Your little Beavo is going to propose to my long term girl friend. Somehow I have tricked a lovely girl like her into loving me. Even mean old beavo has a heart who knew. Starcraft 2 fan, anime fan, cosplay fan loves all RPGs and every other lovely quality you could possibly think of. I think she is pretty much perfect.
Shes berry beautiful :D
But I had a question, I am generally very old school and romantic, but do people still ask a fathers permission to marry his daughter? I have not heard of any one doing this in a long time, what is your take on this?
Congrats on your upcoming marriage! Wish you the very best!
About asking parents... I thought it was just Asian cultures who do that... but I guess its in western culture too? Meet the Fockers come to my mind... lol.
I don't think you need to, nowadays, i see people propose to the future spouse and thats about it. Anyway, good luck!
In my opinion, it's the classy way to go. I can't really say whether it's something you should do or not do, because I'm not sure either, and wonder myself. I have a friend whose two sisters both got married about three years ago, and both of her brothers-in-law asked her father before proposing.
I know that I would always the father but that is because I am also old school in that regard. I know that when my brother in-law married my sister he asked my father before hand.
I think its a good gesture that shows you care about approval and want to fit into the family. Maybe the father doesnt care about it but if he does and you dont ask..well thats just one more thing you might not want to deal with in the future
Yeah, it's sort of BM not to run things by her dad, but it's not really required, per se. How important is family to her? The more it matters to her, the more important it is you do.
Don't think of it as "sir may I please have permission to marry your daughter ohgodohgoddontkillme", just take the dude out to lunch one afternoon and chat about life. If he's going to be your father-in-law, you might as well get to know him on the level of two adults who both like the girl in question a whole lot.
On February 14 2012 11:40 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: If her dad says No, would you not ask her? Shouldn't make a difference.
I don't see the need to ask for permission...
But that being said, wow she's beautiful Well done, my friend
It's about respect, and getting an idea of how your father in law to be may percieve you. If he says no, he must have a damn good reason, which he will share with you. Maybe you can clear it up or later decide its worth it to ask w/o the fathers permission.
It's the respectful thing to do, and chances are it will improve her father's impression of you if you do it right. If you plan on marrying her anyway, it's best to get off on the right foot with her family.
As long as you get along well with her family, I think you should. I asked my wife's dad before hand, we went out and played a round of golf, and then I asked. It was slightly uncomfortable, but looking back I'm definitely glad that I did.
Recently having my first kid though, I think the answer is even more of a yes to do so. When my daughter is old enough to get married, I would hope that my future son in law asks me. It all still comes down to what you are comfortable with though.
Regardless, good luck and congratulations. It's such an awesome journey.
I did. Not sure if my case is typical though because everyone knew it was coming, including her dad, who absolutely loves me and gives me free computer shit constantly.
I would recommend i though, definitely the classy way to go as many before me have already said.
On February 14 2012 11:40 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: If her dad says No, would you not ask her? Shouldn't make a difference.
I don't see the need to ask for permission...
But that being said, wow she's beautiful Well done, my friend
Pretty much this. In today's environment I would consider asking her dad a respectful courtesy that you are showing towards him, but definitely not necessary. Asking for actual 'permission' in this day and age just seems really odd to me.
On February 14 2012 12:41 Bigtony wrote: I would tell, not ask her parents.
Yeah for real. You don't have to be a dick about it (not saying thats what you were implying), but if you know what you want, you shouldn't let them stop you.
Ask for his permission. If he says yes, you have his respect. If he says no, ask him why(respectfully), and what would change his mind. If he is reasonable, then follow through with his request. If he is not, well that's up to you on what you do next.
But, as a sign of respect, you should talk to him about it. Or, at least that's the way Latinos do it.
On February 14 2012 11:20 Beavo wrote: Your little Beavo is going to propose to my long term girl friend. Somehow I have tricked a lovely girl like her into loving me. Even mean old beavo has a heart who knew. Starcraft 2 fan, anime fan, cosplay fan loves all RPGs and every other lovely quality you could possibly think of. I think she is pretty much perfect.
