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United States1225 Posts
No other way around it. My life is just crumbling and disintegrating in front of me, and I can't stop it. I just can't stop it.
I've failed at every single goal that I set for myself, no matter how big or small. I continually fall off the wagon for getting myself healthy. As soon as I make one slip-up or miss one day of going to the gym, it completely throws me off. I try to get back on track, but I just keep hitting snags and falling to them. I can't get back into any of the hobbies that I used to have. The feeling just isn't there anymore. I still have the dexterity to play bass, but anytime I try to practice I just feel this weight build in my chest and I can't play for longer than a minute.
I got fired from my job. They can pay students 2 bucks cheaper per hour, so I'm shit out of luck. They also did this after stringing me along for over a month, promising more hours or any hours, before finally telling me that I was being let go. I've been trying to find work since, but I can't catch a fuckin break. You would think, on an island filled with mini-malls and commercial developments, it would be easy to find work. I've submitted dozens of apps, and even got an interview or two, but still nothing. I've burned through all of my savings and now I can't even see a movie or drive to a Smash tournament.
School is going completely down the shitter. I had decided that I wasn't going to come back for the fall. Just focus on mental health and building up some savings and getting adjusted to my new home. But my dad pressured me into signing up for classes, just kept telling me how if I didn't enroll I was giving up and I was a failure. So I'm in 3 classes and I'm pretty confident I'm failing 2 of them. I haven't written either of the papers for my writing class, because I just keep freezing up with worry. When we had a midterm paper for Poli Sci, which is such a fucking easy class, like its stupid easy, I don't know why I worry, I threw up and just stayed in bed for a few days, too scared to write it since it's worth 10% of my grade. I've missed a dozen-odd days of English and 6 or 7 of Poli Sci and German. I keep trying to work on papers and projects for them, but I just can't do it. Something's just broken, is what it feels like.
More and more I just feel abandoned and stranded. I'm talking to my friends way less. Everyone has their life together, and I don't want to bother them. Everyone's got jobs and are surviving school and thriving and spending time with their significant others. I'm just here trying to pick up the pieces of my continual fuckups. It feels so hard to talk to people even when I want to. People talk about what they've been up to, and what they're doing that weekend and shit like that. And all I can say is "I've just spent the last 3 days sleeping as many hours as I can."
Nothing is fun anymore. Melee is draining, not invigorating. Reading is a chore. I don't laugh at TV or standup anymore. I can't play Starcraft or Dota anymore, because it turns out I can't build a functioning computer (and I can't afford to buy replacement RAM, since I also can't get a job). Even watching pro matches is tedious now. I just do it because it feels right and I feel like I might enjoy it if the right game comes up. Even when I went to MA to see friends, I still barely felt any happiness. In fact, seeing how happy folks were just made me feel worse about my life.
Home life doesn't make anything easier. All that my days consist of is my father shouting at me and calling me a failure and a waste of space. Whenever I go to LANs and come back with a smile, he just tells me that I live a miserable/pathetic life if that's the only thing that can make me happy. Whenever I'm having anxiety issues over work, he just tells me more about how I'm wasting his money and how I'm a disgrace and disgusting.
Every day I just feel myself becoming more and more of a shell. I'm just going through the motions. No purpose, no direction, no nothing. I have no clue what to do anymore.
 
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Hey, man I feel you. I know what it's like. I've been there. So instead of giving you my advice.. and I know you said reading is a chore. But do this. Two hours ago I just finished reading The Compound Effect. It's actually quite amazing many of the problems you face could be solved by reading this book. It's not very long ~160 pages. I'm sure you can find this book somewhere if you don't have the money for it. For what you could gain.. it's worth the sacrifice of going out, finding it, reading it, absorbing it, doing it.
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Im no doctor but sounds like you have depression and anxiety. I'd see a doctor asap if possible.
