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So just to clear some things up, I am not going to post in my blogs anymore besides the OP, for those who already know my own account. My blog was a piece of shit and I just repetitively made an ass out of myself, especially in the comments. Hey! new account = new chance :D
I am 18 years old and I live in New York, the reason my dad told me to come down is well, lets just say it's not the first time I have gotten in trouble for having girls in my room when I am home alone.
---STORY :D
So I am a sexually retarded person, I mean I am a complete retard, I do dumb shit and quite frankly its amazing I am not still a virgin. I am not sexually awkward, there's a difference.
This takes place right before this past summer, I was hooking up with this girl Monica who I met on some dumb school field trip, one of the few good things school did for me. After about a week of knowing her/hooking up with her we decide to cut out of school early and go get food then go back to my house. Monica is friends with my cousin Dana at the time so we decided to bring Dana along.
After we leave we go to Wendy's then head back to my house to go swimming. We all walk through my front door and me and Monica tell Dana we are going to go upstairs and put our bathing suits on.
We are gone for 2 hours.
We are up in my room on my bed and have left my cousin downstairs alone, what really sucked for her is she couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV, probably because she was a woman, but whatever. Down there alone on the phone the entire time.
Up in my bedroom me and Monica are having some fun, we are making out on my bed and I have her naked by this point and I am in my boxers. After about an hour and a half of doing everything sexual except sex, we stop for a minute, and I decide now is a great time to try to experiment a little bit. The following conversation ensued.
Joe: "Yo, CHOCOLATE."
Monica: "What?"
Joe: "Lets get some chocolate, this will be fun."
Monica: "haha yeah lets do it, it will be fun."
Joe: *shouted down stairs*"DANA I NEED A FAVOR."
Dana: "What Joey?"
Joe: "WE NEED CHOCOLATE, GO GET CHOCOLATE NAO!!"
Dana: "WHAT THE FUCK? NO I'M NOT GETTING YOU CHOCOLATE, WHAT THE FUCK?"
Joe: "DANA DON'T BE A FUCKING COCKBLOCK, GO IN THE FRIDGE ITS IN THE DOOR."
Dana: "This is so fucked up, FINE, BUT I'M NOT COMING UPSTAIRS WITH IT."
So now Monica is laying naked on my bed and I am in nothing but my boxers, when Dana calls me to the stairs because she has my chocolate syrup. I fly out of bed run to the stares and she just goes "OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?"
"DANA, SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE SYRUP."
She throws it it up the stairs to me and I run back to my room with Monica. So we are there with the chocolate and I am so psyched up, this is going to be awesome right? So I put the chocolate on her and suck/lick it off, she puts some one me and licks it off. So naturally what would most of us do? Chocolate trail to the penis = head = win. But then again, that wouldn't make this a story worth telling would it? No, I'm an idiot.
So after about 3 minutes, I get bored and i said to her "HEY ,I HAVE AN IDEA"
I start to draw Glasses on her boobs (which were quite fucking large) So i take the syrup and draw one glasses rim around one boob, one around the other. Connect them with the bridge of the glasses then draw the ear parts down the side of her body.
Now these boobs have glasses, as soon as I finish this, I realize.
I do not like chocolate this much, hilarity ensued.
Monica: "K, now lick it off!"
Joe: "Actually, thats a lot of chocolate, I don't really want to."
Monica: "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE."
She takes my head and shoves it into her boobs which are COVERED in chocolate, so now my face is just covered in chocolate and her boobs are smeared brown along with my face. So I try to lick it for about 3 seconds and just stop and just go "Fuck it, Let's just go into the pool and clean off"
so we put our bathing suites on in my room and walk downstairs, as soon as we turn the corner around my stairs Dana is right there, a look of shock on her face.
Joe: "Dana, you don't even have to ask questions, you can kind of just look at us and guess exactly what happened."
Joe: "we are going swimming, can you go clean up my room?"
Seeing as my face is clearly covered in chocolate and since Monica is now in a Bikini, you can see her now chocolate covered boobs.
I am the definition of an ass. I have no shame.
+ Show Spoiler + For those of you wondering, yes, she did actually clean up my room. Put the chocolate away and I think fixed my pillows? That was odd. + Show Spoiler [for SMOOTHIE!] +Yeah, it's Joe/Zephyr, come on LzH vent, I'm there pretty often now.
