Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 Battle Report

I started my descent into madness by isolating a few unfortunate victims who had the audacity to go on one of my rides. Just who did they think they were?!?


Believe it or not, these were the lucky ones.

I followed this up by erecting a sign in front of the entrance to prevent my guests from leaving. Why would they want to leave anyways? See their families? Ha! There’s no need for families when you enter my park. Chances are you’ll never see them again anyways once you’re stuck here.


Just look how sad they are. They know where they’re going.

Of course, what good is a theme park when you have no capital to run it with? As the owner of the theme park, I quickly made the best decisions I could given the circumstances. I devised the most ingenious money-making scheme that was sure to make me rich!



I call this alley, “Bathroom Lane”. I stocked it full of bathrooms, drink vendors, and an ATM. A “no entry” sign prevents guests from leaving Bathroom Lane. Once they come in, they’re trapped. These bathrooms are the only ones in the park incidentally so every guest will eventually end up trapped in Bathroom Lane. Hahahaha.

It wasn’t before long that my park’s popularity started to drop though. Well, technically it was already at zero by the time I finished construction on the entrance. As the park owner, I couldn’t afford to let this continue. My incredibly disrespectful guests, whom I’ve done so much for, have decided to take it upon themselves and try to leave my park. I realized that there was only one way to settle this. I decided to unleash a horde of bloodthirsty pandas on them.



Once I had hired a bunch of bipedal mercenary pandas to kill all my angry guests, I started clicking through them all to find the “commence attack” command. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful in locating this command. Using my extraordinary ability in surfing the interwebs, I found out that pandas only eat bamboo. This presented a problem because most people are naturally not made of bamboo. I needed another plan to get rid of my unwanted guests without actually letting them leave the park. It wasn’t before long that I quickly found another remedy.



My plan was to set an example for the other guests. This is why I placed the water death pit so close to Bathroom Lane. I had hoped that by witnessing what I did to non conformers, the other guests would wise up and behave themselves. This did not occur as I had anticipated. Rather, the opposite had transpired. My guests stuck in Bathroom Lane became continuously more unhappy, almost as if they hadn’t seen their friend drown right in front of them.

In any case, there were way too many unhappy guests for me to drag into the water pit by myself anyways. I couldn’t handle them all. Bathroom Lane was clearly not a very happy place to spend your days stuck at in the park. By this time, I was desperate. I needed to find another solution to my problems that could handle these incredibly rude theme park guests. Luckily though, I found one.



My $400/month research into roller coasters had payed off. By turning my newly constructed roller coaster into a missile, I had hoped to kill many of my guests at once. Things had not worked out as well as I thought they would though. My first attempt at building a roller coaster death missile had failed. “Somebody” built the coaster too high for the carts to make it over the top.



The next coaster missile was a resounding success however. It flew right into the crowd as planned.



When the smoke cleared though, all the guests remained unharmed. Who knew guests were so impervious to explosions and shrapnel?

So, because I was so heavily in debt, and because my park rating was so low, I decided that it was finally time to shut down the park. I started with Bathroom Lane. I sold all the shops, my torpedo coaster, and some scenery for just a bit more cash on hand. To prevent my guests from escaping, I built a giant sinkhole to...hold them for me.



Some lucky pandas managed to escape to sinkhole disaster by climbing over the walls (seriously, who knew they could do that?). They started dancing as they got out of that death pit, presumably because they were happy to get out of there. Their friends weren’t so lucky.


Park’s closed, time to leave.

With everyone in the park dead, I...no wait, what? There’s 2 guests still alive? Who could these sole survivors be? After a long search for these heroes that consisted of going into the population menu and clicking on them, I finally found them.



Those poor souls have been stuck on that boat for a whole year. Of course, that doesn’t quite measure up to Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride, but still. What troopers!

And so, with all but two of my guests dead and with no money left to spend, I regrettably had to retire from my most celebrated position as owner of “Park Epishade”. However, I did have one achievement to show for all my hard work and effort. One that I felt really characterized how I felt about my park and all the love I put into making it.