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So about 3 months ago i moved in with one of my best friends into an apartment, we've known each other for 11 years now and always spent alot of time together even though we lived in different cities.
Ive always known he likes to smoke alot of pot, and thats totally fine with me. I do it myself sometimes. But now that we live together ive noticed he drinks pretty much every day, his ex-girlfriend (then girlfriend moved in with us) and she noticed it too. Now we confronted him about it and she told him that she'd leave him if he continued. He didnt give a fuck so he continued to drink and smoke every day. After she left he slowed down a bit and went sober for a week or two but lately he's back to drinking.
He's been drinking every day now for at least a month, anywhere from 3 beers to 3 bottles of wine a day. Today he drank 3 bottles of wine and a half bottle of vodka, puked all over the livingroom table/floor before i told him to go to bed.
Tomorrow ill tell him to get his shit together or ill move out. He's not mean/insults people or anything like that, he keeps his job,works out and eat healthy but still, when you drink yourself shitfaced pretty much every night it has to stop.
 
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Find out if he wants help. If he doesn't, move out - there's nothing you can do to help him.
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He might need some counseling. Any larger problems in his family or environment?
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On September 19 2012 05:28 s.a.y wrote:
He might need some counseling. Any larger problems in his family or environment?
Not really no, but i think he needs some counseling yes. I'll tell him i can be sober with him if he wants to have some support. Now we both have trouble sleeping and he says it helps him to sleep (it does ive tried it myself but realized its not really sovling the problem just masking it) So nowadays i sleep when i can and when i cant i say fuck it
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Time for an intervention.
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Other than the puking I don't see a problem here.
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On September 19 2012 05:40 DanLee wrote:
Other than the puking I don't see a problem here.
you don't see the problem with getting drunk every night? im not talking about having a beer and relax, he's noticably drunk every night... he slurs when he talks and walks unstable
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High functioning alcoholism can be insidious. It's really easy to tell yourself, "Yeah I drink a lot, but I'm still in shape and not letting it impact the rest of my life." I was the same way. I was able to stop due to various other circumstances, but he needs to seek therapy or an AA meeting if he thinks his behavior is healthy.
That said, it has to come from him. You can't really make him do anything.
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Wrote a big post of warning then realised I missed your last paragraph -.- Definitely stick by your word and move out if he doesn't ease up. Whether he keeps his job or not (eventually the problem will grow bigger) it's not your responsibility to take care of him. If he loses his job or whatever, let his parents and family deal with it. Alcoholics and addicts in general thrive on bleeding hearts. It gets worse when they learn people call alcoholism a disease and start thinking people aren't being understanding of their problem when really they are just being jerkoffs...
glgl. Sympathy for you more than for him.
PS: I would also suggest against advising him to AA. AA people are screwy and tend to relapse because they become obsessed with alcohol, never really recovering even if they haven't drank in months. I mean, they even admit they are in a constant process of recovery, rather than recovered... Talking to them feels more like talking to cult members.
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On September 19 2012 05:42 Vega62a wrote:
High functioning alcoholism can be insidious. It's really easy to tell yourself, "Yeah I drink a lot, but I'm still in shape and not letting it impact the rest of my life." I was the same way. I was able to stop due to various other circumstances, but he needs to seek therapy or an AA meeting if he thinks his behavior is healthy.
That said, it has to come from him. You can't really make him do anything.
Im his best friend, if i tell him to quit his shit or ill move out i hope that will trigger him to realize that this won't work for him
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On September 19 2012 05:43 Chef wrote:
Wrote a big post of warning then realised I missed your last paragraph -.- Definitely stick by your word and move out if he doesn't ease up. Whether he keeps his job or not (eventually the problem will grow bigger) it's not your responsibility to take care of him. If he loses his job or whatever, let his parents and family deal with it. Alcoholics and addicts in general thrive on bleeding hearts. It gets worse when they learn people call alcoholism a disease and start thinking people aren't being understanding of their problem when really they are just being jerkoffs...
glgl. Sympathy for you more than for him.
PS: I would also suggest against advising him to AA. AA people are screwy and tend to relapse because they become obsessed with alcohol, never really recovering even if they haven't drank in months. I mean, they even admit they are in a constant process of recovery, rather than recovered... Talking to them feels more like talking to cult members.
