I'm no master chef, but since watching Ratatouille for the 50th time, I finally got around to cooking some basic meals I always enjoy. Amongst community members, some found it odd the way I cooked my eggs, so I figured I'd write an instructional way. This will also help with my minor of professional writing (contrary to creative writing, professional writing revolves around writing informal pieces for various situations or events)
I've been procrastinating writing this because of my previous duties and obligations, but I finally will and with good timing because this local bacon I bought is 5 days past date (it's air-sealed though).
It's 5:45 and the sun has set faster than usual, finally getting out of Battlefield 3, I figured I cooked some more, especially after eating out yesterday like a chump.
The way I make eggs is not the best, nor has it ever been proclaimed as the best. The usual comments I get [from the tons of women that escape my bedroom feeling revived after our thorough sexual encounters of uninhibited and raunchy playfulness] about my eggs is that it's smooth, a bit creamy but solid. Then again, she could be describing the things she tasted and/or felt last night.
I'll take it anyways.
In this recipe, I forgot to add milk. A bit of milk keeps the eggs fluffy and yellow
On with the show. To do this recipe, you will need several ingredients, a basic stove and trust (that it actually tastes pretty decent).
Butter
Eggs (3-4)
Onion (in the back)
Chives or Green Onions
Bacon
Mushrooms
Mozza-Cheddar blend (or any kind of cheese, brie or goat cheese is often delicious too)
Mayonnaise
Table Salt
Lemon and Herbs shaker
The general rule for me on how many eggs you want to crack is 3 per person. 4 if you're a big man and 5 if your wife is a chicken. The amounts is proportionate to your ingredients [which I'll explain later].
Crack eggs, pretty simple.
Beat the eggs. It took me forever to figure what differentiates beating from mixing and to this day, I sometimes can't figure the difference. I beat it by constantly doing a rather narrow oval three-dimensionally. Meaning going in circle but bordering the surface of the eggs or even lifting. I assume that's how you do it and if not, that's how I do these eggs.
Your first three ingredients are Mushrooms, Onions, Bacon. Yes, Bacon. Bacon gives the eggs a natural salty taste, more texture and solidity. The bacon bits must be small enough to practically be seamless with your eggs so the texture isn't interrupted when you taste it. If they're too chunky, they don't exactly go with the eggs but taste like they're an addition. Only one or two slices of bacons should be enough. Eggs are minced (sorta) and the mushrooms are minced (sorta) as well.
Pretty simple. Add a small sliver of butter, a good douse of mayonnaise. Mayonnaise comes from eggs, so I'm not sure why some people find it odd. Mayonnaise gives the eggs a nice tangy aftertaste (mayonnaise does have vinegar in it, no?). Mayonnaise is also a good substitute for milk (which I forgot) and keeps the eggs together. It solidifies it with natural ingredients that are pretty standard in varied egg dishes (lemon juice, oil, egg yolk).
So yes, add mayo.
Make sure your last ingredients are properly prepared before they go in the pan. This is because when you throw what you already made in the pan, it cooks very fast. The stove's dial should beat a 5. In fact, in the following images, you'll soon see that it cooks in about 3 to 4 minutes.
Throw in the ingredients you prepared ahead of time. Chives/Green Onions in after the egg has already started cooking a bit because cooked chives/green onions taste like nothing and you can barely tell they're there. Cheese also goes in last because of how fast it helps and as you start scrambling the eggs, the cheese naturally mixes in and gets cooked within the eggs. Lemon and spice herbs go in as well on top. A good shake in the 4 corners of the pan should be good.
When you first it in, it'll start cooking the bottom very quickly, but the top will remain unchanged. With your spatula (I used a knife since I have no spatula), start scraping the bottom edge of the pan towards the center. Continuously do it as it starts to gather and rise in the middle. This will separate your eggs in various small pieces, mix the uncooked part of the egg with the cooked part as it meshes give it a solid feel fluff feel (a bit like Jell-O), but still have a sort of uncooked outline to the entire piece.
And that should be it. Your eggs should be scrambled but you can drop a knife in there and it spreads apart on its own. If you start seeing brown in your eggs it means you cooked them for too long and they might be more solid than you hoped. The biggest tells of issues with my eggs is that if you don't cook them long enough, it comes out like "soupy" oatmeal. If you do, then it gets brown on some parts of the eggs and starts tasting too dry.
