flamboyant by talking to my gf at the time who was white and other white friends.
It's silly, I know, but I'm just trying to avoid those awkward situations that I was talking about earlier.
Ya'll asians know what I'm talking about, I think... right?
I think I understand. I'm a white guy, and when I've been in Asia you occasionally meet other white people who want to talk to you just because you're white (well, and because you can speak English well),and it's always hella awkward and annoying.
it's also always hella awkward and annoying when people of the other race act differently because you're not their race. What kind of introverted and arrogant person are you to think that someone of your race saying hi to you in a foreign country is annoying? the dude is probably just being friendly. like it or not, being in a foreign country (especially asia) makes you the minority, so people like you should flush your superiority complex down the drain. More often than not minorities stick together, no matter how "integrated" you think you are in your present surroundings. ever wondered why racial boundaries still exist all over the world? Disowning your own race or forcing yourself to only socialize with the dominant race, is pathetic and not going to fix the problem.
Stating that a lot of minorities like to stick together and maintain racial boundaries (which is completely true) doesn't make it the best thing to do. Actually, more often than not, it leads to pretty bad situations. Yes, ignoring people from your own race is terrible, but socializing in priority with people of your race (which is the basic behavior of nearly all expatriates in asia for what I've seen) isn't any better. Unless of course you don't speak the local language and need to find people from your country to chat, but if that's the case you're not planning to integrate anyway so it's a non-problem.
Based on what I've seen, the best approach when you're of a minority race: - Don't be ashamed of your race, be OK with it, or even a little proud of it (I can't help thinking being proud of one's race is fucking stupid, but it seems to give good results on a psychological level) - Accept the fact that your entire life, you'll be reminded several times a day by other people that you're not a local born. This is normal, if you can't deal with it you're fucked because it means you won't ever feel at home in this country (that's what happens to far too many minorities out there), so maybe it's time to consider going back to your homeland - Behave identically with everyone whether they're of your race or not
lol wow the asian guy sounds like a turd. A "sistah" is going to pull that bullshit with you and you made a post about it. rofl. geek. Funniest thing I've read in a while. I'm just clueless when he mentioned a Chad as if they knew each other in highschool, he was probably a douche in HS now he is successful and wants to hit on her but she is still the same, or he is just totally random. I'm asian, and I don't blame these girls. 4% body fat?! wtf is there actually a method to determine this? LOL PhD huh. Too bad it doesn't stand for pretty huge dick and obviously his 4% fat doesn't gather at his genitals.
On March 09 2009 08:06 Orlandu wrote: Of course they interact differently and of course there are differences between cultures. But that doesn't mean that they haven't developed many of the same skills, especially when people from one culture are living in a different society (most likely the case in our story). Saying that one group simply can't read situations is very arrogant and quite frankly, wrong. Of course there are things that one group may not pick up that another might. But again, that's all irrelevant to this situation.
How is it irrelevant? If two Asians are interacting, the implications in Asian culture apply. Just because you're living in western society doesn't mean that you automatically suppress those other modes of communication.
I'm not saying that Asian's can read the situation and whites can't. I'm saying it works BOTH WAYS. There are plenty of nuances of western culture and conversation that an Asian would have difficulty picking up too. There are implications made in conversations between people of the same culture that others don't pick up due to cultural differences. How is this a foreign concept?
On March 09 2009 08:06 Orlandu wrote: Since you seem to think that maybe the guy was able to read the situation and derive that everything was because of him being asian, I'll ask you the same question that I asked the other guy: what kind of things do you think he read that signaled that it was because he was asian? She apparently didn't outright say it, so what kind of things might have proven his reasoning was correct? Simply because she talked to a non-asian person? Is that realistically sufficient evidence to support such a conclusion? These are serious questions, I'd be very interested in a well-thought response to these.
Assuming that he's right is just as much an unsupported assumption as assuming he's wrong.
