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Hey guys, having some troubles with the other sex.
I'm seventeen and physically fit, generally not really shy, so walking up to them ain't a problem but I can't continue a conversation with a random person I know nothing about, and this relates to me real life as well, not being able to start up converastions about random shit.
I went to the gym, and I saw a cute girl. So I walked over to her and said hey, then asked her for how long she was at the gym and how she liked it, but after that I like thought for five seconds what to say and nothing came up... So I just walked away, like a baws, no but really... It was pretty fcking awkward, how can I AVOID THIS SHIT!
 
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Germany38463 Posts
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person.
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On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person.
Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
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Germany38463 Posts
Try their mothers I guess. Haha.
Nonetheless, the gym is pretty not ideal to be real honest (I'm sure the reasons why are easy to figure out). In that regard, you still need to find the right setting and then move from there - usually figuring out what they study/work, what always intrigues you about that line of work, etc. and from there it usually takes off: You might not get the hang of it the first time, but keep practicing.
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[QUOTE]On June 20 2013 23:26 Torte de Lini wrote:
figuring out what they study/work, QUOTE]
Lol, like stalking?
Idk, I find that kinda creepy.
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Germany38463 Posts
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On June 20 2013 23:32 Torte de Lini wrote:
You fucking ask them.
What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
Practice makes perfect, that's basically the truth about this as much as anything.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
"What else are you doing?"...
"What do you think about [topic]?"...
"Have you seen XXX"
yaddayadda... Just ask, if she's interested she will keep the conversation going herself...
My problem is quite the opposite... I have problems starting the conversation but no real issues after... Just if the answers don't "satisfy" me (and i'm overly critical) there is this voice in my head that shouts "i don't care about the shit your telling me make it stoooop." and off i go :p...
Oh.. And avoid politics... I once had the nicest chat with a girl and for once everything was fine... 2-3 minutes later i called her Nazibitch...
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United States24782 Posts
Um, if you see a cute girl, maybe keep an eye on her without staring/stalking, and wait until something occurs to you that would be interesting to talk to her about. Maybe you realize she's wearing a sweatshirt that she went to your middle school, maybe her phone rings and it's the theme to your favorite tv show, etc. If there's nothing to talk about, then trying to strike up a conversation in an unsuitable place (as TDL mentioned) is going to probably have weird results like in your case study.
What is your objective when trying to talk to her? If it's to find out more about her, then that gives you an objective for the conversation. If it's to get her phone number, then I guess that's an objective as well...
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On June 20 2013 23:44 micronesia wrote:
Um, if you see a cute girl, maybe keep an eye on her without staring/stalking, and wait until something occurs to you that would be interesting to talk to her about. Maybe you realize she's wearing a sweatshirt that she went to your middle school, maybe her phone rings and it's the theme to your favorite tv show, etc. If there's nothing to talk about, then trying to strike up a conversation in an unsuitable place (as TDL mentioned) is going to probably have weird results like in your case study.
What is your objective when trying to talk to her? If it's to find out more about her, then that gives you an objective for the conversation. If it's to get her phone number, then I guess that's an objective as well...
My objective? Uhm get to know her, get her phone number, take her out on a date, "etc. etc." 
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On June 20 2013 23:43 Velr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:On June 20 2013 23:32 Torte de Lini wrote:
You fucking ask them. What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them. "What else are you doing?"... "What do you think about [topic]?"... "Have you seen XXX" yaddayadda... Just ask, if she's interested she will keep the conversation going herself... My problem is quite the opposite... I have problems starting the conversation but no real issues after... Just if the answers don't "satisfy" me (and i'm overly critical) there is this voice in my head that shouts "i don't care about the shit your telling me make it stoooop." and off i go :p... Oh.. And avoid politics... I once had the nicest chat with a girl and for once everything was fine... 2-3 minutes later i called her Nazibitch...
Hmmm or you could think, do not avoid politics, because if you wouldn't have asked her you maybe would have gotten with a nazi without knowing. :D
But don't worry, I'm not really interested in politics.
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Germany38463 Posts
On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
Hey?
