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My Professor Is A Douche Bag [Girl Blog]

Blogs > NeuroticPsychosis
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1 2 3 Next All
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-02 05:33:00
November 02 2013 05:13 GMT
#1
So he is this seemingly nice older Jewish gentleman with a little black cap on top of his head. Yesterday he wore an orange sweater because it was Halloween. He kicked me out of class one time because he caught me "texting" when all I was doing was looking at my mail on my phone. He also has this stupid attendance policy where if you're late 10 times or miss 5 classes you automatically fail the class. And said right off the bat on the first day that there is no curve because "this is collage". Also on our research papers he accused me of plagiarism so at this point I think he just genuinely hates me and finds enjoyment from watching me fail.

I am a guy and I feel insecure around girls. When I was younger I would feel like I had to impress every girl I saw. Now whenever I'm around a girl I just try not to look like an idiot. But usually I will do something really stupid or clumsy like drop my pen or almost fall because I'm nervous of what she is thinking about me. It's harder for me also because I'm a short guy at 5'7" and I feel like I have to act "cool" and "macho" when I feel a girl is looking at me (and I pretend not to see her) to prove I'm not a dweeb or a loser.

I am very shy and there is this woman who I really like. She is gorgeous. She is 5 feet 10 inches, skinny, but with a big posterior, and very pleasant. I see her everyday but her friends are very outgoing and type A personalities. Her friends intimidate me more than she does because I know that deep inside she is a sweet caring gentle generous person. If it were just the two of us trapped in an elevator for a couple hours I could open up to her and express myself and my feelings for her, but it's the social expectations that prevent me from doing so. It's the thought of what people will say when they see a shy loner like me talking to a cute and well liked lady like her. The fact that almost nobody knows me or acknowledges my existence but everyone knows her and tries to talk to her all the time is what I mean by the social aspect. This makes it too awkward for me to ever get to know her on a personal level unless I find her all alone somewhere for a few minutes (or even better if we're trapped in an elevator together).

Recently I've been hanging out with this cool guy, he's very confident and smart and whenever I'm around him I feel like his awesomeness rubs off on me (no pun intended). His name is Chris, he is Korean. But he is tall for Asian, 6 foot 1 inches. And he has a slim body with nice fashion sense. I'm kinda jealous of his hair. He looks like an Asian Ashton Kutcher, he is funny, smart, and cute. On the other hand I am a 5'7" guy so I feel like his little brother even though we are the same age. I really like hanging out with him. He's also pretty dangerous. I was inside his car once and he has a breathalyzer right next to the steering wheel. Apparently it's there so he can tell if it's safe for him to drive or not after a night of drinking.



One time Chris invited me for lunch. But I had to say no. I have social anxiety with eating in front of strangers and I like skipping lunch most of the time. A couple of reasons for this: I'm overweight so going hungry for a while makes me feel like I'm thinner. Not eating makes my stomach feel empty so I feel more active. If I don't eat for a while I am starving when I do finally eat and it tastes so much better. He made a weird face so we just went for coffee instead and talked about life and his plans.

Chris is actually friends with this girl I mentioned before. But I was too nervous to ask him to set us up. We have a good friendship and I don't want him to think I'm using him. He had just come back from getting some kimchi from his car and he offered me some aswell. I don't know why I did it maybe it was an instinctive reaction but I touched one of his ears accidentally to see how cold it was outside. I didn't even realize I was practically on top of him at that point because he offered me a piece of gum aswell.

You see. I don't intentionally avoid brushing my teeth but sometimes in the mornings especially when I wake up late I just don't have time to brush and I eat breakfast without brushing and head out the front door. Sure it's not very healthy for your teeth to skip brushing, and if I don't brush in the morning my teeth feel really dirty by night so I definitely brush before bed. That being said, sometimes if I'm tired or just feeling lazy I will skip brushing at night if I brushed in the morning. I just never tell people about my habit because people are socially conditioned to think if someone doesn't brush twice a day they must be a weirdo.

