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Ever since I have use of my memory, I have wanted to be a doctor. It must be because of my father, but even after years of struggling with it, even while actually studying this career, I've always come back to medicine. I have no idea what I'd do if I wasn't going to be a doctor.
And now, I'm really close, just a few months away. All that stands between me and my title are 6 months of the beautiful hell we call "internship".
For those who aren't familiar with medical studies, the internship is like our professional practice, although we don't get paid (  ), and continue to pay the same fee as every other student.
Obviously, the internship is purely about getting your medical and practical skills on shape to be a general physician. This is important, because while many students tend to see the internship as the moment in which you find your specialty, this is wrong, and this mentality only stops you from enjoying it to the fullest.
That said, internship is fucking hell. You are the lowest strain in the food chain, and really, everyone eats you. Lower grade students get treated like some sort of cute pet, while interns get permanently trashed by almost everyone. Your only "allies", the first year residents, are usually nice to you only in the beginning of the year, when they're almost as useless and worthless as yourself, but as months pass and they gain more authority, they usually start a slow transformation into fucking bitches.
The life of the intern is pretty much subjugating yourself to whatever the clinical service you're currently in needs. Usually, all they need from an intern is a writing hand, and the ability to walk and carry stuff. Meanwhile, you're supposed to manage your ward and know everything, and learn at the same time. At the beginning, most interns have forgotten most of what 5 years of med school taught them previously, so you actually feel like a retard, relearning every little thing you put so much effort and endless nights into.
Depending on the rotation, your schedule suddenly turns from manageable 1 year before, to absolute chaos. In my emergency rotation, for example, I used to start my day at 8 in the morning, and go home at 11 pm. Every fucking day. Oh and it also included shifts. 24 hour long shifts.
So why, if I whine so much about the internship do I even bother?. Well, despite all the bad things about it, medicine is a beautiful thing to study, and the truth is the internship is pretty much the first moment in which that becomes real, acquires some actual substance. Before the internship, everything is ethereal, diseases exist in an unnamed space inside your head, physiopathological processes happen in nonexistent cells, and nothing actually makes any sense. It all acquires its beauty when you see it in action.
Throughout this internship I have saved a few patients, I have misdiagnosed tens of them, I have made over a hundred mistakes, I have seen people die and people be birthed into this world, I have sutured wounds I didn't think were possible, I have succesfully resurrected a patient, I have failed to understand my patient's general status almost leading to his death, I have been the bringer of both great and dire news, I have seen families crushed by disease, and other people leave my wards triumphant.
There's just so much stuff that happens when you're an intern, and it takes a huge effort, to be able to take it all in, process it, and learn from it what you must. The amount of douchebags that practice medicine is absolutely astounding, and it makes you wonder how did they become what they are, it's also scary, as that douchebag was one day as much of an intern as I am right now.
Now that I'm close to the end of the general medicine studies, I can't believe how much I've progressed from who I was a year and a half ago and who I am now. Medicine is tough, it's a lot of effort and study, however, it's also extremely rewarding, and the internship is the moment in which, for the first time, you feel like you're growing as a medical practitioner, it's almost like being born into medicine after 5 years of growing inside a caring womb. The beginning is incredibly rough, but now, I can safely say I'm almost ready to be a doctor, and whatever I don't learn in the internship, I will know how to learn, how to solve, and how to find.
So that's it, just some impressions on these last 18 months. It's been one hell of a ride, and the truth is, from here, it only gets worse. Fuck it, here I come.
 
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so hey, its just like scrubs
awesome.
then again my job isn't anything like the IT crowd, : (
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Nice blog! I've been considering medical school myself, but I'm not positive that's where I want to go yet. GL in the future!
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Great write-up. I like how you admit the mistakes that you've made. Physician 2.0 in the making 
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Oh man, you've got no idea how hard this shit is gonna go down the next 6 months. Which rotation are you going through ATM?
I remember my last 6 months of internship were in internal medicine. A living inferno. Hell, even the surgery internship was better, and surgery is almost universally a nightmare in terms of an internship.
I graduated with pretty damn good grades, but still, I didn't have the best time of my life.