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On October 23 2014 14:18 SteelSinger wrote:
Hey, man I feel you. I know what it's like. I've been there. So instead of giving you my advice.. and I know you said reading is a chore. But do this. Two hours ago I just finished reading The Compound Effect. It's actually quite amazing many of the problems you face could be solved by reading this book. It's not very long ~160 pages. I'm sure you can find this book somewhere if you don't have the money for it. For what you could gain.. it's worth the sacrifice of going out, finding it, reading it, absorbing it, doing it.
Something tells me self help books aren't the answer.
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and i thought i had it bad, this is even worse
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28089 Posts
On October 23 2014 14:58 RowdierBob wrote:
Im no doctor but sounds like you have depression and anxiety. I'd see a doctor asap if possible.
A lot of what he wrote here sounds like stuff I've gone through when my depression/anxiety were at their height, almost to exact details. I still did really well in school somehow, but everything else kind of fell apart. Luckily my parents are extremely supportive as well which has slowly got me back on track lately. Still tough times, but I'm here to let you know I feel like my future will be bright and one day yours will too. I thought my life was over for years dude 
My advice to you is to find someone who can be supportive IRL since your parents are clearly not providing that. Friends, some other family, etc. Just let people know and eventually someone will be willing to listen. However, first you need to seek medical help ASAP.
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28089 Posts
Also, have you tried explaining how you feel to your parents? They might just think you are lazy or something. If they understand what you are going through that might help change their opinion of you.
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I can't provide much help apart from agreeing with the fact that you need medical help as well as someone supportive IRL, but I want to say something about your blog : don't get caught in the "I'm a failure" system of thought. You are NOT a failure. Nobody is a failure. What you do may be a failure, but you, as a person, are not a failure, but a human being that has the potential to do great things and to climb back. If you think of yourself as a failure, then you'll get lost. So don't, even if other people keep saying to you that you are a failure.
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28089 Posts
Agreed. As someone who has directly worked with Peanuts on TL related projects I can confirm you are an intelligent and pleasant person to work with. That's enough to make you not a failure in my eyes 
As for school, try to get withdrawals or something instead of failing grades if you can possibly do that. Unless you can muster up some passing grades in the next 1-2 months. W's on your transcript are a lot easier to explain than fails. Most employers or grad schools are understanding of stuff like that if you have valid reasons.
My cousin had an entire semester of W's in his undergrad (all 5 classes withdrawn past the withdrawal date), and he has a PHD now... so yeah.
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On October 23 2014 15:26 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On October 23 2014 14:18 SteelSinger wrote:
Hey, man I feel you. I know what it's like. I've been there. So instead of giving you my advice.. and I know you said reading is a chore. But do this. Two hours ago I just finished reading The Compound Effect. It's actually quite amazing many of the problems you face could be solved by reading this book. It's not very long ~160 pages. I'm sure you can find this book somewhere if you don't have the money for it. For what you could gain.. it's worth the sacrifice of going out, finding it, reading it, absorbing it, doing it. Something tells me self help books aren't the answer.
Obviously it's not as simple as. O.K. Read this book, and you've been cured! You're assuming a black and white solution. When in reality there's multiple solutions and different combinations. You're underestimating this book or any self help book really. They're a source of understanding how to HELP YOURSELF
You have a different opinion so what is it?
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It's hard to intervene in family business but this
All that my days consist of is my father shouting at me and calling me a failure and a waste of space. certainly isn't doing any good. You sound depressed. It would be a good idea to talk to someone professional. An you ABSOLUTELY cannot deal with this alone; Bother your friends with it. If they're good friends they should help you.
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On October 23 2014 17:37 SteelSinger wrote:Show nested quote +On October 23 2014 15:26 Scarecrow wrote:On October 23 2014 14:18 SteelSinger wrote:
Hey, man I feel you. I know what it's like. I've been there. So instead of giving you my advice.. and I know you said reading is a chore. But do this. Two hours ago I just finished reading The Compound Effect. It's actually quite amazing many of the problems you face could be solved by reading this book. It's not very long ~160 pages. I'm sure you can find this book somewhere if you don't have the money for it. For what you could gain.. it's worth the sacrifice of going out, finding it, reading it, absorbing it, doing it. Something tells me self help books aren't the answer. Obviously it's not as simple as. O.K. Read this book, and you've been cured! You're assuming a black and white solution. When in reality there's multiple solutions and different combinations. You're underestimating this book or any self help book really. They're a source of understanding how to HELP YOURSELF You have a different opinion so what is it?