I'm saying there isn't enough information given for you to make a judgment about this guy one way or another. Maybe she made it obvious because he was Asian, maybe she didn't. The point is, you DON'T KNOW. It's a legitimate possibility that she doesn't like him because he's Asian (it's not the only possibility, but I've seen it happen). You're the one who made assumptions about his character:
On March 08 2009 12:31 Orlandu wrote: The whole comment from the guy reeks of a lack of confidence.
On March 08 2009 12:31 Orlandu wrote: People are always quick to put the blame on things that they can't control and rarely look to themselves for improvement.
Perhaps he's bringing up a legitimate issue, perhaps he isn't. There's not enough information to tell, and making personality judgments without that kind of knowledge is rash.
On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
Hmm I'm surprised he can't get with any girl he wants by offering to take them back to america. Whenever I visit relatives in Hong Kong they always try to marry my (asian-american)cousin off so some girl and they all want to do it just so they can move to america. fuck I was in some store and my grandma was talking to the girls working there and she told them in cantonese that i was looking for a wife and they were fucking serious about it lmao
On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
take a step back there... asian girls in america are WAY different from asian girls in asia. a lot of asians here disown their asianness because they subconsciously feel ashamed of their race and want to fit in. And this could easily lead to asian vs asian situations as described in the op
This actually is an interesting point and one which actually does support the guy's reasoning. However I'm not sure that I necessarily agree that a lot of asians disown their asianness and feel subconsciously ashamed of their race (not that I'm saying that this doesn't happen either, I agree that it does, I just disagree that it's "a lot" of them). I've usually found the opposite to be true in areas where asians aren't an extreme minority. I honestly can't remember meeting any asians that have ever been ashamed of being asian and weren't very openly proud of it, for whatever reason.
Regardless though I still think it would be a big assumption on his part to assume that this girl was one of those asians, unless there are some details that he's leaving out in the story. The reason that I think that is because his reasoning seemed to rely on the girl not giving him attention and instead giving it to a non-asian, which isn't enough support for such a conclusion by itself. Even if you're incredibly proud of your heritage, why shouldn't you be allowed to converse or flirt with someone of another race? Why should you have to automatically give your attention to someone of your own race over someone of a different race? We don't even know what went down before this guy entered the place.
Basically it seems like this guy is upset because he didn't get the attention that he felt he naturally deserved because he was asian. It seems like he felt that he was asian and thus automatically deserved attention from another asian simply for that reason, and when this sentiment wasn't reciprocated, he took it as a "black and white" issue in which by default she must not like asian guys or be in touch with her "asianness" or whatever.
Pretty shitty reaction regardless of the situation and whether or not he was right or wrong, though.
You just made a ton of assumptions yourself there. Your whole last paragraph is just a bunch of guesswork. What I was trying to point out is that he's more bitter about the situation among Asian-American girls in general. They either feel shame or simply dislike their own culture, and try very hard to be assimilated into the dominant culture. His writer's point about the girl dating white guys who 'make her so so happy' or dating a black guy to get back at her father are hilarious in how they point out a certain common trend among Asian-American girls.
There are nuances among each cultural group that can be difficult to pick up on for a non native of that group. But Asians in general emphasize non verbal communication. There are studies in social psychology that demonstrate how they're much more attuned to 'background' stimuli in a painting, while Westerners are much more focused on the most immediate and obvious stimulus. This extends beyond just paintings. A good example of Japanese cultural complexities is the concept of honne and tatemai. Since you spent so long studying cultures you probably know about it already, but for those others listening in tatemai is an incredibly complex form of politeness where almost everything someone says to another person has a hidden meaning. Honne is kind of the opposite, and is more prevalent in the West.
SaRangHaE if you really are an Asian, then you're what many Koreans in my university (born and raised in Korea but studying at an American university) like to call a twinkie: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. They also use the term 'banana'.
Wow. Mad writing skill. What is with all the zergy comments.
