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+ Show Spoiler +Hi. This is a look back on my first year in Starcraft 2, which encompassed the majority of the fifteenth year of my life. I decided to share it here since I spent a lot of time writing it, and because I want to improve as a writer. This is the one of the first times I've written for myself, and it felt good. There's probably a ton of errors and stuff since I'm pretty bad at conveying thoughts in a clear manner. Regardless, I hope you will read through and post what you think of it.
Early Release
After a month of playing Starcraft 2, I was ranked fairly high. I hit the top 200 list every time. I played against people that I read about on TeamLiquid sometimes. It is difficult to express the mix of excitement, anxiety, and nervousness I felt when I played against these players. When I won, I even called my brother to tell him about what just happened. Sometimes, I would wake him from his sleep. Even though I did this frequently, he stayed supportive. I never tried to brag about it. I didn't even consider the possibility that I could be bragging about it. I called purely due to the excitement I felt.
After dozens of games versus well known players, I realized that playing versus pros on ladder is no major achievement. The swell of emotion upon seeing my opponent had left me: It became just like every other match. I must acknowledge that competing among people that are famous for their skills, no matter how serious they view the match, is an achievement nonetheless: It shows capability of performing on the highest level. I write this because I am sure that other people have felt the same way, and even though some may look down on the act of informing others of what just transpired, it is in no way a bad thing. People simply want to share this amazing feeling they have. And if it's being casted, don't view it as some jerk thinking he can just brag about beating your favorite player. View it as more entertainment for you to absorb. It was probably a well played game. That's just my opinion on the subject.
At the start of one game, I had asked, in a joking manner, if I could join one player's team in what must have been the fifth game we played against each other that day. He said that we should talk about it after the game. I had absolutely no expectations for this to happen. I was a child who had been playing purely for fun. Against me was a player of one of the most prestigous teams in North America. And, after the game, he got me to play against another member in a custom game. The first non-ladder game I had ever played was against someone that I looked up to. The feelings of anxiety rushed back to me. My hands trembled as I played that match. I called my brother to tell him I had won the game. It meant so much to me. I could not realize that I barely won after crippling my opponent with a rush. I could not realize I had only won that game due to the massive lead I took early through a series of fortunate events. I could not realize how little it meant in reality. For months I wondered why I never got in. It depressed me. For months, I had seen people find success in Starcraft. I trained with these people; We were on a similar level in terms of ability. When these people would stream, they'd get hundreds, sometimes thousands, of viewers. When I streamed, I'd get maybe five viewers. I stayed where I was since the beginning. I felt hidden from view.
Midway
Every time a person I trained with joined a sponsored team, every time a person I trained with became popular, I became more saddened. And yet, it pushed me to train harder. It pushed me to do more. I transcended into someone who tried as hard as he could to do the best that he could. Before Starcraft 2, I used to go out pretty much every day. It would bother me if I was in the house on a Friday. I gave up my social life so that I could train more.
Eventually I tried to join the team again. I don't think I've ever worked harder in my life than at this time. I sometimes chose to train over food. I was told that I couldn't join all those months before because I didn't play seriously enough. It made perfect sense. If they had told me immediately, I would have denied it. Only in retrospect is it possible for me to accept it, to admit it. I didn't know the difference between someone like me and someone that actually tried until I experienced it until I lived it.
Last month, I finished first in the SGL, which is basically a team league comprised of smaller, unsponsored teams. This league lasted for a few months. In that time my team has had numerous changes to the roster. My overall record was 19-2. Most of the matches ended up with me reverse allkilling. I got us into the playoffs as the #1 seed. I streamed ladder frequently, and my viewer count started to grow. For the first time in my Starcraft 2 career, I was satisfied with myself. I started to play less as a result. I didn't show up to two of the matches. When I did show, I lost. But my team managed to finish first because I was no longer the only one who cared. I was now the only one who didn't care. I stopped streaming for almost 2 months now. I got kicked out of Grandmaster because my bonus pool got too high. I rarely streamed. The viewers that I spent so much time earning had left.
