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"I don't care to belong to any club that would have me as a member." It's supposed to be funny, but that's kinda how I feel all the time. Whenever I take on a daunting task and complete it, I am almost always left unsatisfied by my accomplishment. I think it's because whenever I finish something, I look back on it, and it was too easy. I don't know if it's supposed to be this way. I mean, I know that once you master a subject it's only natural to feel that the subject is easy, but for some reason, things that I find easy, I can't have any respect for. So, what it comes down to, then, is that everything that I am capable of doing, I have no respect for. I should not be the bar for respect.
Here's what I think. If I try my best at something, and I'm able to master it, it wasn't hard in the first place, because nothing in life should ever be that easy to master. It should take an exorbitant amount of experience and knowledge to get an A in any class or obtain a certificate, but it never really does, does it? Something I would consider worthy of respect is something that I've tried my utmost hardest at and still fail or, preferably, barely manage to pass. If it's not at that level of difficulty, then it means it doesn't require an innate skill or deep understanding; it just requires time. Obviously, managing your time is a different and, what I consider to be, respectable skill set -- and quite frankly, one that I'm still working on -- but it's a considerably different aspect of learning that doesn't really require the desired level of understanding that I strive for. Consider the difference between someone who can play music well and someone who can write music well, to me they are both respectable but monumentally different.
Any kind of academic learning in life requires immense amounts of rote memorization as a substitute for true experience. The sad part about this is that it has become the de facto standard for measuring aptitude in our world of commoditized education. Everything in academia has turned completely backwards, and this is the structure we are using to build the adults for the next generation. People are no longer learning lessons, people are memorizing conclusions and only the few that are able to break from this structure and find knowledge on their own will find true satisfaction and intellect worthy of self-admiration.
Take for example the act of note taking. How many times have you seen people simply jotting down whatever the professor says as a form of note taking? How sad is it that people are paid to take notes? How sad is it that people pay for those notes? Notes are supposed to be a method of preserving YOUR thoughts and processes as YOU work out a new concept and how YOU understand it; how it makes sense to YOU. The point of note taking is to put into writing and help commit to memory your own intrinsic thoughts of a subject, not to simply repeat what has been said, in writing. That's what books are for. There are millions of books, you don't need to write your own.
Another poor metric of aptitude are tests. I suppose not tests per se, but grades on tests. I'm not going to pretend I know of a better solution, but there is something unnerving about measuring a person's understanding of a subject halfway through a class and then punishing that person for it, even though they may have made up for it by the end. It's true that tests serve as a good motivator -- for some people, the only motivator -- to get people to study, but the idea that people absorb information at the same rate is extremely flawed, and the idea that you are being punished for your failures is the most immensely stupid concept that I've ever come across. Anyone who is worth their salt has come to understand the fact that one of the best ways to learn is by failing. Push yourself enough to fail, and see what you can improve to avoid failure the next time. Improvement can only be done retrospectively, otherwise everyone on the planet would be exactly perfect; punishment for failure at an educational institution seems completely counterintuitive. Test grades should not be a METRIC that is used to measure your worth, they should be a TOOL by which you can measure your own progress and improvement.
Progress is not completely linear. It's funny how linearly we structure our lives and it's almost sad how rigidly we adhere to it. Maybe there are people wiser than I who understand why the system has been whittled down to such linearly progressive structure, but I think I would find it appalling -- if prolonged thought about the subject did not turn me so quickly to frustration. Who was this curriculum developed for? I can understand why K-12 is structured the way it is -- my understanding diminishes as the years drag on -- because humans do develop at similar rates; similar, but not perfectly identical rates. This difference is only magnified once you get into late adolescence and early adulthood. How many people do you know in life that truly knew what they wanted to be in life after the first two years of college?
The problem with the commoditization of education is the value we dump into a stupid piece of paper that says we went through this system and survived, and if you don't have this stupid piece of paper, you are worthless. If you don't have a stupid piece of paper that says you went through a certain curriculum that supposedly proves you have knowledge about the subject then CLEARLY, you are inferior to someone who has the aforementioned piece of paper. There is something wrong with that. There is something really wrong with that.