Yeah. I think asian just don't like other asian in general. I had a family of relatives in china who suffered horrible death because of this. One day their son come home complaining about not feeling well. At first the parents thought it was just common cold so they just let him stayed home for a few days. Then a few days later, the surrounding area had more kids feeling sick with similar conditions. Just as they were trying to send their kids to a hospital, they realized that all surrounding roads had been blocked off. There were barb wires and shit every where and some kind guards keep telling everyone to go back home whenever they try to go outside. There were even a rumor that some guy tried to run out of the area but was beaten seriously by the guards then was never seen again. By the end every body dead in that area. No body even get chance to treat what was wrong with them because no one was allowed to go out to the near by hospital.
On March 09 2009 08:06 Orlandu wrote: Of course they interact differently and of course there are differences between cultures. But that doesn't mean that they haven't developed many of the same skills, especially when people from one culture are living in a different society (most likely the case in our story). Saying that one group simply can't read situations is very arrogant and quite frankly, wrong. Of course there are things that one group may not pick up that another might. But again, that's all irrelevant to this situation.
How is it irrelevant? If two Asians are interacting, the implications in Asian culture apply. Just because you're living in western society doesn't mean that you automatically suppress those other modes of communication.
I'm not saying that Asian's can read the situation and whites can't. I'm saying it works BOTH WAYS. There are plenty of nuances of western culture and conversation that an Asian would have difficulty picking up too. There are implications made in conversations between people of the same culture that others don't pick up due to cultural differences. How is this a foreign concept?
On March 09 2009 08:06 Orlandu wrote: Since you seem to think that maybe the guy was able to read the situation and derive that everything was because of him being asian, I'll ask you the same question that I asked the other guy: what kind of things do you think he read that signaled that it was because he was asian? She apparently didn't outright say it, so what kind of things might have proven his reasoning was correct? Simply because she talked to a non-asian person? Is that realistically sufficient evidence to support such a conclusion? These are serious questions, I'd be very interested in a well-thought response to these.
Assuming that he's right is just as much an unsupported assumption as assuming he's wrong.
I'm saying there isn't enough information given for you to make a judgment about this guy one way or another. Maybe she made it obvious because he was Asian, maybe she didn't. The point is, you DON'T KNOW. It's a legitimate possibility that she doesn't like him because he's Asian (it's not the only possibility, but I've seen it happen). You're the one who made assumptions about his character:
On March 08 2009 12:31 Orlandu wrote: People are always quick to put the blame on things that they can't control and rarely look to themselves for improvement.
Perhaps he's bringing up a legitimate issue, perhaps he isn't. There's not enough information to tell, and making personality judgments without that kind of knowledge is rash.
I'm not sure you're reading my posts at all then, because you just explained basically what I've been saying and showed pretty clearly why all this jazz about "reading the situation" is irrelevant. We DON'T know what happened, and there AREN'T enough details to say that it was (or wasn't) because he was asian. However it should be pretty clear that some conclusions are less likely than others (such as automatically assuming that race was the issue when more often than not between two asians, and especially off of the information given, this conclusion isn't supported), hence me stating that my opinion was that his reasoning was bullshit (which isn't me making any factual claims).
I'm also not sure where your disagreement with me is either (unless you simply agree that it was because he was asian, in which case you STILL have yet to provide the requested reasoning for such), because you've pretty much restated what I've said in different words.
On March 08 2009 22:20 Matoo- wrote: Btw two weeks ago I was speaking to a white guy living in China for one year and a half now and he said the only chinese girls you can get are a) hookers b) sluts Because all the "serious girls" just want to marry a chinese guy and won't even try a foreigner.
He didn't try to validate himself like the OP (props) but could've done so easily since he earns like twenty times the average chinese salary.
If the OP is right (asian girls prefer white guys) then the guy I talked to shouldn't have had any problem. If the guy I talked to is right (serious asian girls prefer to stick with fellow asian guys), then the OP shouldn't have any problem unless he's only trying to date sluts.
