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Fuck yeah, go for the Pulitzer prize, Fusilero!
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Norway25712 Posts
I gave you dat critic elsewhere. Gogo TL writer!
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United Kingdom14464 Posts
A couple of grammar mistakes I think, but a nice writeup overall, specially as I know literally nothing about the Chinese scene
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The first sentence is basically two phrases joined together. You need to break it into two sentences, or restructure it. "On the wayside" doesn't work in American English, but maybe it does in British English. Usually it would be used like, "this team has fallen by the wayside" although even that is a little awkward. Last sentence of the first paragraph is also two phrases linked together. You need a period after mini-bosses, or some other form of connector to merge the thoughts.
Good luck!
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Basically, my main criticism: You don't use periods enough. Your piece is full of sentences that just run on and on.
"With anonymity however comes a key advantage for dreamertt and that is preparation, while dreamer can happily browse the many games that XiGua has on record against his fellow Chinese players and his scarce international outings however at the same time dreamer is mostly stuck with cross country chats with his team mates and friends as well as lure who is protoss to help him get ready while XiGua has all of China behind him."
Only MacSed can rival XiGua in China, his 3rd place at WCG 2012 (A bizzare event to say the least) with wins over fellow Chinese player Jim, LG-IMYongHwa and FXO.LoWeLy as well as a solid map taken off ST.PartinG on top of a starswar 7 victory over Sen and Grubby highlight a player with ability to compete with the best. That being said lure is not quite as anonymous as his Korean compatriot dreamertt, he might not have the big titles but he has shown that he can compete in the GSL with multiple qualifications throughout the year and a solid run to the top 4 of a Korean TSL qualifier both paint a picture of an at worst solid low tier code A player and that alone is enough to give him decent stock beyond his native peninsula. (I mean, that's TWO sentences, dude. Come on.)
To rewrite them a little better:
With anonymity however comes a key advantage for dreamertt, and that advantage is preparation. Dreamer can happily browse the many games that XiGua has on record against his fellow Chinese players and his international outings, while XiGua has no such advantage. However at the same time, Dreamer is mostly stuck with cross-country chats with friends and teammates to help him get ready while XiGua has all of China behind him.
Only MacSed can rival XiGua in China. His 3rd place at WCG 2012 with wins over players such as LG-IMYongHwa and FXO.LoWeLy, as well as a solid map taken off ST.PartinG was extraordinary for one outside of Korea. On top of this achievement is a Starswar 7 victory over Sen and Grubby. These tournaments clearly highlight a player with the ability to compete with the best. That being said, Lure is not quite as anonymous as his Korean compatriot Dreamertt. He might not have the big titles, but he has shown that he can compete in the GSL. Multiple <Something> qualifications throughout the year, combine with a solid run to the top 4 of a Korean TSL qualifier to paint a picture of a player who is Code A material at the very least. This alone is enough to give him decent stock beyond his native peninsula.
Essentially, my advice is to work on grammar. Try reading your articles aloud before you post them. If you'd read some of those sentences out loud, you may have realised how much they ran on. Best of luck, we can always use more writers in the world!
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Pretty close predictions actually, only one game off in every match, so you're probably not qualified to be a TL writer.
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