This advice sucks. An alcoholic is never truly recovered. They lose the desire to keep drinking/drugging, learn to integrate themselves into society again, and learn to be happy again, sober. Once people get to this "recovered" state, most of them keep going to meetings because it's easy to forget where you came from. Also, the primary purpose of AA is to help the still suffering alcoholic, which is another reason people remain for the rest of their lives. Yeah, there are exceptions that live the same decrepit life minus the alcohol/drugs, but don't let them warp your opinion on AA. If you put the effort in, the results are amazing.
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On September 19 2012 05:43 Pulimuli wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2012 05:42 Vega62a wrote:
High functioning alcoholism can be insidious. It's really easy to tell yourself, "Yeah I drink a lot, but I'm still in shape and not letting it impact the rest of my life." I was the same way. I was able to stop due to various other circumstances, but he needs to seek therapy or an AA meeting if he thinks his behavior is healthy.
That said, it has to come from him. You can't really make him do anything. Im his best friend, if i tell him to quit his shit or ill move out i hope that will trigger him to realize that this won't work for him
That might work, or he might only become defensive and angry. Just be aware that some people will go to great lengths to justify their alcohol use. How he reacts probably will be a good indicator of how much help he needs.
Edit; Also, PS: I would also suggest against advising him to AA. AA people are screwy and tend to relapse because they become obsessed with alcohol, never really recovering even if they haven't drank in months. I mean, they even admit they are in a constant process of recovery, rather than recovered... Talking to them feels more like talking to cult members.
This advice is awful. AA is one of the most successful and longest-running alcohol abuse programs in the country. It is absolutely a little cultish (highly christian in many cases), but it works. Saying that an alcoholic wouldn't be obsessed with alcohol if he weren't going to AA is like saying a junkie only shoots up because there's nothing better to do.
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3251 Posts
I got a druggy roommate too... He has been like this for a long time.. Still no real idea of how to make him stop...
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On September 19 2012 06:15 Vega62a wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2012 05:43 Pulimuli wrote:On September 19 2012 05:42 Vega62a wrote:
High functioning alcoholism can be insidious. It's really easy to tell yourself, "Yeah I drink a lot, but I'm still in shape and not letting it impact the rest of my life." I was the same way. I was able to stop due to various other circumstances, but he needs to seek therapy or an AA meeting if he thinks his behavior is healthy.
That said, it has to come from him. You can't really make him do anything. Im his best friend, if i tell him to quit his shit or ill move out i hope that will trigger him to realize that this won't work for him That might work, or he might only become defensive and angry. Just be aware that some people will go to great lengths to justify their alcohol use. How he reacts probably will be a good indicator of how much help he needs. Edit; Also, Show nested quote +PS: I would also suggest against advising him to AA. AA people are screwy and tend to relapse because they become obsessed with alcohol, never really recovering even if they haven't drank in months. I mean, they even admit they are in a constant process of recovery, rather than recovered... Talking to them feels more like talking to cult members. This advice is awful. AA is one of the most successful and longest-running alcohol abuse programs in the country. It is absolutely a little cultish (highly christian in many cases), but it works. Saying that an alcoholic wouldn't be obsessed with alcohol if he weren't going to AA is absurd.
Im aware of that and im sure he will become defensive and try to justify it, he did that the last time. It might take some time for him to realize the problem but i hope that if i give him an ultimatum he will do the right thing. Maybe not now or tomorrow, but maybe in a couple of months
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On September 19 2012 05:43 Pulimuli wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2012 05:42 Vega62a wrote:
High functioning alcoholism can be insidious. It's really easy to tell yourself, "Yeah I drink a lot, but I'm still in shape and not letting it impact the rest of my life." I was the same way. I was able to stop due to various other circumstances, but he needs to seek therapy or an AA meeting if he thinks his behavior is healthy.
That said, it has to come from him. You can't really make him do anything. Im his best friend, if i tell him to quit his shit or ill move out i hope that will trigger him to realize that this won't work for him
from my experiences of dealing with similar situations i feel like thats the worst thing you can do. If he is in denial he will get defensive and angry, and if he realizes he has a problem he will feel betrayed by his best friend and keep on drinking. If he is truly your best friend you have to stick with him and either hope your presence will cheer him up and push him to pull himself together or you can come up with activities and actively push him away from it.