The saddest part of this is that people who truly seek knowledge, and value it, assign no inherit value to these pieces of paper. The entire basis for its value is in the process through which you attain the piece of paper, but that holds no value when you know the process was a fucking sham the entire time. This holds especially true when the rest of the world gives a piece of paper value that you know it doesn't have; when people assume you have the mastery or even competency in something that you know you do not, or at least, not to the point to which you would have desired.
I don't claim to be smart, in fact, I think that I'm pretty fucking stupid and lazy. It only makes matters worse when someone as stupid and lazy as me sees these things as not worth the effort because, even if I were to put in the effort -- and there have been times when I have put in the effort, and more -- I end up utterly dissatisfied from what I get out of it. There is nothing worse than receiving praise for something that feels so absolutely pedestrian.
But we do what we gotta do to live, right?
 
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Take on a truly backbreaking internally motivated challenge, requiring you to push yourself in ways you didn't know possible, and then try to say you don't respect the process. You've been challenged all your life to meet externally defined standards. Have you ever really challenged yourself?
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I agree that the education system is flawed with its rote learning tests/exams. Going through university I haven't actually retained much of what I've learned because I just crammed a few days before and just enough to get a decent mark. I've never really bothered to understand the content; unless it was something i found fascinating and/or interesting.
For all your criticism though, what do you think a solution might be?
On February 21 2013 19:58 Mstring wrote:
Take on a truly backbreaking internally motivated challenge, requiring you to push yourself in ways you didn't know possible, and then try to say you don't respect the process. You've been challenged all your life to meet externally defined standards. Have you ever really challenged yourself?
Totally agree and great post.
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I can relate to how you feel. I truly struggle to not throw compliments back into their giver's faces when I can so clearly see that what I've accomplished is absolute shit, mediocre at best. I think that's maybe what I love most about Starcraft. No matter how hard I train or learn, there's someone out there who will make me look like a fool, and no one ever truly praises anyone for their play in Starcraft until the very tip top.
In other fields, I've found that art is a fantastic release for those feelings. You don't have to show anyone your art. You don't have to do anything with art, you can set your own goals and measures of skill and mastery. And if you do show your art to masters of the same field, they're highly unlikely to be uncritical and give you praise for a mediocre achievement. And you can take up an art in any field you want. That, and its so subjective that there is no limit to your skill, you CANNOT master art, ever. Personally I sketch, do computer graphic stuff, (especially because I'm an arcitecture student) and make music. I've always struggled with how I am so critical of my own work, and how others see it and give me (what feels like) empty praise. But like I said, you don't have to share a damn thing. You can grind it out all by yourself and try to please your most important critic, you.
Some people have no internal filter or critical side. Some people are proud of everything you do. But after reading your blog I'm positive you're like me, in that we can e trusted to critique our own work, art, whatever, an we won't cheat or sell ourselves short. We strive harder and harder because if something is going to be given our attention and dedication, it has to be worth it.
I hope I made sense and helped a bit haha.
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The way you write this makes it seems like you have never attempted to master a skill and not mastered it....which I find somewhat hard to believe.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
Whenever I take on a daunting task and complete it, I am almost always left unsatisfied by my accomplishment. I think it's because whenever I finish something, I look back on it, and it was too easy.
Like what? If you can "complete" your task then yeah I totally agree, it really wasn't that that hard.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
I know that once you master a subject it's only natural to feel that the subject is easy, but for some reason, things that I find easy, I can't have any respect for. So, what it comes down to, then, is that everything that I am capable of doing, I have no respect for.
How old are you and how many subjects have you "mastered"? I don't even understand what kind of a definition of mastery you seem to be operating under. I know damn well that I'm not anywhere near mastery of ANY craft or skill whatsover.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
Something I would consider worthy of respect is something that I've tried my utmost hardest at and still fail or, preferably, barely manage to pass.