So now I have to worry about not failing this class, about getting Chris back on my side and letting him know we are just friends, and letting this girl know I exist.

*
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Bagration
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States18282 Posts
November 02 2013 05:19 GMT
#2
Challenge him in a game of Starcraft. In traditional Korean culture, when a formal challenge of Starcraft is accepted, it is customary for the loser to be penetrated by the winner of the match, as a symbolic gesture of victory and submission.

If you win, you get to fuck Chris in the ass.
If you lose, Chris will fuck you in the ass.

How can you possibly lose?
Team Slayers, Axiom-Acer and Vile forever
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
November 02 2013 05:26 GMT
#3
On November 02 2013 14:19 Bagration wrote:
Challenge him in a game of Starcraft. In traditional Korean culture, when a formal challenge of Starcraft is accepted, it is customary for the loser to be penetrated by the winner of the match, as a symbolic gesture of victory and submission.

If you win, you get to fuck Chris in the ass.
If you lose, Chris will fuck you in the ass.

How can you possibly lose?


Yep, one time I mentioned Starcraft in his presence and he was all like, "OMG WAT U KNO STARCRAFT"
and I'm all like, "yeah"
and he's like "OMG DO YOU KNOW ABOUT KOREAN PROS"
and I'm like *sigh* (we have so much in common)

intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Kingsky
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Singapore298 Posts
November 02 2013 05:32 GMT
#4
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???
Why do people hate the Colossus? Because the Colossus is like banksters from Wall Street: “too big to fail”. - TheDwF
ruiyang
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
252 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-02 05:46:51
November 02 2013 05:43 GMT
#5
On November 02 2013 14:13 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
So he is this seemingly nice older Jewish gentleman with a little black cap on top of his head. Yesterday he wore an orange sweater because it was Halloween. He kicked me out of class one time because he caught me "texting" when all I was doing was looking at my mail on my phone. He also has this stupid attendance policy where if you're late 10 times or miss 5 classes you automatically fail the class. And said right off the bat on the first day that there is no curve because "this is collage". Also on our research papers he accused me of plagiarism so at this point I think he just genuinely hates me and finds enjoyment from watching me fail.


Yes, I totally agree. Someone wearing an orange sweater on halloween must be totally nuts and competely nonsensical. I mean, what's wrong if you want to e-mail with Chris? And this attendancy policy... It's college, your supposed to have fun and experiment RIGHT? It's not like your supposed to go to work and have a boss that fires you if you come late or miss work. That's a concern for the future! Not now... I'm sure this professor does his work for the sole purpose of getting entertainment for failing people.


[I am a guy and I feel insecure around girls. When I was younger I would feel like I had to impress every girl I saw. Now whenever I'm around a girl I just try not to look like an idiot. But usually I will do something really stupid or clumsy like drop my pen or almost fall because I'm nervous of what she is thinking about me. It's harder for me also because I'm a short guy at 5'7" and I feel like I have to act "cool" and "macho" when I feel a girl is looking at me (and I pretend not to see her) to prove I'm not a dweeb or a loser.


It's OK to feel insecure around girls. It's a good thing you now found Chris, now you can play the female-counterpart of a manlove relationship. No need to build up social skills, being cool/macho and being short is totally cute, I think. Also, if a cute girl now looks at you, it's ok if you don't look at her because of your lack of confidence. Now they probably think you are cute aswell, instead of a weirdo.


[I am very shy and there is this woman who I really like. She is gorgeous. She is 5 feet 10 inches, skinny, but with a big posterior, and very pleasant. I see her everyday but her friends are very outgoing and type A personalities. Her friends intimidate me more than she does because I know that deep inside she is a sweet caring gentle generous person. If it were just the two of us in an elevator I could open up to her and express myself and my feelings for her, but it's the social expectations that prevent me from doing so. It's the thought of what people will say when they see a shy loner like me talking to a cute and well liked lady like her. The fact that almost nobody knows me or acknowledges my existence but everyone knows her and tries to talk to her all the time is what I mean by the social aspect. This makes it too awkward for me to ever get to know her on a personal level unless I find her all alone somewhere for a few minutes (an unlikely scenario).