My personal analysis: both are wrong and should try harder instead of blaming their origins.
take a step back there... asian girls in america are WAY different from asian girls in asia. a lot of asians here disown their asianness because they subconsciously feel ashamed of their race and want to fit in. And this could easily lead to asian vs asian situations as described in the op
This actually is an interesting point and one which actually does support the guy's reasoning. However I'm not sure that I necessarily agree that a lot of asians disown their asianness and feel subconsciously ashamed of their race (not that I'm saying that this doesn't happen either, I agree that it does, I just disagree that it's "a lot" of them). I've usually found the opposite to be true in areas where asians aren't an extreme minority. I honestly can't remember meeting any asians that have ever been ashamed of being asian and weren't very openly proud of it, for whatever reason.
Regardless though I still think it would be a big assumption on his part to assume that this girl was one of those asians, unless there are some details that he's leaving out in the story. The reason that I think that is because his reasoning seemed to rely on the girl not giving him attention and instead giving it to a non-asian, which isn't enough support for such a conclusion by itself. Even if you're incredibly proud of your heritage, why shouldn't you be allowed to converse or flirt with someone of another race? Why should you have to automatically give your attention to someone of your own race over someone of a different race? We don't even know what went down before this guy entered the place.
Basically it seems like this guy is upset because he didn't get the attention that he felt he naturally deserved because he was asian. It seems like he felt that he was asian and thus automatically deserved attention from another asian simply for that reason, and when this sentiment wasn't reciprocated, he took it as a "black and white" issue in which by default she must not like asian guys or be in touch with her "asianness" or whatever.
Pretty shitty reaction regardless of the situation and whether or not he was right or wrong, though.
You just made a ton of assumptions yourself there. Your whole last paragraph is just a bunch of guesswork. What I was trying to point out is that he's more bitter about the situation among Asian-American girls in general. They either feel shame or simply dislike their own culture, and try very hard to be assimilated into the dominant culture. His writer's point about the girl dating white guys who 'make her so so happy' or dating a black guy to get back at her father are hilarious in how they point out a certain common trend among Asian-American girls.
There are nuances among each cultural group that can be difficult to pick up on for a non native of that group. But Asians in general emphasize non verbal communication. There are studies in social psychology that demonstrate how they're much more attuned to 'background' stimuli in a painting, while Westerners are much more focused on the most immediate and obvious stimulus. This extends beyond just paintings. A good example of Japanese cultural complexities is the concept of honne and tatemai. Since you spent so long studying cultures you probably know about it already, but for those others listening in tatemai is an incredibly complex form of politeness where almost everything someone says to another person has a hidden meaning. Honne is kind of the opposite, and is more prevalent in the West.
SaRangHaE if you really are an Asian, then you're what many Koreans in my university (born and raised in Korea but studying at an American university) like to call a twinkie: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. They also use the term 'banana'.
The last part was my opinion, I'm not saying that's necessarily what the case is though (although I do think that there seems to be overwhelming evidence for this). You can definitely call that an assumption (or you could call it reading the situation a bit), but regardless of what I think that doesn't change what happened to him and the way that he reacted, and I'm not claiming anything as fact based off of my opinion.
I understand your point about his comments regarding Asian-American girls, but personally (which means that this is definitely up for debate by all means) I don't agree with his opinion. I do think that there are cases where many Asian-American girls fit the harsh comments that he gave, but I also think that's in a minority of situations and that many asian guys tend to exaggerate the problem out of bitterness and unwillingness to accept responsibility for their problems with women (also this isn't necessarily something that's unique to Asian-American girls, there will be girls of all races that are bitchy and shallow, it just manifests itself in different, and sometimes similar, ways). Many of the times that Asian-American girls go for non-asian guys has a lot to do with simply how the asian guys around them act. Lack of confidence, more interest in studying/grades/STARCRAFT than girls, things like that. From my own personal experiences (and I'm aware that this doesn't mean that what I'm saying is true for everyone or everywhere), I know soooo many asian girls who will openly tell people that they want an asian guy, but most of them are either too shy and lack confidence or are more interested in games and other things, so the girls go with a guy who is confident and who does show interest in them. I've never met an asian guy who didn't fit the stereotype that had a problem with girls, in fact the exact opposite. Most of them have had great success with caucasian women as well.