And you're assuming that he still has the drive that he can easily overcome his issues on his own. Reading would be something to do on his own. There are reasons why people who had similar conditions tell him to get help from somewhere, preferably a doctor who can judge his situation better than anyone on the internet. Telling someone who's already down the road a few miles to just get over it via <insert random thing which might help you in a demotivated state or to overcome some minor issue like a writer's block> is like telling someone who's afraid of heights to simply stop panicing on top of a cliff, a diabetic to stop being diabetic or an allergic to stop reacting badly to whatever causes his allergy. Most times there's another kickstarter needed. And that can be anything, from guiding him to giving him medical treatment to sport or anything. Under some form of observation. Leaving him with one solution on his own will only proove difficult. It's not a matter of how strong his will and personal strength is, if this really is a fully developed depression, he will have little to no personal strength left.
This doesn't mean I think the OP is fucked up. But he should get RL help from someone. Doesn't matter who in the first step, but help is needed.
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I don't have any advice other than whats posted in this thread, which is pretty solid advice imo. Just wanted to say that I feel you, and had similar issues (not as bad though) recently involving school and a medical scare (turned out fine).
Just wanted to say that I have some idea of what you're going through and I hope you can get through this quickly.
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First I would suggest to tell your dad to fuck off (maybe throwing a little "and guess who raised me ?" just to piss him off) and ignore him. Having him constantly shouting these kind of things at you is definitely not helping.
Imo it's the first step you have to do to start recovering.
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Just go seek help man, there are people who can tell you whats up and get you back on track.
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peanuts, first, really, dude, see some medical help. Depression is a very serious condition and it needs treatment. Then, really, your dad is pissed off, obviously, but if you get to talk to him, you should make him understand that you (and other children, if he has) are the most important things in his life, his life would make no sense without children. He should not treat you or your siblings like garbage. If he fails to understand that, I believe you should leave this home. It's just too much stress for you.
Then, do something physical. Push yourself the first 2-3 times, if it's not your thing, quit. But physical training is proven to stimulate the synthesis of endorphines and those little bitches are natural anti-depressants.
And yes, you are a human being and you have dignity. You also happen to live in one of the most advanced states on the planet. You should be able to find some job. Lower the standards if you have to.
As for school, if it's not your thing, don't fucking do it. It's that simple.
I have a child and I wouldn't force her to do this or that unless I see she is a threat to her health. You don't type you're doing drugs so I think your dad's attitude is uncalled for.
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On October 23 2014 15:51 TheEmulator wrote:Show nested quote +On October 23 2014 14:58 RowdierBob wrote:
Im no doctor but sounds like you have depression and anxiety. I'd see a doctor asap if possible. A lot of what he wrote here sounds like stuff I've gone through when my depression/anxiety were at their height, almost to exact details. I still did really well in school somehow, but everything else kind of fell apart. Luckily my parents are extremely supportive as well which has slowly got me back on track lately. Still tough times, but I'm here to let you know I feel like my future will be bright and one day yours will too. I thought my life was over for years dude My advice to you is to find someone who can be supportive IRL since your parents are clearly not providing that. Friends, some other family, etc. Just let people know and eventually someone will be willing to listen. However, first you need to seek medical help ASAP.
Yep, I went trough depression and anxiety as well, and this sounds like it. Well, I still have some anxiety related to exams in college, but luckily, depression is pretty much over. I literally have just a dozen of exams left, but I can't bring myself to finish it, and I'm getting into big trouble at college because of it. Not to mention financial and health problems (plus I get tired very quickly by even some of the most mundane things, which sucks big balls as it kinda disables me from other stuff). Luckily, got a new girlfriend recently (after a long time), and she's very supporting as she had something similar. The first time around I didn't have one... dealing with it on your own can be very rough. Telling your parents somehow might help as well, mine were supportive as well.