Shes berry beautiful :D
But I had a question, I am generally very old school and romantic, but do people still ask a fathers permission to marry his daughter? I have not heard of any one doing this in a long time, what is your take on this?
Frankly her dad scares the shit out of me
Umm people still ask their father. Least I did...
My wife wanted me to dress in full service dress (Air Force) to meet her father. First of all I was a bit worried because I'm black and she/her father are both Korean, but he was cool as fuck. We drunk soju together and ate chicken ass (literally chicken butt). I guess it just depends on how cool her dad is. My wife's dad was the last person I met before I got "permission" to marry.
Both her parents love me though. Which is pretty cool. Her dad even tries really hard to speak English to me. I feel like an ass because I should be trying really hard to speak Korean to him, but that language is so hard if you don't give it effort.
I think it is better to "ask" because if you can't handle daddy now then marriage is going to be difficult. I can't cause my lady's parents live in a different country but if they were nearer I would definitely ask them first. It is about recognising that they play a huge part in who she is and so by marrying her you are joining into that. You want the parents to be part of your marriage, asking them first is a small thing that can make all the difference.
It depends how much you want her dad to hate you. Ask for permission. I have a little girl and if the boy didn't ask I'd fucking kill his ass, so be respectful of the man who raised her (this is assuming that the dad isn't a complete asshole who never was there in her life).
Unless you need to discuss dowry with him, I don't see the purpose.
Then again, I suppose the father might consider it a nice gesture.
Personally, I think it's really creepy and hope the concept dies out. It is already a formality (because even if he says no, you would go on) but I hope the remainder of the concept is killed off soon enough.
No negatives in asking, and it gets you brownie points with pops for when he gets mad at you down the line and thinks about murdering you! Unless you have a bad or non existent relationship with him, might as well. Even if it was a weird relationship, it would still be a nice gesture
You can really see the <18 year old versus the >18 year old people in this thread.
Asking for permission is just a respectful thing to do. If you have any sense you should know he will already say yes and be happy for you. If he says no, well you can get married anyway and you're no worse off.
To the people saying "Just tell him, don't ask": Come on bro. When you ask "Can I have a Coke?" the meaning is still "I'm having a Coke" but it's just a respectful way to say it. The meaning is still "I'm marrying your daughter" but it's done in a respectful way. The point is to humble yourself and show her family you value their input, even if you don't give a shit. You'll probably have a heart to heart smoking cigars while sipping on whiskey while he gives you a bro pat on the shoulder. +100 family points.
Anyways, when I get engaged I'll 100% ask the father.
Congratulations Man! Pretty damn exciting, and she is a babe as well. Good for you! As a recently married man myself, I wish you the best of luck.
On the subject of asking Fathers, I think you should do it. It is a huge sign of respect and he will have more respect for you if you have the balls to talk to him about it. Especially if you want to continue to have a relationship with her family, talking to the Dad is something you should totally do. It just puts you in a good position. You don't even have to make that big of a deal about it, you just sit him down man to man, explain that you love his daughter, that you want to be with her for the rest of your life and that you will always protect and take care of her and that you want him on board. He'll appreciate the gesture and you will gain a new friend that is older, wiser, and most likely in a position to help you out in the future.
On February 15 2012 03:59 Chill wrote: You can really see the <18 year old versus the >18 year old people in this thread.
Asking for permission is just a respectful thing to do.
This. When I did it, it was somewhat of an awkward thing to bring up, but its just a load off your shoulders. Just do it. Her dad will respect you more for it rather than just finding out you got engaged. My fiance was thrilled when she found out that I asked her dad first. It's the little details!
Well thanks for the advice TL, I asked her father for his blessing and as soon as I told him he had the biggest smile on his face and shook my hand and told me that he would be proud if I married his daughter. It meant a lot to him, and it meant a lot to my new finacee as well :D
her dad won't say no, it's a massive compliment to ask her father for approval, he would have to be an inconsiderate jerk to you AND more importantly to his daughter to say anything negative..
oh you already did it and it worked =] good job and congrats!