Add ketchup or sauces to your desire or taste. I added the bacon I got from the local market. Their pieces are long, a pink natural hue and they're a lot stronger in taste than the supermarket ones. The reason I hate supermarket bacon is that they curl to fast and easily and they become crunchy unbearably fast (faster than they cook), so it tastes like a shit and unlike the bacon I enjoy.
The bacon was mixed with another meal I cooked: taco stew, so this whole dish has a southern flare and spice to it. Very enjoyable :3
Sorry for the unfocused or terrible pictures, it's hard using a phone on one hand
On October 02 2011 08:47 MoonBear wrote: That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0#t=1m01s
I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.
Two eggs. A fuckload of butter.
I don't like his method because it becomes too much like grits. The eggs look like they're egg salad rather.
On October 02 2011 08:47 MoonBear wrote: That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0#t=1m01s
I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.
I use this method too. I don't have any mayonnaise, but I have some ranch dressing and I'll try with that instead. Should be somewhat similar.
Hmmm, his eggs look like they're almost like cream. :p
How I've always made them is that I'll take two eggs, add a little milk, whisk them, then throw them in a pan with some butter. I let them set a little bit, and then start breaking them up, and constantly flipping/stirring. This is because I like them in bigger, rather than smaller chunks.
EDIT: My only problem is knowing what temperature to cook things on.
just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote: just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.
This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.
EDIT: My only problem is knowing what temperature to cook things on.
Magic number for me is 5. I go to 7 for fast preheat. 5 to cook meats 3 to let it sit
Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.
Also I love the food blog and it looks yummy! Do more Torte. :D
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote: Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.
Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote: just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.
This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.
cool that's exactly what I did using my limited cooking common sense. thanks again!
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote: just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.
This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.
cool that's exactly what I did using my limited cooking common sense. thanks again!
Doesn't sound like you have limited cooking common sense to me then :B
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote: Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.
Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.
Very delicious.
Oh my! That sounds great also! I guess you really could spread many things on a grilled cheese(that's just how great toasted items including cheese are I guess[sup quiznos?]), and it could still be excellent in the end. XD
Oh shit, unless you're talking about adding Dijon mustard to eggs. Haha.
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote: Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.
Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.
Very delicious.
Oh my! That sounds great also! I guess you really could spread many things on a grilled cheese(that's just how great toasted items including cheese are I guess[sup quiznos?]), and it could still be excellent in the end. XD
Omg, I love cold cuts on my sandwiches and sourdough bread. Has to be sourdough D:<
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote: just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.
This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.
cool that's exactly what I did using my limited cooking common sense. thanks again!
Doesn't sound like you have limited cooking common sense to me then :B
hehe well I've made scrambled eggs so I figured it would be like that :3
Yeah, to people who don't like certain ingredients, I would say to still try it in recipes, even if it isn't something you would eat by itself.
For example, I don't like a lot of common condiments, like mustard and ketchup, etc., but I'll still use them in recipes that call for them. A lot of stuff tastes differently, or combines well with other food, when you cook it.
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote: Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.
Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.
Very delicious.
Oh my! That sounds great also! I guess you really could spread many things on a grilled cheese(that's just how great toasted items including cheese are I guess[sup quiznos?]), and it could still be excellent in the end. XD
Omg, I love cold cuts on my sandwiches and sourdough bread. Has to be sourdough D:<
Damn, I could really go for a sandwich with sourdough bread now that you brought that up! Haven't had some good sourdough bread in forever.
I wish I was like most people and enjoyed eggs but I don't i can eat scrambled eggs but i usually have to put ketchup on it. Ketchup rice omelettes are ok though.
On October 02 2011 16:13 Sotamursu wrote: Oh god, mayo with eggs? Such blasphemy.
Add ketchup or sauces to your desire or taste.
I can't believe some people are actually putting ketchup on their eggs.
I've seen people put ketchup on pasta instead of sauce and on pizza. Why? Who even wants to know...
edit: Also, I don't see how meals here look so tasty. My family meals still look the best to me :3
That's me. My brother still puts ketchup on his spaghetti. Hates tomato sauce.
