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Chocolate, not always sexy.

Blogs > mSLeGenD
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mSLeGenD
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
115 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-10 22:29:56
October 01 2008 17:07 GMT
#1
So just to clear some things up, I am not going to post in my blogs anymore besides the OP, for those who already know my own account. My blog was a piece of shit and I just repetitively made an ass out of myself, especially in the comments. Hey! new account = new chance :D

I am 18 years old and I live in New York, the reason my dad told me to come down is well, lets just say it's not the first time I have gotten in trouble for having girls in my room when I am home alone.

---STORY :D

So I am a sexually retarded person, I mean I am a complete retard, I do dumb shit and quite frankly its amazing I am not still a virgin. I am not sexually awkward, there's a difference.

This takes place right before this past summer, I was hooking up with this girl Monica who I met on some dumb school field trip, one of the few good things school did for me. After about a week of knowing her/hooking up with her we decide to cut out of school early and go get food then go back to my house. Monica is friends with my cousin Dana at the time so we decided to bring Dana along.

After we leave we go to Wendy's then head back to my house to go swimming. We all walk through my front door and me and Monica tell Dana we are going to go upstairs and put our bathing suits on.

We are gone for 2 hours.

We are up in my room on my bed and have left my cousin downstairs alone, what really sucked for her is she couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV, probably because she was a woman, but whatever. Down there alone on the phone the entire time.

Up in my bedroom me and Monica are having some fun, we are making out on my bed and I have her naked by this point and I am in my boxers. After about an hour and a half of doing everything sexual except sex, we stop for a minute, and I decide now is a great time to try to experiment a little bit. The following conversation ensued.

Joe: "Yo, CHOCOLATE."
Monica: "What?"
Joe: "Lets get some chocolate, this will be fun."
Monica: "haha yeah lets do it, it will be fun."
Joe: *shouted down stairs*"DANA I NEED A FAVOR."
Dana: "What Joey?"
Joe: "WE NEED CHOCOLATE, GO GET CHOCOLATE NAO!!"
Dana: "WHAT THE FUCK? NO I'M NOT GETTING YOU CHOCOLATE, WHAT THE FUCK?"
Joe: "DANA DON'T BE A FUCKING COCKBLOCK, GO IN THE FRIDGE ITS IN THE DOOR."
Dana: "This is so fucked up, FINE, BUT I'M NOT COMING UPSTAIRS WITH IT."

So now Monica is laying naked on my bed and I am in nothing but my boxers, when Dana calls me to the stairs because she has my chocolate syrup. I fly out of bed run to the stares and she just goes "OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?"
"DANA, SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE SYRUP."

She throws it it up the stairs to me and I run back to my room with Monica. So we are there with the chocolate and I am so psyched up, this is going to be awesome right? So I put the chocolate on her and suck/lick it off, she puts some one me and licks it off. So naturally what would most of us do? Chocolate trail to the penis = head = win. But then again, that wouldn't make this a story worth telling would it? No, I'm an idiot.

So after about 3 minutes, I get bored and i said to her "HEY ,I HAVE AN IDEA"

I start to draw Glasses on her boobs (which were quite fucking large) So i take the syrup and draw one glasses rim around one boob, one around the other. Connect them with the bridge of the glasses then draw the ear parts down the side of her body.

Now these boobs have glasses, as soon as I finish this, I realize.

I do not like chocolate this much, hilarity ensued.

Monica: "K, now lick it off!"
Joe: "Actually, thats a lot of chocolate, I don't really want to."
Monica: "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE."

She takes my head and shoves it into her boobs which are COVERED in chocolate, so now my face is just covered in chocolate and her boobs are smeared brown along with my face. So I try to lick it for about 3 seconds and just stop and just go "Fuck it, Let's just go into the pool and clean off"

so we put our bathing suites on in my room and walk downstairs, as soon as we turn the corner around my stairs Dana is right there, a look of shock on her face.

Joe: "Dana, you don't even have to ask questions, you can kind of just look at us and guess exactly what happened."
Joe: "we are going swimming, can you go clean up my room?"

Seeing as my face is clearly covered in chocolate and since Monica is now in a Bikini, you can see her now chocolate covered boobs.

I am the definition of an ass. I have no shame.

