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I do not like Green [Mayo] Eggs & Ham [Bacon]!

Blogs > Torte de Lini
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Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 01 2011 23:35 GMT
#1
I'm no master chef, but since watching Ratatouille for the 50th time, I finally got around to cooking some basic meals I always enjoy. Amongst community members, some found it odd the way I cooked my eggs, so I figured I'd write an instructional way. This will also help with my minor of professional writing (contrary to creative writing, professional writing revolves around writing informal pieces for various situations or events)


I've been procrastinating writing this because of my previous duties and obligations, but I finally will and with good timing because this local bacon I bought is 5 days past date (it's air-sealed though).

It's 5:45 and the sun has set faster than usual, finally getting out of Battlefield 3, I figured I cooked some more, especially after eating out yesterday like a chump.

The way I make eggs is not the best, nor has it ever been proclaimed as the best. The usual comments I get [from the tons of women that escape my bedroom feeling revived after our thorough sexual encounters of uninhibited and raunchy playfulness] about my eggs is that it's smooth, a bit creamy but solid. Then again, she could be describing the things she tasted and/or felt last night.

I'll take it anyways.

In this recipe, I forgot to add milk. A bit of milk keeps the eggs fluffy and yellow

On with the show. To do this recipe, you will need several ingredients, a basic stove and trust (that it actually tastes pretty decent).

[image loading]


  • Butter
  • Eggs (3-4)
  • Onion (in the back)
  • Chives or Green Onions
  • Bacon
  • Mushrooms
  • Mozza-Cheddar blend (or any kind of cheese, brie or goat cheese is often delicious too)
  • Mayonnaise
  • Table Salt
  • Lemon and Herbs shaker


The general rule for me on how many eggs you want to crack is 3 per person. 4 if you're a big man and 5 if your wife is a chicken. The amounts is proportionate to your ingredients [which I'll explain later].

[image loading]


Crack eggs, pretty simple.

[image loading]


Beat the eggs. It took me forever to figure what differentiates beating from mixing and to this day, I sometimes can't figure the difference. I beat it by constantly doing a rather narrow oval three-dimensionally. Meaning going in circle but bordering the surface of the eggs or even lifting. I assume that's how you do it and if not, that's how I do these eggs.

[image loading]


Your first three ingredients are Mushrooms, Onions, Bacon. Yes, Bacon. Bacon gives the eggs a natural salty taste, more texture and solidity. The bacon bits must be small enough to practically be seamless with your eggs so the texture isn't interrupted when you taste it. If they're too chunky, they don't exactly go with the eggs but taste like they're an addition. Only one or two slices of bacons should be enough. Eggs are minced (sorta) and the mushrooms are minced (sorta) as well.

[image loading]


Pretty simple. Add a small sliver of butter, a good douse of mayonnaise. Mayonnaise comes from eggs, so I'm not sure why some people find it odd. Mayonnaise gives the eggs a nice tangy aftertaste (mayonnaise does have vinegar in it, no?). Mayonnaise is also a good substitute for milk (which I forgot) and keeps the eggs together. It solidifies it with natural ingredients that are pretty standard in varied egg dishes (lemon juice, oil, egg yolk).

So yes, add mayo.

[image loading]


Make sure your last ingredients are properly prepared before they go in the pan. This is because when you throw what you already made in the pan, it cooks very fast. The stove's dial should beat a 5. In fact, in the following images, you'll soon see that it cooks in about 3 to 4 minutes.

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


There's the time ;D!


[image loading]


Throw in the ingredients you prepared ahead of time. Chives/Green Onions in after the egg has already started cooking a bit because cooked chives/green onions taste like nothing and you can barely tell they're there. Cheese also goes in last because of how fast it helps and as you start scrambling the eggs, the cheese naturally mixes in and gets cooked within the eggs. Lemon and spice herbs go in as well on top. A good shake in the 4 corners of the pan should be good.

