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I awoke at 4:30 AM covered in sweat and clearly still intoxicated. As I fumbled with the air conditioning, I tried telling myself that this was all a bad dream. None of it was really happening. I overcame the Japanese controls after a few minutes and lay on the bed, basking in the cool air and hoping I could get back to sleep. For maybe ten minutes, I despaired, but I eventually drifted back into a fitful slumber.
I dragged myself into the shower around 9:00, and I was on the road, backpack shouldered, by 10:00. I remembered Trevor's advice as I arrived at the train station. "Make sure you change trains at Izumi-sano," he had said, laughing. "Otherwise it will take you like two and a half hours to get into Osaka." At that point, however, two and a half hours sitting on an air conditioned train sounded just fine. I sat down in a corner seat and sipped water while the train clacked along the track, stopping every few minutes for two hours.
Taken from the train into Osaka.
When the train arrived in Osaka -- Namba, to be exact -- I felt significantly better. I wandered the streets for an hour before realizing that I was really, really hungry. I poked my head into the first cafe I saw that had Japanese people actually eating in it and blindly ordered the lunch special. "It is... chicken," the waitress said.
"Anything is fine," I said.
The other customers left a few minutes into my meal, and the waitress came to chat with me. "You are Australia?" she asked.
"No, California."
"Oh!" she cried, clapping her hands twice. "Very good! California!"
I asked her about clubs in the area. She drew me a map of the area and pointed at one of the clubs she had marked. "This one much, much fun," she said. Though I looked for it later in the evening, I never did find it.
What else does an American tourist need?
After leaving the cafe, I happened upon a capsule hotel and got myself a room. I needed a nap, and at only $25 a night, the capsule hotel was perfect for my ailing wallet.
Capsules.
After my nap, I went for a stroll. Without knowing it, I had based myself in Amerika-mura, a sort of deranged, Japanese imitation of New York City crammed into a few city blocks. The neighborhood was jam-packed with clothing stores blaring rap music and selling t-shirts with nonsensical phrases written on them. Bars, love hotels, and restaurants rounded out the mix of establishments.
I made my way to Dotonbori, the entertainment district of Osaka, and dined a rice bowl with fatty salmon that had barely touched the grill. It had a slightly charred exterior but was otherwise raw. The salmon had no odor whatsoever and literally melted on my tongue. I devoured it with a bit of wasabi and continued walking for another couple hours.
The bright lights of Osaka.
I was going to return to my capsule when I realized that a) it was only 9:30 and b) I had nothing to do. Sightseeing is a daytime activity, and I had squandered most of the day nursing my hangover. I wandered a bit more before following the sound of the Beatles -- blaring from the stereo inside -- into the aptly-named Mojo Bar.
The bar was deserted, but I ordered a beer and enjoyed the music. A girl walked in and sat on the stool adjacent to mine. She whipped out her cell phone in typical, Japanese fashion. I assumed she was meeting someone, working out the logistics of her evening. A few minutes later, she asked me where I was from. I answered, and she immediately returned to her cell phone. A few more minutes passed, and she asked how old I was. I answered, and she again returned to her phone. This pattern continued for maybe 15 minutes. I assumed she was making polite conversation before her friends arrived, but when I leaned over and regarded her cell phone, I saw that she was using it as a translator. She was typing out what she wanted to say, memorizing the English pronounciation, asking me the question, and then typing any confusing words I used back into the cell phone, where they were translated to Japanese.
I had never had a conversation with a cell phone before. The whole thing intrigued me. I asked her name. She seemed confused, so I pointed at myself and said, "Andy."
"Me Rie!" she said, excited that I had finally asked her a question. She returned to her phone and then asked me what I thought about Japanese culture.
"Hard, hard. Me," I said, pointing to myself, "feel very stupid. In two weeks, maybe not so stupid."
"Me always stupid!" Rie laughed.
"No, no," I said. "You're not stupid."
She frowned and said, "Not stupid, but me very...." She pointed at her cell phone, which read "obedient; docile; flexible."