All I can say is GL HF, man. Seriously, try to have fun as much as you can. Because right after that comes work... Where fun does not come that easily.
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Medicine is tough stuff man. I have like four cousins who became doctors. Like you, they always wanted to be a doctor...but didn't see how much of a shit hole it really is until they started working. It is very rewarding but not for everyone. Good luck and have fun man. Remember, you only live once and even though you love medicine....try to enjoy life while your at it. I know a few doctors that are literally swallowed by their work and seem miserable.
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I am glad I chose to do physiotherapy. I'm not keen on that kind of stress, physio is way more relaxing, and still makes you feel plenty good.
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I read your blog alternating JD's and Meredith's voices
nice read
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I don't understand unpaid internships at all. How is it even legal!?
Although worse is when you have to pay fees/"tuition" to get paid nothing to work..
Best of luck with your internship, but I guess one thing to remember is that you don't have to be a doctor or what have you for the rest of your life! But if you really like it, maybe you will!
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I'm doing an internship right now that pays minimum. But it's better than most is what I hear. A friend told me that you should expect to do about a year worth of work for free (via internships and such) before you start getting paid for your trade. Keep on going
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On May 16 2012 20:36 rainei wrote:
I don't understand unpaid internships at all. How is it even legal!?
Although worse is when you have to pay fees/"tuition" to get paid nothing to work..
Best of luck with your internship, but I guess one thing to remember is that you don't have to be a doctor or what have you for the rest of your life! But if you really like it, maybe you will!
I have no idea if it's actually legal, I guess it is. And yeah, I have to pay tuition anyways
In hot hot news, with some luck, tomorrow I get to operate my first C-section.
I'm fucking nervous hahaha
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On May 17 2012 10:40 mordk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 16 2012 20:36 rainei wrote:
I don't understand unpaid internships at all. How is it even legal!?
Although worse is when you have to pay fees/"tuition" to get paid nothing to work..
Best of luck with your internship, but I guess one thing to remember is that you don't have to be a doctor or what have you for the rest of your life! But if you really like it, maybe you will! I have no idea if it's actually legal, I guess it is. And yeah, I have to pay tuition anyways In hot hot news, with some luck, tomorrow I get to operate my first C-section. I'm fucking nervous hahaha
it's awesome you are bringing in new life! good luck!
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On May 16 2012 20:36 rainei wrote:
I don't understand unpaid internships at all. How is it even legal!?
Although worse is when you have to pay fees/"tuition" to get paid nothing to work..
Best of luck with your internship, but I guess one thing to remember is that you don't have to be a doctor or what have you for the rest of your life! But if you really like it, maybe you will!
Here in Chile it is actually unpaid. Even though you do lots of free hours worth of clinical duty and surgical assistance, you don't get a single dime. It is still pretty damn rewarding to see a patient go healthy, help bringing new life and give dignity to those passing away, but I won't deny getting at least a lower tuition fee would help. Med school is so fucking expensive here.
And yeah, we have to pay tuition. The very same amount we pay before our internship/residence. Meh.
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Oh hell yes!! This Wednesday, my shift boss called me over in a totally unexpected moment and told me: "Wash your hands, now, you're operating.". I was like "Wait, what? I'm not even in my shift yet" "Just go, right now, I'll take care of the rest". So I found someone to replace me in my current rotation and went to the OR.
I didn't think I'd like operating, I've never liked surgical specialties, and I haven't liked gyn/obs so far. But god operating was awesome. The doctor explained to me everything step by step, while interrogating me for my surgical technique knowledge, luckily I had studied many C-section techniques so the theory was fine.
It was so cool, I hadn't had this much fun in anything medical in a long ass time. I'm really happy about it!! Baby was huge (4700 grams) and I had to go with my hand all the way down to raise her since the baby had descended while waiting for the anesthesiologist to get the patient ready. Then I had to extend my cut in the uterus because the huge head wouldn't fit!. There was a lot of blood but we managed to get all the bleeders and everything went smoothly. I went to see the mother plenty of times since I was a bit scared about possible complications but so far no problems!
God I'm happy, just wanted to share this here :D
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EPT
