Our voice is what we use daily to communicate with other people and for someone that is transgender, especially MtF (male-to-female) it can be a painful reminder that something isn't right. There are some that have no problem with having a masculine sounding voice but often times it is a large source of discomfort. It's odd to think that your own voice can cause you discomfort but for many of us that are trans it's what we go through daily.
When I hit puberty and my voice began to change I really, really hated it. I didn't want a deep voice, though I was actually praised by people around me for it. Congratulating me on achieving that deep male sounding voice as if it was something to be proud of. I'm sure for a lot of boys going through puberty when they wake up and suddenly have a deep voice it can be the greatest thing ever, but for me it was really the worst thing imaginable.
Growing up I was always rather shy and didn't talk much. When puberty set in and my voice changed it became less about being shy and untalkative and simply hating the sound of my own voice. Back then I didn't know the real reason why it bothered me so much but I always felt disconnected whenever speaking to someone. It wasn't me talking because in my mind I didn't sound like that.
When I realized and accepted I was transgender one of the first things that brought me a lot of pain thinking about was my voice. I didn't know if it was possible to even alter my voice and the idea of being stuck with a deep male voice really haunted me. So like every other problem people have I turned to the internet and found out that it was possible.
YouTube is a great, great resource for anything trans-voice related. The trans community on YouTube really caught on in the mid-late 2000's and besides personal vlogs, a lot of videos relating to voice started popping up. It was great as most of the other resources online were in the form of CD's that you would have to buy or other such materials that would cost money. There was also the option of professional help but for someone not ready to make that plunge having the freedom of the internet was a blessing and content on YouTube was beyond helpful.
There are a lot of great videos that exist today that help trans people learn how to change their voice. A really popular video channel was candiFLA, her videos were some of the first that really showed you could do it on your own. The first video was this one;
showing both her presently used voice and the male voice she worked to get rid of as well as the technique she used to achieve it. It was a great relief to hear her in the videos and know that anyone can do it even if you have no previous knowledge in singing or anything vocal related.
Besides YouTube videos there was a lot of online material you could look up. One of the most well known was the Deep Stealth series created by Andrea James and Calpernia Addams. It was a pay model so to get the material you needed to pay for it but there were some exerts of it online that you could use. Today it still costs money but there are YouTube videos of the lessons and I think content is posted on the Deep Stealth website; http://www.deepstealth.com/film-tv-video/instructional-videos/finding-your-female-voice/
So that covers some of the origins of altering your voice to become feminine instead of masculine. Today there is numerous resources, including professionals that work with you over Skype (or other voice programs) and communities like on Reddit that actively work to help each other. It's still a daunting task but it has become easier to find the necessary information to get started and work through it.
Now we come back to me. Unfortunately I haven't been the most disciplined when it comes to working on my voice, really crippling depression sucked a lot of the motivation I had for a number of years so there were only small spurts of time I'd spend working on my voice. But for about a year now I've been working on my voice almost daily. I don't use it full time yet but that's mostly to do with being a perfectionist but I am happy with my current results. Not completely satisfied but overall happy with what I've managed so far.
So here is a sort of 'voice timeline' with my male voice as a base followed by several short voice clips starting from December last year to just a few days ago. A few notes; the date on the male voice recorded wasn't chronological because originally I didn't think I'd keep a record of my voice progression so I didn't make a recording of it until later. I also changed my name around the middle of this year. So the male voice clip will be using the name Nick (birth name) then some of the clips will use Naomi and more recent ones will be Kayla.
I'm not using my voice full time so a lot of the inconsistency (or at least my perceived inconsistency) will be hopefully be ironed out when I do use my voice full time. I'm mostly happy with it but I'm always open to criticism and any tips. I can answer any questions related to the voice that I'll try to answer to the best of my knowledge, or any trans questions in general. I'll answer them when I wake up :3
On November 28 2012 03:07 happyft wrote: I'm really interested in how you discovered you were transgender. Mind sharing the story a bit?
In a way I always knew, but as a kid you're not really able to explain the way you feel. I can remember distinctly wanting to be a girl, that I would wish every night before going to sleep that I would wake up as a girl. It wasn't until my early teens that I first learned what transgender was and knew back then that was me, but I didn't accept that and it wasn't until I was 18 that I came to accept I was trans.
On November 28 2012 03:54 QxGRockEr wrote: Wish you the best darkcell~ Come back to gaming tho WTF. prolly woulda won a mlg by now with current day zerg.
I still play :3 but the start of the year really sucked, my internet was so bad I had to stop playing for a bit then lost my motivation to play again. Then I switched race to terran and now I'm waiting for the HOTS to come out :3
On November 28 2012 03:07 happyft wrote: I'm really interested in how you discovered you were transgender. Mind sharing the story a bit?