I'm actually going to psychiatrist in an hour, after a long time again. You should go visit one too. It's not such a big deal, it's just a doctor. Do it. It will help you. 
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United States23455 Posts
On October 23 2014 16:03 TheEmulator wrote:Agreed. As someone who has directly worked with Peanuts on TL related projects I can confirm you are an intelligent and pleasant person to work with. That's enough to make you not a failure in my eyes As for school, try to get withdrawals or something instead of failing grades if you can possibly do that. Unless you can muster up some passing grades in the next 1-2 months. W's on your transcript are a lot easier to explain than fails. Most employers or grad schools are understanding of stuff like that if you have valid reasons. My cousin had an entire semester of W's in his undergrad (all 5 classes withdrawn past the withdrawal date), and he has a PHD now... so yeah.
First, yeah can confirm that peanuts is an awesome guy!
Second, YES try to do what you can to get withdrawals. I had struggles with depression in the past (during school) and I was able to get grades wiped due to medical reasons since I stopped attending classes. People (at least educated people working at a university) understand that depression is real and it can cause serious damage. They really do want to help you get back on track. I've been there.
Now for counseling. I admit I was nervous about seeing a therapist, even when I was at the peak of my depression, as I am sure many people are. However I found it incredibly helpful right from the get go and I can honestly say it's one of the best things I've done in terms of recovery. The other thing I think you should do is completely level with your parents/friends about what is going on. I put that off for a long time and my father especially was stunned when I told him how bad I felt when I was away at school and has been incredibly supportive in helping me to get back on track.
Anyway I just wanted to end this by saying that you have to live your own life. School isn't for everyone, four year typical college education isn't for everyone. You can choose to drop college and work at a retail store for awhile and you won't be a failure. You could go to a two year trade school and you won't be a failure. You can decide that you really want to finish your bachelors degree but only do that if it works for you!
Lastly I just wanted to say you have me on skype (although I have been absent frequently because I've been quite busy) and you have my cell number. Seriously man if you want to talk I'm here. You're a cool guy mike. Take care
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Everyone has their life together, and I don't want to bother them. Everyone's got jobs and are surviving school and thriving and spending time with their significant others. I'm just here trying to pick up the pieces of my continual fuckups.
I just need to say Peanuts - this is completely not true. You aren't some anomaly who is struggling in this world while everyone thrives. You just aren't seeing other people's pain, struggles, and agony.
I am currently going through the worst experience of my 31 years on this planet and so I can relate to how it feels to think that everyone is doing great but you. But the thing that is helping me get through it is that I had to realize is a couple of things:
1. Other people struggle. We aren't alone. We aren't some odd exception that should be pitied and discarded.
2. Other people care - but you have to let them. Not everyone is sympathetic, but some people who you are close with will genuinely care about you and want to help you in any way they can. They aren't perfect people and sometimes will screw up in trying to help you (after all, see #1), but I'm sure there are people out there who care and will be there for you.
3. You can't have guilt in asking for help. This was a big one for me because I don't like to 'burden' others with my problems. But everyone who I have talked to in the past few weeks who is worth their weight has stressed that it isn't a problem because they care about me and are burdened for me whether I share or not - and it is a lot easier if I let them help - or at least open up.
When you are with one or two people that tear you down, you might not realize those that are trying to build you up and help (see Darkhoarse right above me if you can't believe that - he's an awesome dude). I know none of this is easy, but it is a lot harder if you start believing lies that you are the only one to make mistakes and that everyone is fine and doesn't want to help.
Take care of yourself Peanuts.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Peanuts,
When everything simple seems hard, its usually because you're depressed, I don't know if you know what that means, but it's exactly as you wrote, so all the guys who understand that have recognized it too.
I'm not sure why it happens, but it happens to a lot of us, including myself for maybe twice in my life badly.
Maybe it has to do with expectations of others, which are relentless,- sometimes, we need to take a break or get a break and we don't get it and we feel more and more in the hole and it becomes mental, like we are postponing our 'real lives' when we are not progressing in the way we expect or others expect.