Your family is the worst eating family ever. GODDAMN YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT.
However, I shall hold judgement on you until I try this mayo blasphemy myself! You do get bonus for the bacon in it though, that's always a plus... ever try throwing in keilbasa??? Ughhhhhhhhhmmgmgmgmmasm Fucks with the texture a bit, but you can also dice it small like you did with the bacon if you prefer
This is easy, so I'll wake up early on wed and hope that you don't ruin my workday with bad eggs!
Saturday is usually the day I make myself some badass breakfast. This weekend, I shall finally do.... LOCO MOCO
it's apparently rice, burger, gravy, tiny bit of soy soice and a runny egg on top. I feel myself getting light headed as the blood rushes to my loins.
Just wanted to report back on trying out scrambled eggs with ranch. Don't do it. There's something fundamentally wrong with ranch that doesn't go well with eggs, it came out completely mushy. Stick with mayo since apparently that works.
On October 02 2011 16:13 Sotamursu wrote: Oh god, mayo with eggs? Such blasphemy.
Add ketchup or sauces to your desire or taste.
I can't believe some people are actually putting ketchup on their eggs.
I've seen people put ketchup on pasta instead of sauce and on pizza. Why? Who even wants to know...
edit: Also, I don't see how meals here look so tasty. My family meals still look the best to me :3
That's me. My brother still puts ketchup on his spaghetti. Hates tomato sauce.
Your family is the worst eating family ever. GODDAMN YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT.
However, I shall hold judgement on you until I try this mayo blasphemy myself! You do get bonus for the bacon in it though, that's always a plus... ever try throwing in keilbasa??? Ughhhhhhhhhmmgmgmgmmasm Fucks with the texture a bit, but you can also dice it small like you did with the bacon if you prefer
This is easy, so I'll wake up early on wed and hope that you don't ruin my workday with bad eggs!
Saturday is usually the day I make myself some badass breakfast. This weekend, I shall finally do.... LOCO MOCO
it's apparently rice, burger, gravy, tiny bit of soy soice and a runny egg on top. I feel myself getting light headed as the blood rushes to my loins.
We're a family of 4 children and we eat foods from our 5 ethnicities. We naturally have fucked up tastes.
For the record: KIELBASA IS FUCKING AMAZINGsflsfbeoawgtazfbszafe Though, Quebec doesn't seem to have any proper ones. QQ
On October 02 2011 08:47 MoonBear wrote: That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0#t=1m01s
I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.
Just tried this yesterday morning. Soo good, have never heard of crème fraiche though but obviously it's not really necessary. Kinda bad that something so simple I could have been doing better. Plus it's easier because I used to scramble the eggs in a separate dish for some reason.
^I add a little milk or cream if I got it in place of the creme fraiche, some people I've made it for like it some don't. And yeah I used to use a separate dish to scramble my eggs as well, just how I learned it I guess.
ewww I don't know how anyone can eat scrambled eggs they are so fucking awful. Poached is where its at. Not too runny, but not solid over sourdough bread with a little butter, dam now thats good.
I was going to give this a 5/5, but then I noticed the mistake a lot of people make on these forums when posting pictures in blogs. I see your monitor in one of the pictures and it is not on TL.net, that is a big mistake. The food looks delicious and I am sure you were just so anxious to eat it, so I will give you a 4/5 and not punish that mistake too much. I love food blogs, gives me neat ideas I would have never thought to try.
I just tried this. It was actually kind of good. Consistency is a bit different, but it was hard to tell justh ow much so because I usually do milk butter egg and cheese with salt pepper ketchup. i'll have to try that subbing milk for mayo before I can reach a propper decision... but not bad torte de weini
On October 05 2011 23:01 Hawk wrote: I just tried this. It was actually kind of good. Consistency is a bit different, but it was hard to tell justh ow much so because I usually do milk butter egg and cheese with salt pepper ketchup. i'll have to try that subbing milk for mayo before I can reach a propper decision... but not bad torte de weini
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i can eat scrambled eggs but i usually have to put ketchup on it. Ketchup rice omelettes are ok though. ![[image loading]](http://www.hawaiimagazine.com/images/content/loco_moco_Hawaii/Canoes%20Lanai%202.jpg)
