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lawwwll never thought I'd write one of these but here goes...
It's more for my own benefit but hopefully theres some lessons that you guys can get from it. I just need to talk/write about it.
So theres this girl I've been interested in for a couple of months - let's call her Felicity  Basically I've just been casually inviting her to stuff which she politely turns down. However she hints that she would like to grab a coffee sometime. This is probably a one and a half months ago.
She has exams and I was busy with work so when we were both free again (about 2 weeks later), I ask her out and she happily obliges. She says she needs to confirm but she seemed pretty happy about it. In the end she says she can't make it. She keeps apologizing which I found weird....
We text a few times a week and its generally good. She liberally used smileys (which doesn't mean anything but I liked it)
I then find out some guy is chasing her out of the blue. I see him texting her a bit one night. So I decide to fight this one and just ask her out again. She agrees. So I'm all pumped and glad theres an opportunity to show her a different softer/flirtier side of me. We usually see each other at sport only and I'm too busy being all competitive and stuff. I find it really hard to disengage my "sporting" side on the courts.
So I show up at the venue and she's brought a bunch of friends, including the guy whos chasing her. They seem more than just friends and I'm pretty devastated. I pretend everythings all right, talking to her friends and making everyone laugh but after a while I couldn't put on the act any longer and I turn a bit silent. In the end she runs off with the other guy and I'm heartbroken.
The thing is...she didn't even give me a chance to have a 1-on-1 with her. Obviously telling her this is not smart. Is there anything I should do besides just forget it and move on?
Lessons learnt:
I probably didn't act fast enough and there wasn't enough initial interest, wasn't helped by my lack of skill in group situations.
Things I did good:
Wasn't pushy, confident, initiated well.
 
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I feel like you're looking into the situation more than you should have. I don't feel like she actually liked you in the same way you did to her but, you did the right things, and she didn't bite, it's her loss. Just move on 
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lawwwll never thought I'd write one of these but here goes...
I feel like most girl blogs are started that way :p
Sucks that someone ran away with the girl :s but being pushy isn't actually a bad thing (if you mean what I think you do) as your chances of being friendzoned after knowing a girl for a long time increases tenfold if not more.
It doesnt actually sound like she was interested in you to begin with (but didnt wanna hurt you) if she cancelled and made up odd excuses for not wanting to go out with you alone, she might've gotten second thoughts after she obliged likely thing is that one of her friends influenced her on this, or maybe she allready went out the other guy?
Also, fucking felicity man
Just be confident and do what you did and then you shouldnt have too to much trouble finding another 
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What a biiiiiiitch bringing her friends and the dude she wants to bang on what she obviously understood was meant as a date. not cool man, not cool. If I were you I'd tell her to choke on it.
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@ somnigiggles: in hindsight id have to agree. she is one of those tomboys who finds it easy to make guy friends. i wouldn't think i would be the first to be fooled
@Iplaythings: yea agreed - could have acted faster and pushed past the uncertainty. the second thoughts thing is quite interesting...maybe she already committed to the other guy but was still semi interested in me (at that point in time)
@B.I.G: lawwwwl yea ikr. i can hate her but im not the kinda guy to burn bridges like that
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should've stayed for 5 minutes and then BOUNCED SON WASTING YOUR TIME
: )
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On July 15 2012 18:20 paper wrote:
should've stayed for 5 minutes and then BOUNCED SON WASTING YOUR TIME
: )
LOL yea my fd offered to call me and do a barney in HIMYM with a fake emergency
i had to see it with my own eyes tho 5 mins would have just left me hanging on her "mixed messages" (which i now know to be not so mixed and a waste of my fucking time)
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On July 15 2012 17:51 dongfeng wrote:
She has exams and I was busy with work so when we were both free again (about 2 weeks later), I ask her out and she happily obliges.
Did you say 'grab a coffee' or did you actually ask her out?
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On July 15 2012 18:25 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On July 15 2012 17:51 dongfeng wrote:
She has exams and I was busy with work so when we were both free again (about 2 weeks later), I ask her out and she happily obliges. Did you say 'grab a coffee' or did you actually ask her out?
that time i invited her to my friends acoustic concert
what happened today was the result of a "grab a coffee"
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Aw shit 
Should have bounced ASAP to minimize the pain and suffering and/or let yourself say fuckall etc. Too bad ;; you'll find someone better though yo! Out of curiosity, what's the sport you play?
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On July 15 2012 18:35 Aerisky wrote:Aw shit Should have bounced ASAP to minimize the pain and suffering and/or let yourself say fuckall etc. Too bad ;; you'll find someone better though yo! Out of curiosity, what's the sport you play?
shit happens
badminton lol. do u play?