For me, the 2 times I was very depressed for each a period of 4 months and 8 months, I had something to fall back to reset myself. Basically I dropped everything, school and work and just played rugby. I mean I was 23 and 26 at the times, but I stopped trying to make things right and did what was natural for me.
But something that I put in effort that help me reset things a bit.
For someone as cerebral as myself, stopping the speculation and worry and anxiety was a hard rollercoster to get off by will power and just shutting down the over acting part of my thinking was to get into a routine where I did play, wasn't judged and could again, reset. For me, it was something physical, I don't know about you,
but at this point, I'd suggest, simply getting a new experience that you commit to, such like a team sport or just going to the gym every day and just ignoring the expectation for now.
I'll tell you, you can be unproductive now because you're depressed, but when you're not, and you turn up the intensity, you can always make up for lost time and even exceed things with the right mind set.
Life isnt' about the expectations or wasted time, its only about getting to that place where you take responsbility for yourself independant from anyone' expectations and critisism, that you live for yourself and what makes you the better man.
That takes time, it takes experiences when you are not productive, these phase, period of depression, periods of arrogance and of course rest and time to form an identity that doesn't easily just break, but when it does, comes back stronger.
In life, its about finishing strong brother.
Best,
MA
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For what it's worth I've spent some years of my life in that situation and now things are looking up. Not good, but getting better. "Good" is perhaps on the horizon even though it looked hopeless for years.
You know, one thing I'd try to do if I were you and I think you should really pull yourself on your feet and do it. Perhaps this is unconventional advice in a world where people will insist that you be yourself at every occasion, but here's how you get a job where I live when the simple dropping resume fails after using the conventional ways... Here's what you do, you dedicate a day, or a week, carry a stack of resumes and go to places where you feel you might be able to get a job. Hell, go to unlikely places too, because you just never know.
Here's what you do, you ask to see a manager, if the manager isn't there, you ask when he might be, and you come back when the manager is there to talk to him. Act excited about the prospect of working for them, be dynamic or fake it if you must, smile, odds are they won't have anything for you and they'll tell you they might call you back. Give them your resume, shake on it, move onto the next place and do the same thing.
Perhaps it's annoying to them, you don't give a fuck what they think. Perhaps it shows initiative, perhaps it shows a productive employee that'll replace the lazy previous ones once they go. Do a bunch of places. Way too many. You have time on your hands, and it sucks, but that's how it is.
Now here's round 2: you do the same thing again 1 or 2 weeks later, but on the phone. Call every place you dumped a resume at and ask to talk to the manager about your application, remind them of your name, tell them you dropped a resume before and ask if anything changed. If nothing else it's a little goal and a mission to have for yourself, better than doing nothing eh. Nothing broke my ego more than not having even tried.
Cheers.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
i give you a lot of shit and responsibility because i know you can do it
i don't get these things wrong.
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Norway28665 Posts
Get away from your dad. I understand that "pack your bags and leave" doesn't seem viable when everything is falling apart because at least you have a place to stay, and you have no money and no job, but it seems to me like that's what your efforts should be geared towards. From what you're writing, he is an absolutely toxic influence on your life, someone who will continue to make you feel shitty for as long as you stay around him. It really sucks when family is terrible, because they are supposed to always be there for you, always help you out, always make you feel good when the world makes you feel down, but in the instances where family is terrible, where they're not really there for you, when they have no interest in helping you out, and when they make you feel like shit even when the world makes you feel good.. In your case, you need to work towards distancing yourself from your dad; him being so terrible while being supposed to be so great is going to be a wound that keeps reopening. Anecdotal advice and whatnot, I know some people who have had fathers who made them feel worthless, and in every single case, it seemed like their life quality increased when they just accepted that ok, this guy is a scumbag and I'm not having any more to do with him, whereas the years spent hoping that maybe now he will be different, those were always emotionally stressful.
