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Yes that right my teacher let me do a project on StarCraft it is still in its first draft stage. But i thought i would see what people online think. This is for a very basic computer class basic as in 1001. My college goes in quarters ( not courters irfail) instead of half’s so i haven’t had a lot of time between it and on top of that its extra credit i am still in high school.
And yes I know I need to fix the punctuation.
Here it is Title : StarCraft :Basic overview
+ Show Spoiler +I would like to begin with a simple overview of the game to give you an idea of how it works. First we have the interface. Above at the top we have menu, message log, and help. In the bottom left we have a minimap showing the entire map we are playing on. Bottom-middle will show you what you have selected selecting a single unit will give you the details on that unit while selecting a group will show you how many you have in the group. Top-right displays resources and supply. In the bottom right there is mouse controls when a building is selected you will be given all the commands to that building which you may then click on and use it the same with units.
Now how does all that work? Let’s start with the beginning of a game before the game during the loading screen you will be shown the map you’re playing on unless you are playing a custom game or the campaign. Like this example of Antgia shipyard which has a maximum of 4 players but is usually used for 1v1 there will be four possible spawning points in this map. You will start with a main building and six workers let’s say your terrain your main building will be a command center and your workers will be scv each race has their own advantages. The only two resources are minerals and gas there will be eight mineral patches and two gas ones. The difference between gas and minerals is that minerals can be mined right away while gas requires you to build a building on top of it before mining from it. The maximum amount of workers you can have while still being effective is thirty anymore and you will have a drastic fall in its effectiveness that is three per patch. Supply is how many units you can have to increase this you must build things that will increase like a supply depot for Terran.
There are a number of different units they could be split into three different categories which would be fighting, harassing, defending, and casting that isn’t to say each unit is not powerful unto itself. It simply that each unit has attributes that will in specific operations. Fighting and defending groups are rather close because simply having a force that can defeat another one defends you from that attack thought there are units that are directly used for defense like the siege tank which when siege mode has been researched will be able to switch from siege mod to tank mode while in siege mode he can’t move but has a greater attack and longer range. Harassing units are simply have lots of speed and can thus move around the map quickly thus allowing them to hit the enemy where he lest expected it or where he has no defense. They pay for this speed though they aren’t very strong or have very much endurance so must make use of their speed otherwise they become ineffective to a great degree. Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders. Your goal is to defeat your enemy.
Building timings are one of the most important things you’ll have to deal with the appeared in simple questions. Like I want to build a unit producing building snow which becomes more complicated when you don’t have enough resources it then becomes when can I build a unit producing building without waiting to long for it but also keeping my worker production. This is just as complicated when creating units whither you want to build units, supply, tech, or more workers. Maybe you been supply blocked main you hit the max of supply available to you right now what got you into that situation was building to many units and forgetting about your supply. This is the same in attacking as well wither your goal is to damage him or to completely destroy him. Let say he is not building units he is focusing on building workers your attack at that time becomes more effective it is the same with teaching and expanding. Expanding is the building of your main building near another group of resources. Teching is building buildings that allow you to build more effective units and they will have abilities that you can research for the unit.
Improvement it’s a difficult thing to do mainly you have to just do it over in over again. But its more than that you have to know what you’re working on every match. There is an extremely important thing every player must get used to which is losing it gives you beneficial information but it also give you the most horrible feeling in your gut. You may need to just cool off for a while the important thing is to get back on the horse. Another big point is keep you ego out of the game has no place there.
Computers what do I mean by that I mean an opponent generated by your computer to face you. There are difficulties you can give this computers such as very easy, easy, medium, hard, very hard, and insane. Because of the computers capabilities it will get cheats above hard such as vision of all map and extra resources. Because the computer can do everything at once limiters must be placed on them. There have been tournaments testing programs for this computer and StarCraft creates the perfect playing ground for them. Problem solving is difficulty for these computers because they have to be programed beforehand to deal with the many difficulties of StarCraft II.
