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Hey everyone, ITTHeart here and I guess I'll start off by introducing my "girl problems."
Got rejected twice. (I asked them once in the space of about a year, neither girl knows each other well, and the timing was pretty long by my standards) That's not the problem, actually. That's just raw fact. It's helpful to know though.
So my actual problem is that after getting rejected, one girl started just ignoring me outright, and another started acting "weird," around me.
{Edit} We didn't hang out too frequently and we weren't alone too often (there were moments and times but it wasn't just the two of us all the time, and they both got to know me but I never learned too much about them. They never really let slip too much either. No mean to brag but I'm decent at finding meaning in things, but the stuff they gave me was really, really dry.
{Edit II} I'm 17 and attending High School in Canada at the moment
So TL, please answer me a few questions:
1) Why did the first girl start ignoring me?
2) Why did the second girl start acting "weird," and start ignoring me as well?
3) How should I avoid these situations later?
Because "girlproblems" blogs are common, if you guys feel that I'm being a bit of a loser and not letting go (I'm in the process of that btw.  ), just say so out front. Don't sprinkle sugar on the bull and call it candy.
Thanks TL!
 
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it can be many things but usually either,
she doesnt find you attractive or,
she doesnt think too much of your personality
as far as ignoring you, its usually a result of being too 'clingy' ie calling/texting her too much
but without actually knowing "you" your particular girl thread is hard to diagnose
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On October 26 2011 11:04 a176 wrote:
it can be many things but usually either,
she doesnt find you attractive or,
she doesnt think too much of your personality
as far as ignoring you, its usually a result of being too 'clingy' ie calling/texting her too much
but without actually knowing "you" your particular girl thread is hard to diagnose
Alright, thanks. I wasn't really calling/texting her much at all really. Just the bit of conversation here and there. With the 2nd girl, she moved in last year some time and we started talking a little bit, so I probably rushed that one, on reflection.
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i've avoided heartbreak due to rejection by learning how to read girls perfectly. mostly, you hang out with them a ton, and then if they text you a shitton, are will to do favors for you a lot (not those kind of favors), and rarely don't want to hang out with you then you know rejection has a low probability.
but since that's not the issue right now...the first girl just finds it awkward because she's just not into you, probably attractively. if she found you attractive physically, but not personality wise then she might still want to be friends or w/e, but since she's ignoring you its cuz she finds it weird and she just doesn't want there to be any awkward moments or anything.
as for the girl that's acting weird around you, well, i guess she's trying to be nice by not outright rejecting you, but at the same time she still finds it awkward. both of these girls are just slightly weirded out, and it could also be because you're acting weird yourself after facing rejection.
best solution? if you don't need them in your life, don't keep them around. only gonna make shit more awkward for you. talk to them when you have to, but being platonic friends with someone knowing that they have more than platonic feelings is hard.
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On October 26 2011 11:14 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i've avoided heartbreak due to rejection by learning how to read girls perfectly. mostly, you hang out with them a ton, and then if they text you a shitton, are will to do favors for you a lot (not those kind of favors), and rarely don't want to hang out with you then you know rejection has a low probability.
but since that's not the issue right now...the first girl just finds it awkward because she's just not into you, probably attractively. if she found you attractive physically, but not personality wise then she might still want to be friends or w/e, but since she's ignoring you its cuz she finds it weird and she just doesn't want there to be any awkward moments or anything.
as for the girl that's acting weird around you, well, i guess she's trying to be nice by not outright rejecting you, but at the same time she still finds it awkward. both of these girls are just slightly weirded out, and it could also be because you're acting weird yourself after facing rejection.
best solution? if you don't need them in your life, don't keep them around. only gonna make shit more awkward for you. talk to them when you have to, but being platonic friends with someone knowing that they have more than platonic feelings is hard.
Solid advice, thanks. So I guess nothing was really happening and I should just forget and walk on.
I didn't think that it was because I was acting weird after rejection, because they both said "no," and just walked away. So unless they had eyes on the backs of their heads, they couldn't have known a thing about how I reacted.