How are you doing?
DONT SAY: COME HERE OFTEN?
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO LIFT
bla bla bla bla
What is your line of work?
Packaging? Oh wow, I heard that inspired Picasso to paint Guernica
etc etc etc
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Always aim for a goal:
Possible goals:
- Invitation
- Phone number
- Kiss
...
When you don't have anything to talk about atleast ask for a phone number if you like her.
I promise you, even if you don't get the number you'll feel way better afterwards.
The topics will come on their own when you meet a person that has similiar interests as you, also when you grow older you'll have much more to talk about.
But you can also prepare a rutine or a story beforehand to keep the pace.
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On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
If your only way of getting the opportunity to talk to the opposite sex is to randomly walk up to women and you're seventeen, then you're doing something wrong.
Get yourself involved in a variety of things. Conversations start because you have some kind of (even just one) link that puts you in a similar social situation. You are in the same class and sit next to each other, you are in the same school activity and work together, you actually work together at a job, you consistently work out at the same place. From there, it's simple; introduce yourself. Ask their name. Offer them help with something to get the conversation going. Then just simply be interested in who they are. What do you do? Where are you from? If you can't get interesting conversations going from these, then you have more problems than just being able to meet girls.
I've been dating a woman for ten months. Here's how we met. She came into the book store I was working at (at the time, I worked in our college's book store). I asked her a little bit about the classes she was buying books for. BAM. We have a conversation for an hour. The next time I run into her, I get her to come out swing dancing (I regularly swing dance). Next thing you know, we're on a date. It barely takes anything to start a conversation, and as long as you are actually interested in the person, then keeping a conversation shouldn't be difficult. Furthermore, I've been with enough women to be able to at least claim that I'm not socially incompetent (although I would hardly claim that I'm "good with women"), and I've met almost all of them through very random meetings, and none of them where I thought, "I'm gonna date that girl!" as soon as I saw her (well, to be honest, I was pretty into my current girlfriend as soon as I met her). I met my first one through another female friend, the next one through a singing group I was in, another through class, the next through playing pool (billiards, do they call it pool outside the U.S.?), the next two through dancing, and this last one (not counting the girls that I never actually had a relationship with).
The thing that I tend to see with people that say, "I just can't keep an interesting conversation with a woman/these women are boring and can't keep interesting conversations" is that, subconsciously, these men are just really, really trying to find a date, and so that's all they focus on. Your interest needs to be on who they are as a person, and not trying to get a date, for two reasons: one, it'll actually keep the conversation going, and two, you actually want to know who this person is before you ask them out on a date. I had a massive problem with this in the middle of high school (15-17 years old), and that's probably why I only dated two women in high school. I just couldn't keep conversations going because, in my mind, I was so focused on the romantic possibilities and not simply focused on who these women were. It almost always makes you come across as awkward and sometimes creepy.
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On June 20 2013 23:35 Mr.Bimbles wrote:What do you mean, What are you referring to that I should ask them? Sorry didn't mean to offend you or something, I just don't feel comfortable spying on someone and figuring out things about them.
There's your problem
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On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though.
Hopefully none of your friends read this. Ouch! haha
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On June 21 2013 00:50 Uzee13 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2013 23:20 Mr.Bimbles wrote:On June 20 2013 23:16 Torte de Lini wrote:
Don't set up conversations that way. If you're trying to make casual conversation, generally meeting random people without an entryway through friends or the occasion/setting (bar, restaurant, friend's place) can be difficult to say the least.
Generally, with conversations to keep the person interested as well as fending off the insecurity you have that you're boring the person is to always keep the conversation about them or in other words: maintaining a real and genuine interest in the other person. Yeah well, none of my friends know any girls so this is my only way, thanks for the tip though. Hopefully none of your friends read this. Ouch! haha
I don't think they're in denial about this fact, plus neither do I, our little friend group is a complete sausage fest.
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EPT
But im pretty sure if your just thinking of stuff to ask and she isn't answering back with questions of her own then she isn't interested. You will tell if a girl is interested if she expands on her answers to your questions and you get a genuine conversation going.
