Diablo 2 Lord Of Destruction Battle Report 13

So there we were, Emilio and I, standing at the edge of the Durance of Hate...LEVEL ONE!!!



“What’s in there?” I asked Emilio. Emilio shrugged. Any knowledge of the first level has been lost to the ages.

“You first.” I said to Emilio as I pushed him down the stairs. Darkness soon overwhelmed us. Who knew what vile creatures died down here. Who knew how long we’d be stuck here, wandering around unti- oh, there’s level two.



My natural intuition of running clockwise until finding the exit has lead us to safety, no thanks to Emilio.

We entered the second level, upon which everything seemed much more familiar... for whatever reason. It felt like I've been here before. It felt like I've been here... many MANY times before... as if to repeatedly kill Mephisto for loot. I told Emilio, who didn’t understand. Typical Emilio…

Luckily, my natural intuition of running clockwise once again ended up saving us, as we ran right into the Level 2 waypoint.



I turned to Emilio, who could barely contain his excitement as I looked into his expressionless face.

“We’re saved!” I yelled. “We can be safe back in town now!” I told Emilio. Emilio reminded me of our duty to save Kurast from Mephisto though, and I knew that, for once, Emilio was not to be persuaded otherwise. We continued along since finding the waypoint, and came across some more DEMONS!!!



You see them in their natural habitat here. They wield a formidable weapon, a corpse. Had they not been 10 feet tall, fat, and monsters, I’d have guessed that they were more of Emilio’s relatives for their unusual demeanor toward death.

I was able to luckily run through them without taking any hits whatsoever.




We stumbled across level 3 shortly after that brief encounter.



“Ok,” I told Emilio. “My plan is to sneak into Mephisto's lair and bypass everyone. For anybody we run across, we’re just dictionary salesmen." I flashed Emilio the Tome of Town Portals I was carrying to compliment my disguise. "Now put away your weapon.”

Emilio turned to me.

"No," he said.

“Emilio! Dictionary salesmen don’t carry weapons!” Unfortunately, as much as I attempted to persuade him to do so, he wouldn’t put away his weapon. My chance of sneaking through, undetected was futile. I kept Emilio in the back as we entered and ran through anyways just in case.



“Hello, would any of you kind gentlemen be interested in purchasing so- ahhhh fire!!!”

Emilio sprung into action, and started slaying fire ghouls left and right. Nobody opens fire upon some poor defenseless dictionary salesmen!

Unfortunately Emilio died and I ran back to my emergency portal.


Is it a bit warm in here?

With Emilio revived and ready to go, we went back through and did some asskicking.



I ran up to the ghouls and yelled at them for attacking a poor defenseless unarmed dictionary salesman. The ghouls laughed at me and blazed me with fire. My diversion had worked. Emilio remained relatively untouched while I took the heat.

Emilio cleaned up those bastards while I grabbed a shrine that I thought I could benefit from up ahead.



“Ah, yes. I certainly do feel ready to do battle now!”

All of sudden, flames and sparks everywhere!!!




“Emilio! Get out of there!” I yelled to him. But Emilio was too caught up in the heat of the moment to hear my warnings for him. He didn’t last very long against Mr. Sparkfist.




“Ok, Emilio, you’ve just been revived. I hope you’re ready for some serious action!”

Emilio nodded and I knew it was his time to shine. I entered my portal and immediately created a new portal just in case. Emilio and I entered that dungeon, ready to kill. Mr. Sparkfist waited patiently for us to emerge before he turned to Emilio and knocked him dead.



“Goddamnit, Emilio! You died again already! We just got here!”

Emilio’s corpse didn’t respond. I went back to town to revive him again. Asheara should have started giving me the volume discount for buying revives in bulk.

“Ok, Emilio, try not to die so quickly this time!” Emilio nodded, and I knew it was his time to shine. We entered back through the portal and Emilio started killing councilmen like it was nobody’s business.



We cleared out the middle, and worked our way down to the bottom. Mr. Dragonhand greeted us when we arrived.



“Would you be interested in purchasing some dictionar- ow!”

My disguise had failed. I told Emilio to hang back just in case it had worked, but he rushed in immediately upon seeing my failure. Emilio attacked, and I ran away. Mr. Dragonhand followed me back outside, which is where Emilio ended the councilman’s life with the signature Emilio move, THE STABS!!!



Unfortunately he died right after to some lone fire hydras.



“Goddamnit Emilio! You’re costing me a fortune!”

My bad fortune with Emilio was coming to an end, though. My gambling had never been very successful when I played with Gheed. I think he purposefully always gave me blue items whenever I gambled with him. Mephisto must have had some very nice craftsman for me to find this gem that just fell off his armor rack.



“Look at it!” I said to Emilio, who stood there and nodded. “In all my days, I’ve never seen such a fine rare item as good as this pair of gloves.” Emilio nodded.

As I stood there, in awe of the gloves I was holding, Emilio stepped forward and was attacked by a ghost spirit. Mephisto attacked soon after.



“It’s a surprise attack, Emilio! Get out of there!”

Emilio didn’t listen to me though, and he was immediately frozen solid and shattered on the ground.



“Emilio!!!” I mourned the loss of Emilio as I ran back to my portal. I’ve never had an apprentice melt on me before. That’s one for the records.

I decided to run back to Greiz instead of Asheara. My Emilio clone must have run out of juice, as he kept dying too easily. Greiz was happy to sell me another, for a price. I debated skipping paying for another Emilio and just punching Mephisto to death instead, but I figured I didn’t have a few hours to waste.



With my new and improved Emilio clone, we went back and started stabbing and punching Mephisto.




Everything was going great at this point. I was taking off a sizeable chunk of Mephisto’s health, and Emilio wasn’t dying! It wasn’t until Mephisto had about a third of his health left that he unleashed a devastating charged bolts attack against me.



Here you see me before being attacked.



Here I am after being attacked. Out of instinct, I jammed down on my keyboard and instantly drank a rejuvination potion from my first slot. My health here is AFTER the rejuvination potion was taken. I had almost no health left after taking the full force of Mephisto’s charged bolts attack.

I realized I couldn’t take that risk again, and I let Emilio have his revenge instead, while I waited out a little ways away. Finally, Emilio finished off the boss and I ran in to scoop up the rewards before Emilio could pocket anything.




“Awww, it’s all useless!” I looked at Emilio, and scolded him for not wearing any magic find gear.

Regardless, it was stuff worthy of selling. I picked it up and headed into the portal to the next act, ready to clear out my inventory and make some quick gold. Emilio and I deserved hookers tonight!