You're clearly a capable and intelligent guy, but you seem stuck in a circle of paralyzing self-loathing; you lack the confidence to improve yourself in ways you have been told you need to improve yourself, and you're not getting the confidence needed to improve yourself until you improve yourself. Your dad being a source of hatred when he is supposed to be a source of love and support makes this circle really, really hard to break out of - which is why to me, breaking away from him should be your chief priority. It sucks, but you can't be around someone who keeps telling you that you are a failure - this would make anyone question themselves. It also sucks for him, because he probably has some completely misguided sense of trying to help you out with "tough love" or whatever, but it's incredibly stupid and not really grounded in reality and in fact he is currently the main reason why he is insulting you.
And while I'm not going to give you any like, "pull yourself together" speech, I think it's incredibly important for you that you keep going to the gym, and that you don't fall out of the rhythm every time you are too busy or don't have the energy. Gym is such a great activity for depressed people because it is something that can make you feel progress and a sense of mastery virtually regardless of what level you start out at..
Basically like here's what I'd do
Completely drop out of school. Right now that's just draining you of energy. You're basically in the position where you a) need to find a job b) need to hit the gym c) need more education d) need to move out and establish yourself, and you're doing this from a situation where you are depressed and where your surroundings make you feel shitty. These are way too many big, important things to focus on at the same time for a depressed person, and when you have the mindset that you need to do all of this, you continue bringing yourself down through confirming the harsh words of your dad - you're not succeeding at any of it, thus you are a failure. But this stems from you having a completely unrealistic impression of what you can expect to achieve from where you are currently standing, not that you actually are a failure. The happiness equation is essentially reality minus expectation, now your reality is shitty and your expectations are too great.
So drop out of school. But do gym. That is the most important of all, because the sensation of mastery you get from it, as well as the routines you develop, are crucial to break out of the pattern of depression. Then focus on getting a job and a place to stay, accept that this is not gonna be anything that even qualifies as "nice" for a while. Once you've gotten in better shape, gotten a job and distanced yourself from a dad, that's when you re-enter the whole, "figure out what to do with the rest of my life" phase - which is still important, it's just not where you should be at this very moment. Most people have a very flawed perspective on time, that is, they believe they can accomplish far more than they actually can over a one year time span, but they also believe they can accomplish far less than they actually can over a 5 year time span. You're not quickly and easily going to get out of a situation that makes you feel like your life is disintegrating, it took time to get where you are now and it will take time to get out. But if you do it one step at a time, it's possible. Very many people at some points struggle with depression, and very many people get out of it. It feels like nobody can relate to you, but many people can.
Good luck!
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[B]On October 23 2014 13:46 peanuts wrote:
So I'm in 3 classes and I'm pretty confident I'm failing 2 of them. I haven't written either of the papers for my writing class, because I just keep freezing up with worry. When we had a midterm paper for Poli Sci, which is such a fucking easy class, like its stupid easy, I don't know why I worry, I threw up and just stayed in bed for a few days, too scared to write it since it's worth 10% of my grade. I've missed a dozen-odd days of English and 6 or 7 of Poli Sci and German. I keep trying to work on papers and projects for them, but I just can't do it.
2 birds.
1 stone
For the record, I don't condone killing birds with stones or anything else for that matter.
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United States124 Posts
Peanuts, ik for a fact that you are one of the most passionate, enthusiastic, and nicest guys around when it comes to e-sports. This may look tough now but it won't be this way forever. Just keep your head up and keep moving forward and believe that things will get better. We are all cheering for you!
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keep strong Peanuts! we are all going to make it,
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I was gonna say something more, but it seems everyone here has said it all.
I cannot agree more that this sounds like depression. I'm currently dealing with depression myself, having failed out of college a few years back.
I agree that you probably should see a professional. It's hard to even feel like you're at that stage, and even if you are willing to consider it, it can be hard to actually willingly go through with things, but it can make a world of difference if you're willing to talk to them.
Good luck, and remember, nothing is as important as your mental health. Not school, not work, not even family.