Oh man, you should really try to follow her, and when she's alone sneak up on her and tell her that your totally into blood A personalities, I'm sure she'd be delighted to hear that. If for some reason that doesn't work and u need a way to close in on her. Just tell her it's ok, your having relationship with Chris, it's safe!


[So now I have to worry about not failing this class, about getting Chris back on my side and letting him know we are just friends, and letting this girl know I exist.


I'm glad I don't have your troubles... Oh and btw, it's OK to not brush your teeth. I'm sure many ppl in Africa or so do the same. I don't have time ATM to quote the rest of your problems. Feel free to ask tips.
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-02 05:56:46
November 02 2013 05:48 GMT
#6
On November 02 2013 14:32 Kingsky wrote:
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???


Well maybe in Asian countries but here I feel like a midget. My eye level is at 5'2". When I am in sneakers I am 5'8". When average height girls (like 5 foot 3) wear sneakers they are almost same height as me. And when I am around short girls (like 5 feet tall) if they wear heels I am not much taller than them. And forget about taller girls who are 5 foot 5, 5 foot 6 or more, I am practically the same height as them and many times if she is 5'6" + in heels I am definitely clearly shorter. So in terms of height I do not stand out against women. I see all these 6 foot guys around me and it's like every girl comes up to their shoulder or their neck or their chin.
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Scarecrow
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Korea (South)9172 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-02 05:52:19
November 02 2013 05:51 GMT
#7
On November 02 2013 14:13 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
He kicked me out of class one time because he caught me "texting" when all I was doing was looking at my mail on my phone. He also has this stupid attendance policy where if you're late 10 times or miss 5 classes you automatically fail the class

None of this reflects badly on the teacher. Why is having an attendance policy stupid?

On November 02 2013 14:13 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
I touched one of his ears accidentally to see how cold it was outside.

wtf ...

Of course sometimes you forget/skip but brushing teeth twice a day is basic hygiene that helps prevent decay and your breath from smelling like shit. If that's social conditioning so is wiping your ass when you take a dump.

I hope for the girl's sake she's never trapped in a confined space for the hours necessary to have your feelings unloaded upon her.
Yhamm is the god of predictions
Targe
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom14103 Posts
November 02 2013 05:51 GMT
#8
On November 02 2013 14:32 Kingsky wrote:
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???

57 is like 160
11/5/14 CATACLYSM | The South West's worst Falco main
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
November 02 2013 05:53 GMT
#9
On November 02 2013 14:51 Targe wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 02 2013 14:32 Kingsky wrote:
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???

57 is like 160


Sorry but 5 foot 7 inches is exactly 170 centimetres. I am the same height as Messi, does he seem like a tall guy to you?
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Targe
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom14103 Posts
November 02 2013 05:56 GMT
#10
On November 02 2013 14:53 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 02 2013 14:51 Targe wrote:
On November 02 2013 14:32 Kingsky wrote:
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???

57 is like 160


Sorry but 5 foot 7 inches is exactly 170 centimetres. I am the same height as Messi, does he seem like a tall guy to you?

wtf. so ive been basically 1m 80 this entire time O_O
11/5/14 CATACLYSM | The South West's worst Falco main
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
November 02 2013 06:01 GMT
#11
On November 02 2013 14:53 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 02 2013 14:51 Targe wrote:
On November 02 2013 14:32 Kingsky wrote:
5"7 is short?? thats like what 170cm? isnt that average???

57 is like 160


Sorry but 5 foot 7 inches is exactly 170 centimetres. I am the same height as Messi, does he seem like a tall guy to you?

Both Messi and the lead guitarist of MUSE have 2 things in common. 1 they both get beautiful girls, 2 they are the exact same height. Height doesn't matter so long as you own who you are and are successful as your own man. Work on yourself until you get there.
User was warned for too many mimes.
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
November 02 2013 06:28 GMT
#12
Just be sure you brush your teeth the day you confess your love to her.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
November 02 2013 07:06 GMT
#13
You're really in love with Chris.
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
ZeaL.
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States5955 Posts
November 02 2013 07:11 GMT
#14
One day you will read this blog and laugh. Well, hopefully.
lichter
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
November 02 2013 07:28 GMT
#15
On November 02 2013 16:06 Heyoka wrote:
You're really in love with Chris.