I choked on my beer before realizing that she had probably meant "easy-going." I never did find out, but there was no way that I was going to try and explain the miscommunication.
"My Sherona," by the Knack, came on over the stereo, and I briefly sang along to the chorus. Rie's eyes lit up. "You karaoke?" she asked.
"No, no!" I said. "Horrible, horrible singer."
She furiously keyed characters into her cell phone. "You come karaoke now," she said.
How could I refuse?
At this point, I should mention that Rie had consumed no fewer than eight alcoholic beverages and had sucked down nearly a pack of cigarettes, and she was a petite little thing. Still feeling the effects of the previous night, I had kept my consumption to a minimum -- just a few beers. Rie seemed perfectly coherent, however, skipping along as we made our way to the karaoke bar.
Karaoke bars in Japan are slick. For a small, hourly fee, you get your own, private room and watered-down, all-you-can-drink beverages. I also suspect that the karaoke software makes efforts to improve your performance by leveling out your tone or increasing the volume on the master track. All I know is that I have never sang that well before, and I will never sing that well again.
Rie and me.
At Rie's request, I sang Radiohead, the Knack, Green Day, and a few other bands. Rie stuck with Beyonce and Avril Lavigne, though she did branch out and sing a bit of Japanese pop near the end of the set. I doubt too many of my readers are familiar with the Beyonce single "Brown Eyes." A portion of the chorus goes thusly:
And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul.
On the second or third time through the chorus, Rie looked at me through her eyelashes and sang, "His bruuuuuuuuue eyes tell his soul."
I have seen puppies and kittens and babies -- all types of small animals, really -- doing charming things. Trust me when I say that this was the most adorable thing in the history of mankind.
By the time we left, Rie had quaffed another four or five drinks and smoked another half a pack of cigarettes. A bit concerned for her safety, I walked her to her bicycle, which was parked nearby. I then watched her -- thirteen drinks deep, folks -- ride off into the night without wobbling even once. It was like watching an archer fire on arrow on a calm afternoon.
I got the feeling that Rie is one of those friends you are glad to have, but with whom you cannot hang out more than twice a month.
Rie singing Japanese pop.
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Good read, sounds like you are having fun! I hope I get to go someday.
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Belgium8305 Posts
my only regret is that i have but five stars to give
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Belgium9945 Posts
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You are a nice guy for not taking advantage of her, especially after her blue eyes comment.
She must be a professional drunk bike rider or something haha.
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It was staggering. I would not have been impressed if she had been a decent-sized guy, but I pegged her at around 100 pounds. Professional is the word I would use, as well.
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Hahaha that lady in the cafe was awesome ROFL
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On September 18 2008 01:45 RaGe wrote:
nice read
You shoulda pegged her. Seems as if she was asking for it.
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Damn, why do girls like that never come up to me?
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LOL, it seems like you are tearing it up my man :D
GL!
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いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。
Nice read. I am currently studying japanese - so I am obviously in a little envy  Keep blogs coming ´please ! Also if you can recommend some bars/hotels/towns etc, that'd be great.
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Belgium6766 Posts
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On September 18 2008 02:22 rA.Hippie wrote:
いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。
I'm 3 weeks into my japanese studies and my hiragana/katakana is still shitty as hell, i can barely understand what it says. :D
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Canada9720 Posts
good stuff. are you gonna see her again?
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On September 18 2008 02:22 rA.Hippie wrote:いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。 Nice read. I am currently studying japanese - so I am obviously in a little envy Keep blogs coming ´please ! Also if you can recommend some bars/hotels/towns etc, that'd be great.
You need a question mark at the end of the second sentence if you end with desuka
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Andy, I love you.
Respond to me on fb you fag!
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cute story :3
but gdamn she smokes a lot O_O
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great blog dude
im glad you are having fun etter
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TIME CAPSULEEE
you should've done the firebathero dance while singing
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Nice blog man, you have a nice writing style! You seem to be having a very good time.
I'm 3 weeks into my japanese studies and my hiragana/katakana is still shitty as hell, i can barely understand what it says. :D
3月（げつ）でひらがながわかるようになったの？
すごいねぇｗｗ
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Never saw her again. I left the next morning for Okayama. Oh, Rie... what could have been...