StarCraft II a sport? Yes in many ways it is a sport you have within regions many leagues from bronze to grandmaster. The way it works is that a player is placed as a rank under division under a league under a region which is placed after five placement matches. Like sports pro players spend most of their daily life honing their skills and through sponsors and tournaments make their living. Another thing pro players may do on the side or as a main focus Is streaming that is showing videos to them playing or others playing and commentating on them which is hugely focusing on making you better from watching
Like all sports there are idols of StarCraft II too. A big one is day[9] who has devoted most of his life to this game Day [9] has been a pro himself and as well been playing since he was young. But now he has been mainly focusing on streaming creating more than three-hundred-fifty videos and is still going strong. He has been asked on many occasions to commentate on running tournaments such as MLG and Blizcon
Game coverage is hard to keep up. There are some newer streamers that have a hard time getting all the action or getting into the head of the gamer. There are player running their own tournaments streaming hoping to get more popularity. Z33z is a very helpful for those running tournaments but team liquid is more wide range higher level. Though Z33z isn’t as wide as team liquid but team liquid but it has an easier interface allowing you to post your rank and sign up. On your profile you are able to see upcoming tournament. Team liquid is mainly used for its forum blogs it is basically a go to site for any information about StarCraft II and brood war which is an expansion to StarCraft 1.
The simple overview showed you the interface and how it works as how game works. Builds are important as shown timings are effective, improvement are always needed. Computer AI works under difficult programs. Yabot is an effective build improvement. Z33z is a tournament organizer and team liquid is the go-to for information about StarCraft II Pro Players work as hard if not hardier than any other pro at any other sport and make out pretty good for themselves as well. I hope i have given an accurate and just prospective of StarCraft II
 
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I might have missed something in my skim of the text, but you didn't seem to preface it with what starcraft is, you just went straight into saying what is on the interface
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yha as a gamer i have seen so many prefaces that they all seem basic to me i had altogether no problem with navigating the second StarCraft. As my other classmates excluding my brother have no experience it may be important to go into that i thank you for your comment.
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Sorry horrible speller quarters were what I meant.
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"colledge?"
also you really really realllyy need to work on your grammar and comma placement, aside from the obvious spelling mistakes that plague it in its' entirety.
for example, wtf is this sentance "Improvement it’s a difficult thing to do mainly you have to just do it over in over again." like what??? I understand you're not looking for punctuation help but it's illegible.
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refer to post before yours and please keep it to constructive critisisam its my first draft so i don't have everything smoothed out yet.
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On November 08 2011 04:33 ZiarDS wrote:
refer to post before yours and please keep it to constructive critisisam its my first draft so i don't have everything smoothed out yet.
here's my 'constructive critisism,' take it to your university's writing center and have someone read it over and correct your mistakes, if they'll even accept it.
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On November 08 2011 04:37 Endymion wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 04:33 ZiarDS wrote:
refer to post before yours and please keep it to constructive critisisam its my first draft so i don't have everything smoothed out yet. here's my 'constructive critisism,' take it to your university's writing center and have someone read it over and correct your mistakes, if they'll even accept it.
thats an understatement..
im not sure what your trying to address in the paper?
maybe just start off with a general answer to what Starcraft is...
y'know for someone who doesn't actually play games.
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On November 08 2011 04:37 Endymion wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 04:33 ZiarDS wrote:
refer to post before yours and please keep it to constructive critisisam its my first draft so i don't have everything smoothed out yet. here's my 'constructive critisism,' take it to your university's writing center and have someone read it over and correct your mistakes, if they'll even accept it.
Actually, "constructive criticism" :p
Anyways I agree, there are a lot of spelling, grammar, and usage errors that just make it too hard to read. Sorry. That's all the advice I can give. Fix that and bring it back and then maybe I can help. =/
Here's a basic edit of the first paragraph I did to try and improve readability, there's still a ton of work to be done though.
+ Show Spoiler +I would like to begin with a simple overview of the game to give you an idea of how it works. First we have the interface. At the top we have menu, message log, and help buttons. In the bottom left we have a minimap. The bottom-middle shows you what you have selected. Selecting a single unit will give you the details on that unit while selecting a group of units will show you how many units are in that group. The top-right displays resources and supply. In the bottom right there are the mouse controls. When a building or unit is selected all the commands to that building or unit will be displayed, which you may then click on and use.
I recommend removing all of the second person. I would remove the first person as well but that's up to you.
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What did I just read...?
At least tell us what the project is supposed to be about! Otherwise, we have absolutely no way to tell you if it actually matches the project requirements. From what you have so far, it looks like the "project" is writing a paper on a topic of your choice. How is this for a computer class (unless it's typing or computer appreciation lol)? Why do you go into too much detail on irrelevant topics and gloss over others? Why is it written like you're giving a speech? Why is there absolutely no structure to the paper?
