The link to the video itself is http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm16179932 but I made an attempt to screencap some of the humor. Enjoy
Recently, “I have very few friends” has been the rage.
Yeah
I really dislike that title.
That said, I have no idea what’s actually inside so I’m not going to talk shit about what’s inside.
But this title, just this title, “I have very few friends,” makes me angry.
What the hell?
Well you know, the title, “I have very few friends,” the title itself, alone, I actually don’t mind.
Actually, personally I find it a title that draws my interest.
On a white cover, just place something that looks lonely, write “I have very few friends” in something like Mincho typeface, have it resting in a bookstore somewhere with a handwritten “Recommended!”, that would make me go, “Oh?” and take a look.
Well, now that you mention it, it does feel like one of those titles. “I have very few friends.”
I actually think it’s a pretty good title like that.
But such a title would probably end up being a genre of light novel with some random cute girl entering a relationship with some random, boring, slightly aloof main character, it’s a combination that makes you go “what the fuck?”
It’s like some guy with a girlfriend going “I feel lonely,” you get the same sense of rage.
Rage? Don’t you mean envy?
You can call it rage and you can also call it envy.
Anyways when I hear this title there’s this cloud of negativity that bubbles forth from within me making thundering sounds that I never would have imagined possible in my pure heart.
“Pure.”
Anyways I found out about this “I have very few friends” from like a blog advertisement, so I have absolutely no idea about its content. Please keep this in mind and hear me out.
Mmhmm.
It’s not right to hate on a book just because of its title, so I thought, maybe I’ll give it a bit of a try, and so the last time I went to a bookstore I sought out the light novel corner. It’s being animated or whatnot and is getting popular so it was on a big display and I found it quickly.
Well I was surprised!
Stunned!
It says “I have very few friends” but there’s a girl all over the cover!
This is the first volume!
The originating light novel, the first volume!
It’s like this from the start!
Let’s take “I” from the “I have very few friends” (TN: Boku, which is usually used by males) and go ahead and assume that this guy in the back is the main character.
While the girl in the front may simply be a tomboyish character, well that would be quite a unique pattern.
The one in the back becomes the main character, so who’s the girl in front? Some random mob character in the volume being placed on the cover is unthinkable, so you can assume that it’s a character that takes hold of an important position in the work.
Then what is this girl in relation to this work?
The main heroine, or at least someone that has the potential to be.
“I have very few friends” but there is a heroine!
This isn’t about a bunch of guys who keep running into each other.
It’s a heroine who has some intimacy with the main character.
Well there’s no such thing as a light novel these days without a heroine…
Isn’t that fucked up?
Don’t you have very few friends?
People who actually have very few friends shouldn’t know any girls. If he does, she wouldn’t be someone you can call a heroine, she’d just be someone he’s spoken to out of social politeness. Maybe the title’s right and this girl isn’t really his friend. But if there’s a girl this cute that he’s relatively close to, having friends or not is the last of his concern. “I have very few friends but I know a cute girl” might even cause him to be bullied.
Of course he wouldn’t be able to make friends.
Go explode!
Hmm… well… hmm…
And with a main character like that, this is the title? “I have very few friends.” “I’m like you guys.” And when you talk to him there’s a cute girl and shit happens and what the fuck, that’s a scam!
Well let’s say scamming is being too harsh.
“It’s a free game! Although you have to pay to advance.”
Or like.
“This printer is free! Although the ink is expensive.”
Or whatnot, it’s just an irritating marketing scheme to try to attract attention with a catchy lie.
You’re probably the only one who’s thought that deep about it.
So, did you end up buying that book?
Fuck no!
I said I’d never read it.
I knew what sort of genre it was so I prepared myself for it being something like that, but it still made me dizzy so I ended up just buying the new volumes of Ikamusume and Reibai Sensei as normal.
Although maybe it would have been better if I just collapsed and sued the book saying “it’s that book’s fault!”
I don’t know that you’d be able to win that lawsuit…
I also dislike the abbreviation of “I have very few friends.”
Do you know how it’s abbreviated?
What was it…?
Haganai.
What do you mean “haganai” (I have no teeth) I’m sitting here feeling all irritated (“hagayui”).
Do you want me to make you really lose all your teeth?
I can hear the sound of teeth already.
If I were to gather every person from the nation who hates this title “I have very few friends” I would probably be amongst the five fingers.
Haganai Title Hater Alliance Five Fingers
I’d probably be #3 in the country.
Who the hell is higher than you?
(Unranked)
Higher than me? Of course, you know…
The excited people who would buy it without reading it and then tear it up and burn it.