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Yeah pretty much. Not enough angst or weakness for a TL girl blog! ;]
I don't play myself unfortunately but I'm a fan of Lin Dan, such a boss.
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On July 15 2012 18:42 Aerisky wrote:
Yeah pretty much. Not enough angst or weakness for a TL girl blog! ;]
I don't play myself unfortunately but I'm a fan of Lin Dan, such a boss.
lol i could wax lyrical about how i thought she was "the one" but i think that would be counterproductive
yea he's my fkn hero. I like Bao Chun Lai too but that guy retired -_-
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Missed your window, sadly. I know you guys are all Day9 fans and all but all these Felicitys are confusing. Be a bit more creative next time.
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On July 15 2012 19:07 mizU wrote:Missed your window, sadly. I know you guys are all Day9 fans and all but all these Felicitys are confusing. Be a bit more creative next time.
i realise that if a girl really is interested they will extend the window for you. LOL was it from Day9? It was only because I kept seeing the name in girlblogs that I used it for mine ^^
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I would've just been all like fuck this shit, raise my arm in the air and walk off.
Go home and eat popcorn, with my tears being the salty flavor.
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Northern Ireland22208 Posts
"Fucking Felicity man" was the Day9 response
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Girls who bring their friends to dates are a total waste of time. Don't even make up excuses like the emergency thing imo. While hilarious for you and your friend, it's not really helping you. Next time she will just bring her friends again since you didn't say anything about it. When this happens to me I just tell the girl I wanted to spend time with her,not with her friends. Then tell her that her I'm going to another bar and she's welcome to join me, but I'm not going to spend my evening here with people I don't know. It's not like anything is going to happen if her friends are around anyways, and by leaving you're the confident guy she can't get. Just walk away. If she likes you, she will either venue change with you, or go after you later on. If she doesn't like you it's over, but then there was nothing to lose in the first place. Just be a bit of an asshole, being nice and hanging with her friends gets you nowhere.
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instinctively i didn't even think of the possibility to just bail which was rather -_-
yea i think thats what i should have done ArcaneFrost - ah well next time
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What i've learnt about girls these past years is that being nice doesn't get you anywhere with them.
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Seems like you got friendzoned
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Yep, friendzoned it is.
If you have an attraction beyond friendship, make sure you keep it flirty and risky. In my experience, It's actually not that common for attractions to develop into really great friendships, so you need to decide if you want to be friends of if you want to risk it in the hopes of developing an emotional relationship.
Also in my experience, it doesnt really matter if you 'act' fast enough. By remaining flirtatious during the inital stages of the relationship and by keeping out of the friendzone, you can actually spark that attraction at a later date.
(in this case, she has found someone else)
Dont worry about it, if it doesnt work out, guess whos on her mind? Oh! the flirty guy who we never really had a chance to hang out. She will think about you and that inital attraction will still be there.
If you develop into friends, this is unlikly to happen. Although great relationships can develop out of friendships first, its actually not that common and certian criteria are a lot harder to meet.
I think the best thing for you to do is just accept that the timing was a little off, by acting faster or more aggressive you may have gotten on that date, but like you said you were busy - it happens in life and people who are single need to put themselfs first. The most important thing is to keep out of the friendzone and keep it flirty, take the risk and make sure you are giving the signs for something more.
The biggest issue people have with dating is that they are too anxious to be risky, and end up showing signs of friendship rather than attraction. This ultimately ends up in a failed dating system, that always ends in 'nice guy friends bubble'. I will tell you a secret, anyone can be attracted to anyone! It's actually by taking the risks that you will fall in love and get the interest to fall for you.
(anxiety in a budding relationship is actually what causes the 'love' emotion to go overboard, the more risks you take the easier is it to fall in love, the more it connects the more they will think about you)
My Advice?
Move on to another girl, and get on that inital date by being funny, flirty and fun. the three F's is all you need and you will be on her mind all day after that, she will be summing you up as a potential love interest.
You have gotten out quick and easy, without any emotional attatchments to worry about. Sweet!!
You have another chance to make another girl really happy and have fun, what a sweet opportunity!
lucky her huh?
go get em'
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I don't think he got friendzoned, some girls just do annoying shit like bringing their friends along. She was probably semi-interested and kept him as a back-up in case things didn't work out with that other guy.