So I mean, based off of my own experiences and what I've literally been outright told by asian girls from America, Canada, China, Korea, Japan, and other places, it's really difficult for me to sympathize with the guy, especially when he reacts in the way that he did (pretty much verifying insecurity and a lack of confidence, which really isn't much of an assumption at all). I've seen so much evidence saying that race isn't the issue and that other factors are at play that make it really hard for me to automatically believe his reasoning.
I guess what I'm saying is, I understand his point and where his feelings are coming from. I just personally think that he's distorting the situation, as do many others out there. And I think that this is a terrible thing because it creates the mentality that there's nothing that these guys can do, and many of them will then decide against the basic self-improvements that would help them get a lot of attention from girls.
One thing I do know for sure though is, if you really give a girl something to be interested in, she WILL be interested in you and neither race nor what her parents think will matter.
EDIT: This is actually getting really off-topic now, and I didn't and still don't intend to get into a long discussion about this, but I felt like writing my thoughts and opinions about the point that you made above regarding Asian-American girls. Feel free to respond, but don't take this as an argument or a debate (if you would even do that ). I'm simply sharing what I think and I'm well aware that it differs from what many asian guys out there think. I can live with that.
On March 10 2009 13:00 Orlandu wrote: I'm not sure you're reading my posts at all then, because you just explained basically what I've been saying and showed pretty clearly why all this jazz about "reading the situation" is irrelevant. We DON'T know what happened, and there AREN'T enough details to say that it was (or wasn't) because he was asian. However it should be pretty clear that some conclusions are less likely than others (such as automatically assuming that race was the issue when more often than not between two asians, and especially off of the information given, this conclusion isn't supported), hence me stating that my opinion was that his reasoning was bullshit (which isn't me making any factual claims).
I'm also not sure where your disagreement with me is either (unless you simply agree that it was because he was asian, in which case you STILL have yet to provide the requested reasoning for such), because you've pretty much restated what I've said in different words.
I haven't made attacks against the guy's character. You have.
On March 08 2009 08:16 fanatacist wrote: I'm a white guy with a Korean girlfriend. FTW.
EDIT: not one of those English teachers' in Korea Korean girlfriends LOL
She can beat you in StarCraft, can't she?
No, she doesn't play.
But I play with her dad on B.net once in a while.
And he pretty much hired me to teach her brother lol.
He also asked for me to write a strategy guide for hotkey use for Zerg. So I did.
what the hahaha
On March 10 2009 09:52 latent wrote: SaRangHaE if you really are an Asian, then you're what many Koreans in my university (born and raised in Korea but studying at an American university) like to call a twinkie: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. They also use the term 'banana'.
I dont get this If you were born and raised in korea isnt it yellow on the outside and inside? Because you were raised in Korea the whole time. I dont really know these terms that well but isnt someone who's yellow on the outside but white on the inside an asian who was born and raised in america?
On March 10 2009 13:00 Orlandu wrote: I'm not sure you're reading my posts at all then, because you just explained basically what I've been saying and showed pretty clearly why all this jazz about "reading the situation" is irrelevant. We DON'T know what happened, and there AREN'T enough details to say that it was (or wasn't) because he was asian. However it should be pretty clear that some conclusions are less likely than others (such as automatically assuming that race was the issue when more often than not between two asians, and especially off of the information given, this conclusion isn't supported), hence me stating that my opinion was that his reasoning was bullshit (which isn't me making any factual claims).
I'm also not sure where your disagreement with me is either (unless you simply agree that it was because he was asian, in which case you STILL have yet to provide the requested reasoning for such), because you've pretty much restated what I've said in different words.
I haven't made attacks against the guy's character. You have.
but regardless of whether or not the girl actually did ignore him because he's asian his reaction shows he has shitty character anyway
EPT