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On October 26 2011 11:16 IntoTheheart wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2011 11:14 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i've avoided heartbreak due to rejection by learning how to read girls perfectly. mostly, you hang out with them a ton, and then if they text you a shitton, are will to do favors for you a lot (not those kind of favors), and rarely don't want to hang out with you then you know rejection has a low probability.
but since that's not the issue right now...the first girl just finds it awkward because she's just not into you, probably attractively. if she found you attractive physically, but not personality wise then she might still want to be friends or w/e, but since she's ignoring you its cuz she finds it weird and she just doesn't want there to be any awkward moments or anything.
as for the girl that's acting weird around you, well, i guess she's trying to be nice by not outright rejecting you, but at the same time she still finds it awkward. both of these girls are just slightly weirded out, and it could also be because you're acting weird yourself after facing rejection.
best solution? if you don't need them in your life, don't keep them around. only gonna make shit more awkward for you. talk to them when you have to, but being platonic friends with someone knowing that they have more than platonic feelings is hard. Solid advice, thanks. So I guess nothing was really happening and I should just forget and walk on.
depends man, i think we need more information. how often did you hang out with these girls, what did u guys do? did u hang out alone, or in a group? etc etc.
do you have to see them at work, or at school, or wherever?
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On October 26 2011 11:17 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
depends man, i think we need more information. how often did you hang out with these girls, what did u guys do? did u hang out alone, or in a group? etc etc.
Alright. We just chatted (small talk), hanged out generally alone but also with some mutual friends, somewhat often, got to know each other but not terribly thoroughly. (I know that it sounds vague but I hope that it at least gets the idea across).
We also met/hung out at school.
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On October 26 2011 11:06 IntoTheheart wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2011 11:04 a176 wrote:
it can be many things but usually either,
she doesnt find you attractive or,
she doesnt think too much of your personality
as far as ignoring you, its usually a result of being too 'clingy' ie calling/texting her too much
but without actually knowing "you" your particular girl thread is hard to diagnose Alright, thanks. I wasn't really calling/texting her much at all really. Just the bit of conversation here and there. With the 2nd girl, she moved in last year some time and we started talking a little bit, so I probably rushed that one, on reflection.
well, it depends on how you approach them. telling them straight up you like them and you'd like to go on a date is more likely to fail. casually taking them out (the let's chill/'non date'/as friends) is a good first step if physical attractiveness is not completely on your side
but really. hitting the gym is the best way to get girls.
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On October 26 2011 11:20 a176 wrote:
well, it depends on how you approach them. telling them straight up you like them and you'd like to go on a date is more likely to fail. casually taking them out (the let's chill/'non date'/as friends) is a good first step if physical attractiveness is not completely on your side
but really. hitting the gym is the best way to get girls.
Man I'm not very physically attractive, not gonna lie. I asked the second girl more casually.
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On October 26 2011 11:21 IntoTheheart wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2011 11:20 a176 wrote:
well, it depends on how you approach them. telling them straight up you like them and you'd like to go on a date is more likely to fail. casually taking them out (the let's chill/'non date'/as friends) is a good first step if physical attractiveness is not completely on your side
but really. hitting the gym is the best way to get girls. Man I'm not very physically attractive, not gonna lie. I asked the second girl more casually.
i'm not the kind of guy that can go to a party and pick up 50 chicks in 5 minutes (TLDR; i'm not good looking). but i've had some cute GFs, and i'd say if you're not butt ugly then you can get girls pretty easily if you just hang out with them a lot. make them laugh, make them have a good time, and just hanging out. at some point, if the girl really likes you, she'll be making an effort to hang out with you. that's when you know you can break the egg (wtf am i talking about lol?). i know it sounds kind of ridiculous that you're sort of letting the girl make a move on you, but its actually mutual. generally, guys make first moves, so the first month or so that you hang out you gotta initiate hang out sessions. after that, it'll start to be mutual and the girl will want to hang out with you, talk to you, etc. obviously a month is sort of a weird timeline. for example, i hung out with a girl every day for a week, and eventually was dating her by the end of the week. my current gf and i were friends for about 6 months before we started dating. mostly cuz i didn't want to get into another relationship after i had just broken up with my ex of 1 year.
seriously, there aren't guidelines to this, but at some point you can tell a girl really likes you because she'll want to talk to you 24/7, hang out as often as possible, and eventually have sex as often as possible. lol. its your job to learn how to read them, and really, you can only do this with trial and error AND each girl is different. basically, you have to learn the signs if you're scared of rejection.