 
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Hmmmmm....
This probably isn't true since you would have to be sleeping with a real dumb girl to have her put chocolate on her tits like that. Then she would be even more stupid to shove your face inbetween them, but hell who knows wht ur sleeping with right?
At least it was interesting uh.... long? :D
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if I'd wanted to read sex stories I'd go somewhere else.. jesus fuck you're a retard.
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omg, this sex stories with no actual sex are getting ridiculous...
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uh...joe you really are a fucked up person
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aw, please don't tell me I'm the only one who found this funny...
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i started laughing at the glasses part wtf
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You didn't even hit her. You fail good sir;; I'm sorry but you are an asshole and dumb. Seriously LOL
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heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were
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We know that already anyway :D
Seriously MS, you're just continuing where you left off ^^
Edit: I must admit it was hilarious to read this though, lol 
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United States17042 Posts
Pretty funny story. I'm so sorry I missed your old stuff xD
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funny story. Did you make this up? It seems rather weird to me that you would suggest chocolate if you in fact dont like chocolate very much.
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On October 02 2008 02:49 hugitout wrote:
heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were
Or act exactly like you did before.
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On October 02 2008 03:27 Mastermind wrote:
funny story. Did you make this up? It seems rather weird to me that you would suggest chocolate if you in fact dont like chocolate very much.
I couldn't make this up and wouldn't bother. But chocolate seemed like a good idea, and it was, just that much chocolate you get tired of fast.
On October 02 2008 03:19 waterdragon wrote:
Pretty funny story. I'm so sorry I missed your old stuff xD
Don't be, it sucked, had terrible grammar, and was generally shitty.
Theres one decent one though, here Don't bother reading anything else.
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On October 02 2008 02:07 mSLeGenD wrote:
I am not going to post in my blogs anymore besides the OP
?
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BARG NEVER AGIAN!!
 old habits die hard!
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As opposed to new accounts.
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On October 02 2008 03:54 mSLeGenD wrote:BARG NEVER AGIAN!! old habits die hard!
Don't fuck this one up Joe ;p
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But you can't defend yourself you said you wouldn't post in here anymore. So it's made up
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On October 02 2008 04:46 Phoned wrote:
0/5
fake.
who would lie about being this dumb
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What the hell -.-
That is some nasty kinky shit =_=
If anything, i would eat chocolate syrup with ice-cream
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Wtf? You should of taken your time. Excessive amounts of chocolate on nice big tits, and she asks you to lick it off, and you say nah lets jump in the pool?
*face palm*
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On October 02 2008 05:39 Snet wrote:
Wtf? You should of taken your time. Excessive amounts of chocolate on nice big tits, and she asks you to lick it off, and you say nah lets jump in the pool?
*face palm*
On the contrary, last friday I met up with my gf to go to the cinema, I hadn't planned on sleeping over at her, because I had to go to school the day after. But anyway she was a bit disappointed when I said I couldn't come with her, so she says "but I had prepared a special present for you". And I think "ah well if that the case, why not?"
And when we get home to her, and gets into the bed, she basically turns over and says "god I'm tired, you'll get yours another time, good night".
I was kinda pissed of for the rest of the weekend...
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Lol she couldn't turn on the tv cuz she was a woman. How have you not lost ur virginity, wow. also i hear putting sugar stuff in a girls vagina is really unhealthy so dont do it
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I started laughing at maybe the 8th line of your story and kept on the whole way through.
Fucking awesome. :D
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Also, what the fuck is going on with all the hate in here? Does OP have a history I'm missing or what?
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On October 02 2008 10:59 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Lol she couldn't turn on the tv cuz she was a woman. How have you not lost ur virginity, wow. also i hear putting sugar stuff in a girls vagina is really unhealthy so dont do it
Dude finding a girl to bang really isn't that hard there are A LOT of ugly, but fuckable; stupid, but doable chicks out there. You just have to lower your standards really low, alcohol also helps.
If all else fails go the route of our old friend Cpt Obvious  
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On October 02 2008 13:03 fgsvsd wrote:
Also, what the fuck is going on with all the hate in here? Does OP have a history I'm missing or what?
Yes.
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On October 02 2008 02:49 hugitout wrote:
heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were
wow isnt this the most ironic post ever
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