I'd suggest you at least start off with a rough idea of the main points you want to cover. For example, you might have something like:
-what is StarCraft II?
-gameplay overview
-StarCraft II as an ESPORT/culture
I don't like writing lengthy outlines either but at least get your thoughts in order before you start writing. Think about what's actually important. Why are you talking about optimal mineral saturation or the difficulties of programming good computer AI in an overview of StarCraft II? Additionally, you should really do your own spelling/grammar check before asking others to do it for you. It doesn't feel like you've put much effort into this.
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Even if it's a first draft, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to punctuate it and use correct grammar.
First draft doesn't mean that it only has words and sentences; first draft means that it just hasn't been looked over, revised, and refined.
You should be writing your first draft with all grammar rules applied. After you write the the first draft, you go back and look for things that you missed or wrote incorrectly, then you go back and fix those things.
Edit: Need to emphasize what Melchior said: You should really make an outline of the point you want to cover, and then flesh out those points with more details. It helps a lot and gives your paper much more structure than simply freehand writing.
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I listen to a lot of Audible and often have to give speech on every project thus far so i developed into a habit spell check gets nothing and the topic is of my choice.
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From the spell checker: "Antiga". "SCV". "BlizzCon". "YABOT". Then there's the stuff like inconsistently spelling Day[9] and not capitalizing Team Liquid. Then there's the sentences like "Improvement it’s a difficult thing to do mainly you have to just do it over in over again", by which you probably meant "Improvement is a difficult task mainly because you have to just do it over and over again" if you wanted to convey the exact meaning you had before.
You've said yourself in your essay that computers have limitations. Guess what? Spelling and grammar are among them.It doesn't take that long to look over your own writing. Read it out loud as you go over it and you'll catch a lot of dumb mistakes that you might have missed otherwise.
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Would it be appropriate to point out all the spelling/grammar mistakes made by not only the OP, but also others in this topic? Usually I don't do this, but because this topic is about writing, I struggled more than usual to not just start nitpicking everything I saw.
I can't read this now. I'm tired.
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On November 08 2011 05:08 hp.Shell wrote:
Would it be appropriate to point out all the spelling/grammar mistakes made by not only the OP, but also others in this topic? Usually I don't do this, but because this topic is about writing, I struggled more than usual to not just start nitpicking everything I saw.
I can't read this now. I'm tired.
There's a difference between informally writing a post on a forum and preparing a paper,asking people for feedback on it.And besides, no posts in the thread have made me say "oh god what am i reading" like the op did..
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Avoid contractions like "It's, They're etc." it is informal to write with contractions in a post-secondary level.
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Sorry, but this is not a college level paper at all, even if you are still in high school. As others have pointed out, the spelling and grammar make this incredibly hard to read. It's really hard to follow what you're talking about and I'm not even sure what it's supposed to be about. Maybe post the assignment? Or post your main thesis statement for the paper?
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Thank you for the constructive criticism and I hope to put most if not all of it to work right now I will be working on it for the next 45 mins before I must oblige to other engagements.
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Here are the requirements
Meets minimum project requirements
1000-1500 formatted words
Accompanying slide presentation
An annotated Bibliography
Correct Citing of all materials (MLA Style)
1 or more graphs to represent data
1 or more graphic images to illustrate or embellish presentation
1 or more graphic images to illustrate or embellish paper
Supporting spreadsheet
Speakers Notes on at least half of your slides
A screen capture just before you print or printout of the dialog box to print
handouts with 6 slides per page (you don't need to actually print it)
Uses at least 5 resources (3 should be resources from library databases - NO
ENCYCLOPEDIAs)
Spelling
Uses correct spelling
Grammar
Grammar is correct and does not detract from the work
Support Materials
Demonstrates appropriate use of support materials
Formatting
Demonstrates appropriate formatting of report
Demonstrates appropriate formatting of presentation
Demonstrates correct usage of speaker's notes, presentation, transitions
Research
Demonstrates good research technique
Demonstrates good evaluation of research items used
Cites resources correctly
Points Awarded
All of the Time - 4
Most of the Time - 3
Some of the Time - 2
A Couple of Times - 1
None of the Time - 0
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Ok, fuck it. Here I go. Bold+Italics is my response to your writing and should not be included in the draft. Bold is my revised version of your writing.