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On July 15 2012 20:37 Arcanefrost wrote:
Girls who bring their friends to dates are a total waste of time. Don't even make up excuses like the emergency thing imo. While hilarious for you and your friend, it's not really helping you. Next time she will just bring her friends again since you didn't say anything about it. When this happens to me I just tell the girl I wanted to spend time with her,not with her friends. Then tell her that her I'm going to another bar and she's welcome to join me, but I'm not going to spend my evening here with people I don't know. It's not like anything is going to happen if her friends are around anyways, and by leaving you're the confident guy she can't get. Just walk away. If she likes you, she will either venue change with you, or go after you later on. If she doesn't like you it's over, but then there was nothing to lose in the first place. Just be a bit of an asshole, being nice and hanging with her friends gets you nowhere.
So true!
I was once flirting with a chick that i knew from friends, she actually came to a party of mine with her friends and grabbed me while i was socializing to ask for a mirror. So i take her up to my room and shes showing major flirting signs, grabbing my arm, leading her head on my shoulder. So i'm like sweet this chicks ridicioulsy hot, ect..
Anyway the friends she had with her that night were like impossible to get rid of, my wingman was trying his hardest but no dice.
The next day i recieved text/fb invites/ contant flirty communication, we basicly played cat and mouse for two weeks showing up at parties and gigs that we knew each other would be there.
One night i got a invite to come and see her at her place. I show up, her exboyfriend is sitting outside talking to some other friends of mine, so i join them for a smoke and get some bad energy, i decide to go inside and find her.
Three guys were surrounding her, they were giving off intimidating vibes, one of them even started rubbin her sholder (alpha) I knew this was a set up at that moment(set up for her boyfriend to see all of the male attention she has)
I thought fuck it im better than any of you bitch asses right here.
I basicly looked at her, said hey im leaving, and left.
I have standards and even though she was amazingly hot i thought fuck it ima cut you off, better girls to chase and im better than the dudes you got around you.
The next day i get messages like (fuck im sosooo sorry, blablabla, lets meet up tonight for a drink)
I ended up in her bed.
By showing confidence, power, control and the ability to get over her and show that you dont play games. The girl will always be sorry, i guarntee i was on her mind that entire night, and she texted me first thing in the morning.
We saw each other for a while, fucked around for a bit and her ex boyfriend started getting jealous so i thought, aint worth the stress and time, ima bail and we parted our ways. (semi-friends, dont really connect in conversation all that well anymore)
I guess the moral is, take the risk. Be better than what she thinks she has, and be confident that you can get better than that.
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On July 15 2012 18:44 dongfeng wrote:Show nested quote +On July 15 2012 18:42 Aerisky wrote:
Yeah pretty much. Not enough angst or weakness for a TL girl blog! ;]
I don't play myself unfortunately but I'm a fan of Lin Dan, such a boss. lol i could wax lyrical about how i thought she was "the one" but i think that would be counterproductive yea he's my fkn hero. I like Bao Chun Lai too but that guy retired -_-
If you really wanna be on even terms with her, you have to let her know she's a bitch. You can do this through the following methods:
1) Delete her from Facebook.
2) stop talking to her completely.
3) every time she tries talking to you, just pretend nothing's there.
Honestly, if a girl puts you on the back-burner, which in my perspective it seems like that's what she was doing, then she is not worth your time. I've been in the same situation as you, but on a much more grandeuse scale.
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Ya wtf man. I don't think its ok to resent woman, and there is nothing wrong if she isnt interested in you. However what she did is mayor bullshit, just ignore her from now on.
Next time be more agressive/flirty whatever, being nice to girls tells them you want to be friends.
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On July 15 2012 21:02 RogerX wrote:
What i've learnt about girls these past years is that being nice doesn't get you anywhere with them.
Works fine, though you just cant serve yourself on a silver platter either
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From the time he indicated that she blew him off twice, I knew it was a no deal. While I won't say its desperate to try twice with a girl that is blowing you off, it does have a similar tone which the female psyche(the part that says to her "I wanna fuck this guy so bad") find unattractive. I didn't even have to read the rest to know that the friend zone was next. Please you guys, stop selling your dignity in the vain hopes it would get you in a vagina. It doesn't work. Women say they want nice men to chase after them and make all these stupid romantic gestures but I implore you not to listen. It is a hollywood made fantasy and thus only works in the movies and only works in real life if the girl is like a 4 and has no choice but to take what she can get.
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next time don't be such a nice guy, pretend like she's a protoss and you're a zerg... you want her for a practice partner but you hate her guts at the same times.. give her a degrading pet name, it establishes a personal connection between you and her (anyone can call her by her real name, but if you give her a name about something she's insecure about you can degrade her self confidence WHILE establishing ownership around her friends AND making it seem like you're the only guy around)..