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Hey man, really sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like going through all that and dealing with such a difficult situation. Um, but first off, I just want to echo what OtherWorld just said that you are absolutely NOT a failure. And I don't mean that in some feel good way either, this is just real legitimate truth .We're all humans. And really, we've all messed up and done stupid things. But the beautiful thing is that weren't not defined by our weaknesses. What makes you valuable isn't a sum of what you do. Rather your value comes from the fact that you are a unique individual unlike any other person in the world, and that is a fact that cannot be changed. So remember that. Even when other people criticize you and even when you don't necessarily even feel it yourself, remember that you are still you and that is good.
Second, you may think this is ridiculous, but this is what I think. I honestly think that you can find real peace from the problems you're facing in a guy called Jesus. Call me crazy, but if what I said previously appeals to you at all, know that my entire justification of that comes from Jesus. A relationship with Him is the one place where weakness is not only not condemned, but is actually encouraged. There is no shame, no guilt, no criticism. Only love.
So all that just to say I think it's worth at least checking Him out; what have you to lose? He's continually transformed my life each day, and I believe it can be the same for you.
Regardless though, I hope you feel better and get through this period. Fighting!
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that might sound a bit harsh but you might as well stop crying, you sound highly annoying and like a whiny bitch tbh
your dad beeing an ass to you and calling you names after you come back from lans is understandable
lans are a fucking waste of time ! just like video games in general
you fail simple school stuff and come back happy from a LAN ?
lol ofc your dad is going to be mad
just do stuff and stop beeing at your computer unless its to do something productive
like writing a fucking essay for school
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On October 24 2014 01:12 Liquid`Drone wrote:
So drop out of school. But do gym.
lmao
im pretty sure US social welfare is much less forgiving than Norway
what a fucked up advice
he isn't even rich or has any mean to earn money
you tell him to go work out ? o_O
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oh yea, don't worry, you're not the only one with this. there's a lot more people with these problems. especially as you get older, but even in the 20s. it's just that they don't like to show or talk about it in public. women are more open about it than men. also, the older people are, the more open about their problems they are, I think.
it's normal and it happens to a big number of people. it's actually hard to not find someone who has or had problems like these or someone that doesn't know someone close that's dealing with it.
+ Show Spoiler [personal side note] +at one point one of my good friends was feeling really shitty and everything was crumbling around her so we talked a bit about it, and once we hinted that we both had problems like these we opened up and talked about depression and other stuff. it helped her and calmed her to know it's not like she's the only one and handling it on her own. I was pretty much over with most of my problems by then, but it still helped me to talk to her, as well.
and as others have said, you're not a fuckup, you just got stuck for a while. it happens. there's good advice in this blog, but again, I'd advise seeing a doctor first to get you going a bit. it's not exactly like talking to a friend, but it does make you feel better (plus taking some medicine will help you get on your feet quicker than just trying to deal with it).
edit: ah, forgot, what others said is great advice. the benefit of visiting a doctor is that you can get withdrawals (I assume these work similarly like in my country) from the subjects you're listening to, to relieve some burden. I did so and it's a great relief.
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I'll tell u this and hopefully it will suffice.
Every time u think your problems are unbearable, read below
I've visited a former nazi concentration camp near Berlin. I've learned that during ww2 there were people being injected gasoline for testing purposes. People were stuffed in a locker room so many until they were suffocating. They had to stay naked outside during winter and work. They made shoes from wood. They were shot if getting close to the fence. They were awoken during the night in their sleeping bunker and one was chosen randomly and beaten to death.
During all this, even with death awaiting them daily, they found time to carve beautiful chess pieces from stone and carve "I love u" on cups.
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
U need a job? U have a computer. Khanacademy dot com, coursera dot com, udacity dot com, are all free learning resourfes. Some got hired by google after learning on udacity which is free. learn smth until u master it, get the job, work.
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United States23455 Posts
On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
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On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
If fucking only. Unfortunately, some people just don't understand that.
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On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state
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Reading the reactions, it seems some people do not understand what depression is about :S "Get your shit together. Man up!" is exactly what you're completely unable to when you're depressed.
Like wise men before me posted:
a) get professional help
b) don't hesitate to contact the people who are there for you. They'll hear you out, they won't judge you.