+ Show Spoiler +I would like to begin with a simple overview of the game to give you an idea of how it works. Instead of saying you would like to begin with something, just begin with it. Stating you're about to do something is an insult to the reader because it implies that the reader of your work cannot comprehend the words on the page, and is generally a waste of time for both parties. First we have the interface. At the top (Above "at the top"? Where is "at the top" which I should be looking above for an item you are about to describe? we have menu, message log, and help. At the bottom left we have a minimap showing the entire map we are playing on. Try to keep your prepositions consistent when describing similar items. First you said "above at the top," and then you said, "in the bottom left." It is better to use "at" for both instances because you break your voice by switching to "in." At the bottom middle we have what you have selected; selecting a single unit will give you the details on that unit, while selecting a group will show you how many you have in the group. At the top right we have resources and supply. At the bottom right there is the mouse controls. When a building is selected you will be given all the commands to that building which you may then click on and use. It's the same with units.
Okay, I give up. I suddenly have an even deeper appreciation for my English teachers....
Edit: Right now I would score you at a 1 on the scale provided. Perhaps lower. I'm trying to be generous.
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This is horrendous writing for someone in college. If I had to guess what grade level the person writing this was, 6th grade or lower would not be out of the question. It is rife with spelling and grammar mistakes, misuse of words (e.g., prospective instead of perspective in the last sentence), and on top of that the structure is incoherent. You really need to take a couple writing/grammar classes; no one will take you seriously until you fix this. This may be unpleasant to hear, but better hearing it from us now than others later. Take this as constructive criticism. It's cool you were able to write about a subject you enjoy.
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Also just wanted to say that you might have trouble finding sources for this from library databases (as is required). Unless you already have something in mind, it's going to be difficult to find proper sources for this kind of paper other than websites (such as TL or the blizzard website or something). You might be able to find some academic articles about gaming or gaming culture...but I would really try to find some library sources first and then, to an extent, base your paper around those
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On November 08 2011 05:36 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:
This is horrendous writing for someone in college. If I had to guess what grade level the person writing this was, 6th grade or lower would not be out of the question. It is rife with spelling and grammar mistakes, misuse of words (e.g., prospective instead of perspective in the last sentence), and on top of that the structure is incoherent. You really need to take a couple writing/grammar classes; no one will take you seriously until you fix this. This may be unpleasant to hear, but better hearing it from us now than others later. Take this as constructive criticism. It's cool you were able to write about a subject you enjoy.
Where I go to school, this would be an absolute F in grammar, which would result in a F overall. Also, where are your 'acquisions' (if thats what its called in english)? What is a custom game? What are ressources? What is supply? What is 1v1? And you have HUGE jumps in your text. 'Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders. Your goal is to defeat your enemy.' What the bloody crap? You have to imagine you are explaining the game to your 10 year old sister that never played it before. You dont start with the interface, you start with the history of the game. What is this game about ( to defeat your enemy ). If I were you, which I'm not, but lets pretend I am, I'd delete the entire thing and start all over again. In my opinion this deserves not even a F anymore, since you are in college, which is for like 17-19 year olds?
I cannot comprehend this. If this is you being serious, are you sure you are willing to visit a college?
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Is English your first language?
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On November 08 2011 05:17 Endymion wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 05:08 hp.Shell wrote:
Would it be appropriate to point out all the spelling/grammar mistakes made by not only the OP, but also others in this topic? Usually I don't do this, but because this topic is about writing, I struggled more than usual to not just start nitpicking everything I saw.
I can't read this now. I'm tired. There's a difference between informally writing a post on a forum and preparing a paper,asking people for feedback on it.And besides, no posts in the thread have made me say "oh god what am i reading" like the op did..
I agree. However, I will just this once.
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=283502#6
*sentence *its entirety.
I did this only because of the icon beside your name, and not with any hurtful intention.