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On July 15 2012 20:35 ahswtini wrote:
"Fucking Felicity man" was the Day9 response
I think the problem is that he isn't.
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I don't understand how this happened that she brought a whole crew along. I'm not saying that this is what happened, but to an objective listener it seems more likely than you simply did not make it clear you wanted a date and not just to hang out, but if you did and she brought friends that's really bizarre.
I've been in situations when I was younger where I would be interested in a woman but I would be too shy to just ask her out, and the result was similar - never any 1v1 time, always with a group. It was irritating but ultimately I simply was too shy.
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if she flakes on you more than twice she probably isnt interested and you should get a hint
if a girl really likes you she'll find a way to meet up
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Thanks for all the replies. The more i think about it the angrier i get prob as a result of u guys LOL
Btw on phone so yes its a bit sms'ey... dont warn pls
Re risky i agree. Shows the importance of multiple options so u can afford to be riskier and not be scared about not having a safety net.
Re nice guy i think theres a time and place for it but it cant be too early
Yea she msged me hoping i had fun and sry for hijacking etc. I dont feel like dealing wth the bs so ill just ignore her.
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On July 16 2012 08:19 Salv wrote:
I don't understand how this happened that she brought a whole crew along. I'm not saying that this is what happened, but to an objective listener it seems more likely than you simply did not make it clear you wanted a date and not just to hang out, but if you did and she brought friends that's really bizarre.
I've been in situations when I was younger where I would be interested in a woman but I would be too shy to just ask her out, and the result was similar - never any 1v1 time, always with a group. It was irritating but ultimately I simply was too shy.
If I have plans to hang out with a friend I'm not gonna be like: "surprise! I brought my gf two of my roommated a classmate and my mother with me!" right? At least, where I'm from you wouldn't do that without asking the person you initially had the plans with, so I don't think she did this because she didn't know any better.
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On July 15 2012 20:37 Arcanefrost wrote:
Girls who bring their friends to dates are a total waste of time. Don't even make up excuses like the emergency thing imo. While hilarious for you and your friend, it's not really helping you. Next time she will just bring her friends again since you didn't say anything about it. When this happens to me I just tell the girl I wanted to spend time with her,not with her friends. Then tell her that her I'm going to another bar and she's welcome to join me, but I'm not going to spend my evening here with people I don't know. It's not like anything is going to happen if her friends are around anyways, and by leaving you're the confident guy she can't get. Just walk away. If she likes you, she will either venue change with you, or go after you later on. If she doesn't like you it's over, but then there was nothing to lose in the first place. Just be a bit of an asshole, being nice and hanging with her friends gets you nowhere.
+1
Girls like assholes up to a certain point. Playing the role for a bit helps you more than being nice.
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On July 16 2012 19:39 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2012 08:19 Salv wrote:
I don't understand how this happened that she brought a whole crew along. I'm not saying that this is what happened, but to an objective listener it seems more likely than you simply did not make it clear you wanted a date and not just to hang out, but if you did and she brought friends that's really bizarre.
I've been in situations when I was younger where I would be interested in a woman but I would be too shy to just ask her out, and the result was similar - never any 1v1 time, always with a group. It was irritating but ultimately I simply was too shy. If I have plans to hang out with a friend I'm not gonna be like: "surprise! I brought my gf two of my roommated a classmate and my mother with me!" right? At least, where I'm from you wouldn't do that without asking the person you initially had the plans with, so I don't think she did this because she didn't know any better.
qft. yea im just kicking myself not for leaving earlier.
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On July 16 2012 19:39 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2012 08:19 Salv wrote:
I don't understand how this happened that she brought a whole crew along. I'm not saying that this is what happened, but to an objective listener it seems more likely than you simply did not make it clear you wanted a date and not just to hang out, but if you did and she brought friends that's really bizarre.
I've been in situations when I was younger where I would be interested in a woman but I would be too shy to just ask her out, and the result was similar - never any 1v1 time, always with a group. It was irritating but ultimately I simply was too shy. If I have plans to hang out with a friend I'm not gonna be like: "surprise! I brought my gf two of my roommated a classmate and my mother with me!" right? At least, where I'm from you wouldn't do that without asking the person you initially had the plans with, so I don't think she did this because she didn't know any better.
I didn't make myself clear, I would simply ask her if she wanted to hang out this weekend, we were friends and everyone else who came were mutual friends as well - I didn't have the balls to clarify I wanted 1 on 1 time instead of hanging out as a group which we always did. I didn't have the balls to make myself clear was the point I was making to the OP.
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EPT
