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Hey guys, having some troubles with the other sex.
I'm seventeen and physically fit, generally not really shy, so walking up to them ain't a problem but I can't continue a conversation with a random person I know nothing about, and this relates to me real life as well, not being able to start up converastions about random shit.
I went to the gym, and I saw a cute girl. So I walked over to her and said hey, then asked her for how long she was at the gym and how she liked it, but after that I like thought for five seconds what to say and nothing came up... So I just walked away, like a baws, no but really... It was pretty fcking awkward, how can I AVOID THIS SHIT!
 
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Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person.
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On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person.
Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
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Try their mothers I guess. Haha.
Nonetheless, the gym is pretty not ideal to be real honest (I'm sure the reasons why are easy to figure out). In that regard, you still need to find the right setting and then move from there - usually figuring out what they study/work, what always intrigues you about that line of work, etc. and from there it usually takes off: You might not get the hang of it the first time, but keep practicing.
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[QUOTE]On June 20 2013 23:26 Torte de Lini wrote:
figuring out what they study/work, QUOTE]
Lol, like stalking?
Idk, I find that kinda creepy.
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On June 20 2013 23:32 Torte de Lini wrote:
You fucking ask them.
What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
Practice makes perfect, that's basically the truth about this as much as anything.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
"What else are you doing?"...
"What do you think about [topic]?"...
"Have you seen XXX"
yaddayadda... Just ask, if she's interested she will keep the conversation going herself...
My problem is quite the opposite... I have problems starting the conversation but no real issues after... Just if the answers don't "satisfy" me (and i'm overly critical) there is this voice in my head that shouts "i don't care about the shit your telling me make it stoooop." and off i go :p...
Oh.. And avoid politics... I once had the nicest chat with a girl and for once everything was fine... 2-3 minutes later i called her Nazibitch...
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United States24611 Posts
Um, if you see a cute girl, maybe keep an eye on her without staring/stalking, and wait until something occurs to you that would be interesting to talk to her about. Maybe you realize she's wearing a sweatshirt that she went to your middle school, maybe her phone rings and it's the theme to your favorite tv show, etc. If there's nothing to talk about, then trying to strike up a conversation in an unsuitable place (as TDL mentioned) is going to probably have weird results like in your case study.
What is your objective when trying to talk to her? If it's to find out more about her, then that gives you an objective for the conversation. If it's to get her phone number, then I guess that's an objective as well...
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On June 20 2013 23:44 micronesia wrote:
Um, if you see a cute girl, maybe keep an eye on her without staring/stalking, and wait until something occurs to you that would be interesting to talk to her about. Maybe you realize she's wearing a sweatshirt that she went to your middle school, maybe her phone rings and it's the theme to your favorite tv show, etc. If there's nothing to talk about, then trying to strike up a conversation in an unsuitable place (as TDL mentioned) is going to probably have weird results like in your case study.
What is your objective when trying to talk to her? If it's to find out more about her, then that gives you an objective for the conversation. If it's to get her phone number, then I guess that's an objective as well...
My objective? Uhm get to know her, get her phone number, take her out on a date, "etc. etc." 
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On June 20 2013 23:43 Velr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:On June 20 2013 23:32 Torte de Lini wrote:
You fucking ask them. What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them. "What else are you doing?"... "What do you think about [topic]?"... "Have you seen XXX" yaddayadda... Just ask, if she's interested she will keep the conversation going herself... My problem is quite the opposite... I have problems starting the conversation but no real issues after... Just if the answers don't "satisfy" me (and i'm overly critical) there is this voice in my head that shouts "i don't care about the shit your telling me make it stoooop." and off i go :p... Oh.. And avoid politics... I once had the nicest chat with a girl and for once everything was fine... 2-3 minutes later i called her Nazibitch...
Hmmm or you could think, do not avoid politics, because if you wouldn't have asked her you maybe would have gotten with a nazi without knowing. :D
But don't worry, I'm not really interested in politics.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
Hey?