[image loading]


When you first it in, it'll start cooking the bottom very quickly, but the top will remain unchanged. With your spatula (I used a knife since I have no spatula), start scraping the bottom edge of the pan towards the center. Continuously do it as it starts to gather and rise in the middle. This will separate your eggs in various small pieces, mix the uncooked part of the egg with the cooked part as it meshes give it a solid feel fluff feel (a bit like Jell-O), but still have a sort of uncooked outline to the entire piece.

And that should be it. Your eggs should be scrambled but you can drop a knife in there and it spreads apart on its own. If you start seeing brown in your eggs it means you cooked them for too long and they might be more solid than you hoped. The biggest tells of issues with my eggs is that if you don't cook them long enough, it comes out like "soupy" oatmeal. If you do, then it gets brown on some parts of the eggs and starts tasting too dry.

[image loading]

[image loading]

Add ketchup or sauces to your desire or taste. I added the bacon I got from the local market. Their pieces are long, a pink natural hue and they're a lot stronger in taste than the supermarket ones. The reason I hate supermarket bacon is that they curl to fast and easily and they become crunchy unbearably fast (faster than they cook), so it tastes like a shit and unlike the bacon I enjoy.

The bacon was mixed with another meal I cooked: taco stew, so this whole dish has a southern flare and spice to it. Very enjoyable :3



Sorry for the unfocused or terrible pictures, it's hard using a phone on one hand

***
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Probe1
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States17920 Posts
October 01 2011 23:40 GMT
#2
      Mayo
      still
      GROSS!

Still not convinced x_x
우정호 KT_VIOLET 1988 - 2012 While we are postponing, life speeds by
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 01 2011 23:42 GMT
#3
If you see things as they are intended (Mayo as a condiment), then you will never be beyond the borders of the curious and interested :3
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
KazeHydra
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Japan2788 Posts
October 01 2011 23:46 GMT
#4
On October 02 2011 08:40 Probe1 wrote:
      Mayo
      still
      GROSS!

Still not convinced x_x

I don't even understand my dislike of mayo. It's illogical yet every time I taste it...yuck.

Anyway, thanks for this. I need to cook dinner and I have limited resources, so perhaps I'll try something similar to this since I have too many eggs.
"Because I know this promise that won’t disappear will turn even a cause of tears into strength. You taught me that if I can believe, there is nothing that cannot come true." - Nana Mizuki (Yakusoku) 17:36 ils kaze got me into nana 17:36 ils by his blog
3clipse
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
Canada2555 Posts
October 01 2011 23:47 GMT
#5
As someone who will eat mayo on anything, I heartily approve.
MoonBear
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Straight outta Johto18973 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-01 23:49:00
October 01 2011 23:47 GMT
#6
That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video.


I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.
ModeratorA dream. Do you have one that has cursed you like that? Or maybe... a wish?
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 01 2011 23:47 GMT
#7
Try putting eggs on noodles right after the water is out. Butter and egg is what I like on my noodles as they are steaming while I prepare the sauce.
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Xiron
Profile Joined August 2010
Germany1233 Posts
October 01 2011 23:48 GMT
#8
Why do meals on TL always look to be SO FUCKING TASTY?
"The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way. " - Charlie Chaplin
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 01 2011 23:50 GMT
#9
On October 02 2011 08:47 MoonBear wrote:
That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0#t=1m01s

I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.


Two eggs.
A fuckload of butter.

I don't like his method because it becomes too much like grits. The eggs look like they're egg salad rather.

I've tried his method and it's not for me :3
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
The_Templar
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
your Country52797 Posts
October 02 2011 00:06 GMT
#10
Nom nom nom eggs
Moderatorshe/her
TL+ Member
Newbistic
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
China2912 Posts
October 02 2011 01:14 GMT
#11
On October 02 2011 08:47 MoonBear wrote:
That's pretty interesting. I've generally subscribed to the Gordan Ramsey way of making eggs ever since I saw his instructional video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUP7U5vTMM0#t=1m01s

I will try the mayo technique some time and see how it goes.