In a way I always knew, but as a kid you're not really able to explain the way you feel. I can remember distinctly wanting to be a girl, that I would wish every night before going to sleep that I would wake up as a girl. It wasn't until my early teens that I first learned what transgender was and knew back then that was me, but I didn't accept that and it wasn't until I was 18 that I came to accept I was trans.
On November 28 2012 03:54 QxGRockEr wrote: Wish you the best darkcell~ Come back to gaming tho WTF. prolly woulda won a mlg by now with current day zerg.
I still play :3 but the start of the year really sucked, my internet was so bad I had to stop playing for a bit then lost my motivation to play again. Then I switched race to terran and now I'm waiting for the HOTS to come out :3
On November 28 2012 03:07 happyft wrote: I'm really interested in how you discovered you were transgender. Mind sharing the story a bit?
In a way I always knew, but as a kid you're not really able to explain the way you feel. I can remember distinctly wanting to be a girl, that I would wish every night before going to sleep that I would wake up as a girl. It wasn't until my early teens that I first learned what transgender was and knew back then that was me, but I didn't accept that and it wasn't until I was 18 that I came to accept I was trans.
Hmm interesting. I'm not exactly trans. I just like to do whatever I feel like, (whether it's to have more "feminine" or "masculine" characteristics at that time) (I did have a lot of feelings of wanting to be a girl or like a girl too)
I recently personally put all my gender thoughts of what I wanted (although it's a bit dated? idk) in a file and then organized it and then tried to determine if I was more of a trans or not, (also did those silly quizzes like the COGIATI)
turns out I'm more of an androgynous person rather than trans although I'm thinking I might be some mix between androgyny and bigender but not really..
One day, we'll be able to implant a chip in our voice box or something similar. However, for me, even though I have an extremely deep voice, which is funny because of how tiny I am, I'm also the only guy that I know that can hit high pitches that you can hear in a choir.
One way you can see if your trans or not is to see if you get jealous of the other sex. Girls get jealous of other girls, while guys get jealous of other guys.
You sound like a chick. Nice job.
Now that I see Kayla, you don't go on 420chan do you? (Or am I mistaken that you are Kayla?)
On November 28 2012 13:25 DigiGnar wrote: One day, we'll be able to implant a chip in our voice box or something similar. However, for me, even though I have an extremely deep voice, which is funny because of how tiny I am, I'm also the only guy that I know that can hit high pitches that you can hear in a choir.
One way you can see if your trans or not is to see if you get jealous of the other sex. Girls get jealous of other girls, while guys get jealous of other guys.
You sound like a chick. Nice job.
Now that I see Kayla, you don't go on 420chan do you? (Or am I mistaken that you are Kayla?)
There are surgeries that raise the pitch of your voice, but most of them are kinda risky. Maybe someday there will be a simple solution to it like a chip :3
One way you can see if your trans or not is to see if you get jealous of the other sex. Girls get jealous of other girls, while guys get jealous of other guys.
what if I don't really get jealous of anyone lol o_o (or jealous of what exactly. their friends? boy/girl friends? ... what exactly)
One way you can see if your trans or not is to see if you get jealous of the other sex. Girls get jealous of other girls, while guys get jealous of other guys.
what if I don't really get jealous of anyone lol o_o (or jealous of what exactly. their friends? boy/girl friends? ... what exactly)
Being jealous or not doesn't really mean anything so I wouldn't put much thought into it
If you were a pre-trans or whatever it's called, wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be? Even if you were post-op or whatever, you're still not the full sex that you want to be. Wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be because their the full sex you want to be while you never got to live as the other sex fully?
I mean, it makes sense to be jealous of those who have what you want.
On November 29 2012 07:58 DigiGnar wrote: If you were a pre-trans or whatever it's called, wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be? Even if you were post-op or whatever, you're still not the full sex that you want to be. Wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be because their the full sex you want to be while you never got to live as the other sex fully?
I mean, it makes sense to be jealous of those who have what you want.
"jealous" is a very loose term
jealous about what exactly, their body parts? their experience? what exactly.
On November 29 2012 07:58 DigiGnar wrote: If you were a pre-trans or whatever it's called, wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be? Even if you were post-op or whatever, you're still not the full sex that you want to be. Wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be because their the full sex you want to be while you never got to live as the other sex fully?
I mean, it makes sense to be jealous of those who have what you want.
"jealous" is a very loose term
jealous about what exactly, their body parts? their experience? what exactly.
I don't understand how you are not getting this.
If someone wants to be the other sex, even if they had the op, they wouldn't have lived their entire lives as the sex they want to be. While it's not healthy to dwell on the fact, wouldn't it be like a hole in one's life which can never be filled? I don't think anyone would fully be able to get over the fact that the first half of their life wasn't lived as they felt it should have. They would be jealous of the biological factor and the experiences.