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On November 08 2011 06:04 Xiron wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 05:36 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:
This is horrendous writing for someone in college. If I had to guess what grade level the person writing this was, 6th grade or lower would not be out of the question. It is rife with spelling and grammar mistakes, misuse of words (e.g., prospective instead of perspective in the last sentence), and on top of that the structure is incoherent. You really need to take a couple writing/grammar classes; no one will take you seriously until you fix this. This may be unpleasant to hear, but better hearing it from us now than others later. Take this as constructive criticism. It's cool you were able to write about a subject you enjoy. Where I go to school, this would be an absolute F in grammar, which would result in a F overall. Also, where are your 'acquisions' (if thats what its called in english)? What is a custom game? What are ressources? What is supply? What is 1v1? And you have HUGE jumps in your text. 'Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders. Your goal is to defeat your enemy.' What the bloody crap? You have to imagine you are explaining the game to your 10 year old sister that never played it before. You dont start with the interface, you start with the history of the game. What is this game about ( to defeat your enemy ). If I were you, which I'm not, but lets pretend I am, I'd delete the entire thing and start all over again. In my opinion this deserves not even a F anymore, since you are in college, which is for like 17-19 year olds?
16
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On November 08 2011 06:12 ZiarDS wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 06:04 Xiron wrote:On November 08 2011 05:36 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:
This is horrendous writing for someone in college. If I had to guess what grade level the person writing this was, 6th grade or lower would not be out of the question. It is rife with spelling and grammar mistakes, misuse of words (e.g., prospective instead of perspective in the last sentence), and on top of that the structure is incoherent. You really need to take a couple writing/grammar classes; no one will take you seriously until you fix this. This may be unpleasant to hear, but better hearing it from us now than others later. Take this as constructive criticism. It's cool you were able to write about a subject you enjoy. Where I go to school, this would be an absolute F in grammar, which would result in a F overall. Also, where are your 'acquisions' (if thats what its called in english)? What is a custom game? What are ressources? What is supply? What is 1v1? And you have HUGE jumps in your text. 'Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders. Your goal is to defeat your enemy.' What the bloody crap? You have to imagine you are explaining the game to your 10 year old sister that never played it before. You dont start with the interface, you start with the history of the game. What is this game about ( to defeat your enemy ). If I were you, which I'm not, but lets pretend I am, I'd delete the entire thing and start all over again. In my opinion this deserves not even a F anymore, since you are in college, which is for like 17-19 year olds? 16
Yea so you are not in 8th grade anymore and this is definitely NOT acceptable by any standarts.
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This thread sounds super discouraging for the OP. ZiarDS, what is the reasoning behind your decision to go to college? Do you have a degree in mind?
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This is the biggest piece of garbage i've ever seen passed off as a paper. You will be laughed right out of class, and that's just based on your grammar alone.
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On November 08 2011 06:16 hp.Shell wrote:
This thread sounds super discouraging for the OP. ZiarDS, what is the reasoning behind your decision to go to college? Do you have a degree in mind?
Art i don't know why am taking a computer class parrents thought i would be good idea.
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On November 08 2011 06:21 ZiarDS wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 06:16 hp.Shell wrote:
This thread sounds super discouraging for the OP. ZiarDS, what is the reasoning behind your decision to go to college? Do you have a degree in mind? Art i don't know why am taking a computer class parrents thought i would be good idea.
Have your parents ever read anything you've written? Also in what way is this assignment for a "computer class", I don't understand... :/
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On November 08 2011 06:11 Rice wrote:
Is English your first language?
I was wondering the same thing when reading his text.
Like seriously, how?
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No matter what your choice of profession in life you need to be able to clearly express yourself in writing. Like others in this thread have mentioned you won't be taken seriously by a lot of people if you can't write a simple 1500 page paper.
Imagine you received an e-mail from a colleague with the spelling, grammar and format of your essay. You would likely think they don't take their job seriously or are inept.
Take some writing courses and put in some serious effort.
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Sorry ZairDS but there's only so much we can do to fix what you attempted to write. You have to honestly rescue this debacle yourself. Even for a 16 year old, this first draft is well below standard. I know you are in Arts but with writing like this you either need to seriously get LOTS of English tutoring or consider another degree. Even if you are switching degrees you need serious English help and I suggest that you go find some immediately.
The biggest problem is that there is no consistency in your writing, whether its errors in spelling, grammar or missing introductions/transitions to the next paragraph. These mistakes should have been fixed a great deal in junior high let alone college. When it comes to content you really need to think in the minds of your audience and consider what they do or don't understand before your talk and what you want to them to take home afterwards.
If you do not get help soon this is only going to get worse.
I don't want to sound rude but these are the facts.
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Umm wait, isnt this starcraft 2?