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1) Why did the first girl start ignoring me?
Well, you could have been obnoxiously clingy. She could have found another guy and feel bad about you finding out. Most likely-- she is afraid that you have more than a passing interest in a date, and will continue to ask (causing her to feel worse when she must keep rejecting you), that she could lead you on if she is still friendly (again, causing her to feel worse when she must keep rejecting you), or that things would just be awkward and weird between the two of you.
2) Why did the second girl start acting "weird," and start ignoring me as well?
See above answer.
3) How should I avoid these situations later?
Some girls feel uncomfortable being asked out by guys they do not know really well. If you didn't spend much time together just as friends, and you don't know them really well personally, then either they felt uncomfortable telling you about themselves, or you never gave them the chance, and rushed into asking them out.
Also, if you honestly think you don't look too good, the above reason will have an even bigger impact. If you haven't developed a good relationship with a girl already, she's gonna make a judgement about whether or not to go out with you based on what she does know (and prior experiences you have no control over). That would be your appearance. So if you are self-conscious about it, or recognize it's a problem, work on it! Besides, the gym is good for you.
Remember these traits will make the biggest impression on a women: empathy, humor, trustworthiness.
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Uh, u said "We didn't hang out too frequently and we weren't alone too often"
I think its because they dont really know u that well? Hang out with them more oftenly as a friend, make them feel comfortable and enjoy hanging out with u, i think its a natural thing lol. I never really ask my exs to be my gf, instead i never remember asking x_x Yea, so basically its like we hang out all the time and started being together, just like that. GL bro
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Not enough information. But to be honest, its a numbers game. You can expect to get more rejections than the opposite unless you are famous or something.
Don't dwell on it, If the girl is ignoring you, give her some of her own medicine. Maybe she will see what she missed out on. If the other girl is acting weird around you, just start fucking around with her and see how she likes being treated differently. But don't go out of your way to do it, just whenever you see them do it.
You need to notice Indicators of interest with girls before you can start moving forward with asking them out or 2nd base etc. Some typical ones are girls playing with/tossing their hair, Laughing at everything you say even if it's not that funny or standard crap you say that your friends dont laugh at, touching you a lot.
here is a broader list but don't be talking to a girl and just trying to read her the whole time, it's kind of distracting and what not if you focus on it to much. Just think of it like, "oh - she's doing that thing" and it will make you a little more confident.
http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/In_the_Middle/attraction/730.html
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On October 26 2011 18:43 SpoR wrote:Not enough information. But to be honest, its a numbers game. You can expect to get more rejections than the opposite unless you are famous or something. Don't dwell on it, If the girl is ignoring you, give her some of her own medicine. Maybe she will see what she missed out on. If the other girl is acting weird around you, just start fucking around with her and see how she likes being treated differently. But don't go out of your way to do it, just whenever you see them do it. You need to notice Indicators of interest with girls before you can start moving forward with asking them out or 2nd base etc. Some typical ones are girls playing with/tossing their hair, Laughing at everything you say even if it's not that funny or standard crap you say that your friends dont laugh at, touching you a lot. here is a broader list but don't be talking to a girl and just trying to read her the whole time, it's kind of distracting and what not if you focus on it to much. Just think of it like, "oh - she's doing that thing" and it will make you a little more confident. http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/In_the_Middle/attraction/730.html
i clicked on the link just for shits and giggles:
"-she watches you on the dancefloor (credit syren)"
"-legs become intertwined with yours (credit Jester)"
ok, i'm sorry, but was that link a joke:
"You absolutely know you're in when
-she puts her hand on your leg
-licks her lips when talking to (credit Jester)
-she tries to grab your attention constantly (credit Jester)
-she grabs your crotch or ass (credit acqyr)"
there are some decent ones on there, but every girl is different. if you can't read her properly, even YOU don't know her well enough. if you wanna just bang some random girl, then go to a bar or a club or frat party and find a girl there. most of the girls you'll want to have a relationship won't be at the bar or the club (from what i can infer about your tastes right now).
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Yaya, girl blog! Enter TheGiz!