You can google "jealous trans" or something. I'm sure you'll find a lot of links. (As I have.)
On November 29 2012 07:58 DigiGnar wrote: If you were a pre-trans or whatever it's called, wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be? Even if you were post-op or whatever, you're still not the full sex that you want to be. Wouldn't you be jealous of the sex you want to be because their the full sex you want to be while you never got to live as the other sex fully?
I mean, it makes sense to be jealous of those who have what you want.
"jealous" is a very loose term
jealous about what exactly, their body parts? their experience? what exactly.
I don't understand how you are not getting this.
If someone wants to be the other sex, even if they had the op, they wouldn't have lived their entire lives as the sex they want to be. While it's not healthy to dwell on the fact, wouldn't it be like a hole in one's life which can never be filled? I don't think anyone would fully be able to get over the fact that the first half of their life wasn't lived as they felt it should have. They would be jealous of the biological factor and the experiences.
You can google "jealous trans" or something. I'm sure you'll find a lot of links. (As I have.)
(lol jealous trans gives me links on how the person that is trans, is jealous of OTHER characteristics of trans, not exactly pretrans)
hmm if you put it that way yes, I get what you mean, although I wouldn't call it jealousy in my situation (more like wishing I was ___ rather than being bitter or whatever about someone else's situations/history/bodyparts, maybe just wishing I had it. /shrug
whatever. (also this is getting way off topic from what the blog is about, which is the OP's progress on her trans journey)
On November 28 2012 21:28 Quanticfograw wrote: I still don't understand how you knew you were a girl instead of gay or feminine? It just seems wild to think "hey I am missing a vagina".
Gender identity and sexual orientation are different. This video explains it well.
I suppose I can expand on this question a little more. There was brief time before I learned what transgender was that I thought maybe I might be gay, because it seemed like the easy answer to everything. But gender identity and sexual orientation are different so it brought no solace thinking I might be gay, especially given I wasn't attracted to boys at all. I didn't feel like I fit with 'the guys' but because of my body I didn't fit with 'the girls' either but I really wanted to fit in with 'the girls'. Not knowing how to fully explain how I felt and not knowing there were any others who felt like I did, it seemed like being gay was the only answer but as I said, that didn't solve anything. Luckily it wasn't long after that I found out what transgender was and realized I wasn't alone with what I felt and others had gone through what I had.
Hmmmm very interesting. Question.... Do you have any tips for people who are trying to tell their family and friends about being trans? I can't imagine this was even remotely easy and how did you personally do it?
On December 01 2012 21:35 Quanticfograw wrote: Hmmmm very interesting. Question.... Do you have any tips for people who are trying to tell their family and friends about being trans? I can't imagine this was even remotely easy and how did you personally do it?
Do it when you're ready. It took me several months to build up enough courage to tell my parents in person. A letter/email or over the phone is probably easier because being face to face is really hard. Unfortunately I psyched myself into believing the worst would happen which made it even harder to do (and why it took so long), so be ready for anything but don't automatically assume the worst is going to happen.
I love you DorkCell, but you should come to Dota2 and play with me (eff HoN i ditched that shiz)! I wish you all the happiness and good fortune in the world. A question I have, does using a feminine voice ever feel natural? I couldn't imagine always having to consciously make my voice more feminine. Is there anything out there where over time it can become your "natural" voice or will you always have to consciously change it?
On December 02 2012 12:07 Kickstart wrote: I love you DorkCell, but you should come to Dota2 and play with me (eff HoN i ditched that shiz)! I wish you all the happiness and good fortune in the world. A question I have, does using a feminine voice ever feel natural? I couldn't imagine always having to consciously make my voice more feminine. Is there anything out there where over time it can become your "natural" voice or will you always have to consciously change it?
It probably becomes natural after a while. Plenty of people move to different countries and pick up on accents, you probably eventually end up having it take over your original voice.
On December 02 2012 12:07 Kickstart wrote: I love you DorkCell, but you should come to Dota2 and play with me (eff HoN i ditched that shiz)! I wish you all the happiness and good fortune in the world. A question I have, does using a feminine voice ever feel natural? I couldn't imagine always having to consciously make my voice more feminine. Is there anything out there where over time it can become your "natural" voice or will you always have to consciously change it?
♥
It will be natural over time, just have to use it all the time. Right now to use it I have to consciously do it, making sure I have my larynx in the right position/speaking in the right place etc. Probably within a year it will become natural too me and I won't have to think about it. Just takes time and practice :3
On December 01 2012 21:35 Quanticfograw wrote: Hmmmm very interesting. Question.... Do you have any tips for people who are trying to tell their family and friends about being trans? I can't imagine this was even remotely easy and how did you personally do it?
