I am 18 years old and I live in New York, the reason my dad told me to come down is well, lets just say it's not the first time I have gotten in trouble for having girls in my room when I am home alone.
---STORY :D
So I am a sexually retarded person, I mean I am a complete retard, I do dumb shit and quite frankly its amazing I am not still a virgin. I am not sexually awkward, there's a difference.
This takes place right before this past summer, I was hooking up with this girl Monica who I met on some dumb school field trip, one of the few good things school did for me. After about a week of knowing her/hooking up with her we decide to cut out of school early and go get food then go back to my house. Monica is friends with my cousin Dana at the time so we decided to bring Dana along.
After we leave we go to Wendy's then head back to my house to go swimming. We all walk through my front door and me and Monica tell Dana we are going to go upstairs and put our bathing suits on.
We are gone for 2 hours.
We are up in my room on my bed and have left my cousin downstairs alone, what really sucked for her is she couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV, probably because she was a woman, but whatever. Down there alone on the phone the entire time.
Up in my bedroom me and Monica are having some fun, we are making out on my bed and I have her naked by this point and I am in my boxers. After about an hour and a half of doing everything sexual except sex, we stop for a minute, and I decide now is a great time to try to experiment a little bit. The following conversation ensued.
Joe: "Yo, CHOCOLATE."
Monica: "What?"
Joe: "Lets get some chocolate, this will be fun."
Monica: "haha yeah lets do it, it will be fun."
Joe: *shouted down stairs*"DANA I NEED A FAVOR."
Dana: "What Joey?"
Joe: "WE NEED CHOCOLATE, GO GET CHOCOLATE NAO!!"
Dana: "WHAT THE FUCK? NO I'M NOT GETTING YOU CHOCOLATE, WHAT THE FUCK?"
Joe: "DANA DON'T BE A FUCKING COCKBLOCK, GO IN THE FRIDGE ITS IN THE DOOR."
Dana: "This is so fucked up, FINE, BUT I'M NOT COMING UPSTAIRS WITH IT."
So now Monica is laying naked on my bed and I am in nothing but my boxers, when Dana calls me to the stairs because she has my chocolate syrup. I fly out of bed run to the stares and she just goes "OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?"
"DANA, SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE SYRUP."
She throws it it up the stairs to me and I run back to my room with Monica. So we are there with the chocolate and I am so psyched up, this is going to be awesome right? So I put the chocolate on her and suck/lick it off, she puts some one me and licks it off. So naturally what would most of us do? Chocolate trail to the penis = head = win. But then again, that wouldn't make this a story worth telling would it? No, I'm an idiot.
So after about 3 minutes, I get bored and i said to her "HEY ,I HAVE AN IDEA"
I start to draw Glasses on her boobs (which were quite fucking large) So i take the syrup and draw one glasses rim around one boob, one around the other. Connect them with the bridge of the glasses then draw the ear parts down the side of her body.
Now these boobs have glasses, as soon as I finish this, I realize.
I do not like chocolate this much, hilarity ensued.
Monica: "K, now lick it off!"
Joe: "Actually, thats a lot of chocolate, I don't really want to."
Monica: "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE."
She takes my head and shoves it into her boobs which are COVERED in chocolate, so now my face is just covered in chocolate and her boobs are smeared brown along with my face. So I try to lick it for about 3 seconds and just stop and just go "Fuck it, Let's just go into the pool and clean off"
so we put our bathing suites on in my room and walk downstairs, as soon as we turn the corner around my stairs Dana is right there, a look of shock on her face.
Joe: "Dana, you don't even have to ask questions, you can kind of just look at us and guess exactly what happened."
Joe: "we are going swimming, can you go clean up my room?"
Seeing as my face is clearly covered in chocolate and since Monica is now in a Bikini, you can see her now chocolate covered boobs.
I am the definition of an ass. I have no shame.
+ Show Spoiler +
For those of you wondering, yes, she did actually clean up my room. Put the chocolate away and I think fixed my pillows? That was odd. + Show Spoiler [for SMOOTHIE!] +
Yeah, it's Joe/Zephyr, come on LzH vent, I'm there pretty often now.