At the start of 11th grade I was scared since I hadn't seen or talked to anyone for months. I basically have no friends in school now. Sure, I talk to people a lot during school, but I haven't gone out once in the past year. I contemplated quitting Starcraft because I was scared of my lack of a social life. I'm severely underweight and pretty short for my age. My parents made it very clear they hate what I do. They said I'm wasting my time with some game that will get me nowhere in life. When my dad drove me to a lan, I apologized for having him drive there. He told me that I'm just gonna lose first round and we're gonna go back home soon., so it's no big deal We stayed there for many hours because I got second place. Many people cheered for me. After seeing the support people gave me, my dad realized that I don't just play for fun like I would with Mario as a kid. He told me as we walked to the car that I should continue. He compared it to the dreams he had with basketball when he was my age. When we arrived at home, my mom asked why it took so long. My dad said I won money. He had a certain excitement in his voice I've seldom heard before. My mom said she doesn't care and that I should never do it again. She didn't experience the environment of supportive people that care more about what I do than my parents. She thinks I play alone, disconnected from any community or society. Ironically, I am more connected to a community than when I went out with my friends on a daily basis. My dad sees this. Now, he asks me how my tournaments are going. I still feel discomfort talking to him about this because of how discouraging he used to be. I tell him that I don't join tournaments, which is true. But, I'm writing multiple pages on my experience with Starcraft, and I haven't told him any of this. He doesn't ask how my tournaments are going because he cares about the tournaments. He asks because he wants to express interest in something I care about.
And even though my mom remains negative towards me, she still is letting me go to Orlando to compete in MLG. I hooked up a projector and tried to show her the crowd reaction to Boxer after he beat Rain. She was reluctant to sit down and watch the two minute video. Still, I convinced her to come watch. She didn't even sit down. She didn't look at the screen. I was deeply disappointed, since I had spent the previous hour trying to prepare a message to show what I do and she refused to watch it. She said she's sorry she doesn't understand it at all. Even though she doesn't care, she understands that I care. I illustrated to her how important it is to me. When parents are unsupportive, they probably don't understand what you're doing. All they need is guidance, no matter how stubborn they are.
What Now?
I will continue with Starcraft 2. I was reluctant at first because I thought I'd be taking a step backwards. I'm a big believer of the “Go hard or go home” mentality. With school, I don't have enough time to go hard. I was on the verge of quitting. As I hovered over the uninstall button, my team planned a plethora of amazing things. They were poised for the success I tried so hard to achieve. I realized it would be foolish for me to leave, especially after all the effort I put into Starcraft.
If I can only play Starcraft for three hours each day, then I'm gonna get the most out of those three hours. I'm gonna go all-out for those three hours. I'm gonna stream it. I have big plans for my stream. You can find more information about that at the bottom. I'll also be doing a blog that are hopefully a lot better than this one every week on my tumblr page, which can also be found at the bottom in the Spoiler.
Moral of the Story
So many people talk about how they want to do something great, but they never set out the time to do it. How many threads have there been about a guy wanting to go pro? They just look at how someone else is living, and think that it would be a lot of fun. It's not all fun and games. You gotta work hard as fuck every single day to get success in anything. And even after giving as much effort as you can, you still gotta deal with failures. Before he was the Game Genie Terran, Mvp lost several GSLs in early rounds. Even after finally winning one, he still got placed into Code A two seasons after. Before being the best Zerg in the world, Nestea had a poor Broodwar career. He was considered one of the worst players in GSL Season 1. Before being popular, Destiny was lower masters and hated. Someone made a fanclub for him, and it got closed because nobody liked him. Successful people don't let others stand in their way. They embrace their haters. They accept their failures. They better themselves for it.
+ Show Spoiler +
 
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Awesome and inspiring read.
On September 24 2011 05:02 SiN] wrote:
Moral of the Story
So many people talk about how they want to do something great, but they never set out the time to do it. How many threads have there been about a guy wanting to go pro? They just look at how someone else is living, and think that it would be a lot of fun. It's not all fun and games. You gotta work hard as fuck every single day to get success in anything. And even after giving as much effort as you can, you still gotta deal with failures. Before he was the Game Genie Terran, Mvp lost several GSLs in early rounds. Even after finally winning one, he still got placed into Code A two seasons after. Before being the best Zerg in the world, Nestea had a poor Broodwar career. He was considered one of the worst players in GSL Season 1. Before being popular, Destiny was lower masters and hated. Someone made a fanclub for him, and it got closed because nobody liked him. Successful people don't let others stand in their way. They embrace their haters. They accept their failures. They better themselves for it.
Very true.
You either play hard and win or you are just lukewarm or just a plain loser.
Being lukewarm and mediocre will get you no where in life.
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
That's a great story man! I hope you keep on following your dreams  and it's great that your dad has become supportive. Never be afraid to be proud of being a gamer.
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thanks. I was actually terrified of posting this, as it's very personal ><
it's probably a subject i'll write about next.