Do it when you're ready. It took me several months to build up enough courage to tell my parents in person. A letter/email or over the phone is probably easier because being face to face is really hard. Unfortunately I psyched myself into believing the worst would happen which made it even harder to do (and why it took so long), so be ready for anything but don't automatically assume the worst is going to happen.
for me, although it was more of telling people I "crossdress" or "Hi I wear what I feel like wearing and do what I feel like doing but not being trans", I basically put all my thoughts into a single text file about gender identity, what I felt/whatever, organized it, and just messaged some people about it on facebook (since my relatives live like hours away from me anyways)
(although I forgot to put some of the definitions... also need to update the file... ugu)
and even though it was just crossdressing/androgyny/(I'm feeling maybe partially bigender but not sure atm, need to look into it again), rather than full-on transgender was kinda difficult to tell people... until I was like (internally) SCREW what everyone else thinks >___< kinda thing
On December 01 2012 21:35 Quanticfograw wrote: Hmmmm very interesting. Question.... Do you have any tips for people who are trying to tell their family and friends about being trans? I can't imagine this was even remotely easy and how did you personally do it?
Do it when you're ready. It took me several months to build up enough courage to tell my parents in person. A letter/email or over the phone is probably easier because being face to face is really hard. Unfortunately I psyched myself into believing the worst would happen which made it even harder to do (and why it took so long), so be ready for anything but don't automatically assume the worst is going to happen.
for me, although it was more of telling people I "crossdress" or "Hi I wear what I feel like wearing and do what I feel like doing but not being trans", I basically put all my thoughts into a single text file about gender identity, what I felt/whatever, organized it, and just messaged some people about it on facebook (since my relatives live like hours away from me anyways)
(although I forgot to put some of the definitions... also need to update the file... ugu)
and even though it was just crossdressing/androgyny/(I'm feeling maybe partially bigender but not sure atm, need to look into it again), rather than full-on transgender was kinda difficult to tell people... until I was like (internally) SCREW what everyone else thinks >___< kinda thing
It's tough to come out to people about anything, be it being gay/trans/whatever. If you're comfortable and happy with who you are I wouldn't worry about labeling anything and it definitely helps to not care what other people think.
Do you think Scarlett should have been able to compete in a all girls tourny? Keep in mind. "apples to apples" Not trying to offend anyone here. Serious question.
On December 04 2012 09:08 QxGRockEr wrote: Do you think Scarlett should have been able to compete in a all girls tourny? Keep in mind. "apples to apples" Not trying to offend anyone here. Serious question.
Why not? She identifies and presents as female so that should be enough. There's not really any advantage to being male or female in starcraft, there are just way more males because it's socially more acceptable for males to play video games.
On December 03 2012 21:05 EtherealDeath wrote: Holy shit what the fuck. That voice change. That is actually like, wow.
lol watched it cuz of ur comment, was not disappointed holy fuck
If you're talking about the youtube video I linked, yeah her voice is amazing. That video was really what inspired me to begin changing my voice because of how successful hers was.
On December 04 2012 09:08 QxGRockEr wrote: Do you think Scarlett should have been able to compete in a all girls tourny? Keep in mind. "apples to apples" Not trying to offend anyone here. Serious question.
I think because she identifies as female, yes she should.
On December 04 2012 09:08 QxGRockEr wrote: Do you think Scarlett should have been able to compete in a all girls tourny? Keep in mind. "apples to apples" Not trying to offend anyone here. Serious question.
I think because she identifies as female, yes she should.
Darkcell you are awesome btw
♥
On December 06 2012 05:27 Smigi wrote: Darkcell is an awesome person. She mentored me and helped me improve in starcraft when our lazy team management wouldn't
I'm not trying to point the finger at anyone or put the blame on any individual person, other than QxGFograw.
PS: Good luck on your journey Darkcell, I wish the best of luck in your pursuit of happiness.
Glad to see you are receiving a great deal of love. What other steps do you do to change your voice besides practice? Is there supplements? Any sort of stretching? I have to imagine the depth of a voice is somewhat linked with testosterone so in theory you would think that if you had a diet that was shown to encourage estrogen production it would help your tone as well.
On December 18 2012 01:21 Quanticfograw wrote: Glad to see you are receiving a great deal of love. What other steps do you do to change your voice besides practice? Is there supplements? Any sort of stretching? I have to imagine the depth of a voice is somewhat linked with testosterone so in theory you would think that if you had a diet that was shown to encourage estrogen production it would help your tone as well.
for MtF's, hormone therapy does nothing for the voice. Once you've gone through puberty the only changes are surgery and practice. Surgery is really risky and for most isn't worth the cost/risk, and doesn't really give good results. So the best option is practice and the super best option is to find a speech therapist that has experience with trans patients. Either way it still requires time and effort.
EPT