Pass? Are you in high school? God doesn't just come down and pin a gold star on you and tell you "good job, you're done". Mastery is a process that can easily last your entire life. In fact if you really love your pursuit it is guaranteed to. People dont spend 20 years on some science or sport or humanitarian goal or career in order to get some certification and call it a day, they actually find that task fulfilling in and of itself. Nobody who people would even dare call mastery level will ever tell you "yeah, I'm as good as anyone will ever be at this", unless they are trash talking or mentally ill.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
Any kind of academic learning in life requires immense amounts of rote memorization as a substitute for true experience. The sad part about this is that it has become the de facto standard for measuring aptitude in our world of commoditized education.
While it is true that sometimes rote memorization is overemphasized in school. There is actually a really fucking good reason you have to flat out know a lot of shit in order to be successful, which is that thats how the real world works. This isn't just "academic learning", its just fucking learning. For all your feelings of mental superiority, nobody is gonna put any value in your grasp of theoretical physics (although apparently you do) just because you read some stephen hawking novel and didn't bother to actually learn the damn math. You sound like some kid who watched some Day9 and then stopped playing SC because you understand all the concepts and feel that actually learning mechanics and picking up gamesense would just be useless grunt work.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
The saddest part of this is that people who truly seek knowledge, and value it, assign no inherit value to these pieces of paper. The entire basis for its value is in the process through which you attain the piece of paper, but that holds no value when you know the process was a fucking sham the entire time.
Pray tell us some examples of these true seekers of knowledge who need not stoop so low as to actually memorize and grind out experience in order to achieve enlightenment? You make it sound like a tribe of wizards out somewhere in the mountains who sit and think deep deep thoughts. Shit doesn't exist. No wonder you feel unfullilled. I've yet to come across a "deep thought" that took more than brief discussion, when their is no process/learning or investigation behind a concept it necessarily end up pretty damn simple, not to mention probably completely impractical in reality.
On February 21 2013 19:14 mahnini wrote:
I don't claim to be smart, in fact, I think that I'm pretty fucking stupid and lazy. It only makes matters worse when someone as stupid and lazy as me sees these things as not worth the effort because, even if I were to put in the effort -- and there have been times when I have put in the effort, and more -- I end up utterly dissatisfied from what I get out of it. There is nothing worse than receiving praise for something that feels so absolutely pedestrian.
You seem to have absolutely no personal motivation whatsoever. Is there no topic that actually interests YOU? Or are you just so lazy that you give up after 4 days and congratulate yourself on allocating your time wisely. EVERY complex skill requires basically endless mental and rote aspects, there is no dichotomy, you access more complex layers of both as you work at it. Academic school is whatever you make of it, you don't even have to go to class and you can try basically whatever. If you are miserable its your own damn fault and you could change it up anytime you want.
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Go study Physics and/or Math. Haven't come across anyone that thought that shit is easy, I met this quite brilliant PhD student and asked him if it got any easier, he told me it's only going to get harder. You don't have to commit much to memory at all as well. Well, much less than other subjects.
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At your paragraph about tests
No, it's not assuming that everyone absorbs information at the same rate. If anything, tests are nothing but an indicator of how fast you absorb information. And that's a very important indicator because you will be constantly learning throughout your life. For alot of jobs that you will interview for, employers care very little about what you learned in school, because schools don't teach what they do and you'll go through training anyways. What matters is that you're able to pick up new things quickly enough to be worth their money.
Also, complaining that being punished for failing on tests is a pretty shit excuse. Fail on your own time, when it doesn't matter. Then don't fail when it matters. Simple.
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I don't know that the "piece of paper" is all that worthless or as quaint as you claim. There is a very real challenge when, in the real world, you have to make an assessment of someone. This could be whether to accept someone into your fraternity/sorority, whether to hire someone for a job, or whether to continue seeing someone after a first date. You're making an assessment of their qualifications. You don't have enough time to know what is inside someone's head; you can't know someone's potential; you can't see the things you would see if you had known them for years and years or seen first-hand the products of their work.