How are you doing?
DONT SAY: COME HERE OFTEN?
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO LIFT
bla bla bla bla
What is your line of work?
Packaging? Oh wow, I heard that inspired Picasso to paint Guernica
etc etc etc
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Always aim for a goal:
Possible goals:
- Invitation
- Phone number
- Kiss
...
When you don't have anything to talk about atleast ask for a phone number if you like her.
I promise you, even if you don't get the number you'll feel way better afterwards.
The topics will come on their own when you meet a person that has similiar interests as you, also when you grow older you'll have much more to talk about.
But you can also prepare a rutine or a story beforehand to keep the pace.
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On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
If your only way of getting the opportunity to talk to the opposite sex is to randomly walk up to women and you're seventeen, then you're doing something wrong.
Get yourself involved in a variety of things. Conversations start because you have some kind of (even just one) link that puts you in a similar social situation. You are in the same class and sit next to each other, you are in the same school activity and work together, you actually work together at a job, you consistently work out at the same place. From there, it's simple; introduce yourself. Ask their name. Offer them help with something to get the conversation going. Then just simply be interested in who they are. What do you do? Where are you from? If you can't get interesting conversations going from these, then you have more problems than just being able to meet girls.
I've been dating a woman for ten months. Here's how we met. She came into the book store I was working at (at the time, I worked in our college's book store). I asked her a little bit about the classes she was buying books for. BAM. We have a conversation for an hour. The next time I run into her, I get her to come out swing dancing (I regularly swing dance). Next thing you know, we're on a date. It barely takes anything to start a conversation, and as long as you are actually interested in the person, then keeping a conversation shouldn't be difficult. Furthermore, I've been with enough women to be able to at least claim that I'm not socially incompetent (although I would hardly claim that I'm "good with women"), and I've met almost all of them through very random meetings, and none of them where I thought, "I'm gonna date that girl!" as soon as I saw her (well, to be honest, I was pretty into my current girlfriend as soon as I met her). I met my first one through another female friend, the next one through a singing group I was in, another through class, the next through playing pool (billiards, do they call it pool outside the U.S.?), the next two through dancing, and this last one (not counting the girls that I never actually had a relationship with).
The thing that I tend to see with people that say, "I just can't keep an interesting conversation with a woman/these women are boring and can't keep interesting conversations" is that, subconsciously, these men are just really, really trying to find a date, and so that's all they focus on. Your interest needs to be on who they are as a person, and not trying to get a date, for two reasons: one, it'll actually keep the conversation going, and two, you actually want to know who this person is before you ask them out on a date. I had a massive problem with this in the middle of high school (15-17 years old), and that's probably why I only dated two women in high school. I just couldn't keep conversations going because, in my mind, I was so focused on the romantic possibilities and not simply focused on who these women were. It almost always makes you come across as awkward and sometimes creepy.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
There's your problem
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On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
Hopefully none of your friends read this. Ouch! haha
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On June 21 2013 00:50 Uzee13 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though. Hopefully none of your friends read this. Ouch! haha
I don't think they're in denial about this fact, plus neither do I, our little friend group is a complete sausage fest.
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@stratos_spear
Awesome name btw, but I don't think my age has anything to do with this. I mean I often talk to random guys at the gym, but that just never happens with girls, they're all so shy and I feel as if, I'm interrupting their gym routine and forcing them to talk to me. But when I walk up to and start talking to guys (not friends just acquaintances) we just talk about some random shit and stuff and have a normal conversation.
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I'll just add that the most important thing is not just what you say but how you say it. Always be confident, relaxed, sincerely interested but not desperate. If you feel awkward when you approach a girl she will as well. If you feel relaxed and natural that will shine through.
The other fact you will need to accept if you approach women randomly is that you will get shot down a lot. This is not a lot of fun but if you do it a lot you will not really care anymore. If rejection bothers you (and it bothers most guys) then you should probably stop approaching girls randomly and focus more on doing activities where you will meet them naturally.