Other baller things about Rie: she left a full inch of cigarette before the filter ("Useless," she said), cracked her knuckles before singing, and said at the end of the night...
+ Show Spoiler +"I invite you home but sister there so no."
Professional.
My freaking grandmother reads my other blog, so you guys get a slightly more real version of the story.
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So cute
i remember when i first came to korea only knowing kimchi and how to say hi in korean. I did the same thing using my cell phone to translate hard words but a lot of the kids use internet slang which is not on the phone -_-
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Great blog Etter!
My dream is to go to Japan for a month or two.
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On September 18 2008 03:02 Equinox_kr wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2008 02:22 rA.Hippie wrote:いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。 Nice read. I am currently studying japanese - so I am obviously in a little envy Keep blogs coming ´please ! Also if you can recommend some bars/hotels/towns etc, that'd be great. You need a question mark at the end of the second sentence if you end with desuka
no you dont, the ka shows its a question so the question mark isnt needed. In gerneral you dont put the question mark if the sentence ends with ka or has a question word
the above sentence is kind of weird
iie desu ne..nihon ga suki desu ka?
which basically means
no isnt it... (do you) like japan?
I dont get the meaning of the first part
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On September 18 2008 14:55 fusionsdf wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2008 03:02 Equinox_kr wrote:On September 18 2008 02:22 rA.Hippie wrote:いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。 Nice read. I am currently studying japanese - so I am obviously in a little envy Keep blogs coming ´please ! Also if you can recommend some bars/hotels/towns etc, that'd be great. You need a question mark at the end of the second sentence if you end with desuka no you dont, the ka shows its a question so the question mark isnt needed. In gerneral you dont put the question mark if the sentence ends with ka or has a question word the above sentence is kind of weird iie desu ne..nihon ga suki desu ka? which basically means no isnt it... (do you) like japan? I dont get the meaning of the first part
I think his intention was "Oh I see .." or something like that.
My Japanese is rusty as hell, I think I forgot like everything 
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Valhalla18444 Posts
you arent dead yet? i wish i had more money!!!!!!!!!
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On September 18 2008 15:19 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
you arent dead yet? i wish i had more money!!!!!!!!!
wait... what? O_O
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On September 18 2008 01:37 vGl-CoW wrote:
my only regret is that i have but five stars to give
This
Keep it up! I really enjoy reading these.
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United States22883 Posts
First of all, you should've had some curry in Osaka. Second, why the hell didn't you fuck her? Seriously man wtf
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Another great, but what is up with you always going home alone, this blog is rigged. I demand to see the black box!
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Calgary25969 Posts
On September 18 2008 14:55 fusionsdf wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2008 03:02 Equinox_kr wrote:On September 18 2008 02:22 rA.Hippie wrote:いいえですね。。にほんがすきですか。 Nice read. I am currently studying japanese - so I am obviously in a little envy Keep blogs coming ´please ! Also if you can recommend some bars/hotels/towns etc, that'd be great. You need a question mark at the end of the second sentence if you end with desuka no you dont, the ka shows its a question so the question mark isnt needed. In gerneral you dont put the question mark if the sentence ends with ka or has a question word the above sentence is kind of weird iie desu ne..nihon ga suki desu ka? which basically means no isnt it... (do you) like japan? I dont get the meaning of the first part
What the fuck? How/Why do you know Japanese?
On September 21 2008 21:47 Jibba wrote:
First of all, you should've had some curry in Osaka. Second, why the hell didn't you fuck her? Seriously man wtf
Oh internet. Every story someone tells if they didn't get their dick wet you have people giving you shit.
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United States22883 Posts
"I invite you home but sister there so no."
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On September 18 2008 14:55 fusionsdf wrote:
iie desu ne..nihon ga suki desu ka?
which basically means
no isnt it... (do you) like japan?
I dont get the meaning of the first part
I'd gather the first part was supposed to be "ii desu ne....", in which case it would make sense.
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EPT