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I've read a fair bit about the biochemical aspect of depression/anxiety/stress, it has a lot to do with cortisol. When we get stressed, our body releases cortisol to help maintain homeostasis, but constant stress and cortisol can have negative effects on the body and brain. Cortisol can block the effects of various hormones in the body including BDNF(which increases brain cell growth and cognition). Cortisol has an atrophying effect on the brain, and can induce depression.
The solution in a nutshell(imo): Get professional help and cultivate healthy habits, mainly nutrient dense diet/exercise/stress control
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On October 24 2014 20:20 Boonbag wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually... And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state
He describes a few things which make it sound as if this wasn't the ordinary teenage emo phase. For instance his overwhelming demand to sleep all day. I don't think you can imagine how hard it is to just stay awake if that really is depression and keep doing the most ordinary tasks. "Get your shit together" is just not doable, even if he would want to - and he does from what he describes.
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On October 24 2014 21:40 GeckoXp wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 20:20 Boonbag wrote:On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually... And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state He describes a few things which make it sound as if this wasn't the ordinary teenage emo phase. For instance his overwhelming demand to sleep all day. I don't think you can imagine how hard it is to just stay awake if that really is depression and keep doing the most ordinary tasks. "Get your shit together" is just not doable, even if he would want to - and he does from what he describes.
the only thing he enjoys is going to lan and the fact cba to perform at school and all the complains about the bad parenting pretty much sounds like ordinary teen emo phase to me
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As someone suffering from depression right now, I'm gonna have to say you don't have a clue Boonbag. Depression is nearly incomprehensible to anyone not suffering from it.
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On October 24 2014 23:03 Bobbias wrote:
As someone suffering from depression right now, I'm gonna have to say you don't have a clue Boonbag. Depression is nearly incomprehensible to anyone not suffering from it.
i'm not pretending otherwise, but, half the post in the blog section are about depression
but then it might be totally possible 50% of the blog posters are depressed users
i'm not debating the effects of the said disease nor the hardship it brings upon someone
i'm just saying the dozen of answers "you're suffering from depression, trust me i know what i'm talking about, go see a doctor" is laughable and certainly not the best advice to give to someone in his situation imo, or atl east the way he pictured it
to me he just sounds immature as fuck like most of regular teens
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Which is exactly why I'm saying you don't get it. The signs are clear, and holy shit, teens get depressed too.
The feeling of helplessness, isolation, lack of enjoyment for things that you should rightfully enjoy, these are all hallmark signs of depression. Even if he's not depressed, a doctor would be able to figure out which it is better than some random people on the internet, so it's still worth it to go talk to someone, because at worst the tell him there's nothing wrong, and at best it's a step towards getting much needed treatment.
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TLADT24920 Posts
I agree with the majority of posts here. Being that anxious, lack of enjoying things etc... can be indicative of depression. Try to see a doctor because it's better to do so now than later. Best of luck!
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I admit, I don't know a thing about depression, but I do know this: Humans are meant to live in community. Simply, in general, we're quite weak, and by solely our own power, we tend towards failure. There's nothing wrong with turning to others for help. In fact, I'd even say that the thought that you can do everything yourself and overcome everything on your own is an even worse problem. There's no shame in weakness.
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I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you…
We can all relate somehow, but we're all so different in how we perceive our own emotions.
So that's why you must find your own answers.
You can take advice from TL, the internet or medical professionals (go to one if you need to), in the end you'll be the one who decides to move or not and to where.
It's more easily said than done… For some it's a daily struggle, one moment you feel the highest of high, next time you know you're rock bottom.
Be it dark thoughts, unhappiness or emptiness: cry to your heart's content, groan all you want, then take a hot shower and go for a walk to try and clear your mind from this loop of negative thoughts.
If you feel like crying some more you can go ahead and do it, but just make sure to try and get back up again.
Medicine can help but it can only do this much, the rest of the effort comes from you.
Talk to those close to you, those you consider important and part of your life, let them hear you out and see if they can understand you, otherwise we'll gladly hear you out on TL.
The horizon is so vast, but we'll never get to see its immensity if we just keep looking down.
Hwaiting!
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EPT