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1. Be confident. Even when you're really not. Fake it till you make it.
2. Don't start talking endlessly about yourself, but show genuine interest in her.
3. Look at #1 again, because that's really a deal-breaker. Also it helps to smile!
Just my two cents.
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Either you go to school with 5 girls or you have unreasonably high standards.
Getting the feeling it's the second one.
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On June 21 2013 01:36 solidbebe wrote:Either you go to school with 5 girls or you have unreasonably high standards. Getting the feeling it's the second one.
I'm just joking, really it's the fact that there isn't a class system it's the other kind and I feel as if all the classes i've gone to I haven't been attracted to the girls there. I Got one girl that I kinda became friends with and I was attracted to but then I figured out she was already in a relationship but sure, there are a lot of cute girls there!
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So in this case, you'd want to answer your own question after she answers yours."Oh cool, I just joined the gym not too long ago. I really like it because it actually has squat racks. How do you like it?" and so on. You just need to be aware of your surroundings. If you have trouble being spontaneous about topics, I'd keep a journal. At first you probably won't have alot to say and your first entry might be one sentence but like training any muscle you'll get better at it.
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Think about what you want to talk to her about before you approach her, not the other way round. Have a decent list of questions in your mind before you approach her, and think of how she might respond and how you will respond. Kind of like having a build order in your mind before you hit the "find match" button on ladder haha......
"Do you gym regularly?"
"How do you usually work out?"
"You should try out XXX machine, it's really good for working out your abs/legs/arms etc"
"Are you a member at this gym?"
"You look like a sporty person. Do you play sports?"
"Oh you do? Which sport do you play?"
"Oh you don't? Thats surprising. You should try out XXX sport. I do, and it's pretty fun!"
yadayadayada..... 
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it's not what you say, it's how you make her feel. So something like "what do you do?" is fine if you want information, but it's bad if you want to make someone feel good because it makes them feel judged. Your goal is to seem approachable. It's stuff like remembering to smile, staying out of her space if thats what she wants, not making it strictly flirting but also remembering that she is an individual with her own day.
You ask how do you avoid this.. i don't think you really can avoid it, part of getting honey is being near the honey bees. that said, i agree with micronesia. I think it's kind of like telling a joke; you don't want to tell a joke at a funeral so you pass on it. Opportunities aren't always apparent thus one must be seeking them and ready to take advantage.
just be your self!
edit @ziggurat sorry i accidentally said the same thing. great minds think alike
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You should be using the school setting to meet and befriend women. The girls in high-school don't matter, you just need to practice talking to them to mature enough when you reach college.
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On June 21 2013 01:16 Mr.Bimbles wrote:
@stratos_spear
Awesome name btw, but I don't think my age has anything to do with this. I mean I often talk to random guys at the gym, but that just never happens with girls, they're all so shy and I feel as if, I'm interrupting their gym routine and forcing them to talk to me. But when I walk up to and start talking to guys (not friends just acquaintances) we just talk about some random shit and stuff and have a normal conversation.
I merely meant that the only time in life that genders are socially segregated to the point where it is difficult for them to interact is early childhood.
Unfortunately, some of that may be due to the stigma of, "He's talking to me in a gym, so he's hitting on me." As others have said, it may be that the gym isn't the best place to meet women.
However, don't just completely ignore opportunities as they come. If there is an opportunity for you to be nice and strike up a conversation with this gal at the gym, take it. Just don't force it to happen. This is a fine line that people have a really hard time walking. Those that find themselves in awkward situations and turning women off tend to try to force situations to happen, whereas those that constantly get friend-zoned or pegged as the "nice guy" usually fail to take opportunities. Never fail to take an opportunity, but don't force those opportunities to become a reality; let them happen in a natural way.