+ Show Spoiler +
For those of you wondering, yes, she did actually clean up my room. Put the chocolate away and I think fixed my pillows? That was odd. + Show Spoiler [for SMOOTHIE!] +
Yeah, it's Joe/Zephyr, come on LzH vent, I'm there pretty often now.



**
My nationality is NOT Canadian, And that's all you need to know.
SpiralArchitect
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States2116 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-01 17:14:08
October 01 2008 17:12 GMT
#2
Hmmmmm....

This probably isn't true since you would have to be sleeping with a real dumb girl to have her put chocolate on her tits like that. Then she would be even more stupid to shove your face inbetween them, but hell who knows wht ur sleeping with right?

At least it was interesting uh.... long? :D
TeamLiquids #1 illiterate writer, writin dem wordz is de hardz.
Equinox_kr
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States7395 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-01 17:24:57
October 01 2008 17:13 GMT
#3
Interesting ... Long ...
^-^
Ethenielle
Profile Blog Joined December 2005
Norway1006 Posts
October 01 2008 17:14 GMT
#4
if I'd wanted to read sex stories I'd go somewhere else.. jesus fuck you're a retard.
Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
mish_ka
Profile Joined June 2008
Bulgaria26 Posts
October 01 2008 17:16 GMT
#5
omg, this sex stories with no actual sex are getting ridiculous...
Playful as a pussycat
Aurious
Profile Blog Joined April 2006
Canada1772 Posts
October 01 2008 17:19 GMT
#6
uh...joe you really are a fucked up person
Falcynn
Profile Blog Joined June 2005
United States3597 Posts
October 01 2008 17:27 GMT
#7
aw, please don't tell me I'm the only one who found this funny...
freelander
Profile Blog Joined December 2004
Hungary4707 Posts
October 01 2008 17:33 GMT
#8
i started laughing at the glasses part wtf
And all is illuminated.
NarutO
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Germany18839 Posts
October 01 2008 17:46 GMT
#9
You didn't even hit her. You fail good sir;; I'm sorry but you are an asshole and dumb. Seriously LOL
CommentatorPolt | MMA | Jjakji | BoxeR | NaDa | MVP | MKP ... truly inspiring.
hugitout
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States379 Posts
October 01 2008 17:49 GMT
#10
heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were
Naib
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Hungary4843 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-01 18:07:06
October 01 2008 18:06 GMT
#11
We know that already anyway :D

Seriously MS, you're just continuing where you left off ^^

Edit: I must admit it was hilarious to read this though, lol
Complete the cycle!
GHOSTCLAW
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States17042 Posts
October 01 2008 18:19 GMT
#12
Pretty funny story. I'm so sorry I missed your old stuff xD
PhotographerLiquipedia. Drop me a pm if you've got questions/need help.
Mastermind
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada7096 Posts
October 01 2008 18:27 GMT
#13
funny story. Did you make this up? It seems rather weird to me that you would suggest chocolate if you in fact dont like chocolate very much.
Hittegods
Profile Joined April 2007
Stockholm4641 Posts
October 01 2008 18:30 GMT
#14
On October 02 2008 02:49 hugitout wrote:
heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were

Or act exactly like you did before.
This neo violence, pure self defiance
mSLeGenD
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
115 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-01 18:37:07
October 01 2008 18:35 GMT
#15
On October 02 2008 03:27 Mastermind wrote:
funny story. Did you make this up? It seems rather weird to me that you would suggest chocolate if you in fact dont like chocolate very much.

I couldn't make this up and wouldn't bother. But chocolate seemed like a good idea, and it was, just that much chocolate you get tired of fast.

On October 02 2008 03:19 waterdragon wrote:
Pretty funny story. I'm so sorry I missed your old stuff xD


Don't be, it sucked, had terrible grammar, and was generally shitty.
Theres one decent one though, here Don't bother reading anything else.
My nationality is NOT Canadian, And that's all you need to know.
Hittegods
Profile Joined April 2007
Stockholm4641 Posts
October 01 2008 18:50 GMT
#16
On October 02 2008 02:07 mSLeGenD wrote:
I am not going to post in my blogs anymore besides the OP

?
This neo violence, pure self defiance
Aurious
Profile Blog Joined April 2006
Canada1772 Posts
October 01 2008 18:53 GMT
#17
lol Joe is a lier oo
mSLeGenD
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
115 Posts
October 01 2008 18:54 GMT
#18
BARG NEVER AGIAN!!

old habits die hard!
My nationality is NOT Canadian, And that's all you need to know.
Hittegods
Profile Joined April 2007
Stockholm4641 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-01 18:57:31
October 01 2008 18:56 GMT
#19
As opposed to new accounts.
[image loading]
This neo violence, pure self defiance
Cham
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
797 Posts
October 01 2008 19:08 GMT
#20
Boobgoggles
Aurious
Profile Blog Joined April 2006
Canada1772 Posts
October 01 2008 19:09 GMT
#21
On October 02 2008 03:54 mSLeGenD wrote:
BARG NEVER AGIAN!!

old habits die hard!