"he has a slim body with nice fashion sense"
AdministratorYOU MUST HEED MY INSTRUCTIONS TAKE OFF YOUR THIIIINGS
Whiplash
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States2928 Posts
November 02 2013 07:38 GMT
#16
Oh man, either this guy is INCREDIBLY weird and socially inept or this is one of the greatest troll blogs I've seen in a long time.
Cinematographer / Steadicam Operator. Former Starcraft commentator/player
Incognoto
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
France10239 Posts
November 02 2013 07:54 GMT
#17
OP just needs some more confidence, I guess.
maru lover forever
KlaCkoN
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
Sweden1661 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-02 07:59:48
November 02 2013 07:59 GMT
#18
On November 02 2013 14:51 Scarecrow wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 02 2013 14:13 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
He kicked me out of class one time because he caught me "texting" when all I was doing was looking at my mail on my phone. He also has this stupid attendance policy where if you're late 10 times or miss 5 classes you automatically fail the class

None of this reflects badly on the teacher. Why is having an attendance policy stupid?


Imo having a lecture attendance policy in College is unbelievably retarded. RETARDED. You are supposed to be an adult at 18, so why don't US colleges at least expect their students to be capable of being responsible for their own learning?
While at uni I knew people who didn't attend a single lecture (ever) and still graduated with 1sts and 2.1s. The people who found it useful went, the people who didn't went to the library, we all had the same tests anyway. That's being responsible.

Coming to the US to grad school and being given a teaching assignment was a chock. The students here are treated like high school students (if that). Points given out for attending discussion sections? As if I care if they show up or not?
"OH we don't trust our ability to design a course compelling enough that people will actually want to seek out the material so we better force them". Or alternatively "Our students are so stupid that if we don't tell them exactly what how and when to read what things they wont learn anything."
Like FUCK American kids aren't innately any less mature than British ones. As long as you are clear with what you expect from them they will be capable of living up to it. /Rant Didn't even know I was this upset about this lol.

Anyway.... No reason to let the lecturer bother you OP. Learn the material, ace the final. Don't be late to things. (It's fine to be against rules out of principle, but obeying while subject to them comes with certain perks, like a good gpa)
As for the excruciating social awkwardness of the rest of the blog... Just keep interacting with people. (Make new friends if you alienate people along the way) Sooner or later the rules of social interaction will become clear to you and you can look back on this and laugh.
Spoiler alert: you will not end up with the girl in this blog. But that's ok. You'll find someone else.
"Voice or no voice the people can always be brought to the bidding of their leaders ... All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger."
wingpawn
Profile Blog Joined June 2013
Poland1342 Posts
November 02 2013 08:17 GMT
#19
- Your professor is actually reasonable. College isn't a picnic; turn off your phone and learn to get to the classes on time.
- Getting someone to set you up with a girl is a terrible idea, especially if it's your friend. Be manly and speak to her yourself.
- Feeling insecure about homosexuality is actually a sign of 100% heterosexual male, so just ignore those stupid thoughts.
- What if I told you that, ultimately, brushing your teeth often and getting girls to go out with you are somehow connected?
UniversalSnip
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
9871 Posts
November 02 2013 08:17 GMT
#20
On November 02 2013 16:59 KlaCkoN wrote:
Spoiler alert: you will not end up with the girl in this blog. But that's ok. You'll find someone else.

Oh, I think he already has. Someday while he's in bed with Chris, moaning in ecstasy as his friend sweatily penetrates him, he's going to look back at this blog and laugh at how obsessed he was with this girl.
"How fucking dare you defile the sanctity of DotA with your fucking casual plebian terminology? May the curse of Gaben and Volvo be upon you. le filthy casual."
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