The last thing on this topic is that this doesn't mean sit back and do nothing. Your actions can be totally natural and not obnoxiously forcing an interaction to take place. Another of my examples; with my current girlfriend, I didn't ever think I'd see her again after I talked to her in the book store. This is how I was able to talk to her again and invite her to swing dance; I just happened to walk by the library (which I very rarely did in college) and I saw that she was working there. I was going to eventually get a book from there that I needed for class, but I decided to make it now (instead of later that night or on another day), because hey, why not? I'll get to talk to her again, and maybe we'll continue to hit it off. It was slightly out of my way and I was taking deliberate actions to make the opportunity flourish, but at the same time, I wasn't wandering in there with absolutely nothing to do and just creeping on her. I simply opened the door for conversation because she was the one that was checking out my book.
Another random thought on that topic, is that with my girlfriend, I didn't go straight for the number or the date. In today's world, women are kind of cautious of "that guy" that's just after them for the romantic/sexual aspect. Get them in a social situation (hanging out with a group of people, dancing, etc.), and then see if you can get a date/number if you're still interested. Waiting for one significant social interaction is hardly enough time to be called a wuss or to open yourself up to getting friend-zoned.
Just do everything in moderation, man. This is literally the best advice you will find anywhere about anything ever.
Man, I feel like I could make a dating advice blog with all of this wisdom comin' outta nowhere.
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if you think she is cute, you should tell her she is cute, boom now you guys both got something in common, both you and her agree that her looks are attractive
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disclaimer:
do not try to pick up chicks at the gym
with that said, i accidentally had luck with a pretty hot chick at my gym because i was checking out her ass while she was doing squats.. noticed her form was pretty good. i went over and told her that her form was good and asked her to do a form check for me to make sure i hit below parallel.
she chatted me up for a while and since then occasionally stops by and jokes around.
but seriously don't try to pick up chicks at the gym
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On June 21 2013 03:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
disclaimer:
do not try to pick up chicks at the gym
with that said, i accidentally had luck with a pretty hot chick at my gym because i was checking out her ass while she was doing squats.. noticed her form was pretty good. i went over and told her that her form was good and asked her to do a form check for me to make sure i hit below parallel.
she chatted me up for a while and since then occasionally stops by and jokes around.
but seriously don't try to pick up chicks at the gym
Lift weights not chicks
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On June 21 2013 03:08 Race is Terran wrote:
if you think she is cute, you should tell her she is cute, boom now you guys both got something in common, both you and her agree that her looks are attractive
LOL I actually second this, if you objectively think you're cute, or you've had friends telling you that you look good, and you thus feel that there is a good chance of the girl finding you cute, go for it man
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Golden Mouthpiece (say anything, don't give a shit about what you're saying, keep the vibe good)
Avoid Interrogations. (don't be an interviewer)
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started talking about gym
-> keep talking about gym, fitness, etc
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Don't pick up girls at the gym
They're not there to be picked up and if they are then... well, I have reservations about that personally, but if you don't more power to you.
Also, the trick to conversations is actually being an interesting person. The more interesting things you do, the less pressured you feel about directing a conversation because A) you'll be able to say something interesting about almost anything that comes up (Oh cool! I taught English in that country for a few years! or Right on, I'm the guitarist in a band that plays there sometimes!) and B) you'll know what to ask about when you do want to direct a conversation.
Conversation alone isn't enough to pick up a girl, though, because essentially you're convincing HER that SHE wants to hang out with you. That's something that only she can decide, no matter what you do. There's no formula or special tactic that always works. It's just a matter of circumstances.
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Mainly be yourself, don't think about the situation and just let the convo flow. I usually strike spontaneous discussions up from occurences in the surroundings, such as if I'm waiting for a bus and I see a girl I don't go all "Gah.. This bus is always late" because that would be too obvious, but I take something else from the surroundings, say "They've been repairing that building/road/[insert repairable object] for ages, do you live around here?" or something like that. Just throw your first line and keep chatting for a while and eventually you'll notice if she's interested or just wants to get away.
Also, if you get her number or something go on a date... Be sure you know her name before you do, I learned that the hard way.
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I think I have difficulty talking to random girls I think are cute too. At least in public. Where there are other people to see. There's a secretary with like the cutest hair. I could not say it to her.