You have to use assertions from what you can observe to ground your assessment. This is why people might turn down a second date from someone without a job or without a car, or why employers look for people with high school diplomas or college degrees. When you have to make decisions on limited information, then the whole process becomes necessarily superficial. People cannot see beneath your surface in such a short period of time, they can only see the shadow you project on the wall.
This doesn't devalue the pursuit of meaningful experiences and true knowledge, nor does it promote people chasing only those things that will look good on a resume. What it means is that both things are important. It is important to both do the things that mean the most to you, and to make sure that the things you do produce measurable results that can be used by others to understand your qualifications (assuming, of course, that you care about people measuring your efforts for whatever reason).
The educational system is not perfect, but then again, what system is perfect? We can improve the system, but we still have to respect that society values the completion of that curriculum very highly. It is a discriminator. There are achievements in life that can offset the lack of a high school diploma, but that doesn't mean the diploma doesn't matter. There are some very successful and rich people that famously dropped out of college. This doesn't mean that a college degree is worthless for everyone, but there are achievements and experiences that can outweigh the value of a college degree.
When I was part of the system the whole thing did feel arbitrary. Fraternity rush felt arbitrary. The job search felt arbitrary. Once I started see the other side of things (doing fraternity recruitment, interviewing job candidates, etc) I realized how difficult it is for someone to make snap decisions about the worth and value of a person when you're given so little information and time to make the decision. In the end, you probably don't get the "best" person, because that best person didn't project to a resume or an interview as well as someone else. However, that's the best system that anyone has devised for selecting talent to this point, so that's the reality of the world we live in. It's necessarily superficial. Then, once you've made your selection, the deeper relationships and learning happens.
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sounds a bit pathetic when you write that you have never found a challenge you couldn't master easily
some ideas:
learn a language to the level where you can pass as a native and/or where you can translate 'scientific' texts both directions
pick a sport that is not too reliant on genetics to excel in, and aim for the 99th percentile. For me that would be climbing, and lead climbing a 10 outdoors (doing 10s is where you start to get some free equipment, 11 is World Class, 12 has two or three climbers worldwide that can possibly climb one, 6-7 is where the people that go once a week start to struggle)
get a book published by a major publisher
be accepted into a famous orchestra
etc..
and a general LOL at the people writing down verbatim what a prof has to say. And a double lol for the ones that use marker for the important things and end up marking 50% of a 600 page book.
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The problem with education (at least in the US) is that it is designed (for the most part, with exceptions at the very top) so that if anyone really applies themselves, they can at least pass. They may not excel, they may not break new ground, but they can get that degree in whatever it is they really want that degree in, if they put in the work required. Unfortunately, most people in the world simply aren't that bright, so this sets the bar pretty low.
If you want a feeling of accomplishment you can either a) Keep trying to reach those other echelons of higher education where your work will actually matter or b) develop a skill that you can actually use that most other people don't have. This could be almost anything, from a language, to a technical skill, to a physical skill. Just something that when the need arises, you have a skill to complete a task that the average person does not.
I personally like languages. With this, I've learned multiple web development languages, so I can build websites (which is something that is in fairly high demand, and really isn't that hard to get in to). Also, because it has a relatively low "skill" of entry you can get interested in it, then learn all the ridiculous ways to do different things and feel yourself get better at them. I'm by no means a web development master, but I'm better than I was a year ago, and that progress is note-able. It is also something not everyone can do (and is also a big part of my job) so when these things come up, I'm the guy people look to handle it, because just not anyone on staff can handle it.
If you want to feel a sense of accomplishment, develop a useful skill that not everyone can do.
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Learn the bagpipes! Not that easy to learn in the first place, and a lifetime to master!
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So you're saying the educational system is seriously flawed and lagging 10 - 20 years behind pedagogy/educational science? This isn't news. Every teacher who's been educated in the last decade could tell you and often enough they talk about this shit but nobody listens. Damn, now I feel like ranting again...
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EPT