The scary thing is that probably happens…
Do you not think about reading it?
I’ve begun to feel stubbornness, in that I hate the title so much that I “will NEVER read that shit!”
I see…….
Ahh, come to think of it, do you hate all titles like that?
Huh?
What do you mean, “like that”?
“There’s no way my sister can be this cute.”
“I don’t like big brother one bit, okay!!”
“Is this a zombie”… wait that one’s a bit different.
Ahhhhhhh…
No, not really? It’s not that I hate those titles. I have titles like that that I like?
For instance, I like “There’s no way my sister can be this cute.” It makes you wonder what sort of situation would make you say that, and it’s pretty catchy, so I like it.
Not that I’ve read it.
Oh?
But “I don’t like big brother one bit, okay!!”?
You suck.
A shitty stereotypical contemporary tsundere line.
“I don’t like you one bit!” *blush
First of all that pisses me off.
Some tsundere sister that would say such a stereotypical line is such a cluster of evil it makes me want to puke.
– Perfect Template Tsundere Little Sister (Blond-hair twintail short height?)
Not that I’ve read it.
Until I found out about “I have very few friends” this “I don’t like big brother one bit, okay!!” was by far the worst.
Former Worst #1
“Is this a zombie” doesn’t matter to me.
I’ve never read it either.
I see.
I wonder what’s the point of these titles that feel like lines taken out of the work.
I’m not really familiar with the history of this subculture, but the one that comes to mind among light novels is “Boogiebop doesn’t laugh.”
Ahhh that! I’ve read that before because you lent it to me, but it was good. If I remember correctly, the author was influenced by Jojo? (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure) Then maybe that’s related too.
The diamond doesn’t break. (Subtitle for Jojo Part 4)
Kurai Yoshikage wants to live quietly. (Story title for Jojo Part 4)
Jibero Han does not move. (Sidestory for Jojo part 4)
The German Soldiers do not wilter. (Jojo Part 2 line)
That’s different.
Come to think of it, there was some drama titled “Ponytails don’t look back.”
That was originally a novel.
Hmm, I never knew that.
Well, we went off on a bit of a tangent, but in summary, these titles are just the rage.
Publishing is a business too, so they have to follow the trend to sell.
Maybe it originally had a different title, but during publishing they changed the title.
Oh? I see.
The most famous are the 4 katakana titles.
Mahoraba
Minamike
Raki☆Suta
Yotsubato!
Kannagi
Keion!
Toradora!
YuruYuri
Rabuyan
OhaSuta
Mezanyu~
Minamike
Raki☆Suta
Yotsubato!
Kannagi
Keion!
Toradora!
YuruYuri
Rabuyan
OhaSuta
Mezanyu~
And such, I can think of all this just off the top of my head.
I feel like the latter end started getting weird…
Anyways, for those in the selling business, following these trends is very much the norm.
Maybe when it was first written its title was like “Bocchizu” or “Bocchira!” or some four-letter title like that.
Your naming sense is horrible.
If you’re that calm about this then why don’t you open yourself up a little and forg-
NEVER.
What drives you so?
Well in this business sometimes these things are out of the author’s control as they’re forced upon them. If the author didn’t want to have anything to do with this title but the publisher forced it on them then I can do nothing but sympathize with the author.
If that’s the case then I want to place a curse on that publisher such that if they ever sleep over at work they’ll have nightmares.
What if the author had thought of that title?
I want to place a curse where their hand will always get pen blisters.
I think most things are written digitally these days…
Come to think of it, in Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei there was some talk about the title of books.
Ahh, where he talked about how the titles had nothing to do with the content of the book and so he was like “The sign is a lie!” (Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei volume seven chapter 69 “Scattered Names”)
That.
Hmm, it’s not like I’m mad to the point where I say the sign is a lie.
I was just wondering if you’re the type that goes “the Youji-ya isn’t selling any youji!” (toothpicks)
There’re niche stores like toothpick stores?
You just deadpanned now?
Huh?
Then let’s use a more obvious one.
I went to Tokyo’s Nishitama the other day.
Yeah?
I found a store, Fukuya Kutsuten.
Isn’t that just some person named Fukuya having a shoe store? (the above can be read Clothes and Shoes Store)
And this time you respond seriously?
Well, we strayed far from the topic.
I’m gonna get us back, okay?
Huh? Wait, you’re still going to talk about “I have very few friends”?
No shit. I haven’t gotten to the important part.
Is it possible to have an important part after this?
How rude. You make it sound like I was just talking about stupid shit.
But you were.
Until this point all I was doing was bitching about assumptions, right? I’m going to talk about the truth from now on.
The truth?