In your case it is possible that the girl you talked to is just one that doesn't like to talk to strangers and deals with it by staring at you strangely with an "is this guy talking to me" look until you stop. Not all girls are like that.
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Guys, please. Saying "Don't pick up girls at a gym because they're not there to get picked up" is like saying "don't pick up girls in malls" or "don't pick up girls on the dance floor". It's completely irrelevant where or why they are around.
If you throw out things like this:
"Do you gym regularly?"
"How do you usually work out?"
"You should try out XXX machine, it's really good for working out your abs/legs/arms etc"
"Are you a member at this gym?"
"You look like a sporty person. Do you play sports?"
"Oh you do? Which sport do you play?"
"Oh you don't? Thats surprising. You should try out XXX sport. I do, and it's pretty fun!"
...or this:
Hey?
How are you doing?
What is your line of work?
Packaging? Oh wow, I heard that inspired Picasso to paint Guernica
...you will most likely not come off as an interesting person and it will also be why you can't keep a conversation rolling.
You're not there to do an interview. When it comes to basic conversations there is no point about asking how she works out, what her job is or how she's doing. You want to aim for a light-hearted opening that is, ideally, something she can emotionally connect with. In case of OP specifically you seem to have no issue opening her, but you seem to have an issue continuing. First of all, there is no problem with opening her up and then dropping it again for a better moment. Say "hi", throw out a random statement while you're passing her and be done for the moment. Whether it's a "Cool shoes" / "NICE SEXY PINK HAIRBAND" / "Wow, you're cute" - it doesn't matter. Pick something that sparks your interest, and just blurt it out. It's only awkward if you literally walk up to her, say something and walk away. If you ever run into that case try to do damage-control among the lines of "I better get started, see you around~" or something similar. Try to avoid that spot tho.
In general, just throw a smile in her direction when you see each other. She seems to be responding positively? Great, find spots to bust her balls in a way that you would with a buddy of yours. What you're saying exactly depends on your mood/humor/character. If your entire interaction during the time when you both actually aim to work out is about 20 seconds long, it's perfect. You're not there for an interview.
You had a couple of comments each others way, and seem to not hate each other? Great, strike up an actual conversation after you're both done. Most gyms have bars or areas where people can relax and chill after they're done. Once more: You're not there for an interview. Don't ask stupid questions like "How was your day?" / "Do you come here often?" / "So.. what do you work?" - every random guy that walks up to her does that because they're not brave enough to do other things. Instead of asking questions, make statements.
"I just had trouble with machine/exercise xyz, is that thing killing you too?" -> "God, machine/exercise xyz just killed me, I was so happy to see you suffer there afterwards!"
"What do you work as?" -> "You seem so relaxed I bet you work as xyz. Do you? No? Come on, you're lying!"
When she asks you questions feel free to expand on the answer. Don't fucking throw shit like "You should try out XXX sport. I do, and it's pretty fun!" at her, what kind of answer do you expect? You don't do a sport. You love a certain sport. "I climb and it's pretty fun!" vs "I love climbing whenever I can. You just go out there, you have the wind around you and it's just you and that damn wall that you're slowly but surely beating. And when you reach the top it's the best feeling ever. For one you usually get a great sight and on the other hand you can carefully look back down and feel how your stomach is turning around instantly."
You don't want to be the guy who likes hip-hop, who is okay with rock and who does sports and things with friends in his free time. Be the guy who loves hip-hop, hates rock, loves rock climbing and hates spending time with random people that aren't fun to be around. Embrace your edges.
When in doubt, throw out random pieces of info that you read/saw/heard about and just talk about them. "Now that I see that Turkish guy over there, have you heard about what's going on there at the moment? No? Okay, basically..." / "I've finished reading xyz yesterday and I loved that book. Have you heard of it? No? It's awesome, because..." ~ A couple of things like this and you can just hop from one topic to the next. "Remember how I talked about looking down from the top of a rock you just climbed? I never can get that image out of my head once I thought of it. I was SO TERRIFIED of heights when I was younger and stuff like that never really goes away. It was kind of fun when I was like 16 and a friend of mine convinced me that he just had to get me up on that tree since knowing how to climb would mean I will be less afraid of heights and then..."