OMG dude you got rejected TWICE!? That's gotta be heartbreaking. I've never experienced the pain and heartbreak of being rejected by a girl, nor have I ever had the courage, like you, to approach one. You are so experienced at your 17 years old. Teach me your ways!
Ok, enough fun. This is pathetic. I get rejected by two girls a night and the best skill you will ever learn is the ability to shrug stuff like that off.
Another thing you have to bear in mind is that you're in high school. Girls, who are so fickle it's painful, don't at all know what they want. Remember that just because you miss out once doesn't mean you'll miss out forever. Time and changes to yourself might make you appear different in girls' eyes. A girl who hated me in grade 9 was straddling me in grade 12; all it took was time apart and for my attitude to change. The only time a girl is gone for good is if she's pregnant and married to someone else, but I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that now, would I?
The thing too is that once a girl rejects you, you shouldn't be still trying to pursue her; for the meantime you're done, so retire any thought of trying to get her. It's like when a guy sees a girl within 10 seconds he knows if he wants to sleep with her or not - if a girl has decided to discount you from dating potential - and tells you give it up and go somewhere else. The girls who rejecting you are acting awkward or avoiding you because:
- They don't want to give you the wrong idea that they may like you by spending time with you.
- They want to get the point across that you've been cut from the team, so stop trying out.
You're young - like ridiculously young - and you have so much dating and experience to gain yet it's not funny. You shouldn't even be girl blogging you have so little experience. If I blogged about every failure I had with a girl I'd have posted far more than two blogs in the last 4 weeks.
Start taking rejection less seriously; and start realizing that their rejection of you is their problem, not yours. (Unless of course you have a problem that makes you un-dateable, which I'm sorry to say is sometimes the case.)
Allow me to offer you my finest and best piece of advice: stop caring about girls and start caring about Grade 12. You're about to enter university and choose the path of you're life. If you make a bad choice and end up in some mediocre career you're going to have a lot harder time getting women in the future when their fickle-ness shifts from picking the "coolest guy in school" to picking the guy with the "most money and social status." Status is everything, and if you get that, you won't worry about rejection ever again.
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Taeng, thanks for the advice.
SpoR, love the insight.
yourwhiteshadow, Read the above. Thanks so much.
TheGiz, love the section in red. Entertained me, haha. Everything else was great.
Thanks TL, and I guess I'll just chill out (more) and move on.
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Pretty much what Giz said about pursuing them after they rejected you. Also it seems like you are confusing small talk with attraction. Also there should be nothing to get over with them as you never had anything with them. Maybe do some reading on relationships/attraction if it doesn't come to you naturally(It doesn't come to you naturally =( ).
GLHF, plenty of girls out there and you're young.
Also unless you suffer from a physical deformation your appearance is up to you to change if you are interested in appearing a more viable "mate". =p
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On October 27 2011 04:40 WritersBlock wrote:
Pretty much what Giz said about pursuing them after they rejected you. Also it seems like you are confusing small talk with attraction. Also there should be nothing to get over with them as you never had anything with them. Maybe do some reading on relationships/attraction if it doesn't come to you naturally(It doesn't come to you naturally =( ).
GLHF, plenty of girls out there and you're young.
Also unless you suffer from a physical deformation your appearance is up to you to change if you are interested in appearing a more viable "mate". =p
Alright, thanks Block.
You know funnily enough about the physical appearance thing, I'm not that good-looking but a lot of Chinese girls (#2 included) have said to me that my "hello world, I'm just sorta chillin'" expression is scary. What on Earth does that mean..? Ah well.
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Whenever you're in a public place you should carry a "totally comfortable and enjoying myself" expression on your face. My version of that face is the slightest of smirks with wide open eyes so I don't look tired or angry or creepy in any way (I hope). Smile more often than not too, but not like an idiot.
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On October 27 2011 04:59 TheGiz wrote:
Whenever you're in a public place you should carry a "totally comfortable and enjoying myself" expression on your face. My version of that face is the slightest of smirks with wide open eyes so I don't look tired or angry or creepy in any way (I hope). Smile more often than not too, but not like an idiot.
I probably don't smile much, not gonna lie. According to other people I know, I'm a really cheery person so I've got no clue what the girls are thinking...
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EPT