The title is “I have very few friends” but there is a heroine.
It’s a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship type of atmosphere but the title makes it sound like they’re not in any sort of relationship.
All of it is just my imagination.
Or rather, by the point that I can imagine these sorts of possibilities the title has completely failed, but, I’ll close my eyes at that for now.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m being prejudiced about this genre of light novels.
Maybe it has nothing to do with a relationship, but is in fact about a person’s helpless, endless loneliness! So I went and took a look at the product synopsis on Amazon.
Don’t you do that first, usually?
And then this happened!
First volume
Second volume
Third volume
Fourth volume
Fifth
Sixth
Seventh
And re
lated
merchan
dise!
It’s all filled with girls!
If you were to ask someone who has no idea what’s going on and cover the title and quiz them, “What do you think this series is called?”
They wouldn’t think of “I have very few friends” in a million years!
Example answers:
Ahh, in the Harem.
I can’t stay a dreamy girl.
Attractive.
Etc. etc.
Ahh, in the Harem.
I can’t stay a dreamy girl.
Attractive.
Etc. etc.
I looked at the first volume and thought she was the heroine and that old me was a fucking pierrot.
Look at how many girls there are.
Pick your liking, eat all you want. Maybe eat all you want is going too far but at the very worst it’s fucking eyecandy. If I’m with this many good girls I don’t need any friends.
Not to mention the main character isn’t even on the cover anymore from the third volume on.
It’s totally just selling the girls.
It’s almost understandable if he was only in the first volume.
But he’s on the cover of the second book too. Just keep letting him stay in.
You could argue that he’s there in spirit as a doll for the third volume.
Also I figured from the covers that this blond-haired girl would be the actual heroine based on what I’ve seen in other light novels but that’s just a personal opinion so let’s leave that aside.
Even up to this point the truth is so stupid I feel my intestinal fluids crawling upward.
But still, you can give it the benefit of the doubt. So far all we know is that there’re a lot of girls that show up and that they all look pretty. It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s what I’m expecting, some stereotypical shitty harem. There’re this many girls but maybe he’s actually about to be killed by all of them because the main character has caused that many deep grudges! It’s already bought my enmity after all!
Then let’s look at the synopsis!
If we look at the synopsis in the product presentation we can settle this matter black and white!
No matter how much I can hate on an assumption of its contents whatever is written here is the truth!
*clears throat*
Hasegawa Kodaka, who has trouble mixing in at school, suddenly finds Mikaduki Yozora, a pretty but grumpy-looking girl, speaking to herself happily.
“Are you someone that can see ghosts?”
“I was just talking to friends. Air friends!”
“She’s fucked up…”
Kodaka spoke with Yozora about how to make friends, but Yozora puts so much useless effort into making friends that she even makes a futile club. And whatever she did wrong, pathetic (but pretty) girls slowly trickled into the club…
And together they played H-Games, went to pools, acted in plays, et cetera. Can their confused souls really ever make friends?
A bit that way but a fun regardless pathetic adolescent love comedy has emerged.
“Are you someone that can see ghosts?”
“I was just talking to friends. Air friends!”
“She’s fucked up…”
Kodaka spoke with Yozora about how to make friends, but Yozora puts so much useless effort into making friends that she even makes a futile club. And whatever she did wrong, pathetic (but pretty) girls slowly trickled into the club…
And together they played H-Games, went to pools, acted in plays, et cetera. Can their confused souls really ever make friends?
A bit that way but a fun regardless pathetic adolescent love comedy has emerged.
Dude they even admit it’s an adolescent love comedy!
You can’t… you can’t get out of this one anymore?
Pathetic girls go into a pathetic club and play H-games and go to pools and act in plays? Wow this is a masterpiece.
This isn’t some empty adolescent life that people who really have no friends experience.
It’s not even some boring adolescent that’s just normal.
Indeed it’s without a doubt a love comedy.
Whatever they did wrong to cause pathetic beauties to trickle into their club.
Whatever they did wrong is the title~
If it just wasn’t titled this way I wouldn’t have shit on this work so much~
Let’s take a look at the title again?
“I have very few friends”
What’s a friend?
At what point are they a friend?
Are they having some sort of stoic relationship where club colleagues are just club colleagues?
Even though they go to pools and play H-Games?
Or is this some sort of dirty relationship where they’re more than friends but less than lovers?
But would a light novel have such heavy content?
Who’s the “I” in “I have very few friends”?
Maybe it’s not the main character?
Oh I see then I get it!
Then why the fuck does it have the title “I have very few friends”?
Can I say something?
What!
You have very few friends don’t you.
I have very few friends.