Whatever it is, i wish you good luck sir 
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This is stupid... I do not know when this went from a guy showing something that he wrote to a bunch of stupid people insulting him. Mr. Day[9] would be so ashamed.
OP, it is true, you need to work on your writing. However, you shall not let their insults discourage you. Just keep practicing and you will improve your writing, for sure. I think that making an outline might be a good way to start organizing your ideas.
Good luck!
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Reading this gave me a huge headache and I had to stop half way. I am really doubting that English is your native language.
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Read some books. Then read some more books. After that, read War and Peace. Then, look at your text again.
Seriously, don't play games, read!
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On November 08 2011 06:36 ToDieFoR wrote:
This is stupid... I do not know when this went from a guy showing something that he wrote to a bunch of stupid people insulting him. Mr. Day[9] would be so ashamed.
OP, it is true, you need to work on your writing. However, you shall not let their insults discourage you. Just keep practicing and you will improve your writing, for sure. I think that making an outline might be a good way to start organizing your ideas.
Good luck!
If you can't be bothered to even spell check a draft you want people to give serious input on, you deserve shit responses.
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I am familiar with SC2 and I honestly don't feel this article is actually saying anything. It just doesn't seem to have a point, it's more like a random collection of factual statements that would confuse even the TL audience, let alone somebody that has no idea what SC2 is.
My advice is to completely scrap everything you wrote, then think long and hard about what points you want to make before beginning to write again.
I didn't want to rant about the grammar as many others already did, but obviously that's a huge issue.
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I think that you should first explain what starcraft is and then give it a basis as an esport so that your audience will understand what to expect.
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I really wasn't surprised by his level of grammar and punctuation ... this is how kids write. You can tell he either doesn't spend that much time on the internet or generally doesn't care enough to treat it with any kind of concern (such as when he said 'gtg'). So, sure, his writing is awful and it seems like English isn't his native language, but that's normal for American kids these days and we're just not used to interacting with them, especially not on these forums.
Edit: And since this is TeamLiquid, eighty thousand people will quote this post and tear my asshole apart about how they know several American kids who don't write this like this and all I have to say is that I know quite a few myself and this is absolutely typical.
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Ok, I clicked on this thread only because of the word "colledge" figuring oh it's probably not his/her first language...and then I saw the country tag.
First off, is English your first language? I've seen this question asked already, but I'm really curious as to the answer to this. Secondly, what part of the US are you in? Im from the northeast, and I've heard things on the coasts are better then the Midwest, I'd really like to see if this holds true.
Also, I think people are confused, you say you're 16, which presumably is 10-11th grade,
Is this for an AP class or some sort of partner program your school has with a local school or something? I know you mentioned quarters which sounds like what my HS had (we referred to them as marking periods). Lastly, what are your English grades like up to now? Again a question I'm extremely curious about. Oh one more thing, can you post an example of a "final" paper you handed in for a grade sometime recently for comparison?
I know who legitimately will just furiously type, spelling and grammar errors or not for a first draft and do HEAVY revisions later, so again curious to see if you fall into this boat.
Without a response, going off the assumption this is normal quality work for a first draft, it might be one of the most unreadable things I've ever seen from a HS student, I'd even go as far to say you should not be in the grade level you are based on what I've seen. I've seen better work from 6th graders, and that's not even touching in content. As far as content, you have a long way to go to make it somewhat cohesive, but I would seriously seek help for the mistakes you already have in spelling an grammar (take some of the suggestions given here!) before revising the content.
If you can answer my above questions and would like some help, I would be willing to assist you with what I can because I am honestly dumbfounded at what I read. Send me a PM and I'll do what I can, but again I'd like you to reply to this thread address the questions I had first before I agree to anything.
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37053 Posts
Dude.... I see that people are giving you a hard time and I'm sorry for that.
HOWEVER,
You really do have A LOT you need to work on. I couldn't read the thing..... that's how much it needs work.
I couldn't understand your main point, or even what the paper was about.
Don't take these criticisms as criticisms. Take them as a generous overview of something as opposed to a college professor
deciding not even to give you a grade for it, and would probably make you rewrite everything.
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Try to use the 5 paragraph essay format. It is very simple and very crude, but it gets the job done.
I refer you to this format so that you can better organize your thoughts. It is very hard to follow your train of thought in the first draft you have provided.
NOTE***
This format is probably the bare minimum of what a high school graduate should be capable of, but it offers a foundation from which to improve.