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All of these tips are really great for people who already know how to have conversations, but not for you. Go to a family member/close friend and talk about this topic in depth rather than regurgitating stupid lines and memorizing dumb tips from peeps on the internet (no offence to the people in this thread). You may as well read her a book!
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Well what's your objective?
If you are looking to pickup, its not what you say that's important its your general attitude and how you come off. So keep that in mind, if a girl is attracted to you, you can say something really stupid and she will think you are funny.
Sometimes you don't need to say anything, just have a good vibe. If she's working out and she seems keen on you, just lightly give her some advice with some encouragement, it gives you a good excuse to touch her as well.
Also if you are going to touch her, do it with confidence, her reaction will be completely different depending on whether you feel it is normal or not. If you feel it is weird, she will think its weird, if you feel its normal, she will feel its normal. Same goes with everything else.
Remember that being good at talking to girls has nothing to do with being good at picking up, both are important skills but for different reasons. I've seen plenty of guys who "know how to talk to girls" yet find it very hard to actually pickup. A girl doesn't look at your conversational skills to figure out whether you are a good catch or not.
A girl focuses on the subtle undertones, never of the substance, when you speak, she focuses on your voice and attitude, when you act, she focuses on your vibe, when you have an opinion, she focuses on how strong and unwavering it is. This is why girls like stupid assholes who just say dumb things and are really arrogant.
So if you are worried about the fact you don't know what to say, know that it doesn't even matter, because she doesn't really look at that when figuring out who you are.
Just maintain good posture, lead, act dominant, and let her "follow" you. Be in control and maintain a strong reality.
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The best thing you can do is try and feel them out and get them to talk about something they are interested in, then if you seem interested it will play out naturally. It really works to let them do most of the talking. It does however take some practice to figure out how to get people to talk about something they are interested in, think of it like you are detective, look at little things they show that suggest their hobbies or interest, and use those as prompts. You can try this with anyone in your life to get some practice, then when you talk to girls it will come naturally. Really most girls just want a guy who seem genuinely interested in them.
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On June 21 2013 16:56 Polygamy wrote:
The best thing you can do is try and feel them out and get them to talk about something they are interested in, then if you seem interested it will play out naturally. It really works to let them do most of the talking. It does however take some practice to figure out how to get people to talk about something they are interested in, think of it like you are detective, look at little things they show that suggest their hobbies or interest, and use those as prompts. You can try this with anyone in your life to get some practice, then when you talk to girls it will come naturally. Really most girls just want a guy who seem genuinely interested in them.
While this seems very logical, often you will find girls who have no hobbies, no interests or aspirations. Their hobbies are clubbing, texting people on their phone, and talking to people on facebook, what is your advice then?
There's also the chance that girls will just bore themselves when you let them talk, if that happens, its your fault . Actually something girls are great at doing is subtly directing the conversation in a way that eventually ruins the moment. "My ex's girlfriend is such a slut, etc".
I'm not saying you should never let them speak, but if you carry the conversation it leads to much better outcomes. There's nothing wrong with talking about yourself and what you love doing, and doing that the entire time. One time I talked about progamer APM to a complete stranger and she was like "omg that's awesome, etc" and ended up spending the whole night talking to her about nerdy shit she had no clue about but she stayed with me the entire time.
Girls say a lot of things like, "I want a guy who really listens", and a lot of guys fall for that and never get anywhere.
To guys, listening is about remembering what people say. To girls, the emotions conveyed are what is actually being "spoken", not the words. If you want to know how to listen to a girl, look at her directly in the eyes, and sincerely understand her emotional waves. When you respond, you should be responding to her emotions, rather than her words.
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EPT