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Canada1637 Posts
Nice read, and nice story, keep at it man.
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Canada2480 Posts
good blog and the message it caries is very true
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Thats an incredible story
Out of curiosity, who were the team that were thinking about picking you up?
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what an amazing read. You should be proud of your father for being open minded after seeing it all first hand as well pretty cool.
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A wise idiot once said, "If you got a lot of haters, then you doin somethin right."
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
On September 24 2011 05:43 SpoR wrote:
Wise idiot once said, "If you got a lot of haters, then you doin somethin right."
You'll also note that most popular american singers have at least one hit song in which they reference "haters"... haters gonna hate.
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Great read, good luck with everything, man!
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very cool blog man. good luck to you! i'll be looking for you on the podium  . never give up!
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Nice thread~
I've always viewed you as a little bit of a rival as you're the only person I know of at my age that can compete with me.
Good luck at MLG ^^ Sadly I won't be there though because I'm playing at IEM New York instead
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On September 24 2011 05:54 Pokebunny wrote:
Nice thread~
I've always viewed you as a little bit of a rival as you're the only person I know of at my age that can compete with me.
Good luck at MLG ^^ Sadly I won't be there though because I'm playing at IEM New York instead
congrats on 7k posts yo
keep poking
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Great post dude!
-Milkman from ur stream :D
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Nice write up, man. I can't believe you're just fifteen; I envy your talent and awesome writing skill 
Good luck in the future, sir
SiN] HWAING !!!!!
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So you just gained a new fan, and I now know which non-MKP player I'm supporting through the open bracket.
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I'm also 16, and I envy the amount of effort you are willing to put into this game. I want to be one of the best in the world too, but my problem is that I want to be the best at two things: science and Starcraft. I decided science is going to be my eventual path, but I have not given up on Starcraft. I don't have the drive that you do in order to sacrifice my other opportunities to create new, more nonconformist ones.
Awesome job man, and good luck to you ^.^
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I like the blog, it's really a personal view of your struggles dealing with the game and life in general. As far as deciding how to move forward, you need to decide what do you want out of the game and life in general.
Starcraft COULD give you the avenue to be an international celebrity, even if it's to a niche market, it's still there. You COULD be the next IdrA, that could lead to traveling the world and having a good few years. You need to look past that. What will IdrA do after SC2? What would you do after being IdrA? Would you be able to continue on as a personality in the game (tastosis/sotg/dj wheat) or get into the behind-the-scenes stuff with team management? Would you be happy with that as a career choice?
Would you be fine with being a nobody in the sport? These team rosters are 8+ players deep, and most people can only name 2-3 people from each team, and that's talking about the fanatics of the game. Would you be ok being the 7th best guy on a team?
I am 28 years old. I have a wife and two kids, a full-time job, work-related study (IT), am pursuing a degree finally (business administration) and whatever other random stuff comes by. I float back and forth between top 1k and top 400 Master rating in the world, definitely nothing to brag about, but it makes me happy. I play anywhere between 0 and 5 hours a night. I feel like I COULD go pro if I really wanted, but there isn't an incentive to me.
I would have to travel, I would have to work longer hours. I wouldn't have time for my family, because in something competitive like Starcraft... you're either at the top... or you're nothing... Or I could continue on right now, playing the game as a hobby and performing slightly below the pros... I'm ok with that.
When I sit down and think about where Starcraft fits in my life... it CAN'T be any more than a hobby. Maybe I go to the local MLG next year... if time permits. I might make it to the 2nd round or so... that would be cool... But anything more than that, I just don't want it.
Hopefully you figure out where you stand with the game.
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Pretty cool when your dad had his realization.
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tl;dr
Mobster Terran fighting!!!!!!!
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Yeah, feed off your dad's excitement.
That is something special that you guys can share.
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On September 24 2011 07:47 Jermstuddog wrote:
I like the blog, it's really a personal view of your struggles dealing with the game and life in general. As far as deciding how to move forward, you need to decide what do you want out of the game and life in general.
Starcraft COULD give you the avenue to be an international celebrity, even if it's to a niche market, it's still there. You COULD be the next IdrA, that could lead to traveling the world and having a good few years. You need to look past that. What will IdrA do after SC2? What would you do after being IdrA? Would you be able to continue on as a personality in the game (tastosis/sotg/dj wheat) or get into the behind-the-scenes stuff with team management? Would you be happy with that as a career choice?