---Intro--- Introduce the subject.
What is Starcraft?
Why should it interest the audience?
3 Topics which are given coverage in your body.
(I think your main topics are Starcaft as an eSport, Improvement in play, and Build timings?)
---Body--- Give your 3 main topics coverage.
1st Paragraph will cover the 1st main topic.
2nd Paragraph will cover the 2nd main topic.
3rd Paragraph will cover the 3rd main topic.
---Conclusion/Summary/Closing ---
Summarize the main topics in the paper and close
***Also:
For your references. I'm not sure what sort of references you are going to dig up from a library database regarding Starcraft 2. I can assume that two out of the five will be from the internet which is fine. However, you may be hard pressed to find three that come from a library database. Maybe eSports related literature can be found? Still not sure if you could find that though. You'll need to do a LOT of digging.
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I've done a tutorial on starcraft to people who have never played computer games, and this is way to complicated. I was lucky enough to have a projector hooked up to my laptop, so I was able to do a live demonstration.
Some phrases that I would consider restructuring or removing
+ Show Spoiler +
"Casters are units that have mainly abilities and weak attack if any at all they are mainly support for fighters and defenders."
I doubt they know what a caster is.
"Your goal is to defeat your enemy."
Not true, your goal is to destroy all of the enemy buildings
"StarCraft II a sport? Yes in many ways it is a sport you have within regions many leagues from bronze to grandmaster. The way it works is that a player is placed as a rank under division under a league under a region which is placed after five placement matches. Like sports pro players spend most of their daily life honing their skills and through sponsors and tournaments make their living. Another thing pro players may do on the side or as a main focus Is streaming that is showing videos to them playing or others playing and commentating on them which is hugely focusing on making you better from watching"
Ditch this paragraph, your goal is to explain what starcraft is, not what an esport is.
"The simple overview showed you the interface and how it works as how game works. Builds are important as shown timings are effective, improvement are always needed. Computer AI works under difficult programs. Yabot is an effective build improvement. Z33z is a tournament organizer and team liquid is the go-to for information about StarCraft II Pro Players work as hard if not hardier than any other pro at any other sport and make out pretty good for themselves as well. I hope i have given an accurate and just prospective of StarCraft II"
Theres so many foreign words in this paragraph that you just didn't explain, try to simplify that.
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This is a pretty awful draft man, do your best to improve this paper. There is no such thing as being an over achiever in college, no such thing at all so go all the way for every assignment you get.
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On November 08 2011 06:36 ToDieFoR wrote:
This is stupid... I do not know when this went from a guy showing something that he wrote to a bunch of stupid people insulting him. Mr. Day[9] would be so ashamed.
OP, it is true, you need to work on your writing. However, you shall not let their insults discourage you. Just keep practicing and you will improve your writing, for sure. I think that making an outline might be a good way to start organizing your ideas.
Good luck!
Get "mr day9" to read it and get his input then, I'm sure day9 would be super excited to read this paper.
Sorry about my apostrophe placement in my early post, my lack of grammar knowledge truly rivals the paper which we are discussing.
Back to you todiefor, where do get off calling all of us stupid? At a university level this kind of writing is more than appalling, it's disgraceful to the language. The OP himself isn't a disgrace, but he needs to buckle down hardcore to work on it. No one is trying to "discourage" him, we're giving him constructive criticism in the form of telling him to learn the language. However, the mistake we all made and continue to make was that the criticism that he looks for is compliments and support, not "work on your grammar, it's bad."
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OP's essay is pretty badly written, but a lot of people here are just being too harsh. The real problem seems to be, as blubbdavid pointed out, the OP probably hasn't read enough books to firmly grasp how the English language should be written.
"Starcraft 2" is way too massive of a subject for a single essay. You seem to be trying to cover everything at once, so your essay jumps all over the place. Considering focusing on explaining a specific aspect of Starcraft 2. Are you trying to teach a beginner how to play the game? Are you trying to introduce the audience to Starcraft 2 as an e-sport? If you wish to explain the graphical user interface of the game, consider including a picture for reference.
For an essay of 1000-1500 words, you should really narrow your focus down. Even if you were to solely concentrate on something as narrow as talking about the work Day[9] does as a caster, you should have more than enough material to fill the pages. Stick to one thing, explain it as thoroughly and clearly as you can.