I use this method too. I don't have any mayonnaise, but I have some ranch dressing and I'll try with that instead. Should be somewhat similar.
Logic is Overrated
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 02 2011 01:34 GMT
#12
Speaking of ranch, anyone ever try breadsticks with ranch and marinara sauce?

My God...
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Mr. Wiggles
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada5894 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-02 01:39:12
October 02 2011 01:37 GMT
#13
Hmmm, his eggs look like they're almost like cream. :p

How I've always made them is that I'll take two eggs, add a little milk, whisk them, then throw them in a pan with some butter. I let them set a little bit, and then start breaking them up, and constantly flipping/stirring. This is because I like them in bigger, rather than smaller chunks.

EDIT: My only problem is knowing what temperature to cook things on.
you gotta dance
KazeHydra
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Japan2788 Posts
October 02 2011 01:41 GMT
#14
just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you
"Because I know this promise that won’t disappear will turn even a cause of tears into strength. You taught me that if I can believe, there is nothing that cannot come true." - Nana Mizuki (Yakusoku) 17:36 ils kaze got me into nana 17:36 ils by his blog
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-02 01:44:24
October 02 2011 01:43 GMT
#15
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote:
just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you


The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.

This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.

EDIT: My only problem is knowing what temperature to cook things on.


Magic number for me is 5. I go to 7 for fast preheat.
5 to cook meats
3 to let it sit

and 2 for simmer stews.
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Cnj86
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States38 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-02 01:49:50
October 02 2011 01:46 GMT
#16
Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.

Also I love the food blog and it looks yummy! Do more Torte. :D
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 02 2011 01:47 GMT
#17
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote:
Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.


Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.

Very delicious.
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
KazeHydra
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Japan2788 Posts
October 02 2011 01:48 GMT
#18
On October 02 2011 10:43 Torte de Lini wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote:
just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you


The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.

This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.

cool that's exactly what I did using my limited cooking common sense. thanks again!
"Because I know this promise that won’t disappear will turn even a cause of tears into strength. You taught me that if I can believe, there is nothing that cannot come true." - Nana Mizuki (Yakusoku) 17:36 ils kaze got me into nana 17:36 ils by his blog
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
October 02 2011 01:50 GMT
#19
On October 02 2011 10:48 KazeHydra wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 02 2011 10:43 Torte de Lini wrote:
On October 02 2011 10:41 KazeHydra wrote:
just cooked a terrible version of this. didn't have bacon or mushrooms but threw in ham instead. wasn't entirely sure how to proceed during the actually cooking and didn't want to run over and look it up while the stove was on. regardless, it came out edible so I must've done something right. threw it on top of some rice and that's my dinner for tonight, all thanks to you


The only thing you really need to sure is that the eggs dont stick to the pan. you do this by consistently scraping the edge of the pan and pushing the eggs towards the center. The uncooked liquid egg will then move and spread to cover the area of the pan you just opened up.

This will scramble the eggs and cook all your uncooked egg.

cool that's exactly what I did using my limited cooking common sense. thanks again!


Doesn't sound like you have limited cooking common sense to me then :B
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Cnj86
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States38 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-02 01:55:35
October 02 2011 01:51 GMT
#20
On October 02 2011 10:47 Torte de Lini wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 02 2011 10:46 Cnj86 wrote:
Mayo is essentially just egg yolks and oil, so I don't see why people would think it's weird to add, although I do appreciate it, and don't think it's weird at all. Will definitely try it out. I've switched from spreading butter on the tops and bottom of my grilled cheeses to mayo actually. It makes them more crispy and delish.


Oh, my father does Dijon mustard. Boar's head, It has a lot of spices and kicks.

Very delicious.


Oh my! That sounds great also! I guess you really could spread many things on a grilled cheese(that's just how great toasted items including cheese are I guess[sup quiznos?]), and it could still be excellent in the end. XD

Oh shit, unless you're talking about adding Dijon mustard to eggs. Haha.
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