Don't fuck this one up Joe ;p
Divinek
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
Canada4045 Posts
October 01 2008 19:23 GMT
#22
But you can't defend yourself you said you wouldn't post in here anymore. So it's made up
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Oh goodness me, FOX tv where do you get your sight? Can't you keep track, the puck is black. That's why the ice is white.
ProTech_MediC
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
United States498 Posts
October 01 2008 19:46 GMT
#23
0/5

fake.
MC Fighting!~
DamageControL
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States4222 Posts
October 01 2008 20:04 GMT
#24
On October 02 2008 04:46 Phoned wrote:
0/5

fake.

who would lie about being this dumb
Liquid | SKT
Folca
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
2235 Posts
October 01 2008 20:29 GMT
#25
What the hell -.-
That is some nasty kinky shit =_=
If anything, i would eat chocolate syrup with ice-cream
Dea : one time when he was playing vs the comps he asked me "how do I make that flying unit that makes the other stuff invisible" and I reply "ur playing terran zomg"
Snet *
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
United States3573 Posts
October 01 2008 20:39 GMT
#26
Wtf? You should of taken your time. Excessive amounts of chocolate on nice big tits, and she asks you to lick it off, and you say nah lets jump in the pool?

*face palm*
ZpuX
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Sweden1230 Posts
October 01 2008 22:31 GMT
#27
On October 02 2008 05:39 Snet wrote:
Wtf? You should of taken your time. Excessive amounts of chocolate on nice big tits, and she asks you to lick it off, and you say nah lets jump in the pool?

*face palm*

On the contrary, last friday I met up with my gf to go to the cinema, I hadn't planned on sleeping over at her, because I had to go to school the day after. But anyway she was a bit disappointed when I said I couldn't come with her, so she says "but I had prepared a special present for you". And I think "ah well if that the case, why not?"
And when we get home to her, and gets into the bed, she basically turns over and says "god I'm tired, you'll get yours another time, good night".

I was kinda pissed of for the rest of the weekend...
Really, play for fun!
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-02 01:59:32
October 02 2008 01:59 GMT
#28
Lol she couldn't turn on the tv cuz she was a woman. How have you not lost ur virginity, wow. also i hear putting sugar stuff in a girls vagina is really unhealthy so dont do it
fgsvsd
Profile Joined June 2007
Switzerland348 Posts
October 02 2008 04:00 GMT
#29
I started laughing at maybe the 8th line of your story and kept on the whole way through.

Fucking awesome. :D
fgsvsd
Profile Joined June 2007
Switzerland348 Posts
October 02 2008 04:03 GMT
#30
Also, what the fuck is going on with all the hate in here? Does OP have a history I'm missing or what?
BuGzlToOnl
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
United States5918 Posts
October 02 2008 04:13 GMT
#31
On October 02 2008 10:59 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Lol she couldn't turn on the tv cuz she was a woman. How have you not lost ur virginity, wow. also i hear putting sugar stuff in a girls vagina is really unhealthy so dont do it


Dude finding a girl to bang really isn't that hard there are A LOT of ugly, but fuckable; stupid, but doable chicks out there. You just have to lower your standards really low, alcohol also helps.

If all else fails go the route of our old friend Cpt Obvious
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
BuGzlToOnl
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
United States5918 Posts
October 02 2008 04:14 GMT
#32
On October 02 2008 13:03 fgsvsd wrote:
Also, what the fuck is going on with all the hate in here? Does OP have a history I'm missing or what?


Yes.
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
lesser_good
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
Canada698 Posts
October 02 2008 12:34 GMT
#33
On October 02 2008 02:49 hugitout wrote:
heres a tip, when you are trying to reinvent yourself, dont tell everyone what a stupid flaming fuckup you previously were


wow isnt this the most ironic post ever
pew pew
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