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Maybe he has some deeper problem causing the drinking. Be a good friend and tell him you are worried about him! Maybe there's something he needs to talk about, it can be that simple. There's other things to do than "stop or I gtfo", you want to keep his friendship don't you?
If he blocks everything and doesn't accept/want any help at all, just tell him how it is: You obviously don't want to see him go down, so you gotta move out/on. But even if it goes that way, check on him some time later and offer help again. In the end it's quite impossible to help people who don't want any help.
I have to agree with Chef 100%. We held some kind of anual AA Britain meeting in a hotel i worked some years ago and i gotta say, hardcore AA people are amongst the creepiest people i ever met. "Cult" is not an exaggeration.
Just read the "Twelve Steps": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-Step_Program. TL:DR: Only god can help you, you are powerless... If that's the only thing that helps you, go ahead. I think it's bullshit.
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On September 19 2012 06:51 r00ty wrote:Maybe he has some deeper problem causing the drinking. Be a good friend and tell him you are worried about him! Maybe there's something he needs to talk about, it can be that simple. There's other things to do than "stop or I gtfo", you want to keep his friendship don't you? If he blocks everything and doesn't accept/want any help at all, just tell him how it is: You obviously don't want to see him go down, so you gotta move out/on. But even if it goes that way, check on him some time later and offer help again. In the end it's quite impossible to help people who don't want any help. I have to agree with Chef 100%. We held some kind of anual AA Britain meeting in a hotel i worked some years ago and i gotta say, hardcore AA people are amongst the creepiest people i ever met. "Cult" is not an exaggeration. Just read the "Twelve Steps": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-Step_Program. TL:DR: Only god can help you, you are powerless... If that's the only thing that helps you, go ahead. I think it's bullshit.
Such ignorance. You have no idea what it's like to have a substance abuse problem.
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telling him that im worried tomorrow, calling our friends and his brother maybe they can talk some sense into him as well. Of course he has some problems that he doesnt want to deal with, nobody is an alcoholic for the fun of it. I'll try talk to him tomorrow morning and tell him that he needs to consider his drinking or that i might find a new place to live
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Don't tell him to get his shit together, tell him to see a psychologist. There is something there that he is not addressing that he is trying to run from. Its obviously much larger than any girlfriend could address since he couldn't give to fucks about that. I think he really needs to do some soul searching, and he also needs to see a doctor about this. He will kill himself continuing this lifestyle. You should tell him that you will not move out if he slows down and does not drink and smoke every day. You should also consider asking the psychologist to tell him to go to AA, since this guy is going too fast for his liver to handle. I am no specialist, but this guy is going to destroy his body this way.
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On September 19 2012 06:59 beachbeachy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2012 06:51 r00ty wrote:Maybe he has some deeper problem causing the drinking. Be a good friend and tell him you are worried about him! Maybe there's something he needs to talk about, it can be that simple. There's other things to do than "stop or I gtfo", you want to keep his friendship don't you? If he blocks everything and doesn't accept/want any help at all, just tell him how it is: You obviously don't want to see him go down, so you gotta move out/on. But even if it goes that way, check on him some time later and offer help again. In the end it's quite impossible to help people who don't want any help. I have to agree with Chef 100%. We held some kind of anual AA Britain meeting in a hotel i worked some years ago and i gotta say, hardcore AA people are amongst the creepiest people i ever met. "Cult" is not an exaggeration. Just read the "Twelve Steps": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-Step_Program. TL:DR: Only god can help you, you are powerless... If that's the only thing that helps you, go ahead. I think it's bullshit. Such ignorance. You have no idea what it's like to have a substance abuse problem.
Are you feeling offended somehow? In the end, what i wrote is what AA is about and i don't think it's a healthy way to go: There're reasons for substance abuse most of the time and it's NOT you being weak, only higher powers being able to save you.
I did not come here to argue. I came to give advise to someone and unfortunately, i speak from experience. Honestly i had some problems with substance abuse myself and some of my friends had even heavier problems. I could help some of them, others i couldn't unfortunately. What's your experience?
A good, trustable therapist (hard to find) is the way to go, if the addiction takes over. Definately not the AA imo. But, what do i know, i'm just a psychology student, not a preacher.
OP: You know your friend the best, be careful how to approach him. If he has a bad phase, he needs you. If he has a serious addiction problem he needs a therapist, which can be hard to sell... Good luck to you and him!
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EPT