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I just want to jump in really quickly to clarify something.
Even though the draft submitted by the OP is inexcusably bad, he isn't alone. I reviewed and edited a lot (really, a shit ton) of papers when I was in college. This draft isn't that much worse than a lot of the papers I read from some pretty serious students.
I want to be clear. I went to a "good" school, read not Ivy League but consistently top 50. For my degree, we had to produce a pretty significant (for undergrad) thesis. This was a serious problem for for a lot of people. There were students in my program who struggled with basic sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation, even after four years of college.
I know American schools get a lot of crap for their low scores in math and science, but the real tragedy is that so many students make it out of high school and college without knowing how to express their thoughts on paper. It doesn't mean they're stupid, lazy, etc. It's just that no one ever forced them to learn it, or that they never learned to appreciate how important writing is.
@The OP: A lot of people have suggested taking this draft to the writing center at your school. This is a good plan. Most schools have some kind of resource like this, and it's a huge help to a lot of students.
In the meantime, focus on what exactly you're trying to say. I'm not sure what point you want to convey to the reader. Why are you writing this (Hint: "for an assignment" is not the correct answer)? Focus on that concept. Be sure to provide the reader with any and all relevant information, and eliminate extraneous or distracting details. Make your intent clear. Even adding a sentence like "This paper explains x, y, and z," can be helpful when you're having trouble getting your ideas across.
Over the long term, your university's writing center simply wont be sufficient. You'll eventually be asked to produce longer, more-substantial works. It's impractical to bring multiple drafts of a 20-30 page paper to the writing center, especially when the content is more specialized (it's sometimes hard to edit something you don't understand). You need to be able to produce a respectable product on your own. Take a writing class or pick up some grammar and composition books.
Writing is an important life skill. It has ramifications long after you finish school. Learn it.
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Aside from the obvious grammar mistakes, and bad spelling, which is a part of your requirements. The general outline of your paper is very unappealing.
You started off your paper without a thesis whatsoever, at a college level of writing, or even a high school level, you should have a thesis in your paper that basically introduces what you are going to be talking about in an interesting way that hooks the reader in to want to read it. There was no thesis at all in this paper. By reading the first paragraph, you simply were just describing the menus in starcraft and the interface, which is not interesting at all, you probably shouldn't even include that in your paper because the interface layout does not really go together with what starcraft is as a game and as an esport without making the reader bored.
Also you spend about half of the paper explaining the basics of the game; while it is important for people to know the basics of the game, the reader would only want to learn them IF they become interested in the game first. You should focus more on talking about why starcraft is actually interesting, and how it is revolutionizing as an esport, and more importantly, why it is important to you. To be honest with you, if I was in your class listening to you present this to the class, I would likely fall asleep halfway through it before you got to the parts about eSports, idols, Team Liquid, and all of the juicy stuff that we wanted to hear in the first place.
With this all being said, I'm going to unfortunately tell you that you probably shouldn't do this paper on Starcraft. I read the requirements for your project, and the requirements of "3 library sources" and "annotated bibliography" combined make writing this paper on Starcraft almost impossible. You will not be able to find 3 library sources on this subject more than likely, and doing the annotated bibliography on them (which is basically just the citations with a brief summary of the article/book/whatever other source it is) is going to be extremely stressful. I would pick a subject that strikes your interest, but is actually doable by the standards of your rubric. Then, if you are given another paper sometime down the road where the requirements actually make a paper on Starcraft doable, then pick Starcraft as your topic.
With this all being said, you can still use the advice in this thread as a guideline if you do pick a new topic, which I suggest you do so.
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I am homeschooled. This either mean A. I am really smart or B. not so much. This project took me two days to finish with all the stuff I do normally. For example I have two jobs and have always had a job since 14. I don't have a lot of time to spend on it and the teacher wanted it in a week thus my first one was really just trying to fill 1500 words but now I am trying to make some huge revisions.
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Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this blog?
Especially
I get that same headache when listening to most Democrats anyways English is my native language I am homeschooled.
seems like a guaranteed troll to me.
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I try hard not to be a troll like if in any way i offend you or seem to much like a troll please tell me what i do and i will try to fix it.
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On November 09 2011 02:30 Sotamursu wrote:
Am I the only one getting troll vibes from this blog?
If he wrote a 1000 word paper in order to troll me then I congratulate him on his effort.
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EPT