Would you be fine with being a nobody in the sport? These team rosters are 8+ players deep, and most people can only name 2-3 people from each team, and that's talking about the fanatics of the game. Would you be ok being the 7th best guy on a team?
I am 28 years old. I have a wife and two kids, a full-time job, work-related study (IT), am pursuing a degree finally (business administration) and whatever other random stuff comes by. I float back and forth between top 1k and top 400 Master rating in the world, definitely nothing to brag about, but it makes me happy. I play anywhere between 0 and 5 hours a night. I feel like I COULD go pro if I really wanted, but there isn't an incentive to me.
I would have to travel, I would have to work longer hours. I wouldn't have time for my family, because in something competitive like Starcraft... you're either at the top... or you're nothing... Or I could continue on right now, playing the game as a hobby and performing slightly below the pros... I'm ok with that.
When I sit down and think about where Starcraft fits in my life... it CAN'T be any more than a hobby. Maybe I go to the local MLG next year... if time permits. I might make it to the 2nd round or so... that would be cool... But anything more than that, I just don't want it.
Hopefully you figure out where you stand with the game.
That's a very interesting topic you touched on. I disagree with the emphasis and specificity of the future you employ, though. It's better to enjoy the present life than to obsess over the future.
I can say, without a doubt, that I would not have learned more about people and life in general in one year than if I had done anything other than what I did. I could never have expected anything I got. Sometimes, it's better to let opportunities come to you than to plan everything out. It prevents a narrow minded approach, and it lowers the impact of failure and disappointment greatly. When I didn't get in the team I tried so hard to get into, I was heartstruck. I planned out everything. The worst feeling of all was that I had no idea why I couldn't get in. Only once I removed these impossibly high expectations and plans could I see what happened in an unbiased manner. Only once I replaced planning with taking did everything fall into place. It made me happier, more accepting, and capable of thinking more clearly. I realize that this plan is much more short-term than what you describe, but I think the point is still valid.
When I think of what I want from the game, it is no longer an obsession over the concept of success and being someone else. It is now simply to put in effort and enjoy myself. It is not a lowered standard; I still set specific goals for myself that are just as difficult to achieve. I simply do not fret over whether the goals are met or not. If I fail, then I'm right where I started. Would I be ok with being the 7th best guy on a team? Yeah. Just as ok as if I was the 1st best guy on the team. I would be working as just hard, and for me, that's all that matters because then I'm guaranteed to rise up in ranks eventually.
On September 24 2011 08:38 Jermstuddog wrote:
Yeah, feed off your dad's excitement.
That is something special that you guys can share.
What I wrote was nearly 2000 words long. You're talking about something that was only brought up in one sentence.
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I took your parents response to the game as one of the most important parts of your OP.
Sorry if I overemphasized that.
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fuck yeah! Love you. If you are playing at any tournaments around here, i'll force Andrew to bring me to cheer you on.
-D
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On September 24 2011 05:54 Pokebunny wrote:
Nice thread~
I've always viewed you as a little bit of a rival as you're the only person I know of at my age that can compete with me.
Good luck at MLG ^^ Sadly I won't be there though because I'm playing at IEM New York instead
I dunno how/if vileillusion matches up with you but he's also 15 (although I know you just turned 16), grandmaster league, and usually does fairly well in online cups and even made it pretty deep at MLG Raleigh.
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On September 25 2011 09:31 Zlasher wrote:Show nested quote +On September 24 2011 05:54 Pokebunny wrote:
Nice thread~
I've always viewed you as a little bit of a rival as you're the only person I know of at my age that can compete with me.
Good luck at MLG ^^ Sadly I won't be there though because I'm playing at IEM New York instead I dunno how/if vileillusion matches up with you but he's also 15 (although I know you just turned 16), grandmaster league, and usually does fairly well in online cups and even made it pretty deep at MLG Raleigh.
Oyea, forgot about him
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Awesome blog, good luck continuing to train and play!
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Rivalry would imply competition. I am no rival. I do think we should play more though.
Sadly, it seems I might not be able to go to mlg because of monetary problems. It's more important, in context, that my parents are okay with me going and that it's solely due to not having money.
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Good read, sorry to hear about MLG
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So young yet you've already made it this far...
That was a really inspiring blog, keep fighting Cyrus !
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Is this the same Sin from the kiwiclone army? I had no idea you were so young, very impressive. Anyways were you able to make it out to Orlando and if so how well did you do?
5star blog for sure. Hopefully we can see you out at Providence.
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EPT
