Descent (Ret p10)

IskatuMesk

Canada969 Posts

April 15 2014 00:47 GMT

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Part 9

Descent

I completed an alpha, demonstrable portion of the Proteus Test Chamber months ago.

The control room would be the most challenging aspect since I don't actually know how to model. I couldn't figure out rails or consoles. Luckily, someone I know was able to supply me with a rail model I quickly put to use in this scene.

A bit of work and the pile of garbage was in the UDK.

Of course, I can't do anything with the consoles, and the whole idea of designing chairs for lizardman completely brainfucked me. So, I left it unfinished and called it a day. It wasn't long before I moved on to my next scene.

While all this nonsense was meandering in the background, two major concerns had begun to arise.

1.) The individual I was relying on for character models continued to express disinterest in attempting anything over a year after it was started on the premise he would do so.

2.) One of my cats was suffering from an eye ulcer since December and the situation was gradually deteriorating.

During working on the third scene, I faced immense mental strain and succumbed to my severe anxiety.

To cut a long story short, I cancelled Retribution. It's over. I decided to get the third scene I had started at the time into the UDK just to "finish" that work string and justify the energy I put into it.

With my heart sinking and hopes of saving my cat's eye dwindling day by day, and no hope of ever seeing the ever so precious characters models getting started on, I marched to a pointless conclusion of a year and a half of work.

I got the scene into the UDK, but quickly discovered that things like lava and lavafalls were going to be far more work to figure out than I anticipated.

I tested out some custom materials in the UDK and a bunch of textures I had rendered out of Filter Forge. I ran into a lot of aliasing problems and moire issues I had no idea how to fix and couldn't find any information on the internet about.

I consigned to defeat and allowed the project to die completely. Unreal 4 came out, which would have been interesting to look at if it didn't come with a price tag and I had character models to work with.

Problems with the cat continue to this day, and no longer is this simply a matter of saving its eye, but indeed its very life. I have spent all of my life savings on vet bills and, seeing as I'm on disability and don't exactly make money, I'm soon to run dry. This is one battle I refuse to lose, and even though it has gone on for 5 months now, I am not ready to give up. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, this endless battle is waged with no end in sight.

Between fire and flame, despair and misery, this is the descent to darkness once more.

LuckyFool

United States9015 Posts

April 15 2014 04:13 GMT

Damn impressive as usual. Really cool.

radscorpion9

Canada2252 Posts

April 15 2014 04:54 GMT

Good lord man!! I hope you get better lol.

Every one of your posts (or almost every one) is depressing in some horrible way. At least this one was slightly better, but it wouldn't be our own loveable Iskatu if something terrible didn't happen and deep depression didn't set in at the end

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This is almost comical in a dark way, but I don't want to press too much. Whatever happens, I'm glad to have read your blogs. I'll probably remember them as one of the darker parts of team liquid, that was both sad but then *so absurdly* depressing and so consistently, that it seems to be a satire of itself! Your cat develops a horrible eye disease, your mind breaks down due to horrible anxiety, your gaming ambitions end up going nowhere and you have to cancel a project you've been working on for months.

Iskatu. Good luck...I think I need it too as I have some moments of severe depression as well. But one day you will have a *HAPPY* day. ONE DAY. Maybe it'll just be sitting on a couch eating a burrito. *sigh*...oh well

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